Bring-bring! Bring-bring!

Fuck off, phone.

My hand lazily swiped at my nightstand, blindly reaching in the vague direction of my CEB-issued smartphone. I eventually found it and answered without checking the caller. "Mmf?"

"And how's our Romance Master-kun doing this afternoon?" Smith asked in far too chipper a tone.

I hung up.

Wait a minute…

Bring-bring! Bring-bring!

… Afternoon?

I answered again. "Ugh…"

"My, my, so rude!" Smith's voice was dripping with sarcasm. "And to think I went out of my way to make sure you were okay…"

"So kind of you," I groused as I slowly pushed myself up from my bed. I rubbed at my hazy eyes and yawned loudly. "Is it too much to hope that you didn't actually mean afternoon?"

"Would I lie to you?"

I really, really wished she could've seen my face at her words. Instead, I hung up.

"Christ," I mumbled, slowly pulling the sheets off me and standing up."I hate sleeping in…"

Bring-bring! Bri-!

I hit 'answer' and then immediately hung up again. I'd deal with Smith trolling me after a shower. Hell, it was still a toss-up if I'd deal with it even then. After donning my pink bathrobe and slippers, I shuffled over to the bathroom, which was mercifully open.

As I let the warm water fall over me, I thought back on last night. Almost none of it was what I'd expected it to be; frankly, I'd thought it would be more of a frantic scramble for survival instead of me keeping the peace via shouting.

"Maybe that was kinda dickish," I thought aloud, running fingers through my hair to get the shampoo in. "Well, so long as no one died and they don't hate me, I think it'll be fine." It didn't seem like they hated me. Sure, Centorea clearly was rattled going to bed and I'd probably check up on her later, but Miia at least took what I said to heart and it looked like my words had reaffirmed her love for Kuruso, if anything. As for Papi…

Right, she called me "big brother" for some reason. I'd have to make sure she hadn't meant that in a similar way as when she said it to Kuruso. Granted, she didn't immediately try to jump my bones after I was alone with her in her room during the height of the full moon, so there was that.

I stayed in the shower for a little longer than necessary, mostly just stalling to figure out what exactly the fallout of last night would be. Hopefully Kuruso'd made his decision (such as it was) already and that would put the matter to rest for a little longer. After drying off, I left the bathroom feeling refreshed and ready to deal with what little of the day was left.

That was when someone catcalled me from down the hallway.

Briefly wondering who it could possibly be, I figured there was no way it was anyone who actually lived here. Bringing only one person to mind.

"You know it's your fault I have the stupid bathro- Oh."

Who I saw once I turned around wasn't Smith. She was wearing a suit like the perpetually-sunglasses-wearing agent, but the top was slightly parted open, revealing enough cleavage to be barely considered tasteful. She had a wolfish grin, and I do mean wolfish; all of her teeth looked like they'd been filed into fangs. A single line of stitches crossed her face, and she gleefully looked me over with heterochromatic eyes, one green and the other yellow. The short red hair, with separate bangs falling down to her shoulders, were the final nail in the coffin, so to speak.

Yeah, there was no mystery as to who this was.

"I think I woulda remembered gettin' you something like that," Zombina snickered.

You know, I thought she was actually kind of cute until she started making fun of me.

"Is there any particular reason why some stranger is catcalling me in my own house?" I sighed, putting my hands in my pink fluffy pockets.

The toothy grin faded, but Zombina still kept her smile while she folded her arms. "Couldn't help myself. The boss sent me up to see how ya were doin', she didn't say you were such a cutie!"

"Mm." I grunted, idly scratching at my beard. Maybe it was because I'd only woken up twenty minutes ago, or that I was still mentally drained from last night, or that I was wearing a pink bathrobe (and only that), but I just wasn't in the mood for this. "Well, tell Smith-san for me she can stop acting like a clingy girlfriend, please. I'll be down in a minute."

"See ya there, Hot Pink," Zombina answered with a wink before heading off.

These fucking nicknames.

I was well aware of how much Zombina loved to tease people, so I didn't take her blatant flirtation to heart. Still, I was surprised to see her here at all. Could the rest of MON Squad be here? But what the point of that be? It's not like there was an emergency anymore, and there wouldn't be a meal for them to mooch off of for a few more hours.

I suppose I'd learn in a few minutes, wouldn't I?

