On the last day before the end of the term, James was sitting on the stands of the Quidditch Pitch, smoking a cigarette. Practice had ended an hour ago and he had dismissed all of the team members after wishing them a merry Christmas. Normally, he would have walked up to the castle for dinner. However, he did not feel up to it. Quidditch practice was one of the few times at Hogwarts where he came in close contact with Sirius anymore and every time he saw his former best mate he had the urge to punch him in the face as well as making up with him. Fortunately, Sirius had the common sense to keep away from him which was the only reason why they had only come to blows once since the fateful night when Sirius had lured Snape into the tunnel under the Whomping Willow. As James had expected, Remus had not taken the information well. Sirius had received a detention for every day until the end of the term, but the rest of them had walked away without any punishment. So far Snape had not dared to reveal Remus's secret, but his hatred for the Marauders had intensified even more. James could not eat a single meal without Snape glaring holes in his skull. James had started taking the Marauder's Map with him whenever he moved through the castle on his own, just to be prepared for a possible ambush. It was not like Snape to accept defeat and James willing to bet his Cleansweep that Snape was going to retaliate when he found the chance. Not that retaliation was really necessary. Snape had already reached his goal: The Marauders were no more.

Thanks to Sirius's folly, the trust between them was gone. Remus was deeply hurt and had retreated back into his shell. While he was thankful that James had saved Snape, he seemed to have lost some trust in the other Marauders as well. He had strictly forbidden James and Peter to visit him during the full moon. According to Remus his lycanthropy had already caused too much damage and they should not risk making it even worse. James had tried to convince him that this was not necessary, but Remus had flat out refused to talk about it anymore. James clearly remembered the defeated look on his friend's face. Even though Remus had walked away from the incident without any repercussions he was clearly the one who was hurt the most by Sirius's betrayal. Peter was angry as well and he picked James's and Remus's company over Sirius's in a heartbeat. Now Sirius was all alone, pretending that he did not care and that nothing was amiss. James knew that Sirius was faking it and that he was missing the rest of the Marauders. James himself missed Sirius every day. Life was not the same without his former best mate at his side. Remus was way too serious and without Sirius balancing he scale, they spent most of their time studying and doing homework. While James himself wanted to be a more responsible student, he did not want his life to be that boring.

He had started to spend less and less time with the rest of the Marauders and instead either spent it flying by himself or shagging Amber. Their sort-of-relationship had been a safety net for him during the last few weeks. Amber never wanted to talk about the rift dividing the Marauders. She had only asked James once if he wanted to talk about it and had never asked again after he had declined. A part of James wanted to tell her, but he held back. They were not that close and in contrast to Sirius he did not blab any of their secrets to others. James took another deep drag of his cigarette. He did not know what to do. He missed Sirius and he wanted to make up with him so everything could be normal again. However, whenever he thought about what Sirius did, he became so incredibly angry that he wondered how he would ever be able to forgive that betrayal. Frankly, he had been shocked by Sirius's behaviour. He had always known that the Black family had a very bad influence on Sirius, but he never expected him to act so ruthlessly and vindictive. Sure, Sirius was very good at holding a grudge and had occasionally gone overboard when retaliating, but trying to get Snape killed or bitten was something else entirely. Of course, James could understand Sirius's loathing of Snape. He shared the same hatred and had wished for something horrible to happen to the greasy Slytherin at multiple points in the past. But fantasizing about something and actually putting it in motion were two very different things. He was especially worried about Sirius's willingness to use Remus to get his revenge. He must have known that he would put Remus at risk by luring Snape into the Shrieking Shack. Had he simply not cared or had his blind rage at Snape overwhelmed his common sense? James was no stranger to rash decisions and he had seen how Snape had taunted an already stressed out Sirius. He could emphasize with Sirius's feelings, but he liked to believe that he would never act as his best mate had. While James was furious at Sirius, he was also angry at himself. He felt like he had let Sirius down. He had known that Sirius was itching to get revenge on Snape and he had had a rough idea about Sirius's vindictive nature. He should have realized that something bad was about to happen. Maybe it had been a mistake to prevent Sirius from taking revenge at Snape during the last few weeks before the incident. Maybe he would have reacted more sensibly if he had blown off some steam before that day. James had hoped that he could end their feud with Snape by holding Sirius back, but all he seemed to have done is too make it worse.

