Forever And Ever And Ever
Forever And Ever And Ever
Chapter Eight: "We Mun Let Go"
Mary slept only fitfully that night and awoke before the sun. Prolonging the moment would only make it wore, so Mary got out of bed, washed, and dressed. She decided to wear her dark green dress. She would have chosen white or pink if she could, but she had brought only morning clothes.
Mary had not expected anyone else to be up, and for the most part the house was dark and deserted, but as she made her way to the entrance to the gardens she saw the library door open and Colin emerge, looking tired.
He stopped and stared at her. "Good morning," he said.
"Good morning."
He did not ask her what she was doing, nor did she ask him.
"Let us return to London tomorrow," Colin said abruptly. "I'm ready for all this to be over."
Mary nodded, though she felt a pang at the thought of leaving Misselthwaite. It would be better, though, she told herself, not to see Dickon.
"We'll come back," Colin said, seeming to understand some part of what she was feeling. "In the summer. We'll come back."
"I'd like that," Mary said, smiling at him. He smiled back, almost shyly.
"Shall we breakfast together?" Colin asked.
Mary half-wanted to, but she shook her head. "There's something I need to do first."
Colin looked at her questioningly but said nothing about it. "I'll wait for you, then, shall I?"
"All right," Mary agreed. They nodded politely to each other and Mary continued down the corridor and out of the house.
She walked through the gardens in a daze, thinking of all the happy moments she had spent along these same paths, most of them with Dickon. She did not hesitate at the entrance to the secret garden, but instead opened the door and stepped inside with a sort of strange resolve.
Dickon was there, weeding. She had half-thought he would not be, after the way he ran yesterday.
He stood up as Mary shut the door and turned to face her.
"Miss Lennox."
He was as polite and reserved as he had been that first day, but his cheeks were redder than usual and Mary knew that he too was remembering how that kiss had felt.
"Dickon." Mary was tempted to start weeding, as if nothing had happened yesterday but knew she could not. "I had a talk with 'Lizabeth Ellen."
Dickon nodded, looking at her guardedly.
"She said that you and I could never be together," Mary said. She could hear her voice trembling but pressed on. "She said that we were too different to make each other happy for long. She said that you belonged on that moor and that I belonged in a house."
She took a deep breath. Dickon was still listening, a guarded expression on his face.
"And she's right," Mary continued. "She's right. Even though I love you, I have to let you go."
She stopped, waiting. Her legs were trembling terribly.
Dickon's guard fell away and he took a few steps toward her. He was close enough to touch.
"Eh-h-h, Miss Mary, tha's right. Even though I love thee too."
Mary sniffled – she would not cry! – and stepped closer to Dickon and hugged him. This would be the last time, she knew, so she did her best to memorize the feel of his strong arms around her, his warm chest against her, his rough country clothes against her cheek.
"That sounds ridiculous with you calling me 'Miss Mary,'" Mary said quietly.
Dickon laughed softly. "I love thee, Mary," he said.
Mary pressed herself tighter against Dickon, willing herself to keep from crying. To hear that, to be so close to him, and to know that in only a few minutes, it would all be over!
Dickon held her tightly for a moment, then loosened his arms. "We mun let go, Miss Mary," he said softly. "We mun let go."
Mary took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and stepped backwards, away from Dickon. She could do this.
She opened her eyes. "I'm leaving for London tomorrow," she said. Dickon nodded in understanding.
"But I'm coming back in summer," Mary continued. "And when I come back, I hope, Dickon, that we can be friends." She held out her hand, and Dickon took it.
"We've always been friends, Miss Mary," he said. "But tha's right. We'll be proper friends then."
Mary nodded, not trusting her voice. Dickon let go of her hand.
They stood looking at each other. Mary felt that she could not be this close to Dickon any longer, now that she had let go; she might grab hold again. She had to leave.
"Goodbye," she said, smiling tremulously. Dickon nodded, turning back to the rosebush.
"Goodbye, Miss Mary. I'll see thee in summer."
A/N: Sorry! I know almost everyone wanted a happy Mary/Dickon ending… but this is as close as it's going to get. I just can't see them, realistically, being together...but that doesn't mean that they don't love each other. There's one more chapter left, to tie things all up. I hope everyone's enjoyed reading this, and if you haven't reviewed yet, please do! (And to everyone who's reviewed, thanks a lot, you've been really encouraging!) Another thing: I've been thinking of writing a sequel, about what happens when Mary and Colin come back in the summer. I haven't started it yet but I have a basic plotline in my head…so if anyone would be interested in reading a sequel I'd appreciate your input! Thanks!
