Chapter Eight
I tie my hair back whilst we are walking. I look down at my clothes, when we have finished training I need to by some more, especially since I'll be helping train now.
When we enter the target practice room Tobias turns on the lights, and they individually flicker on. The guns are on the right wall, with the wooden targets standing on the left.
I walk over to the table and run my finger just under the guns. I pick the last gun up. The metal cold against my hand. I am not scared of it. It gives me power, but it demands respect. I pick up some bullets that lay in an open cardboard box for demonstration and slot one into place. I walk over to the target I always use to stand at and click the bullet into place. The room is silent. I now feel the weight of the gun. I breathe in and spread my legs apart, raising the gun at the target outstretching it and making sure my grip is firm to avoid a recoil like the first time when the gun almost hit my face. I hear the door opening and the faint sound of voices but I am entirely focused on this gun, and where the bullet will end up. I carefully place my finger on the trigger and breath out, squeezing as I do. The bullet penetrated the target right in the middle. I fire again, and again, and again until I run out of bullets. When I lower my gun I realise the initiation class were watching me. I can feel my cheeks flushing. Tobias stands with his arms folded grinning at me.
I am no longer scared of this powerful weapon, but I am more careful with it.
The Abnegation girl is staring jaw open at me, her body rigid. If I looked anything like her I can see they called me 'Stiff'.
I put the gun back on the table and walk over to the group. Tobias nods at me, prompting me to give instructions.
"So because I don't know you, I am not sure what you are capable of." I look at them in the eye individually. "you will each pick a target and a gun, and take a box of bullets. But first" I smile. I hope I don't look sadistic like Eric did. "where are you all from, and what are your names?"
No one speaks up, and I am about to say just start from the back, when the Abnegation girl say "Hetty, Abnegation." I nod and look to the boy next to her. He is tall with broad shoulders, his hair is dark and glossy.
"Isaac, Amity." I raise my eyebrows up at him. It is almost as rare as people leaving Abnegation. He shifts uncomfortably under my gaze. I nod and continue to the next girl.
After I get them all lined up at their targets Tobias demonstrates how to fire a gun. I make them do pose by pose, and we both go along the row correcting anything that could see them end up in the medical ward. I keep my eyes on Hetty and Isaac, they are the only ones from their factions and seem close, but also almost naturals.
Not one of the initiates hits the board after the first attempt, but eventually someone cheers along the row. I look up and see a boy jumping in the air waving his loaded gun around. Tobias walks briskly over to him.
"You are holding a loaded gun." The room goes silent. "What are you doing point it in all angles? You treat a gun with the respects it deserves. Do you think shooting is some sort of game?"
The colour strains from the boy's face. The initiates stop.
"Did we tell you to stop?" I say. Tobias shoots a glare at me.
"They need to know it is not a toy." His eyes wide. I walk over to him and rest my hand on his arm which is frozen at gesturing to the boy. He lowers it under my touch.
"Four." I say in disbelief. He is sounding like Eric. "He didn't realise. This is his first time holding a gun."
"You didn't treat the gun like that." He snaps at me, but I just raise my eyebrows. "Fine continue." He says walking away from the boy.
I go back to my original position in monitoring the group when someone opens the doors behind me. I turn around and it is Christina. She grins at me and beckons me out.
"Caleb sent a message, he says to meet him at your old home in Abnegation."
"When?"
"Tonight, at eleven. He wants you, Tobias, me, Will and Uriah to come."
"What about Tori or George?" I think it is unfair after all Tori has done for us, me, to just not include her.
Christina shrugs. "I don't know, that is all I got told. We will meet by the tracks at half ten" She scrunches her lips to the corner of her mouth, put her hands in her pockets and spins slowly on the ball of her foot before walking back down the corridor towards the pit.
I go back into the training room, they are all starting to at least hit the target. I look at Tobias who is pacing back and fourth behind the initiate's.
I walk over to Hetty, she is scowling at the target and coward over.
"Stand up straight Hetty, it will help." She does so "Now shoot." I say, and pulls the trigger and it is just off the centre. She beams at me, her teeth are perfectly straight, but they almost look like baby teeth.
I carry on walking down the line and next to Hetty is Isaac, his feet are together not spread apart, so when she shoots he loses his balance.
"Feet apart Isaac." I say.
When the training is over for break the initiates stream out of the room.
"What is the matter?" I ask Tobias. I don't understand why he is acting so horrible to them, he was never like this when he trained us.
He turns around scowling at me. "The boy was waving a gun up in the air Tris. He could have killed someone."
"He didn't know any better. I am sure he won't do it again." I say calmly.
