AN: Sorry this took so long to get back out. Probably going to happen for the next chapter too, life happens ya know.
!IMPORTANT!: I realized I kind of screwed myself over… I know I said Mike and Rachel were looking for other jobs but they decided to come back to the firm. I already wrote this whole thing without explaining why they're back and I don't have time to write a whole thing about them so for the purposes of the story I'm just saying they're back lol.
Donna strode off the elevator confidently as her heels clicked through the small lobby of Zane Specter Litt. She could feel Harvey's eyes on her as she walked past his office, she held her head high and refused to make eye contact with him as she made her way towards her own. If he wanted to be like that and play games, then so could she. She made sure to wear all the dresses she knew drove him crazy. She passed Rachel in the hallway who sent her a quizzical look as she pushed open her glass door, Rachel hot on her heels.
"Want to tell me what was that all about?" Rachel accused taking a seat in front of Donna.
"What was what?" Donna tried to play innocent but she knew Rachel would see right through it.
"You didn't even give Harvey a second glance and the look he was giving you could have frozen someone on the spot! Was the date really that bad?" Rachel asked concerned. Donna laughed.
"That's the thing Rach the date was amazing, best I've been on in a long time!" Donna scoffed while riffling through the mountain of papers on her desk. Rachel put her hands on Donna's, stopping their movements.
"I have a degree from Colombia and I don't understand how that equals you two giving each other the coldest shoulder I've ever seen." The confusion on Rachel's face would have been comical if Donna's heart hadn't been shattered.
"We kissed, it was mind-blowing. He broke the kiss off out of nowhere and bolted. The look on his face told me everything I needed to know, he obviously regretted it so I'm just done." Donna plastered a fake smile on her face and continued with her paperwork.
"Oh Don-" Rachel started.
"No Rachel I don't need your pity," she snapped, she instantly felt bad when she saw the hurt flash across Rachel's face. "I'm sorry I just really don't want to talk about it, not here. He hasn't said a word to me outside of work related things in two weeks. Obviously, I read too much into what we had and it's best if I just keep my distance."
"What about Hannah?" Rachel asked softly as if the name would make Donna crumple into a million pieces, it had. Her eyes welled up as she turned to face the window.
"I don't know." She whispered, tears threatening to fall. Donna watched the cars below, trying to distract herself from her personal drama while at work. She was the COO. She's worked too hard for too long to be crying in the middle of her office. She felt Rachel's arms wrap around her shoulders and the tears she was holding back flew freely down her face,
"How about you come over after work and we can open up a bottle of wine and talk about it." Rachel whispered into Donna's hair and all she could do was nod in response. Rachel squeezed her shoulder once more before quietly walking out of the room. Donna took a few minutes to compose herself, checking her makeup in the little mirror she kept in her purse. Thankful her mascara held up and her eyes didn't look red.
Harvey clenched his jaw as he saw Donna walk past, he knew he screwed up and now she wouldn't even look at him. He deserved every ounce of coldness directed his way. He took her out, kissed her and then left. He had been beating himself up for weeks, this is exactly what she said she was afraid of. Them getting involved and him running away from his feelings like he always did. Except this time, he wasn't running, he had to get home for Hannah. Well, part of him was a little overwhelmed from the intense feelings that came rushing back the second his lips made contact with hers. But that was no excuse to run away and blame it on needing to get back to the babysitter. Harvey had lied awake almost every night going over how he could have done things differently. He was being selfish, he didn't even think of how leaving like that would have looked to her. She probably thought he doesn't want to be with her when really he can't think of anything he wants more. As time went on he began to get angry at her, which only caused more anger at himself. He felt guilty for how he handled things, then he felt hurt that she wouldn't come talk to him. Had their relationship all these years really meant that little to her that she could just brush everything off and never speak to him again. Or even Hannah! She hasn't said a single thing about Hannah which upset him because he could tell Hannah was constantly looking around for Donna. Then the guilt came back because it was all his fault that she was feeling the way she did. Harvey's internal battle was worse than any panic attack he's faced so far, it's been keeping him up at night, affecting his appetite, and as of lately it's been affecting his work. The only way to make it stop was to go talk to the woman 20 feet away who wants nothing to do with him. He put his head into his hands and groaned loudly.
