Delusional Riley

Eva and Luc ran up to me as my legs worked against my will, causing me to walk into this strange shop. They seemed to be children.

"Welcome!" They both chimed unanimously, and took me by the hand.

"Wait? What the-? Is this xxxHolic?" I asked. Then, they opened an old Japanese-style door, and, sitting there lazily, her long, bare legs out for the world to see. "WHOA! COVER UP!" I said, blocking my eyes.

"This shop sells wishes, for a price." Kylie said, turning to me. "What is your wish?"

"To marry Maka-chan." I said, swooning like Watanuki would've about Himawari. Kylie handed me a ring box, and pointed to the door.

"You've already paid that price, Rye." Kylie smiled. "Stop sacrificing yourself, 'kay?"

I shook my head, then walked out the door, but not before saying. "I can't." As soon as I was through the door, I turned into a giant set of armor. Kylie was, of course, wearing a red jacket and gloves.

"You gotta be kidding me." I sighed.

"What's wrong?" Kylie asked.

"I mean, at first I was believing this, but c'mon! Anime series I like?" I asked. "And what's with that title? 'Delusional Riley' doesn't fit very well since I know what's going on."

(Not So) Delusional Riley

"That's better, I suppose." I said, then realized I was the main character from Chobits. "Oh hell no!"

(After the most uncomfortable moments in Riley's life.)

I wiped my head off, then saw that I was Sparrow from Fable 2, and I was standing in front of Lucien. Kylie was beside me, and Lucien was holding a gun.

"This is just insane," I sighed, and Kylie was shot.

"No!" Kylie shouted, just like Rose had.

Then, Lucien turned the gun on me, and I realized who he was.

"Stein?" I asked.

*Fangirl squeal!*

We both stopped.

"What was that?" Stein-Lucien asked.

"I dunno, Stein." I said.

*Fangirl squeal!*

We both looked around the room.

"Stein," Stein-Lucien tested.

*Fangirl squeal!*

"Just shoot me." I said, and Stein-Lucien shot me, causing me to fly through the window. I landed in a bed, beside Kylie, who was seven.

"C'mon Big Riley! You gotta train for football!" Kylie shouted.

"The Blind Side? For the love of all that's sacred, stop this!" I shouted.

Luc

"Maka has a flat-chest! You're ugly! Ireland sucks!" I shouted, my face right over Riley's. We were with Xan, in a crappy abandoned place where he was staying.

"What are you doing?" Kylie asked.

"I figure, if he's angry enough, he'll wake up. I did Maka and she liked it!" I shouted.

"You're going to deafen Riley if you keep doing that," Eva said, running her hand through Riley's hair.

"What else would get Riley mad?" I asked.

Kylie shrugged. "Rye's a really happy guy."

"I did Kylie and she liked it!" I shouted.

I was quieted by a swift kick to the ribs, delivered by Kylie.

"You forgot she was standing right there, didn't you?" Eva asked.

"She was on my blind side. Gimme a break!" I coughed, holding my hurt side.

"Could you hurry and wake him up. We need to find Doctor Li." Xan said, breaking the silent state he'd been in.

"Screw you!" Luc shouted. "He just got blown up by you!"

"You attacked first. A counter-attack is fair." Shinobu said.

"You already cost me an eye. If Riley doesn't get better, I'll kill you." Luc said.

"You can try." Xan said.

"That said," Eva interrupted, "we're on your side."

"You might be, but Luc doesn't seem to be." Xan said.

"I am." Luc assured.

"Now that that's sorted out..." Kylie trailed off.

Suddenly, Riley opened his eyes and sat off. Then he saw Xan.

"We're with you now?" Riley asked, then smiled. "Cool."

A/N: You have no idea how good it felt to write that first half.

-MN1