I walked slowly out of my grandparents house. I'd told them I had to get back to Stars Hollow to make sure everyone knew. They told me that they would handle planning the funeral and service, and had given in, and listened to me, when I told them I wanted it to be in Stars Hollow. My grandparents really didn't like Stars Hollow, but they know how much it meant to me and my mom, so they agreed.
It felt nice not having to worry about taking care of the arrangements with the hospital, and the funeral home, and the preacher, and the church, setting up the service. It was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.
However, I still wanted to go home, crawl into my bed, put the blanket over my head, and just sleep for the rest of my life. I hadn't realized I was back at my house until I pulled in the driveway. It was already getting dark. Apparently I was at my grandparents for a lot longer then I realized. I got out of the car, and trudged up the front steps to the door. The door creaked open at an alarmingly slow pace. The house seemed darker, eerier, emptier. I stood in the doorway just looking inside. I wasn't sure I could go back into the house alone yet. It just seemed like it was too soon. So I did the only thing I could think of. I ran. I didn't know where I was going until somehow I ended up in front of the diner.
I walked in and saw Jess leaning over the counter reading a book. Jess looked up when he heard the bell ring over the door, and he looked instantly relieved to see me. I saw Luke come out of the back. He didn't look like himself. His clothes were rumpled, he had dark circles under his eyes, like he hasn't been sleeping. He looked like a ghost of himself. I suddenly felt my heart break even further. I'd always known that Luke was in love with my mom. He was always on the sidelines, waiting for her to finally realize he was there. Always the one to swoop in and save her when another man broke her heart. And now he was never going to get that shot. He was never going to be able to wake my mom up to what was right in front of her. He must be miserable. And then, I finally felt like maybe someone else knew exactly what I was feeling. Luke loved my mom just as much as I did. For all intensive purposes, he was my father. He's always taken care of me. Brought me food when I was sick. Been there to congratulate me when I'd gotten a good grade. I loved Luke like he was my own dad. And I realized that he loved my mom and I as if he was, too. Before I knew what I was doing, my feet were moving at a shockingly quick pace, as I strode forward and threw my arms around Luke. I heard him gasp, obviously shocked, not even knowing I was in the diner. Before he wrapped his arms around me in a suffocating hug. I could feel tears streaming down my face, and his as well. He let go of me, and held me at arms length with his hands on my shoulder.
"Rory… how are you doing?" He asked.
"Okay, I guess. I just got back from my grandparents. They told me I don't have to worry about making the arrangements for the funeral or anything, that they would take care of it."
"Well… that's good… I'm going to go upstairs. You know… stuff to take care of." He stuttered. He was obviously feeling bit awkward, for crying not only in front of me, but in front of the customers in the diner, who were no doubt, probably starring at us. So I let him have his escape.
"Yeah, of course. Go ahead." And with that he tried to give me a reassuring smile, that didn't quite reach his eyes, before turning and heading up the stairs.
I stood there, trying to regaining some sort of composure, when I felt Jess come up behind me. He slowly turned me around and took me into his arms. I opened my eyes and looked over his shoulder, and into the shocked eyes of several towns people. Jess felt me suddenly tense, and probably realized the same thing I did. We were in front of the prying eyes of the town. As if he was reading my mind, he leaned down and whispered into my ear, "Hey, you want to get out of here?"
I just nodded my head, and he slowly let go of me, but grabbed my hand, as we walked out of the diner. We walked along silently, not really needing to talk. I'm not sure how long we were wandering around the town, but eventually we ended up at the bridge.
We sat down, still holding hands, and slipped into a comfortable silence. It was strange how comfortable I was with him. I could talk to him about anything. But then, there could be times where we could just sit together, and no words had to be spoken. We just enjoyed each others' presence.
"So…" Jess slowly started. I turned my body so I was facing him. "I was worried when I woke up alone this morning…" He trailed off. I swear I saw a light blush creep onto his face. Go figure right? Out of the two of us, HE'S the one worrying about waking up alone with ME gone.
"Yeah… I'm really sorry about that. But you just looked so peaceful sleeping, I didn't want to wake you. And I had to go see my grandparents."
"Yeah, I got you're note. Doesn't mean that I don't worry about you. I just… I don't know how to say this, without breaking our strict "put us on hold" agreement, but I get anxious when you're not with me. I feel like you're going to disappear." He finished with a slightly embarrassed tone. I just sat, staring at him in awe. For one thing, I'm pretty sure that was the most I'd ever heard Jess say at one time. Second, I cant believe he feels that way about me. Apparently I took too long to answer cause I saw his face fall as he stumbled over his words. "Uh… look… I know that you might not feel the same… and I'm not even sure why I just said that. I'm sorry"
"No Jess, it's okay. I'm sorry… I just… I don't know what to say. I get anxious when I'm not with you, too. Jess, I care about you. Even though I know I shouldn't. I just… I don't know how to explain it either. Just being with you calms me down. I don't know what I would've done without you these past couple of days. You didn't have to be there for me, and you have been. Unfailingly. I don't know how I can possibly thank you for helping me get through this." I'm not sure which one of us leaned in first, but the next thing I know, Jess and I were kissing. And this wasn't like the kiss in the truck. It wasn't rushed, or full of pent up anger. It was sweet and slow. It's like he's scared he might break me. I've never felt something so incredibly full of tenderness. We broke apart and he rested his forehead on mine and just looked into my eyes.
"You've done enough. Just by being here, with me." He whispered. He had a content smile playing on his lips. And as I leaned in again, just needed to feel his lips on mine again, I heard someone shout my name.
"RORY!" Jess and I broke apart, and both looked up to see who it was. And it just so happened to be a very pissed off looking Dean, storming towards us.
