Chapter 8
By: MysticFantasy
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Natasha let out a sigh as she placed her knitting basket on the couch next to her and dug out her current project.
Today, she had hit eight months exactly and it was starting to stress her out. Knitting had always been her way of calming herself.
For the last month and a half, she had been working on a blue baby blanket with white and gold stars. She was nearly done with it and she hoped the her soon to be son would like it when he was older.
Her most recent sonogram had included Bruce accidentally slipping what the baby would be. Steve was over the moon at learning that he's going to have a son. The very same day, he had gotten to work on making the nursery perfect for the baby.
The walls were painted a beautiful soft blue with matching crib and curtains. He was even crafting a rocking chair by hand to put in the nursery.
Natasha wasn't saying anything in his desire to make everything as perfect as possible in the nursery or anything else on the baby topic. She was just letting him take lead since he was obviously going to be the better parent.
A sudden tap from inside her stomach halted Natasha's movements. She laid her knitting on her lap and placed a hand on her stomach.
Part of her wanted to stay after the birth but the other part of her was telling her to run the first chance she got afterwards. She was so confused about everything and the due date was quickly approaching.
Everyday she heard Steve go on about how excited he was to know their son was almost there and how he would lavish love and attention on their baby and give him the good life that neither one of them had growing up.
Steve wanted to make sure that his son would have everything that he never did but was going to do his best to make sure their son didn't get spoiled from it.
Natasha admired the way that Steve was throwing himself into learning everything he could on becoming a parent. She was learning things from him but she wasn't sure if she would need to.
Her fear was starting to get the better of her, making her want to leave as soon as she was able to after giving birth. Steve having himself say that he wouldn't hold her to anything didn't really help much.
His words of saying that she could leave if she wanted replayed in her mind every day. Maybe speaking with him would help her get her thoughts and emotions straight.
Putting her knitting to the side, she slowly stood and made her way to the nursery where shey quickly found Steve kneeling on a tarp while using a piece of sand paper to smooth out the handles on the beautifully crafted rocking chair.
"Hey, you're suppose to be taking it easy. You're on bed rest." Steve lightly scolded the second he spotted Natasha on her feet.
"I'm still able to walk, Steve." Natasha replied. "Sitting all the time is getting real old, real fast."
"But it's keeping you rested."
Natasha sighed.
"Look, I didn't come here to argue with you. I need to talk to you about something serious."
Steve's demeanor instantly changed when he saw how serious she was being.
"What is it?" he asked as he stood.
"Steve...I...I don't know if I can stay after the baby is born." she admitted and saw Steve's face become emotionless.
"I did say that I wouldn't hold you to anything." he said softly.
"That's not helping." Natasha said. "Steve, I want to stay. I want to stay and watch our son grow. But...the other part of me is saying to leave the second I'm able to after he's born. I know the only reason you and I are together is because of the baby but I don't want you to think so badly of me for me thinking this way."
"Natasha," Steve started as he walked over and stood in front of her. "I'm going to stick by what I said. I won't hold you to anything. I don't want our son to not have his mother in his life but...it's your choice. Not mine. If you want to leave, I won't stop you. But if you stay, I'll treat you like a queen and try to make things as comforting to you as possible."
Natasha lightly sighed.
Steve already treated her so well. Doing anything she asked, making her healthy meals, making sure she didn't over extend herself.
But being a housewife and stay at home mother was not her. She wasn't the type of person to just stay at home minding the house and watching the baby.
Being domestic wasn't her.
"Being an at home wife and mother isn't what you want, is it?" Steve asked, as if he read her mind.
"No, it's not." she confirmed.
"You don't have to. I'm not going to like it but I won't stop you from going on missions and working with SHIELD."
"Good. Because I'm not going to give up my job. Maybe I'll consider it further down the road but not now."
"I can accept that."
"Did you already say something to Fury about what you'll be doing?" Natasha asked curiously.
"I did. He wasn't happy with it but he agreed to my requests. I think the only reason he agreed was because he thinks our son may be like me in terms of being a super soldier."
"Well, we won't know for a while. I'm just glad that we know for sure that one of us will be around for him. I think he'll really be better off having you around more than me anyway."
"Natasha, don't be that way. You'll be a great mother. You're just feeling this way now because you've never been in this situation before and don't know what to do. I haven't been in this situation either but I do have a little experience with kids from when I was in the orphanage and the USO tour. I'm nervous about this too but I'm going to do the best I can. That's all we can do."
That was so like Steve to say for them to do their best in raising the child. Natasha knows very well that he's right. Doing the best they could really is all they can hope for.
This is going to be the first child for both of them and that knowledge was enough pressure on them. Natasha was just glad that the press hadn't found out about this little situation. If they did know then they would be all over her and Steve whenever either one went out in public.
Natasha hadn't dared go out in public after she was two and a half months since she believed the baby bump was starting to show at that time. So since then, she had been inside the tower.
Her only time outside was when she would go out onto the balconies Tony had installed after the battle against Loki. One of them even had a little garden. It was her favorite one to go to when she was feeling cooped up.
She didn't want anyone to know about her pregnancy. The rest of the Avengers, Fury, Hill and Coulson were the only ones who knew about this and even then she would have wanted to keep it secret.
But a round stomach was a little tricky for her to hide.
"Come on. I'll make lunch." Steve offered.
Natasha nodded and followed her husband. She sat back on the couch in the living room and continued her knitting while Steve cooked.
As she continued to knit the blanket, she tried to picture the blanket finished and wrapped around a newborn baby. A baby that maybe would have Steve's eyes and smile and kind nature.
With each knit and pearl stitch she did, Natasha could see the image of her son growing stronger in her mind.
But she somehow wasn't able to picture herself the one holding him.
