Viva la Chairolution! 8

A/N: If you want to know how far along the story is…I can assure you it's not even close to being done.

Chapter 8: The Asian Sensation

"So...what's up?" Oak casually asked.

"Oh, not much." Hayden casually answered.

"So…how about that weather?" She again casually asked.

"Oh…wait, what weather? We're digging through the earth. Unless giant boulders and hot lava counts, there is no weather down here!"

"Fine, geez. Don't be an ass about it!" She yelled.

"Well I'm sorry for being right!" He yelled back.

"Ugh, it's just that we've been digging through rock for at least 7 days!"

"I know, I know, let's just keep our cool, okay?"

"Alright, fine. We'd better get somewhere quick though, or else I'm going to tear someone's [CHAIRSORED] out of their [CHAIRSORED]!"

"Geez Oak! We have little kids reading this story!"

"OH! Sorry! I tend to forget that little fact."

"You're lucky that damn narrator didn't hear that!"

Guess what!? I did!

"GODDAMNITFUCKTHISSHITIMOUTPEACE!" Oak screamed.

She was just about to do an awesome ninja kick to blast her way out of this horribly planned story when the chairbot hit the surface.

"OH SHI-" Was about all anyone could get out before the massive construct of chairs went crashing to the ground.

"Seriously!? That just HAD to happen again!?" Hayden yelled to no one in particular.

After he was done moaning and bitching about something that really wasn't that bad, Hayden decided to look around for once.

"Oh. My. Chair."

There were people.

Not just a few people, a CHAIRLOAD of people.

CHINESE PEOPLE.

Oak was worried. "Oh chit. Squinty-eyed people!"

"Is that a bad thing?" A random chair asked.

"YES!" Oak screamed. "IT MEANS THAT THEY DON'T HAVE 2 THINGS!"

"IT MEANS THAT THEY DON'T HAVE ANY CHAIRS FOR US TO RECRUIT, AND IT MEANS THAT THEY DON'T HAVE ANY ASSES!"

"LOL wut?" Hayden, not believing what he just heard, asked with the worst of grammar.

"IT MEANS THAT WE HAVE TO HIGHTAIL IT OUT OF HERE!" "IF WE DON'T THEY COULD TURN INTO CHOULS!"

"A choul?" Hayden, who had no idea what the hell that even meant, asked.

"YES, A CHOUL!" "NOW RU-"

She didn't get much further, for the closest billion people were beginning to transform.

Their skin began to turn pale, with brown-colored corruption marks flowing up and down their bodies.

"Uhhh…" A chair next to Hayden stated.

The newly-turned chouls began to grow metal legs and arms, their joints creaking from the newfound badassery.

Oh yeah, their skin also began to turn into wood and leather.

AKA: Some pretty freaky deeky shit was going down.

Hayden decided that now was the time to flee.

He yelled, "RUN AWAY! RUN LIKE A WHITE MAN IN A BLACK NEIGHBORHOOD!"

And so the chairs ran like white men in a black neighborhood, all the while avoiding chouls who wanted to gnaw on their legs.

It would have been pretty funny to watch, seeing 50,000 chairs running from a billion Asian chouls.

They kept running.

They ran for days, eventually making their way through India, with similar consequences.

"Why the hell do we have two-sevenths of the world's population on our heels!?" Hayden asked Oak.

"It's because they didn't have any asses!"

"WTFLOLBBQ does that even mean!?"

"People's asses absorb excess chair energy, preventing their bodies from being corrupted by our powerful auras!" Oak explained with not a hint of humor in her voice.

"Have you seen this happen before?"

"No, I just know about it from a short story I read."

"What was the story?"

"I think it was called, 'Clean Thyself!' or something like that."

"Who wrote it?"

Oak hesitated, and then responded, "The messiah of all chairkind, the great fluffycat1979!"

"I though Chairsus Christ was the messiah!"

"No, he's the ruler of chairkind!"

"Then who's your god?"

This made everything within a 2,000,000,000 person radius stop instantly.

His question…was…something he shouldn't have asked.

"You will never ask that question again, you hear me?" Oak very dangerously told Hayden.

For one of the first times in his life, Hayden was afraid.

Of a chair no less.

"Al-Alright, geez. Y-You don't need to act so scary! Don't pull a Higurashi on me and go completely apeshit!"

"…whatever. Let's just finish off these chouls. ACTIVATE CHAIRBOT MODE!"

The chairs were sucked into a swirling vortex of chairnergy, shooting lasers for added effect.

Then…POOF!

Before a crowd of 2 billion, the mighty awesomesauce chairbot stood proud.

It was ready to fight some big-ass monster.

It was lucky too, because the crowd of chouls began to morph, twisting and curling together to make a truly horrible creation.

The chouls had turned into a massive, humanoid, pile of chow mein.

"Oh, it's on now!" The chairbot yelled.

The two behemoths ran towards each other, swinging their gigantic fists towards each other.

A fist, made of chairs, and a fist, made of noodles, collided in the typical anime fashion.

Meaning that they punched each other's fist.

"OW, MOTHERCHUCKER!" The chairbot cursed quite loudly.

"If you think you hurt, think again! MY FIST IS LITERALLY MADE OF NOODLES!" The chow mein monstrosity told the chairbot.

"Well geez, sorry!"

"You're excused!"

"Wait, what?"

"Don't listen to me!"

"HOW CAN I NOT!?" "YOU'RE THE ONLY THING HERE!"

"WHY DON'T WE BE FRIENDS!?"

"WHAT!?"

"YOU HEARD ME!"

"WELL...okay…?"

"Great!" "You and I can go destroy things together!"

So the chow mein bot jumped 10 thousand miles north into Russia and was never heard from again.

"Okay, WTF was that?" Oak asked everyone.

"I think that was the collective power of all the Asian people." Hayden matter-of-factly stated.

"Ummm..shouldn't we go see what happened?" Oak asked Hayden.

"Sure! I'm really freaking hungry!"

So the chairbot jumped into Russia.

…aaaaaaand they jumped right out again.

Because inside was the remains of the once proud chowmeinbot.

What had killed it, however, was staring them in the face.

THE MOTHERFUCKING BEAR CALVARY!

So the chairbot did the only thing it knew how to do on its own.

It jumped in the air, turned into a chrill, dug itself a hole, and cried in it until the Bear Calvary went away.

Which it didn't.

Well, at least not until the next weekend came to pass.

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A/N: 2 things: If you want to know where chouls came from, go read 'Clean Thyself!' on my profile. Also, the story is so so so far away from being complete. At least, right now it is! :P

See ya next week! And as always, leave a review!