I do not own any of these characters, despite how much I wish I did.

:) smile.. () – since you asked so politely for another chapter, here you go!

I'm sorry if the plot has been a little bit confusing between me going back and forth from the past to the present. If it gets too confusing let me know and I'll try to clarify it for you. This isn't a very long chapter because it's more of a prechapter. Enjoy!

(PRESENT TIME)

"We have a lot to talk about Rick," she said as he closed the door behind him.

"I appears so Detective. I wasn't expecting you tonight so if I may ask, what are you doing here exactly?" he questioned.

"Late night booty call?" she joked.

Much to her surprise, he let out a chuckle.

"I haven't had one of those in a while now Detective."

"How long?" she asked.

Kate could tell he didn't want to answer her.

"I asked you a question and I suggest you answer it. May I remind you I have a gun?"

Another deep throated chuckle.

"A while now." He responded.

"How long?" she asked through clenched teeth.

He answered simply, "Months, maybe longer because I have Alexis to consider and I never found anyone worth coming here."

Kate looked into his eyes and saw honesty, sincerity. Did his statement mean that she was worth it since she had been over at his house on numerous occasions, not just NYPD business.

"Why'd you leave Castle?"

"Had to" was all he replied.

"I told you not to leave. It's just like you though to disobey orders though, right? I mean if you don't listen to me when I'm trying to save your life, why would you listen to me when I'm trying to save our relationship?"

"Detective, this isn't a good time to be talking about this."

"And just why not? Why do you get to decide what we talk about and when we talk about it?"

"It's just not the right time right now. It's late; you're tired and upset. Maybe we should deal with this later."

She looked over his appearance. He was wearing worn out jeans and a white v-neck t-shirt, causal and comfortable clothing she noted, much like her own red v-neck sweater and jeans. He looked fine to the standard observer, but she could always see past his facades. He looked tired, as if he had aged a few years since last night.

"You look like crap Castle." She said simply.

"I know," he said over he shoulder as he went to go sit on the couch in the living room.

"Are you okay?" she asked as she stayed a few steps behind him.

"Just peachy Detective" he said while he motioned for her to sit down beside him.

To Castle's surprise, Kate sat down right next to him and laid her head down on his chest while tucking her feet beneath her.

"God, when did it all get so complicated?" she asked when fiddling with his fingers.

"What?" he choked out. She could tell that he was feeling uncomfortable right now because of their current position, but she didn't care. All she needed was him and playing with his hands was relaxing.

"Just life in general. It used to be you could wake up in the morning and do whatever you wanted but now… sometimes it seems like you don't have a say in what happens in your life. When did life become something that was complicated?"

"When I showed up?"

"Castle…"

Now to Kate's surprise, Castle laid his head down on her own while watching her with his eyes. Midnight blue eyes that looked as though they had seen so much, but also so little at the same exact time. His eyes were going right through her green orbs. They were watching her every movement as if he could tell her next move. After dealing with him for so long, she was used to it now but today there was something different in his eyes. He looked sad, as if he had lost someone, and she had never seen this side of him.

"Rick…" she tried again. "My life has always been complicated, even before you waltzed into my life."

"I just make it more complicated though Detective and I realized that."

"Are you a masochist Castle?"

Another deep laugh erupted from his chest and she felt the comforting vibrations.

"No, but why are you asking this?"

"You give up a friendship with me, something that from what I can tell you care a lot about, and yet you look as though you've been through hell without."

"A bit sure of yourself now aren't we, Detective?" he teased.

Kate glanced up to look into his eyes for a moment, disrupting their current position, to show that she was serious before returning to their previous position.

"I don't regret what I did if that's what you're asking Detective."

"That's not what I'm asking Rick. Can we just be Rick and Kate now?"

"I find that hard to do though."

"Try." She countered.

"I don't know if I can anymore Kate." He said while sounding overcome and defeated.

"What are you scared of Castle?" she asked.

"I'm not really sure."

"Were you scared? Is that why you left? Why'd you give up? Why did you find it so easy to just walk away when you knew I wanted you to stay? How did you just walk away?"

He stayed quiet for some time. Seconds or minutes went by, she didn't know. She patiently waited because she knew it would be worth it.

"It wasn't so simple. Although you may think that every decision that I make is simple and easy, this one wasn't. I didn't just walk into the precinct one morning and casually decide over a cappuccino, which may I add that machine makes them marvelously, that I would leave and not see you again. It wasn't like that. It was agonizing to think about something that could affect you in such a way. I guess I'm afraid of anything that could affect you. The day I told you about your mother, I was terrified." He struggled while saying all of this, as if still debating about if he made the right choice. "I almost had to change my shorts," he added to make light of the conversation.

"Let's be serious for right now. I need to know. Why did you look into something that you knew would destroy us?"

"Kate…"

"I'm not leaving until you tell me Rick."

"Are you sure? It won't change anything."

"I think it will."

"The day I found out about your mother, I was mortified. Kate Beckett, the intellectual NYPD cop, had gone through so much pain. I thought about all of the difficulties in life that you faced and for every single night, heck, I still think about it. I know that you thought I felt sorry for you, but I really didn't. I would never pity you Kate. I was interested to such a point that I obtained your mother's case file. From there –"

"How did you obtain it?"

"That is unimportant in this conversation. Anyways, from there I became curious while looking into her file. You have to remember, at this point in no shape or for did you say that it was unacceptable for me to look into her file, so I reviewed it. I thought maybe I could help take away the pain that you face every morning when you put on your mother's ring that's on that long chain or when you slip on your father's watch. I admired you for both of those things, which was what led to me dig deeper. You know the story of what I found but you never saw past that. Yes, you forgave me and moved on but you never asked."

"I never thought I had to."

Castle was right; she never did think to ask about why he did it. All she thought about was betrayal and dishonesty, but with Castle, it was never just that.

"Will you tell me?" she asked.

"Will you listen?"

(A/N) short chapter I know. Much like my pre-chapter leading up to Lanie and Kate's conversation, this chapter is leading into Kate and Castle's conversation which will most likely be longer. Next chapter I'll go into his motivations and also when he already thought about quitting, so have no fear! Reviews as always are appreciated. It'd be really helpful if leave a review if you have any ideas about the conversation and where it will lead. As always, thanks for reading. Next chapter will either be up tonight or tomorrow. I'm aiming for tonight though.