8. Oh for Fuck's sake, not again!
A knock sounded. Alex looked up from her work. She stretched her arms and was barely able to contain a deep-seated yawn. It was probably Tom, coming to discuss a few patients with her.
"Come in!"
She resumed with writing out her email response, typing away on the keyboard. It was pushing noon, only a few of these bad boys left. She was already anticipating her lunch, her stomach had been protesting for the last hour or so.
The door opened, she didn't look up and carried on typing.
"Tom! I w-"
Alex stopped herself. Her words lost on her lips.
It wasn't Tom.
No it was far from him.
It was Piper.
Startled, Alex struggled to maintain a sense of feigned nonchalance.
What on earth was she doing here?
Unsuprisingly, Alex felt both happy and angry to see her.
There were not many reasons that warranted the young resident to be seeing her. She could only assume she was here to ask where her rounds were taking place this afternoon.
"Rounds are happening in C31, today." Alex said in a tone as neutral as possible before turning her attention back to the computer screen.
When no response came; Alex glanced back up and forced herself to look the blonde in the eye, who had not moved from her spot ever since she had entered the office.
Piper finally spoke, "No I did not come to find about rounds."
Alex raised her eyebrows her irritation beginning to show. "Then why are you here?"
She knew why she was here. Oh she knew.
She stopped typing, and leant back into her chair, staring. She was not going to make it any easier for the blonde.
No uh. Not in the slightest.
"I uh…"
Alex got the distinct feeling Piper had been rehearsing this moment for a while but it was quite clearly not going to plan.
She crossed her arms, waiting with keen interest.
"So?" She couldn't resist.
"Alex…" Piper started. She took a deep breath, "Look there's been a bit of a misunderstanding…-"
"A bit?" Alex exclaimed incredulously. "I think it's been more than a 'bit', judging from your dramatic reaction that other night."
Alex watched her in disbelief. That was her grand apology? For the last few days or so, her mind had been running around in circles trying to understand where it had all gone wrong. And she came out with this?
Piper didn't say anything. She held her tongue. She was in no position to be arguing the finer points of the events in question.
"Look I was blindsided by, by…-"
"By what exactly?" Alex was not going to let that statement hang.
"By…I don't know." Piper knew the answer with sharp clarity, but could not translate her thoughts into the spoken word. She feared that the way it had sounded her in head would be wholly different to how it would sound when it was said out aloud.
"I should never have just stormed off. I was out of order."
Alex took in the last remark, and deliberated on what to say next. For a minute or so she remained silent.
Piper had gone over what she'd say. What Alex would say. How she would explain herself. Building herself to this pivotal showdown. But there wasn't one. No melodrama. No screams or shouts just arms crossed and an incessant stare.
It was a reaction Piper had not bargained for.
A reaction which hurt her ego.
What did she expect? That Alex would burst into tears at her heartfelt apology?
That she would come running over and envelop her into a hug, all the while declaring undying love to her?
What did she think this was?
A Shakespearean play?
Piper awkwardly eyed Alex. The silent treatment was a hundred times worse than any angry yelling could ever do. Piper was practically begging for Alex to vent her anger at her. Scream. Shout. Throw hurtful remarks. Hell even resort to a slap of some sort. Anything than this.
"Don't worry I'm not going to resort to any physical violence." Alex finally said, as if reading Piper's mind.
"Look, I don't know who that Frank guy was, but-"
"He's a mentally unbalanced stalker. Who also happens to be a doorman at my apartment" Alex snapped, cutting Piper off. "A fucking psycho with perverted tendencies who makes sandwiches for me that are probably laced with something. I mean why else would a random person offer you sandwiches?"
"Oh." Piper nervously laughed.
"I assure, there is nothing fucking funny about the situation."
Piper remained silent.
Alex continued, "And frankly, the gall for you to even think that I'd be in some sort of relationship with that creep, disgusts me."
The statement echoed relentlessly through Piper's mind.
