Author: xskyisclosed
Rating: M
Summary: Kaiba is flipping through his old yearbooks and comes across Joey's phone number. Can five years time and a certain Mutt melt the ice in one CEO's heart?


IMPORTANT--Very serioustime author note:
I've decided to finish this story. It definitely did not end the way I intended it to when I first started out many years ago. Every story needs an end. Loose ends never amount to anything.

Anyway, this is the final chapter in this story. It is completely in Joey's point of view—reflecting on the past 6 chapters, and the time from then up until this point.

I'm sorry it took me this long. Inspiration is hard to come by.


Chapter Seven -- Signs

I could sleep forever these days because in my dreams I see you again
But this time fleshed out fuller face in your confirmation dress
It was so like you to visit me to let me know you were ok
It was so like you visit me, always worrying about someone else

I see signs now all the time that you're not dead your sleeping
I believe in anything that brings you back home to me


What did we have?

A fun tumble in the snow? A few drinks? Thousands of gut wrenching, heated arguments? Emotional reconciliations?

Sometimes I think back and it just doesn't seem real. I mean, how can it be real? Everything passed by like a dream. If I didn't have the tangible evidence, I would think I dreamed up the whole thing.

We don't speak now. Kaiba and I.

It kills me every single day. And not for the reasons you would expect. It's an odd sort of thing. A great rivalry, unresolved tension, like ours, you'd think we'd go out in a blaze of fire. But alas, no. Always better to burn out then fade away? …right?

At least hate is a feeling. An emotion. A passionate feeling. But indifference… indifference is a cold empty room. It is like being alone in the middle of winter, trapped in a perpetual grey place with no escape, devoid of feeling. Just numb.

Two people just grow apart. And that is what Kaiba and I did. After Mokuba left us, he was never the same. I did what I could to be there for him, but he was in pain. He was suffering, and I couldn't fix it. I grew to love him. With my whole heart. Who knows what kind of love it was, whether it intense friendship or romantic love… I just know that I loved him, and I would have gone to the ends of the earth for him. Love has no gender. Love has no rules. Love just is. You can't help who you love, you just can't.

But with Mokuba gone, there was nothing I could do. I watched him suffer. I watched him push me away. But not only did I watch it, I allowed it to happen.

Eventually it got to the point where I was living my life, and he was living his. Both of us just going through the motions. Never did my love dissipate. Never once did I give up. It's been years. Many years since that day in the snow. I live with the pain of our relationship every day. It is torturous. But what is more, is that Kaiba doesn't care. Kaiba doesn't miss me. Kaiba… he forgot about me.

I mean, ok, there is no way to know for sure. But what can one expect after many years of no contact. And it's not like I wasn't trying. I tried my ass off for a long time. But there is only so much ignoring one person can take.


I think about that day he found me wandering on the street. What if he had never found me? What if I never moved in with him? Would I be a different person today?

I walked the old streets.

I wouldn't call it retracing footsteps, because I am not searching for something I lost. But rather, it is an attempt to regain a hold on something that I let go of. How can concrete and asphalt hold so many memories? How can two pairs of footsteps resounding on the pavement fill a void?

This time, I was alone. And will be, every other time.

Just like the faded signatures in his yearbook, all things must come to an end. Some get rubbed away, some disappear with time, and others…Well, they just decide to leave everything behind.

How can a simple place incite such overwhelming feelings? How can I let such a place make me feel complete? What if I never picked up his phone call, that first night he called?

I wouldn't be left with this feeling. This feeling of despair, of emptiness, of sheer…god, I can't even explain it.

I can't even bring myself to change my phone number. What if he calls? What if he cracks open the old yearbook and calls me? I just can't help it. I can't let go. All I'm left with is silence. Shattered. My heart is shattered. The pieces are strewn every which way. It isn't the distance that separates us. It is the silence.

The ever deafening silence.

So quiet it seems, but it resonates like the loudest thunder, ringing in my ears.

I cannot separate this gap. I cannot pierce this silence. I have tried, and I have failed.

Love has never hurt so much before. Not hurt, like sharp pain. But a dull sort of ache. It's even worse this time. But that is completely understandable. Sometimes when I think of it, I want to say I wish I didn't feel this way. But on the other hand, it makes me so happy sometimes.

There are times when he used to just look at me. It was this amazing fraction of a second. And it's not a 'look' really… it was just him, looking at me. And I wanted to die.
I dream about him all the time. Not in any sexual or romantic way. I miss him, I really do. And my dreams just consist of reuniting. It is never some glorious affair; it is just a simple hello. But while asleep, my unconscious self feels the happiness, the excitement I used to feel.


I used to think that time could heal all things. Just a small fraction in the big picture that is my life. This could be seen as just another bump in the road. But honestly…the road to what? If I was going anywhere in life, it would have been with him. And see, we wouldn't be walking on this so-called road of life. We'd be driving. In a limo. And I'd just be along for the ride. Time is still ticking and I'm not getting any better. Being without him isn't getting any easier.

And this is what I'm left with. I blabber on and on, clinging to the vestiges of what remains. He has moved on with his life, but I cannot seem to move on with mine.
I wish our story had a better end. A nice, happy one. One with warm Christmases in front of the fire in the Kaiba mansion. One with lazy summers lounging by the pool. One with breakfasts in bed and the black silk sheets. We could have been happy. I know it deep down.

But… this is all I have... all I'm left with; the painful memories. And all he has is 'best wishes' and a phone number.

Unfortunately life is not a wonderfully well-scripted story. And a beautiful, healthy relationship will never materialize from the hints and vestiges of what once was. No green umbrellas. No dog jokes. No. Nothing. We joked and laughed and said that nothing would come between us. We made promises to always be there for one another. We laughed a lot. Only because what we thought what we had would always remain.


Final A/N:
Again, I'm very sorry that this might not be what people wanted/expected/etc.. but I finally finished this. 1 year and 2 days after I made my final author's resignation note letter thing. It's been 4 years since I sat in a Chinese restaurant with my two best friends writing an outline for this story on napkins. But life goes on... right?

Best wishes always,
xskyisclosed