"Man you look like hell." Mike scoffed from the doorway.
"Not the time Mike."
"Did something happen between you and Donna? You know I hate when mom and dad fight so why don't you just go kiss and ma-"
"I said not now Mike!" Harvey growled cutting him off. Mike's expression turned hard as he walked into the office.
"These need your signature." He said shortly as he dropped the folders on Harvey's desk. Great, another person I've pissed off. Harvey didn't make eye contact as he opened the folders and began placing his signature where needed. A few minutes later a knock came on the door.
"Dammit Mike! What?" Harvey huffed snapping his head up. Instead of the puppy Harvey was left staring at possibly the last person he'd want to see right now.
"Paula." he said curtly.
"Hello Harvey." She said awkwardly as she made her way into the room.
"What are you doing here?" he didn't even try to keep the annoyance out of his voice. He then felt bad remembering how things ended with them, it wasn't her fault, she didn't deserve his hostility.
"I came to see how you were doing." She said taking a seat on his couch.
"Why?" he laughed. That was just about the last reason he expected her to be here.
"Contrary to what you might believe I do still care about you Harvey, I know what you've been struggling with." From the tone of her voice she seemed like she was here as a therapist instead of a girlfriend, Harvey breathed a sigh of relief.
"I'm sorry Paula but this time you really have no idea what's been going on in my life." He said shaking his head as he came to sit next to her on the couch. Truth be told she didn't know everything even when she was his therapist. Only Donna knows everything that goes on in your life. His brain's painful reminder was like another stab to the heart.
"Really, I have no idea about the little girl on your windowsill or that you and Donna went on a date a while back." Harvey's mouth hung open in shock. "Gretchen called me." She replied before he could even ask a question.
"Donna and I… she's… it's…" he tried to explain. It was always awkward bringing Donna up around Paula. She was the main reason he ended things with her and now he has to sit here and tell her that him and Donna couldn't even make it work.
"Harvey it's okay! It's water under the bridge, it's been two years for god sakes." She laughed. "Besides I'm actually engaged." She smiled showing Harvey her left hand. Harvey let out a breath, he was glad she wasn't here to rehash old wounds. He was truly happy she found someone, it wasn't fair to her for him to physically be with her while emotionally be with someone else.
"That's amazing Paula, I'm really happy for you!" he smiled taking her hand in his. His fingers brushed against the cool metal of her ring. He smiled wondering what it would be like to see a ring on Donna's finger, if she ever forgave me.
"Harvey I need you to take a look at- oh!" Donna said stopping dead in her tracks in the middle of Harvey's office. He immediately dropped Paula's hand and silently cursed his bad luck that Donna would walk in on something completely out of context. Harvey felt his heart breaking at the look of hurt and betrayal that flashed across her face. But as quickly as it appeared, it was gone. She straightened her shoulders, a professionally blank look falling over her face as walked over to his desk.
"If you could get this back to me by the end of the day." Donna ordered with no emotion in her voice. She started to walk out of the room, not making eye contact with Harvey but turning to face Paula, "It's nice to see you again Paula." Her tone and the pained expression on her face made Harvey want to punch a wall. She marched out of the room and Harvey cursed under his breath before jumping up to chase after her. She was halfway down the hallway by the time he reached the threshold of his office.
"Donna! Donna wait!" he called out as he tried to powerwalk towards her, he didn't want to call attention to them by running. He stumbled back a bit when she whipped around, red curls almost hitting him in the face, a fire blazing in her eyes.
"No Harvey! Just leave me alone. Paula's here and I'm happy for you, I really am," although her tone suggested she was anything but, "You get the love of your life back and I get the rug pulled out from under me again." She all but yelled, so much for not drawing attention.
