Forbidden
XxX
Chapter 8
'' Anyway, was that it? Can I leave now?'', Granger asked annoyed while drumming her fingers impatiently on her hips.
Draco woke up from the odd trance the wall had given him, and turned around to face Hermione. She was looking away from his periphery, with some of her thick, golden curls covering her face. He studied her remaining, open skin closer. Was that a blush on her face?
Draco found this as an opportunity to embarrass her. He knew this was vicious and cruel, but being nice and ignore it would take just too much energy, and at this point he was suffering from not getting his daily dose of hexing people. Hexing Ron wasn't as fun as he thought it to be. He needed more. In addition, it was always amusing how quick he could get under the puffy haired girls skin, and make her go annoyed, snappy and sort of twitchy without even putting much effort in it.
'' Are you blushing?'', he asked with a smirk.
Hermione now turned completely away from him, getting twitchy, just as expected. She snorted twice, before shaking her head. Well, that's an interesting observation of facts.
'' So you are telling me,'' Draco took some gentle steps against her, moving lightly on his feet. '' that you are not blushing at all. Don't you?''
Hermione nodded with her curls following, still being silent. This side of Granger interested him. The silent side. It was unexplored, and interesting. He wasn't used to her keeping shut. An average Granger would have thrown a book in his face, and shouted something baffling and foul. At least given him a pinched look of a Head girl, like the ones she gives the detention class.
That was just the way it was, revenge from both sides between Gryffindor and Slytherin. Especially between his gang and Potter's Golden trio. Ever since the first day here, things have gotten intense between them. It was a miracle Hermione and Draco haven't killed each other yet through these long days experienced together. Thought, it was close this one time when he almost got her choked. But that was simply because of everything in his life developing so quickly in front of his eyes, that he barely remembered his own identity, which was a very odd thing for Malfoy to do. He would rather chop his head of than forgetting who he is.
The hating between these two gangs was one more reason for why Draco never gathered the smallest interest of mudblood Granger. She was far away from a troll, so her beauty was not the issue. Every boy in and out Hogwarts opened their eyes for her pure beauty after the fourth year when she walked in with that shape laying, pink dress, getting taken away to the dance floor by Krum. There was not only one sigh of envy getting released into the air that night.
The reason for his hating and disinterest, was simply Hermione all summed up. She was a Gryffindor, on the light side, a muggle born, a member of Potter's gang, a boring library wench, and simply having an annoying personality, which included never shutting up, trying to prove herself right and talk all the way. Draco could never take that. He needed a girl of higher class.
Draco removed the curls covering her face with one swift movement, and she jumped back in horror. Her head turned around to him, and she revealed a pair of cherry red cheeks on her face.
Malfoy smiled. What a delightful feeling to embarrass her, the perfect Gryffindor princess, striving to be a perfect example for all of them. '' Aha! I knew it, Granger. You are blushing.''
Granger narrowed her eyes into one of the looks she gave the detention classes, which was quite familiar to him as well. '' You just won't shut up, will you?''
Draco shrugged his shoulders. '' I guess not. You are not the only one having the privilege to talk, you know?''
'' Fine, then. Then I guess we are done here. I hope everything is settled up between us, and you can leave me alone now.'', she said as she crossed her arms again.
Draco might have started a long complain about that to make her even more annoyed, but he thought it just wasn't worth it. He got his will, and that was basically what he stopped her for.
He suddenly recalled something his father told him this Christmas. '' When your business is done and there is no more advantage to press out of the victim, then simply leave. No reason to use more of your precious time.''
Well, best to get over and done, then.
He turned around, and simply left the classroom without giving her a reply. He hoped that was an answer enough for someone as smart as her.
'' Malfoy!'', Hermione shouted. He heard some small steps running to the door.
Draco wasn't able to even choose a direction before he had to stop. He released a heavy sigh, and turned back around to the wooden door. Why now, when he already chose to leave? This was one more of Hermione's ways to show just how annoying she could be.
Hermione appeared in the door. A severe look was on her face, and the blushing was gone from her cheeks. In fact, she looked kind of pale and worn out instead. '' I really can't let you do it.''
Malfoy gave her a questioning look, confused by this sudden declaration out of nowhere. '' Do what?''
She licked her lip as she took a look from one side of the corridor to the other, before her brown eyes returned to him. They were so widened out, that Malfoy could even spot the small gold between the brown inside them. '' I can't let you go the wrong way. Not just this simply, not like this.''
