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Brendan's POV...
"Will you stop sulking for the love of god?" Ann moans at him.
"I'm not sulking." He snaps.
"You're acting more like a toddler who's had his toys taken away."
"Steven's not a toy."
"No, he's not he's got feelings."
"I fucking apologised for shouting at him." He growls and Steven had accepted it.
"So?"
"So why didn't he even accept a lift?" Why did he stay in the yard with Cheryl instead of just accepting his offer.
Had he ruined everything? Could he ruin things that easily with him? He didn't really know Steven and that's the first time he'd really shouted at him and he seemed alright with him when he'd apologised but he doesn't really know him and he doesn't know that he's a miserable bastard most of the time and he's grumpy, it's just the way he is but he doesn't mean half of the stuff he says when he's angry… He didn't mean to hurt him… Maybe he's too used to being around Ann and Cheryl who take everything he says with a massive pinch of salt when he's angry…
"Maybe he didn't want to put us out we are running late." That's not it. Steven didn't know they were running late…
"Well if these fucking people learned to drive." He exclaims. The car in front was barely touching thirty on a sixty stretch.
"Shouting at them isn't going to make them speed up."
"No but it makes me feel better." He admits. Makes him feel like he's doing something… Takes his mind off who he really wants to shout at, who he's really annoyed at… Himself…
Ann rolls her eyes at him.
He manages to get them there with half an hour to spare. He checks them in and takes Nico off the class list.
The course was closed by the time he gets dressed and to the ring. He leaves Ann to get Bean ready while he watches a couple of rounds to learn the course. He checks the board and traces the route with his fingers makes sure he knows it. Years of leaning courses on the fly have taught him to memorize them quickly and effectively.
"No Nico?" Peter asks as he goes back into the collecting ring.
"No." He doesn't want to talk to anyone this morning he walks straight past the other riders and down to the far corner watching Ann put Bean through a warm up.
He needs to get his mind off Steven and his fuck up and if he can fix it, the idea of not fixing it just doesn't come to mind because he can't bare things between them to end like this even if it's what Steven wants, if they're going to part he wants it on good terms… He gives himself a mental slap and gets himself back on the job in hand.
"You can call him when we get back." Ann states like she can read his mind. Properly can the amount of time they've spent together.
He gets onto Bean who immediately starts prating around like he always does, it's like he can sense that he's about to jump and winds himself up, he grits his teeth in frustration and tries to relax in the saddle and keep his legs off him so not to make him worse.
Bean rushes the practice jumps, wants to be at them and he has to spend the rest of the time he has preparing him to jump by calming him down and getting him back into his hands.
He knows when he goes into the ring side ways that it's not going to go well that it's going to be a struggle. Bean refuses to wait, refuses to listen after three fences he gives in and lets him go, it's not worth the fight it only makes Bean worse, the fences are smaller than the day before which is the only reason he manages to get away with it.
"He's high as a fucking kite." He states as he jumps down. "Get him on a loose rein and try and get him to relax."
"Come on you nutter." Ann pats Bean's neck as she walks him down to the lower collecting ring.
The jump off has a lot more sharp turns but also a couple of long canters and really it's not what he wanted to see. He wanted a more technical course so he could keep Bean back on his hocks there's nothing he can do. It's set. He watches a couple of rounds, looking for where others have seen a line, considering which can possibly work for him.
He gets back on Bean ten minutes earlier than he would normally, just wonders him around and he seems calm enough but as soon as he shortens his reins and starts to warm him up it's back to hyper. He keeps his temper in check, if he loses his temper at him he's going to get worse, he lets his shoulders drop a little, takes the pressure off the reins and sits with his legs off and lets Bean get on with it, winding himself up, grinding his teeth and swishing his tail.
Bean refuses to walk forward up to the ring insisting on going backwards, Ann gets a hold of the rein and leads him up. He salutes the judges quickly gets Bean moving small turns to get him listening until the buzzer goes and he can start. He puts in some seriously tight turns over the first couple of fences which has Bean switched on in his hands and he stays there, listening as he goes about the rest of the course. The increase in height has Bean respecting the fences, it makes all the difference.
It's good enough for third. He looks around at the crowd clapping and cheering… It had felt so different the day before with Steven there watching him. All these people and he only wants to see one and he's not there…
He helps get all the gear back in the lorry and gets changed back into his jeans for the drive back. He looks at his phone on the dash.
"Will you just ring him for fuck's sake?" Ann mutters as they get out of Dublin. Trust her not to miss the way he keeps looking at the phone.
"And say what?"
"Try Steven I'm hopelessly in love with you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I was a prick this morning but then I usually am. You are the light of my life please forgive me for being an arsehole."
He glares at her.
The closer to the yard he gets the more he feels it. He's not going to be there. This is what it's going to be like without him. Driving home and it not feeling like home anymore because he's not there.
He sighs heavily. He's going to have to get used to it. Steven isn't going to want the life he has to offer him…
He helps Ann lower the ramp so she can put Bean away. He goes to see Nico.
"I put on a plastic boot I found." Thea states coming to the stable door. "The bandage keeps ripping and the poultice coming off without it. He seems happy enough, he ate up and he's drinking."
"Good. Chez about?" He's been waiting for her to jump on him and ask how it went since they'd driven in. She wouldn't be out with a group this late…
"She's in the arena."
He pulls the lorry back around the side parking it up so that Ann can load it tonight. With an early start he knows she's not going to want to load it in the dark. It's back enough loading the horses up.
"Seen Cheryl? I can't find Jim's stud guard." Ann asks.
"Arena."