James had always felt responsible for 'fixing' Sirius. What few things Sirius had revealed about his childhood and his parent's behaviour had horrified James. He had tried to give Sirius an idea how a normal family felt like and had therefore invited him over to his house as often as he could. He had even discussed what Sirius had told him with his parents, who had not been overly surprised by the way the Black's raised their children. James had thought that he had been successful, because Sirius was openly rejecting what his parents had taught him, but apparently he had been wrong. Snape had been right that night: Sirius's plan was Slytherin to the core. Now, James was not so sure that Sirius was different from his family anymore. He wasn't a good person just because he had been sorted into Gryffindor. James knew that every house contained good and bad people, it just was that Slytherin contained mostly bad ones. He did not feel at ease with Sirius anymore and he had no idea what he was going to do about it. The fact that Sirius was probably waging a war against the rest of the Black family at the moment did not make him feel any better. He knew that Sirius had been at Alphard's funeral, but he did not know whether or not Sirius received the inheritance. Without James brokering the arrangement for him, Sirius had probably been too proud to ask James's father for help in this matter. James had been tempted to talk to his father about this without involving Sirius, but in the end he had been too angry with Sirius to do it. Now, he felt guilty about letting Sirius down. He could not recall ever feeling so conflicted in his life. It was about time that he got out of Hogwarts for some time. He needed a change of scenery to really think this through.

He had not told his parents about the falling out between Sirius and the rest of the Marauders yet. He wondered whether they could tell him what to do. Obviously, he would have to omit certain critical information. His parents did not know that he was an animagus after all or that he spent time walking around with a werewolf. James had no desire to make them privy to these particular secrets. The less people knew that he was illegal animagus the better. While he was sure that his parents would keep his secret safe, the knowledge itself would endanger them. It was a criminal offence to keep an illegal animagus's secret and he was not going to get his parents into trouble if he ever was caught. However, his parents were not completely oblivious: owHTheyTHey They knew that Remus was a werewolf. It had not taken them long to figure it out from what little information James gave them. James was glad that they knew and still treated Remus as a normal boy. Remus needed every bit of normalcy in his life. So, full disclosure of the reasons behind the current rift of the Marauders was out of question, but maybe James could tell them a carefully redacted version of the truth. They were going to ask him what was going on with Sirius and him anyway and James did not expect them to overly discreet about it. While he was an excellent liar, his parents were also very good in wheedling the truth out him. He needed a plausible excuse for their rift which would clearly communicate the seriousness of Sirius's betrayal while keeping them out of trouble. He needed to think this through properly, otherwise his anger at Sirius would be the last of his concern. His parents would go ballistic if they knew what kind of risks he was taking on a regular basis.

James finished his cigarette, threw the butt through the ground and stomped on it. For a moment he considered heading up to the castle. He still had some homework to finish and while he was protected from the cold through a heating charm, the grey, overcast weather was not exactly inviting. He discarded the thought a heartbeat later. Sirius was somewhere in the castle, as well as Evans and what little remained of the Marauders. He had no desire to meet any of them. Instead he reached for another cigarette and popped it in his mouth. The cigarette ignited on his own and James took a deep drag. He was definitely smoking too much. He was up to a package every few days and it was starting to affect his endurance. Maybe Amber was right and he should quit. It was a good time too with New Year's Eve coming up. But he could worry about this later. Now, the cigarette was the only thing that felt real.

He was done with half of it, when he got company. Amber slid in the bench next to him and pressed a kissed to his cheek. She wrinkled her nose at the cigarette, but refrained from commenting.

'I was looking for you,' she said. 'Remus said that you were probably still down here. It is not like you to skip dinner.'

'I did not feel like going up to the castle,' said James. 'I will visit the kitchens later.'

'Bad training?' she asked. 'You usually are in a good mood after flying.'

'No, the team is fine,' said James, even though that was not really the truth. He was in bad shape and Sirius was not much better. They simply did not have the mental capacity to focus on Quidditch at the moment. The rest of the team was still okay, but James feared that their performance was going to deteriorate too if James and Sirius did not resolve their issues soon. Marlene had been bugging him over what was going with him as well and it was driving him insane. Why couldn't they just all leave him alone? He was busy with himself and he did not want to share his problems with the rest of the school. 'It's just a difficult time.'

'I see,' said Amber. She seemed to sense his reluctance to talk about what was going on. 'You know you can talk to me if you ever want to.'

'Yeah, I know,' said James.

'Good,' said Amber. 'Are we going to see each other over the holidays? I know that you are going home as well. Are you going to be very busy?'

'I assumed that you were going to be busy with your fiancé and his family,' said James. He ignored the slight pain in his heart at these words.

'Oh yeah,' said Amber. 'But I am sure that I can steal a few moments if I want to. What do you say?'

'I think we should take it easy over the holidays,' said James. 'You take care of your things and I try to salvage what I can. If we are lucky, we can start anew in the new year.'