She needed to sit down, her feet suddenly began aching. She had been running around the ward all day. Her feet taking a hit. She began to regret ever coming. What had she been thinking? Bursting in like that? She was better off avoiding the older doctor, for the foreseeable future. Yes, it would be awkward and difficult during rounds and surgeries, but if that was what she had to do, then endure this. She would happily submit to that.
"If it's any consolation he did look way below your league." Piper muttered.
As much as she was pissed off at Piper's actions; Alex just about managed to conceal a smile from forming across her lips.
"I don't know what else I can say. I know I can't justify my actions with anything else I have left to say…."
Piper fidgeted with her fingers, twisting the cheap ring on her middle finger round and round, until it started to become too painful. She didn't dare to look up; not wanting to see the expression that was surely painted across Alex's face. An expression of dissatisfaction. Of hate. Of dislike. She couldn't help but glance at her watch – and saw that that it had been only five minutes since she had entered Alex's office. Was it really just five minutes? It had felt like it had been hours. A lifetime, even.
"What you did was a pretty shitty thing. Even by your standards." Alex's voice broke through the blonde's thoughts.
What standards? Alex didn't even know her that well to ascertain any standards. Piper looked up forcing herself to make eye contact with her.
"And anyway, I'd be a fucking bad supervisor if I didn't at least cut you some slack, even if it happened outside working hours."
Piper's face relaxed; the worried lines across her face, slowly ironing out. She was surprised at Alex's sudden change in mood. The earlier incensed tone had lessened to one that verged on sympathy.
What brought it on?
Piper was not going to question it, for fear it would make Alex rethink her actions. And that was the last thing she wanted.
Her earlier vows of avoiding Alex forever seemed like nothing more than a silly proposition now. Of course, Piper couldn't' simply ignore the dark-haired doctor. It would prove to be too hard. An impossible feat. Her intense presence both in the physical and in Piper's chaotic mind had already proven that.
"I must be your worst ever resident that you have had the pleasure of supervising." Piper mumbled.
Alex looked at her amusedly and raised her eyebrows, "Are you fishing for compliments?"
"No! I was just- I just meant…that…you know." She flustered hotly. Her poor attempt at an explanation fell flat.
" I didn't quite catch that."
"Never mind."
Alex laughed, "You have an uncanny flair for never finishing your sentences." She leant forwards and glanced at her computer, "Don't worry. I won't hold it against you. I gathered its part of your warped personality."
"My personality is not warped!" She snapped back, unable to stop herself. It came out a lot louder than she had intended.
"The first sign of progress is admitting to your problems." Alex simply said.
"I don't have any problems."
"I thought you came here to apologise? Instead you're arguing against something that is as apparent as the sky is blue. So don't waste your breath."
She had a point.
"I am dealing with it."
"Right." Alex replied, her response loaded with sarcasm.
Suddenly a beep sounded, signifying the presence of a new email. A welcome relief from Alex's offensive.
Piper was about to reply but was stopped by Alex's sudden change in expression. She was staring at her computer screen. She slowly took her glasses off and haphazardly threw them onto her desk. They clattered off the desk and fell onto the soft carpet. Alex didn't even notice, she was too focused on the writing on the screen. Piper jumped out of her chair and picked them up before putting them back onto the oak desk.
"What is it?" She circled around the desk and peered at the computer, noticing that it was an email response, sent by an email address named NYPD Citizen Relations. She stopped herself from reading further. It was none of her business. She sat back down.
"Those good for nothing fucking imbeciles. I should have fucking guessed." Alex hissed through clenched teeth.
Piper regarded Alex with a puzzled expression trying to establish what exactly had warranted for such a strong response. Noticing the confused look on the blonde's face, Alex explained, "It's the police. Apparently they haven't got enough evidence to go forward with any kind of action."
"The stalker?"
"Who else but dear old Frank?"
"Can you not get a restraining order?"
Alex laughed. Not one filled with mirth but one that betrayed incredulity and anger.
"They are doing fuck all. Not even a measly restraining order."
"Are they not even looking at the case?"
"Well according to New York's not so finest; there is no case."
"Oh Alex. I'm sorry."