Malfoy rolled his eyes before closing them. She was talking about the Dark mark. Oh how he wished she never heard about it. She would never keep shut, with her need to get her opinion poked in everywhere.
This was just like a drunken Weasley. He just couldn't keep shut of the things you told him to when he was sober. It all just rolled out his mouth like a bunch of marbles. Never trust a Weasley was one of Draco's main life rules.
'' That's not in any of your business. Stay away from it, and pretend like you never heard.'', he warned her.
'' In fact it is, Malfoy!'' He opened his eyes of the sudden change in her voice. It went all from calm, to shouting. She swallowed down annoyance, before she continued. '' Even a devil like you don't deserve the life given out there. Don't you see what you are about to become? Do you really not notice how much you have changed past this year?''
Draco was more than aware of what he was about to become, and how much he had changed since the last year. But where was his choice? Hiding somewhere? No. It was nowhere. He already chose the wrong road getting born into this world. From the first day it was all decided. His fate, his life, his destiny and his personality. His life could be summed up in a puppet, controlled by his father.
Hermione didn't understand. No one did. It wasn't because they didn't want to, but because they simply couldn't. Not before getting into this situation by themselves, which Draco didn't even wish his enemy to do.
'' Granger, really. Just shut up. There is nothing to discuss. Not with you, particularly.'' He had to keep up his cold surface so he wouldn't get unfocused again. He had made enough mistakes for a whole lifetime during this week.
Draco filled up himself with the cold in his life to stay focused. He had no idea about what kind of skeletons Granger his inside her, but he promised himself they would never affect him. He promised that no matter what happened in his life, he was not going to repeat what he did to Granger those times, and wouldn't let her either. The line of what is right was long bend, so now his goal was not to break it.
He observed Granger with a stormy gaze. By the denying look on Hermione's face, Draco understood she wouldn't give up until she fulfilled her opinion.
'' No, I won't! Listen. You are choosing the wrong way, the wrong paths, right in front of me. I'm the only one that can warn you, or stop you. Believe me, I wish there would be others who could instead of me. I got no wish of standing here with you and try to prove you wrong. But Merlin, you will become like your father! One of the violent monsters out there!'', she shouted.
'' I want you to understand. I don't wish you the worst. No matter how much pain you have caused both me and the others.'' She stopped, swallowing down once more. Draco was still listening, letting the words slowly sink into his mind.
'' I saw you yesterday, Malfoy. You are not one of them. You don't belong with them, you never did, and you never will. Yes, you are ambitious, intelligent, repellent, vicious, violent, cruel, arrogant, pompous mixed all together. Perfect for a trusted member of the dark side. But you are not a Death eater.''
She said it with such a confidence and force, that it was impossible to disbelieve. Malfoy opened his mouth to answer her, hex her down, but the words got sucked out of him. He just didn't have an answer to give her. Nothing to annoy her, make her stop or simply prove her wrong. What she was saying made his cursed mind think.
Draco thought about this question for a long time ago. Where did he actually fit in? He couldn't say he was a member of the light side. But neither fully of the dark. His loyalty swam somewhere alone on the ocean, ready to get captured by the first bid. He turned his head downwards to avoid looking into her eyes. It would reveal his doubts.
'' Listen. You can't walk into your father's footsteps. You will become just like him. Your campaign of telling everyone that you hate him will go to waste, Malfoy. Everything will go to waste. You are playing with the fire.'', he heard her say.
Draco swallowed down something growing inside his throat, choking him, pressing his trachea together. Something which he couldn't fight back. Was that the returning anxiety? He really had nothing to throw at Hermione. He searched everywhere for a hex, a word, but it all hid somewhere. The cold inside him didn't stop it all from happening either. It was basically letting the emotions on inside to take over.
Merlin how she loved making him lose himself. Was this her way to make him suffer and pay his debt for everything he had done, these last days in particular? Confuse him, make him look like an idiot, and then laugh? Well, that was not going to work anymore. Not on him.
'' Well, at least I tried. Don't come here and say I didn't warn you.'', she said as she took a step against him.
She leaned a little towards his ear. So close, he could feel her warm breath she released into the air. '' And particular, don't come here and tell me I don't have a heart after this. Not if I care about someone like you, after all you have done. That would be a sin.'', she whispered. So low, that Draco could almost feel it re vibrate somewhere in the end of his spine.
Draco was left speechless and stiffened for some seconds. She made it all sound so simple. So simple to take the choice you wish. But it really wasn't. She knew just half the story. It was pure punishment listening to her easy words, knowing how difficult it all was in reality. He just wished someone could understand.