The truth was, he was a little afraid of spending too much time with Amber. This relationship idea with no strings attached had sounded fishy from the start. His feelings were getting more and more confusing with every day. Originally, everything had seemed perfectly clear: He had wanted to use Amber as a way to get over Lily. This had kind of worked: By now he was spending less and less time thinking about her. Still, he doubted that he would ever be able to give up on her. She had a way of worming her way back into his mind and his heart. To make matters even more complicated, he was growing fonder of Amber with every passing day. He loved how simple everything was with her. The way she dealt with his currently troubled behaviour was a good example. He was quite sure that Lily would never have accepted his silence as easily as Amber did. She probably would have tried to fix the rift going through the Marauders on her own, pestering James all along the way. It was way too easy to forget that Amber was going to marry someone else very soon. He was slipping again and he was way too weak to give her up. He was a bloody idiot. Why couldn't he fall for a girl who was actually available and liked him for once? Maybe Sirius was right: This whole dating business was way too complicated.

'A knut for your thoughts,' said Amber when he had been silent for a few minutes. She rested her head on his shoulder. Her long blonde hair tickled his neck and James felt his heart constrict painfully. It was a bittersweet moment.

'Do you every worry about getting in too deep?' he asked.

'We have talked about this, James,' she said without looking at him. 'We have agreed to just have some fun together.'

'Yeah, we have,' said James. She had not answered his question, but James did not have the willpower to push her at the moment. His relationship with Amber was something else he should think about during the Christmas Break.

'We are not married, James,' said Amber after a few moments of silence. 'If you want out, just tell me. I promise I won't be angry. You are a good guy and if you want to have a proper relationship with a different girl, then you should go ahead. You know that, don' you?'

'I do,' said James simply. They fell silent once more. James slowly smoked the rest of his cigarette, enjoying the weight of Amber's head on his shoulder. For once, she did not seem to mind the cigarette smoke. After he was done, he vanished the cigarette and slowly stood up.

'Come one,' he said to Amber. 'Let's head back to the castle. I am going to pop into the kitchen.'

Hand and hand, they walked back to the castle. For a moment, James actually was happy, despite all his worries.

James good mood did not last for long. He received a letter from his mother at the last day of school which caused him to curse for a minute straight when he was finished with it. Remus and Peter looked at him as though he was mad.

'Must be some letter', said Remus who seemed to be both scandalized and amused at the same time. 'What's going on? It must be something truly terrible if it makes you react that way.'

'Read it yourself,' said James, tossing the letter over to his friend. 'Maybe if I don't say it out loud, everything is going to be fine.'

'Let's see...,' said Remus, scanning over the letter. 'Oh, wow Lily is one of the top eight of the potion contest. See will be very happy... oh dear... she wants you to tutor her?'

'Tutor whom?' asked Peter, confused.

'My mum wants me to tutor Evans how to behave on the ceremony of this bloody contest,' said James.

'Why would she need tutoring just to visit a ceremony?' asked Peter. 'Is she expected to do more than to show up and to look pretty?'

'She needs tutoring, because this is a bloody high class event,' said James. 'According to my mum, Lily is the first Muggle-born to be invited to such an event. Only two years ago, the first half-blood was nominated and it caused quite a stir. This is as pure-blood as it gets. When word gets out that she is Muggle-born many of the present pure-bloods will scrutinize her every move, looking for a blunder, something for them to get offended about. My mum wants to prevent this, so she wants me to teach Evans how to behave in this kind of company.'

'That sounds tough,' said Peter. 'Do you think Evans will let you teach her?'

'Not a bloody chance,' said James. 'She is going to eat me alive for even suggesting that she needs help. You know how she gets. She has never accepted my help with anything and she is already sensitive about her blood status. But I have to do something, otherwise my mum is going to go ballistic.'

'Yeah, it is not easy to say no to your mum,' said Remus. 'But I think this could actually work. You just have to convince Lily that you really want to help and that she would be smart to accept your help. She may not like you, but she really wants to make a good impression with important people of the Wizarding World. Maybe this is your angle.'

'It might be worth a shot,' said James. 'Well, complaining about it is not going to make it go away. I will go ask her right now. If I am not back in fifteen minutes than she will have hexed me so hard that I won't be able to move. Look for me then, will you?'

'Sure thing,' said Remus rolling his eyes at James's dramatics. 'It is going to be fine, you will see. She is not that dangerous.'

'We will have to agree to disagree on this,' said James. He rose from his place on the Gryffindor table and made his way over to where Lily, Marlene and the other girls were sitting. Marlene smiled at him when she spotted him, while Evans just sent him a frosty look. James resisted the urge to roll his eyes. This was not starting well.