"Don't be."
Alex suddenly stood up and faced the window, surveying the traffic below – her shoulder tensed. Not saying anything. Piper didn't know what to do. Should she comfort her? And do what exactly?
Piper had long concluded that Alex was perfectly capable in looking after herself.
"That motherfucker ruined everything."
Piper struggled not to flinch - she read between the lines. The ambiguity of the utterance not lost on Piper. She was overcome with guilt and had a sudden urge to hug Alex to tell her not to worry and everything was going to be okay. But she knew that only happened in movies.
This was reality. This was real life. A harsh place where clichés and stereotypes never fared well.
Against her better judgment Piper stood up and came up behind Alex, not really sure on what her intentions were. Or if she had any intentions at all. Later looking back, she would analyse her next actions time and time again. To the point, where she would nearly drive herself insane. But for now...
She stared at Alex's back. Hesitating.
Her hand tentatively touching the fabric of Alex's white coat before circling it around her waist. She had no idea what she was doing. It was as if an unknown external force was controlling her mind and initiating actions without her apparent say-so. Or was it just her subconscious acting on her behalf? Free from the logic and hesitancy that came with the conscious mind.
Alex turned around. Facing Piper. Their faces no more than a hair breadth away from each other. Piper stared into Alex's eyes. Searching for even the tiniest clue. For that tell-tale flicker of anticipation. Lust. Want.
Their gaze remained steadfast. Unwavering. Unfaltering.
Her fingers reached for Alex's neck, stroking her nape in soft, delicate patterns, tracing the outline of her collarbone before coming to a rest at the back of her neck. Alex did not resist her advances instead her green eyes were alight with the fiery force of need. Piper's lips parted. She stared, almost forgetting to breath.
It felt like time had stood still. Noises stilled. Senses heightened.
And then it happened.
The feel of Alex's lips on hers was incredible. Piper savoured the moment relishing every second of it. Alex reciprocated the kiss, pressing harder against Piper. The kiss quickly transforming from a gentle embrace into a fevered clinch filled with hunger and longing.
"This is…unexpected." Alex breathily quipped in between kisses.
"I don't know…what happened." Piper replied. It took all her energy to break contact to just articulate those few words.
"It can keep on happening." Alex said in a husky voice which only served to turn Piper's legs into jelly.
Piper felt Alex's smile against her lips. Their mouths crashed against one another - desperate not to lose physical connection, even for a split second. Piper grabbed Alex's face, her hands running through her soft, dark hair, at the same time pushing her against the glass panel. She felt Alex's hands snaking their way underneath her silk blouse, clamping her hands around Piper's waist, working their way up.
Slow down
A voice suddenly hummed in Piper's inner ear.
Do not do this. She's your superior. This is not going to end well. It never ends well.
Piper started to pull away, hanging onto a rapidly fraying thread of control. Just one measly thread was all that separated reason from desire. Before she could go further, Alex yanked her back, shoving her against the desk, kissing her hard. The thread of control all but ripped apart.
A knock sounded, before a split second later the door to Alex's office flew open.
They sprang apart. Piper swivelled around. Thinking for a second it was that Frank again.
It was Dr Feldman. His expression one of astonishment and shock ; judging from the wide eyes and dropped jaw.
Piper swallowed hard.
Why did this keep happening?
"I'm sorry. I'll come back." He uttered before closing the door behind them just as fast as he had entered.
Piper looked up at Alex, who had slumped into her chair, sighing miserably. Piper waited for Alex to say something.
Anything. Something.
"Our timing's shit to say the least." Alex murmured, glancing at Piper, who had not yet spoken a word, and was glued to the spot.
A sudden horror filled feeling swept across Piper's body. Making her stomach roil and her head throb.
What the fuck had she done? What was wrong her?
She came her to seek reconciliation and now she had made an even bigger mess of things.
"This was a mistake." She said in a barely steady voice.
"What?" Alex looked up from her lap.
"This was a fucking mistake. This should not have happened!" Piper could hear her voice taking on a high-pitched quality.