After getting dressed, I made my way downstairs and went straight for the living room. Sure enough, there Smith was, seated at the table with her legs crossed and sipping from a cup of coffee.

"A little late for that, isn't it?" I said by way of greeting, noting Zombina leaning against the wall.

"Not for my job, it's not," Smith replied, "And you're one to talk, Waking-Up-At-Two-PM-san."

"I had a long night," I explained as I wandered over the kitchen to grab some cereal. It was then I noticed the kitchen was missing its most crucial part. "Um, where's Kuruso-san?"

Not-quite hiding her smirk, Smith answered, "Oh, he's off treating the girls as an apology for turtle-ing up last night. I kindly offered to babysit you while they were away, with the assistance of Zombina-chan here."

"Riiight," I drawled, removing milk from the fridge. "And you did that totally-necessary act out of the kindness of your heart because?"

"Because I'd like to talk to you about last night," she said, confirming my suspicions. "I've heard some interesting things."

"I thought you might," I sighed as I sat down across from her, dumping some kind of chocolaty cereal into my bowl and filling a cup of milk. When Smith raised an eyebrow at me, I defensively asked, "What?"

"Who separates the cereal and milk?" she inquired, clearly stupefied.

"So what did you want to know about last night?" I'm not in the mood for bait, I thought bitterly, as I munched on my cereal with perhaps a bit more energy than I normally would've.

Smith set down her mug and looked me in the eyes. Well, sort of, since she was still wearing sunglasses indoors for some reason. "Frankly, I'm impressed with you, Juyo-kun. Not many people would go to such lengths, peacefully, mind you, to keep three liminals in-check during a full moon."

I took a gulp of milk and wiped my moustache before shrugging. "Eh, I just wanted to make sure no one got hurt. Kuruso-san was too shaken up by the news you delivered to do anything, so I had to step up to the plate."

"Well, regardless of your reasons, you've taken your job a lot more seriously than I expected." Smith smiled, and for once it didn't seem condescending. "You have my thanks."

"You're just saying that cuz it means less paperwork on your end," Zombina commented from the sidelines.

Smith didn't bother correcting her. "However," she continued, picking up her mug again and taking a sip. "The girls seemed… different this morning. I'm not sure Darling-kun noticed since he was a little bundle of nerves, but Centorea-chan in particular looked like her mind was elsewhere."

"Oh? Did Kuruso-san give them an answer, then?"

"Kinda. He said he'd date all of them to help him choose." Classic harem protagonist. "But that's a problem for later. The girls only told me about you treating them for dinner, but got all awkward when I asked how the rest of the night with. Why might that be? You didn't take advantage of them while their mental barriers were down, did you?"

"Of course not!" I replied heatedly, "I'd be a real scumbag if I did that."

"Agreed," Smith nodded. "So what was it?"

I considered what to say, not wanting to paint the wrong picture. If the girls weren't comfortable giving her the details, then I'd respect that. But I couldn't be too vague, otherwise that would just make her more suspicious. After a few moments, I settled on some of the truth.

"I called them out on some bullshit to snap them out of it," I answered. "The full moon was starting to affect them pretty badly, so I took the only action I could."

Adding in that I was pretty pissed while I did so was probably best left unsaid.

"Huh," Smith grunted, idly swirling the contents of her almost-empty coffee mug. "Well, I didn't expect that." Then she grinned in a way that was almost… predatory. It made me intensely uncomfortable. "Hm, maybe I could make this work…"

"E-Excuse me?" I asked, voice wavering.

"Oh, nothing to worry about," Smith dismissed, downing the remaining contents of her mug and standing up in one fluid motion. "Thanks again for all your hard work! I'll be in touch."

"Hold on a fucking second!" I called after her, but she was already almost out the door, Zombina right behind her.

"Language, Romance Master-kun!" she called back. Zombina closed the door behind them as they left, but not before throwing me a smirk and a wink.

God damn it Smith.

Shoving aside thoughts of the bane of my existence, I let out a long, drawn-out sigh and sunk into my chair. It looked like I had the house to myself, for at least a short while, and it would probably be the last time in a very, very long time. My eyes wandered over to the Wii U that Papi loved so much, placed under the TV.

All of the problems that my new life had thrown at me could be put on pause for now. At that moment, there was nothing in the world I wanted to do more than play some videogames.