'Good morning, ladies,' he said, with a charming smile on his face. 'Evans can I have a quick word with you. In private.'

'I am not going out with you, Potter, now bugger off,' said Lily coldly.

James was not sure what he had expected, but such a blunt dismissal was not it. Anger rose in him, but he quashed it with difficulty. Losing his temper with her was only going to make things worse. He had to play this cool if he wanted this to work. Under other circumstances he would have taken the hint and minded his own business. However, his mum had insisted that he tutored Evans and he was not going to refuse her just because it was Evans's time of the month.

'Always the jester, Evans,' he said coolly. 'I was not going to ask you out. As you might know, I have a girlfriend. It is about the potion contest.'

Evan's still looked rather suspicious. He could almost see the gears turning in her head. He knew that she cared a lot about this stupid contest. He assumed that her interest overruled her distrust of him.

'Alright, alright,' she said. 'Let's go. You have five minutes.'

She stood up from the table and made her way out of the Great Hall. James was hot on her heels. He spotted Sirius smirking at him on his way out of the hall. The bloody git was sitting close enough to the girls to have overheard the conversation and he seemed to enjoy James's discomfort. James glared at him which only caused his former best mate to smirk harder. James ignored him and quickened his steps. Evans and Sirius were a terrible combination. With these two, he was going to pull his hair out by noon.

'Well, what is it?' asked Evans, when he had caught up with her. They were standing in a small passage a few corridors down from the Great Hall. To his immense annoyance, James noticed how pretty she look this morning. Her school uniform hugged her body suggestively and her long red hair was falling over her shoulders like a sheet of molten copper. He pushed the thought away. He was not here to ogle her after all. After making sure that they were all alone in the corridor, James started to speak.

'Have you already received your invitation?' he asked her.

'What invitation?' she said.

'Your invitation to the ceremony of the potion contest,' said James. 'They should be delivered today.'

'And you think that I am going to receive one?' she asked. Her face was mixture and hope and disbelieve.

'I know that for a fact,' said James. 'My mum is one of the judges and she has already told me.'

'Really? That's brilliant!' said Lily, a huge smile on her face. She had never smiled at him like this. It left him both dazzled and sad, as he was quite sure that it would never happen again. 'Hang on, you are not pulling my leg, are you?'

'I am not Evans, honestly,' said James, rolling his eyes. Her distrust of him was starting to get annoying. 'You might have noticed that I was not punished for a single prank this year. I am out of the pranking business and this would be a rather poor one anyway.'

'Alright, thanks for telling me,' said Lily, smiling again. 'If you don't mind I am going to head back to breakfast now.'

'We are not done,' said James. 'My mother told me about you doing well in the contest for a reason. She wants me to help you getting ready for the ceremony.'

'Why would I need your help?' asked Lily. 'I have been to weddings and other fancy events before. I don't need you to babysit me.'

'I am afraid you do,' said James. 'This is not an ordinary event: The Association for the Advancement of Potion Making is completely controlled by pure-blood wizards. Most of them are old and distinguished members of wizarding society. And sadly, most of them are not too fond of Muggle-borns and Half-bloods eying their places in society. As soon as they learn that you are Muggle-born, they are going to treat you like scum. They will watch your every move looking for some reason to be offended and to cause a scene. Therefore, your behaviour has to be immaculate. We cannot risk causing a scandal, especially not in these times.'

'So, this is all about prejudice,' said Lily with an angry look on her face. 'Your people don't think that I should be even allowed to enter the contest and now they feel offended that I am one of the final eight contestants. Thanks for the offer, Potter, but I am not going to change my behaviour to please some blood purists who think I am scum anyway! I am not grovelling for their approval!'

'Look, I understand that this must be frustrating for you,' said James. He had to calm her down a bit. Otherwise she would never accept his help and give him an earful as a bonus. He was not going to get told off by both Evans and his mother. He was going to convince her that she needed his help. 'I wish everything would be better and everyone would accept you as you are. However, that's not the case. In the pure-blood society there are rules for everything and everyone. If you want to be part of it, then you have to adhere to these rules, no matter who you are. I don't like going to these events myself, but I know that it is important for my family. So, I play the good boy and do what is expected of me. You have to do the same.'

'Are you seriously lecturing me on the importance of rules?' asked Evans, who looked both annoyed and amused at the same time. 'You, James Potter, who has been in countless detentions since he entered the school are lecture me, a rule abiding prefect, on how I should take the rules more seriously? That is absurd! You have never cared about school rules and expect me to care about your stupid pure-blood rules?'