"It didn't look like a mistake to me." Alex said in a forced voice.
"What the hell are we doing?" Piper answered her own question, "You're my supervisor! You write my end of placement reviews! It's, it's a conflict of interest!"
Alex simply stared in disbelief, "I can't fucking believe you. What the hell-" But she was cut off by Piper's by now full on hysteric ramblings.
"I can't afford to mess up. My parents, my parents are counting on me. My neighbourhood is counting on me. I came to fucking New York to push my career further, not to get involved with my attendings."
"Your neighbourhood? Who gives a shit about your neighbourhood. They don't govern your life."
"You don't know these people! I can't fail. I just can't."
Alex shook her head, "It's not the apocalypse. Calm down."
"I have exams. I should be revising. I should be studying. I should be…-"
Piper was aware of how childish she came across but it was the truth. Where she came from, people expected you to become a high achiever. The typical upstanding WASP that she was. But no! Instead here she was making out with her attending who also happened to be a fucking woman.
"Piper, calm the fuck down."
"The last thing I should be doing is, is...getting involved with you."
Alex stood up and walked towards Piper.
"Alex. I can't." Backing away from Alex and heading towards the door. "I can't do this. I'm sorry."
There was a pause, they just stared at each other.
"Don't worry. There never was a this."
"Alex…-"
"No, you made it quite clear. I heard you. Don't let me keep you waiting." Alex said in a cold voice.
Without emitting another word, Piper turned around, opened the door and left.
It was all for the best. Wasn't it?
But then why did she feel like she had made the worst possible mistake of her life?
Unnerved by the turn in events, Piper swallowed hard. She nearly crashed into someone walking in the opposite direction of the narrow corridor.
"Sorry." She looked up and saw that it was Dr Feldman. He looked at her—his eyes expressing disgust and repulsion. Without saying a word he brushed past her, heading towards Alex's door.
Piper hurried to the lift, wanting to get out of the hospital as fast as she could.
She'd deal with this at a later period.
Had she just ruined her chances of working at this hospital? Would she be disciplined?
She'd cross to that bridge when she came to it.
But what if that bridge was crumpled to pieces. Reduced to rubble? What then?
What then?
Alex's head hurt. Like really, really hurt. Hurt from the confusion and trying to second-guess what exactly had happened.
Again.
Piper was confusing. Fucking confusing. She had been trying to understand what the stance was on their relationship.
Could she even call it a relationship?
More like a series of actions and words.
This was harder to understand than playing a crossword in a foreign language. Hell, she'd take the crossword over this any day of the year.
Someone knocked on the door.
Not again. Please go away and let me come to terms with what just happened in peace.
"Alex?"
She recognised Tom's baritone voice. Sighing, Alex walked towards the door and reluctantly opened it. She walked back to her desk chair and prepared herself for the inevitable onslaught.
Tom was one of the few colleagues she genuinely got on with. She would even consider him a good friend. Although they rarely socialised outside work; their working relationship was one that Alex valued dearly. Through the years they had supported each other with their works. Alex knew she could count on him with whatever bothered her, and vice versa.
"What was all that about?" He leant against her desk playing with the glass snow-globe she had bought on whim many Christmases ago. He was looking at her expectantly.
"It was nothing."
Even she knew how pathetic of a response that was but she really did not have the energy to explain anything to anyone. Too be honest, Alex didn't know what she would be explaining. She herself did not really know the answer.
"It looked way more than nothing."
She clasped her fingers and spoke, "It was a case of the infatuated junior and the fucking gullible senior."
Tom tilted his head, puzzled at her laconic answer. Alex forced a breezy laugh and just shook her head. Closing her eyes.
She needed a coffee. No cross that.
She need fucking alcohol.
Lots of it.
AN: This was so hard to write. I've re-written this chapter so many times. But finally managed to write something resembling a chapter! Had a nasty case of the dreaded writer's block together with being swamped with uni work. Apologies, folks.
As always please, please review. I'd love to know your thoughts. In the meantime, love you all! xx :)
