A/N: Oh ma gosh, another chapter? Already? Yes. Please comment. I love you.
Disclaimer: I STILL DO NOT OWN JK ROWLING'S WORK, BUT I DO ADMIRE HER WORK GREATLY.
Lily awoke to a banging on her bedroom door.
"Piss off, Potter!" She grunted through her pillow case. The banging didn't stop and soon she was wide awake and aware of the words that had left her mouth.
It couldn't be James, he wasn't at the school. He had been gone for nearly two weeks. Lily had spent those two weeks being driven crazy by the questions that riddled her mind. What was wrong? What had happened? Was he going to be okay? The last one had hit her the hardest. Lily didn't know how long she could last without Potter in her life. She relied on him to be the ice to her fire, the fast to her slow, the dark to her light.
She was beginning to wonder if Lily Evans could be Lily Evans without James Potter.
Lily was once again awakened from her reverie by the banging on her door. Slipping on her dressing gown, she tentatively opened the door.
"Finally." Slurred a slightly intoxicated Sirius Black; Lily wondered why he'd been drinking…and also how exactly he got into the Heads dorms. Hadn't she changed the password after last time? Never mind.
"What do you want Black?"
"I know something that you…you don't."
"Really Black and what is that? What Angela Snide looks like naked?"
"No, well, I mean, yes that too, but something else."
"Just spit it out."
"Fuck you, Evans. I don't have to tell you shit."
"Then what are you doing here Black? Just making a drunken ass of yourself?"
"I'm not even drunk Evans, just tipsy, just celebrating."
"Celebrating what?"
"You ask a lot of questions."
"Just tell me you sniveling little-"
"Whoa, calm down super ginge, your head might actually catch on fire."
"Oh, shush." Lily chuckled. Sirius hadn't treated her like this since the beginning of the year; before everything had happened. So much had happened. She looked up to see Sirius smiling down at her, tears twinkling in his eyes, not falling yet.
"I miss this, Lils. I miss him and you and the parties and the endless arguments and the pranks. Why did this have to happen to him?"
"I'm not sure, but I miss him too."
"I know; I can see it in your eyes."
"Huh." Both of them had settled against the back of the couch.
"He's coming back you know."
"Who?"
"James."
"Oh, of course. When?"
"Monday."
"The one coming up?"
"Yup."
"Did they tell you what happened?"
"PTSD."
"Yeah? Wasn't expecting that."
"Me neither, should have though."
"What kind of mates are we?"
"Oi! I'm his mate! You're just his… girl thing. He just fancied you!"
"He did not! We were mates Sirius, proper mates."
"If you were mates, you weren't proper ones. I've never seen two friends go at each other like that. You two could go on for hours!"
"Sirius, you're making it sound dirty!"
"You two might as well have been shagging for all it's worth." Sirius felt Lily smack his arm.
"I didn't mean exactly that!"
"Yeah, you did."
"Yeah, I did."
"You were right though, he didn't fancy you."
"Hm?"
"No, he loved you."
"Huh."
"What?"
"Remus, he, uh, he said the same thing to me just the other night."
"You believe anyone yet?"
"I think, maybe I do."
"You love him?"
"No, but I uh…"
"You what?"
"I think I could. Love him, I mean. I think I could love him."
"Don't you think it's a little late for that now?"
"Oh, of course; but isn't that just life? You listen to people telling you one thing for years and by the time you realize they were right, it's too late."
"I hope you're wrong."
"Why?"
"Me and Remus, we bet on Prongs and you. If you get together he'll owe me fifty galleons."
"Sirius, you are such a pig."
Sirius stood up dusting off his trousers.
"I've got to go Lils, gotta get some sleep. Got classes in the morning, ya know."
"Black, what time is it?"
"About four in the morning." He smiled, checking his watch as he closed the portrait behind him and slipped into the hall.
"Sirius Black, you absolute wanker! You…you horrid-"
For the first time in many nights Sirius smiled as he strutted down the hall.
By the time Sirius made it back to his room Peter was already asleep and Remus sitting by himself on the floor staring at a pile of dirty laundry.
"What are you doing, Moony?"
"I'm not sure."
"Where's Mary Murphy? Last I saw you were groping her in the middle of the pub."
"She left me."
"Why? You get all broody and tell her you were dangerous? Or did you get a little rough and bite her too hard? You and I both know that those wolf instincts come out when-"
"I started crying."
"Not you too, man. If we have to ship you off to St. Mungos to, I swear…"
"It's not funny, Sirius."
"I know it's not."
"PTSD, mate. How did none of us see it? We all know what happened."
"I think we all just wanted him to be okay."
"And then Lily… She just…"
"Yes she did."
Remus stood up and shuffled over to his bed. He pulled himself under the covers and pretended to sleep. He couldn't believe that they had let this happen to James.
On the other side of the castle Lily lay wide awake. She kept thinking about James. Did she really mean it when she said she could fall in love with him? Yes. Did it have to be too late? Could she fix this? If anything, could they be friends again?
Struck by a thought, Lily sprung out of bed, gathered her quill. Ink and parchment and began to write.
Dear James Potter,
I have recently heard that you will be returning to Hogwarts shortly and, probably to your surprise, I am quite happy to hear this. You have no idea what it was like to watch you fall like that, literally and figuratively. I only now realize the full affect that life has had on you and that I have had on your life. I want to apologize for that. It is not that I do not want to affect your life; I only wish it could have been in a good way.
You mean much more to me than I had realized and, to be honest, I'm not sure who I would be without you. You force me to be a better person. You are so much more than I gave you credit for. If I could rake back all of the bad things I have said about you, I would. However, I cannot, but I hope you will accept my apology instead.
There is something I wish you to know. Even though I constantly say you are a pig-headed smarmy git, I think you are exceedingly attractive. Your personality shines constantly and everybody loves you. Sometimes I find myself getting a little jealous. I used to fancy thinking that life would be perfect if I were you. I thought being you must be so bloody perfect. There are a couple problems with that though.
First of all, your life is not a perfect as I thought.
Second of all, if I were to become you, I could not be with you.
Potter, I can't believe it myself, but I think I fancy you.
Lily swept the parchment into her hand and crumpled it into a ball. Tossing it under her bed, she began to sob.