"No" Tobias shakes his head. "Don't you see that is what Peter was like? What happens if he hurts them like he hurt you and Edward?"
"He is not the one you have to watch out for." I sigh.
"Who do I have to watch out for then?"
"The girl, Eric's sister."
Even Christina pointed out she was dangerous, and she isn't even watching over the initiates. The fact the Tobias said she mustn't leave makes me wary. If she beat someone up that much why wasn't she kicked out.
Tobias sighs "Just because she slapped you Tris."
How dare he. It isn't because she slapped me, just like I wasn't jealous of Nita. Anger boils inside me.
"No Tobias it isn't because she slapped me. Christina sai-"
He cuts me off "You are really going to believe what Christina said? She doesn't even know Mel."
I thought we finally sorted things, but I was wrong. All those times I was right and if he trusted me people wouldn't have got injured. I think I am done with him. He doesn't trust me.
I can feel my eyes start to swell with water, and attempt to blink them away, but it isn't working. I feel a warm liquid drip slowly down my right cheek.
"I am going to believe her because she is my friend." I spit. "You talk to me as if I am a three year old Four." I spit.
"Don't call me Four." His face is red with anger.
"Caleb has got something important to tell us, we are meeting at half ten by the tracks to go my house in Abnegation." My face is scrunched up and I am so out of breath. "Do you think I should trust him?" I shout. It echo's across the room repeating what feels like a thousand times.
Tobias doesn't say anything, he just looks at me.
"I don't know you anymore." I say gently. "You look like Tobias, but you sound like Eric." I choke.
The door opens and Lauren walks in smiling, but when she sees our faces she freezes. I walk past her and slam the door on the way out.
I walk with no purpose, no planned destination. After a while I end back up in my corridor. I stand against the wall and repeatedly smack the back of my head against the stone wall, before sliding down and curling up into a ball on the floor crying. I am supposed to be strong, brave. But I am weak.
I am Damaged.
I walk to the tracks by myself. When I get there I see Christina, Will and Uriah singing, but the wind is blowing in the opposite direction so I can't hear them. I look at the sky. The sun is setting and pinks, blues and yellows smudge together. Suddenly the wind picks up and my hair whips me in the face repeatedly, stinging. I pull my hair to the side of my place holding it there, and pulling up my hood to try and keep things manageable. I miss my short hair. It was so easy to control, and I wouldn't need to worry about people grabbing me by it if we got in fights. Maybe my mother will cut it for me.
Christina sees me, she smiles and waves. I walk over to her. she is jumping on the spot either trying to keep warm or is extremely excited to see me. She puts her hands together, for a moment I thought she was going to pray, but will grabs them and breathes onto them. I can see the small light of the train in the distance.
"Where is Four?" Uriah says, turning from the train to me. I shrug. I don't know why people ask it is not like I control where he goes. "You did tell him, didn't you?"
"Yes. Maybe he is too busy talking about Eric's sister, Mel." I roll my eyes. But Christina squints and a smile erupts across her face.
"You Tris Prior are jealous." Christina says slowly, her eyes are wide as if with disbelief.
I scoff. "I am not jealous, she is dangerous, you said so yourself". She just nods thoughtfully before peering behind me.
"Speaking of the devil." Uriah says.
I do not turn around. I don't even want to look at him right now.
"I was looking for Tris." He says behind me, and reaches to wrap his arms around me in a hug. I shove my arms back though, and he groans. Good.
The train is close now, and we start to run alongside. Christina gets in first, and then Tobias, and Will. I grab onto the handle and pull myself in, dismissing the hand Tobias offered. I turn round and help pull Uriah in.
I sit next to Christina away from the boys at the other end of the cart. She seems so happy now Will is back. I am listening but mostly just soaking in the final moments before the sun goes down.
I explain to Christina what Tobias told me by the Cavern and about Johanna but she doesn't seem shocked.
"It seems out of character for Johanna to do such a thing though, don't you think?" Christina says. It is. As much as she didn't like me and Tobias that much at first she became accepting of us. She trusted we wouldn't mess up the escape of the city.
After a few minutes of not saying anything Christina gets up and goes to sit by Will. Tobias gets up and comes to sit opposite me.
"I'm sorry" He admitted, his adams apple bobbed up and down. "I really shouldn't have said all that stuff. I just think Mel is okay."
"Why are you protecting her?" I ask. I look at the others, they were watching us as their eyes dart in all different directions and the conversation stops.
"I promise I will explain when we get back." He pleased. I nod in response.
Tobias crawls across to sit next to me, but the train jolted and he grabs a hand which lands on my thigh to stop him from falling over. Will whistles, and I can feel my cheeks turning pink.