"I didn't ask for her to come here!" he said raising his voice, he realized that was a mistake as the fire in her eyes grew hotter.
"Jesus Harvey stop acting like you were the one who got screwed! And Paula for god sakes! I would have been fine if it was Scottie or hell even Ester but Paula?" she spit her name out like it was venom, Harvey realized she had every right to. She almost came between them."Seriously? She almost cost me my job and 12 years of whatever the hell this is!" she said moving her hands haphazardly back and forth between them, "After everything you just go back to her?" he could see her eyes gloss over and it felt like someone hit him in the stomach. He clenched his jaw, frustrated that once again the situation could easily be explained but she wouldn't give him the chance.
"Donna I…" he started. All he wanted to do was take them into a private area and explain everything but she seemed pretty dead set on make this a public spectacle.
"Harvey just stop," she said putting a shaking hand up, "Go. Be with Paula" she sighed lowering her hand and nodding at something over his shoulder. He looked over and saw Paula standing awkwardly at his door, surely she heard the whole conversation, the whole floor probably did.
"Fine." Harvey said straightening his shoulders. She made her choice, she wants nothing to do with him, he can respect that. She gave a small smile that didn't reach her eyes and turned on her heel. As she walked away Harvey swore he heard a sob and it felt like someone reached down his throat and yanked his heart out. He stormed past Paula and kicked his trashcan across the room. He was in a white hot rage at the thought of Donna crying, even worse that he was the cause.
"Harvey…" Paula started gently.
"I think it would be best if you left." He whispered, his voice cracking on the last word as his eyes got misty. She nodded and silently walked out the door. Harvey barely made it to the bathroom before he puked his guts out. He sat on the floor for 15 minuets, dry heaving into the bowl. Not knowing Donna was next door crying in a ball while Rachel tried to console her.
Donna spent the better part of the afternoon on the bathroom floor. She cried until she was left with shaking shoulders and a pounding headache. Figuring she'd have to work sometime today she picked herself up and looked in the mirror. She almost started crying again at what she saw. Her eyes and nose were bright red and puffy, her mascara left black tear stains down her cheeks, and her lipstick was a little smudged.
"Oh god" she groaned leaning against the counter. If people hadn't heard their screaming match in the hallway, then definitely would see her walking around looking like a hot mess. She felt a tap on her arm and looked over to find Rachel sliding a bag in front of her. Looking inside she found some makeup remover and a few things to touch up her look.
"Thank you Rach." She smiled as she pulled a wipe out of the container.
After fixing herself up she started walking back to her office, she was almost to the entrance when her phone rang. She didn't recognize the number but answered it anyway.
"Hello this is Donna." She said politely.
"Hi Ms. Paulsen, we tried contacting Harvey Specter but his secretary said he was in a meeting."
"Uh yeah he is, I can take a message for you." She said sitting down at her desk looking around for a pen.
"I'm calling from Bright Horizons, you're listed as an emergency contact for Hannah Specter." The woman informed. If Donna hadn't been sitting she would have collapsed onto the floor. Her heart rate sped up and she couldn't catch her breath. "There was an incident, Hannah has been taken to the Emergency Room on 5th and Lexington." The woman continued. Donna felt her world spinning. Her heart rate sped up and she couldn't catch her breath. A trembling hand moved to her mouth.
"Oh god" Donna breathed, finally about to get out a response.
"If you could please get a hold of Mr. Specter-"
"Yes! Yes, I'll go pull him from the meeting right now." Donna said frantically cutting off the woman. She sprang up from her desk and started running towards the conference room as fast as heels and her tight pencil skirt would allow. Finding conference room C Donna burst in, not caring about disrupting what was going on.
"Harvey!" she shouted, her heart rate still beating at a level way above normal.
"What the hell Donna were in the middle of a deposition." He scolded. His tone was agitated and his stare was cold but Donna couldn't focus on that. She was too focused on trying not to crying while she gave Harvey the news.
"the-the day care called… it's Hannah."
AN: don't hate me for the angst I promise it has a purpose!