She falls into stride beside him as they walk up.
"If you ring him he might come down." Ann states.
"Who says I want him to come down?"
"You've been pining all day."
"Have not."
"Have too." She smirks.
"What are you five?"
"Brendan lying is a sin, lying to me is just plain stupid." She stops. "Is that who I think it is?"
Steven. Steven riding.
"What have we got here?" Ann calls across.
"Thought I'd see what I'm missing." Steven states. He can here Cheryl giving him instructions slowing Polo up to a stop.
He never thought… He can barely believe his eyes.
Ann elbows him in the ribs.
"Go and help him down."
He steps onto the sand around the front of Polo as Steven takes his feet out of the stirrups and prepares to slide down. He catches his hips in his hands to help him down.
"Dead weird that." Steven smiles at him and his stomach flips.
He can't believe that he's here, that he's been riding, that he'd do that. He can't speak, can't tell him what that means to him he kisses him instead.
"What was that for?" Steven frowns at him.
"Being amazing."
"For the love of god will you two get a room." Cheryl mutters. "Ste Polo needs to be put away. Can't just go joy riding and not put in the hard work."
Steven unclips his hat and pulls it off.
"Uh." Steven scrubs his hair making it go everywhere and he's so beautiful. He kisses him again gently and hugs him. There's a chance that he's not going to have to let him go. "Ow, watch the ribs."
"Sorry." He'd forgotten, got too swept up in the whirl of emotion. He takes his hat off him as Chez hands him Polo's reins and Steven starts walking down to the yard. He stays at his side, can't seem to stop smiling, can't believe he's here.
"What?"
"Didn't think you'd be here when I got back." He admits.
"And fuck me didn't he sulk about it."
He can't bring himself to glare at Ann he doesn't want to look away from Steven.
He holds the door for him to take the horse back into the stable and watches him. He's a very obvious beginner, still a little out of place but that doesn't matter to him because Steven has shown him that he's prepared to learn, that he'd do that…
"You two disappear. Ste is my pupil and I'm going to teach him how to take tack off. He doesn't need anyone groping at him." Cheryl says firmly. "Haven't you got horses to see to?"
He rolls his eyes at Chez's tone, teacher extraordinaire. He taps at the door.
Ann beams at him as they make their way to the inner yard.
"If he'll go this far I don't think he's not just on a holiday romance."
He knows, he hopes.
He makes sure that all the hay nets are full and checks that Thea has done all the yard duties that were misses because of Nico's injury which she has.
He fills the hay nets for the next day and helps Ann load the lorry with tack and watches Ste leading Polo out to the field with Chez coming back with a smile on his face and chatting away.
"We're going up to the house." Chez states as they pass.
"Ste cooking?" Ann asks.
"How did you lot survive without me?" Steven asks smiling. He doesn't seem to mind cooking for them even though it's his holiday…
"We spent a fortune on take away from the pub." Ann replies.
"You need any help?" Chez asks.
"No we're nearly there."
Steven's already got the pans on by the time they make it back to the house.
"Didn't realise riding hurt your arse." Steven states as he's stirring. He stands next to him can't bring himself to go and sit down, wants to stay close to him. Admire the view.
"Not surprising you haven't got much meat on it." Ann replies helping herself to a carrot and tapping Steven arse as she goes back to the end.
"What do you think?" Steven asks.
He frowns.
"About what?"
"My arse." Steven smiles coyly.
Chez clears her throat and glares at him daring him to say anything that's inappropriate in front of her and after what she had done today for him, he changes his mind any other day he'd have her covering her ears and pulling disgusted faces.
"I think I've made my feeling about it very clear."
Ann laughs.
"How'd you get on today?" Steven asks reaching around him for the salt, he takes the opportunity to take his hips in hand and pull him closer, feel the tingle on his skin of him being this close, the heat rising in his bones.
"Third."
Steven smiles and kisses him.
"Well done."
"Wasn't bad." He got something better out of today.
He leans forward and kisses him, let his tongue play over his and puts his hands around and down until they're resting on the top of his arse.
"Brady stop man manhandling the chef." Ann states.
"Don't think the chef minds. Do you?"
Steven shakes his head at him and smiles.
"See." He kisses him again.
"How long for the food?" Cheryl asks.
He breaks the kiss a little enough for Steven to reply.
"About ten minuets."
"Say twenty the way these two are going on." Ann states.
"I'll go and do the long round."
"I'll do it." It's his responsibility. He looks at Steven and bites the inside of his cheek. Contemplating if he should… He'll regret it if he doesn't…"Come with me."
"What about…?"
"Come with me, Chez can finish it off." He wants to do this right. He just wants it to be him and Steven.
He waits for him in the court yard with nerves jangling in his stomach. He's got to do this. Steven follows him.
"Where we going?"
He can't reply. He walks up the side and to the top of the banks of the arena and sits down looking around in the dusk at everything that he has and everything he wants to share.
"Bren?" Steven sounds nervous as he pulls his legs under him and sits next to him.
"I've got something to ask you and it's…" Huge. Life changing if he goes for it. He takes a breath and exhales sharply to try and settle the butterflies.
"What?"
"I want you to stay."
"It's an early start anyway I've already talked to Amy and she's taking the kids out for the day anyway… Bitched a bit at me for not spending much time with them while we're here but she's alright about it really."
"Steven."
"Yeah?"
"I'm not talking about tonight."
He looks confused.
"I want you to stay here with me." He still doesn't seem to get it. "I've never met anyone like you, I mean you're amazing and… I know that we haven't known each other long but… I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you."