'' It's not like I have a choice.'', he finally uttered, with a hushed voice.
Hermione glanced at him. '' Everyone got a choice.''
He caught her hands, so she wouldn't distract him from what he was about to say. His reaction shocked her he could see, with her eyes even more widened. The white inside them almost disappeared.
He knew he would regret every sticky fact he was about to tell her, but he realized he was desperate. Desperate after someone to listen. Just to listen to him, just this once. Because right now, it felt like he was screaming and nobody heard.
'' Granger. I know I will regret for telling you later, but...'' He smirked of this embarrassing scenery. Draco Malfoy, admitting some of his most private facts out to his mudblooded enemy. This was something his father would enjoy watching, before sticking his pimp cane through Draco's skull.
'' But the first step into the dark side, was the same day as I was born. I never had a choice. My life was all lost from the first day. I was never an independent person, taking my own choices as I seemed to be. I'm controlled by my father, Granger. My life depends on him, and I need to follow his orders, either I want it or not. This is necessary.'' He looked up to her eyes, and they attached him with such a power that he wanted to escape right now. But he couldn't.
Hermione's small hands began to feel clammy and wet inside his big compared to her, so Draco moved them to release her. No need to make this situation even more unpleasant for both of them by keeping a contact.
He wanted her to answer. Just one small sentence, approving she understood this wasn't his choice and that it never was. He didn't want there to be any misunderstandings. He sought for it, beneath her surface, but it was nowhere to find. She was all locked and protected from him, refusing to relieve more than necessary.
Hermione gave him an understanding look, but Malfoy saw she was still confused. '' I can help you.''
Draco quickly shook his head, before she was able to continue. He knew there would still be a chance she wouldn't understand, and he was right. She is too pure, too light to do that. She's just a girl.
'' No, you don't understand. There is no way. I have to do this-''
There were steps in the left end of the corridor, and Draco quickly turned to check the sudden visitor. It took some seconds to trust his own eyes.
'' Malfoy. Will you come with me, please?'', Snape barked with a low, commanding voice. He gave Hermione a small greeting look, before turning back to Draco.
The time has come. It wasn't really a question.
It was like someone requested everything to go after a schedule of hell. The next punishment after the other, living him no space to breathe. No break at all from this new things sailing into his life like torpedoes. One after another, pushing his concentration away from the most important thing: living the life. That was always his main goal, but these recent things made him uncertain, confused and unfocused. It was like someone did everything that was possible, put much strength and effort to make him walk out on the dark paths where there was no light to find at all.
His muscles turned into jelly when he realized what was ahead of him. Just some minutes ahead.
This was the final choice.
The choice, which would affect his whole life.
Goosebumps breaking out on his body, as he turned from Snape to Hermione. Her eyes were full of despair. She understood what was about to happen, just as good as him. He knew she did, by the sudden paleness on her face.
Sometimes, Draco wished someone could give him an answer in situations like this. The voice, that guided him through everything a time back in his life. He lost it on his way to becoming an adult. Somewhere on his way, where he couldn't find it. He didn't want to decide. The best for him would be if they all just left him alone. Was that too much to beg for?
Anger, depression, frustration and rage filled his jelly nerves, and his nerves began screaming their existence from everywhere. Accelerated heartbeat filled his heart, as he swallowed and desperately sought for an answer in Hermione's eyes. He never noticed them to be so... beautiful. So dark and clear, at the same time as they shined up everything ahead of them.
It is all in times like these, when you realize what you have. Draco realized there was many things he had. He was egoistic and wealthy, getting every thing he pointed at. But he also realized there was something broken inside him. Many things. Many things, that perhaps could never be fixed..
Draco gave Hermione a last look. He didn't know where the keen to apologize came from, but he showed it to her through his gaze. Then his eyes fell down and back to the floor, before he turned away and forward against his destiny.
He would have left his spot, if it wasn't for a touch somewhere on his fingertips. He tilted his head down, and located Hermione's lightly pink hand holding his pale one tightly. A touch, begging him not to lose what was left of the light by walking intp the endless dark corridor.
His mind told him to leave now, before it was too late, while his heart... it was silent. It told him absolutely nothing. He wiggled his fingers into her, massaging them with soothing movements. It was more to sooth himself from the anxiety filling him. She immediately held his hand tighter with her.
" Malfoy. Don't lose yourself. Please.", Hermione whispered as she ensured Snape didn't hear it.
He released her. Released her, and left her behind.
He could have just continued to hold her hand.
But now, he lost everything what was left of the burning candlelight inside him. He blew it off.
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