'They are not my rules, Evans,' said James, who was starting to get annoyed as well. 'They are the rules of the society you are part of. You don't have to like them, but you are a part of the wizarding society. Therefore, the rules of the elite apply to you as well. You can moan all you want and throw a tantrum like a silly little child, but if you want to win that award than you are going to do as I tell you.'

For a moment Evans looked dumbstruck at his outburst. Her face had an ugly purplish colour James had never seen before. He wondered whether he had gone too far. Was she going to hex him? If so, he was not going to take it lying down.

'I can't believe you,' she snarled after a moment. 'You know that I am not part of the elite and that I will never be, because of my dirty blood. Yet you expect me to dance to the whims of the very same people who don't even consider me human. You are just the rest of the pure-bloods! You are a prejudiced, purist git and I don't need you help!'

She started to move away and James lost it. He was so done with her attitude! He grabbed her by hem of her robes and held her in place.

'You are not going anywhere,' he growled. 'How dare you call me a purist? Contrary to most other pure-bloods out there I am not your enemy. Yet, you continue to alienate me after overlooking the behaviour of your Death Eater friend for years. I am done with your attitude Evans! My mother made sure that you got invited to this event to make a statement against Muggle-born discrimination. My family is going out on a limb for you and you want to throw it back in our face? That is not going to happen! You are going to show up at the event and you are going to behave just as I tell you. You will not shame my family by behaving like a troll. After this is over you can do whatever you want, but for now out fates are linked. Are you listening to me?'

He glared down at Lily who look dumbstruck at his fury. She looked at him as though she was seeing him for the first time. James thought he could see fear in her eyes. She nodded slowly and James realized that his grip on her was painfully tight. He abruptly let go of her which almost caused her to fall.

'Good,' he continued. 'The ceremony is on the 29th of December. We are going to meet on the 27th and maybe on the 28th as well, depending on how much work is needed. I will pick you up and we will go to my family's house. Get yourself some nice dress robes for the ceremony. Hogwarts school robes are not going to cut it. You want to look your absolute best on such a night.'

With fury still pounding in his veins, he turned around and walked back into the great hall. He knew he should have kept his temper with Evans, but at the moment he did not care about what she was thinking. He had done as his mother had asked if Evans did not want his help then she could make a fool out of herself at her own convenience. Bloody Evans. Why did she have to make his life more complicated all the time? Why couldn't she be a pure-blood or at least terrible at potions? He was doing his best to stay away from her this year and by some cruel twist of fate his own family forced him to spend time with her. If Evans refused his help, his mother would never accept it. She would probably give James a lecture, before showing up on Lily's doorstep herself. This nightmare was far from over. Evans's accusations were still ringing in his ears as he sat down next to Remus and Peter. They only had a few minutes until they had to go to class and most of the students in the great hall were already moving. 'How did it go?' asked Remus. 'You look rather miffed about something.'

'Oh, I am miffed alright,' spat James. 'It was even worse than I expected. She was angry at me just for suggesting that I help her and she said some mean things to me. I got angry as well and things all went downhill from there. I think I have messed it up. She will never accept me help now. My mother won't be amused.'

'She will come around, James,' said Remus. 'She just needs some time to think it through. Lily is not very good at admitting that she needs help. She is used to do fine on her own. Giving your... tumultuous history, it is only normal that she is not thrilled about your suggestion.'

'Always the optimist,' said James. 'I am not getting my hope up. Maybe it is for the best. I should stay away from her anyway. Things always become complicated when we two interact.'

'True,' said Peter. 'If the two of you ever get together, you will either be a brilliant or a horrible couple. Something in between is not in the cards for you.'

'Well, that will never happen, so we will never learn the truth,' said James bitterly. He had liked to pretend that Evans was going to fall for him in the future, but he did not have the strength to continue lying to himself anymore. In this moment, he spotted Lily coming back into the great hall. She look both furious and shaken and refused to look in his direction. James heart sank. Things were always a mess regarding Lily Evans. He should be used to it by now, but it hurt nevertheless. He missed Sirius in this moment. His former best mate would have told him that Evans was a waste of his time anyway and that he was far better off on his own. James knew that this was not true, but he could do with one of Sirius's pep talks now. Sadly, they were no longer friends and things seemed equally hopeless with Sirius as they were with Lily.

'Come on,' he said to Remus and Peter. 'Let's get out of here. Just one more day and we are done with this mess.'

'Things are going to be fine, James,' said Remus. James said nothing. He could not bear arguing with Remus about this in addition to everything else.

'Come on,' said Peter. 'We have to get to class. McGonagall is going to land us in detention if we are late.'

James grunted in agreement and the three of them went on their way. All the way to the class James wished he could share Remus's optimism.