Disclaimer: I don't own 'Box of Rain' by Grateful Dead or TDI.

When You Reach Me

Chapter Eight:

The Second Note

My Dad has always been a quiet guy.

No matter what, I always knew I could count on him to keep shut. I always thought it meant that he wasn't a snitch, which was a reason to like my Dad, which kept us from killing each other. And I was right, yeah, my Dad wasn't a snitch, but that wasn't why he was so quiet. He had a different reason for sipping his coffee by himself, other things that made him the most silent person I've yet to meet.

And no one knows what those reasons are.

The truth is, my dad has secrets. He keeps to himself, sometimes he's even quiet around my mother, and she's probably the person who knows him best. But there are some things I can tell she can't understand about Dad. That's why she gets so mad at him sometimes. That's why she can't stand him and his job.

Like I said, Ma was always jealous because Dad had a job and she didn't. What made her even more sour on the whole situation was the fact that my dad never spoke of anything. He never came home talking about the job, never bragged about any promotions, just spoke of it quietly, in his quiet way. My mom can't take it. You look in her eyes and you can see how badly she wishes she had something to brag about. She hates that Dad acts like it's nothing.

She hates that he acts like it's nothing when it's really all she's ever wanted. Ma has never said that she doesn't like being in the house or taking care of us- I actually think that might be what keeps her sane and off our tails about petty things. But if she had a chance to have what my dad has, she sure wouldn't be so quiet about it.

But dad stays quiet. He might sometimes stare off for a long time, deep in thought. Birdie just says it because he's old as shit and the gray from his brain is seeping into his hair, but that's not it. I can't help but look at my dad with a bit of admiration. How could anyone be so damn quiet?

Dad always looks kind of sad, though, Like there is someone out there, waiting for him. Like he'd do anything to see them.

Like he knows he'll never have a chance.

When You Reach Me

If anything, sleeping was impossible. I woke up with bad bed-head and sticky morning breath that stuck to the roof of my mouth. I almost thought about not going to school.

But then I thought of Courtney. Oh my god. I couldn't help but think about her and her in the shower and her blushing when I held her hand at Chris's burger joint. The image of her mother with her swiveling hips blowing her perfect smoke rings and telling me how I couldn't tell anybody. The way her mother wasn't her mother…

I picked up my jeans and grunted. I was getting too soft.

Downstairs, my mom was making breakfast and Dad was nowhere to be seen. "Where'd the old man go off to?" I grumbled, picking up some toast and grabbing the jar of jelly and a butter knife. "Out to arrest more deviants?" That's what my Dad called them, deviants. He also called them Duncan, dumbasses, and fucking little rats that smell of trouble.

My mom rolled her eyes, but I could see the bit of heat in her eyes that told me she wasn't in the mood. "Out doing things your father does, because he's just so great." She scowled as she whisked the eggs a little bit harder than usual. "Sometimes, I just feel like shoving my foot up his ass, you know?"

I smirked at her hostility. "That's my mom." I kissed her on the cheek and watched as a blush spread across her face. She looked like she wanted to say something, but held it back. After learning so much yesterday, I decided not to push it and almost made my way out the door, taking a bite of toast.

And then I realized my car wasn't there. Well of course it wasn't- I had left it in the school parking lot and had Birdie come and picked Courtney and I up in her car. Why hadn't that even passed my mind? I looked out the window, but our pick-up wasn't there, Dad must have taken it. Oh lord, no-

Because this meant the worst. This meant the inevitable. This meant-

"Well, you can take Dad's work car." Birdie said, suddenly popping up behind me out of thin air. She smelled of reefer and shampoo, her eyes glazed over, staring at me with a lazy grin that I recognized as the one she always wore after doing dirty things with some guy. She patted me on the back, coughing a bit. "I'm sure he won't mind."

When You Reach Me

Now let me explain why I was so apprehensive about taking my Dad's car. It was worse than Birdie's, and I know that seems weird, since I complained about Birdie's car like it was the shittiest car I've ever seen. Well, I didn't lie about that. Birdie does have the biggest shit wagon I've ever seen. But Dad's car was a million times worse.

You could tell by the look on Courtney's face that she was enjoying this much more than she should have been. She slipped into the seat and giggled. "Are you gonna cuff me now?"

Yeah, that's right. My Dad's work car is the worst thing I can imagine.

A cop car.

I felt like a total hypocrite driving the car over to Courtney's, and if anything was worse than the drive there, it was the drive to school. I contemplated how to do this- maybe I could park in the back so no one would see me. Or maybe park a few blocks away, or anything but show up in front of school in something that would ruin my rep forever.

Courtney was in a fit of giggles as we drove to school. "I'm sorry, but this is hilarious!" I kept trying to be mad at her for laughing at me, but I couldn't help myself. I threw her a smile. And she actually smiled back.

To tell you the truth, if there was anything I wanted to do right then, in that moment, it was tell Courtney the truth. If anything, I remember that was when I first considered moments, when I first really thought about how much power just one of them could have. I kept thinking about it and thinking about it and I came to the conclusion that I was going to tell her. I didn't though. I didn't have the heart to tell her that she wasn't really her mothers, that she was left on a doorstep, that someone wasn't able to take care of her.

And then there was all this crap about her dad walking out that made me feel squeamish. It was all too personal for me, and I felt like I was invading on grounds that I wasn't allowed even though I had never asked to be sucked into all this.

I then remembered Courtney's mother:

"I have no idea why I told you that. You just remind me so much of your mother…"

An idea popped into my head. Maybe my Dad wasn't the only with secrets.

Did mom know too?

When You Reach Me

The day went by, and Courtney told me that she had to hang around after school to decorate for the dance on Sunday. I frowned at her, brushing it off as though it was nothing, though I was obviously upset. "Your loss." I said, but all she did was look at me blankly. But her mouth twitched a little on the side, like she was holding back a smile.

I called my Dad on one of the pay phones outside of school, telling him to have one of his men come and pick up the car. He sighed, said, "God dammit, Duncan," but he said he would. I heard laughter in the background.

"Who's with you, dad?" I said, and for some reason I felt so small. I felt like a little kid again, laying in his arms and feeling safe again. I wanted to hug my dad and tell him 'I love you', and-

"It's nothing." He said gruffly. "Why the hell are you still talking to me?"

I grunted, the feeling gone. "Bye, dad." I slammed the phone against the receiver.

I love you. Fuck that.

When You Reach Me

I got home and went straight upstairs, avoiding Birdie, who was passed out on the couch, and mom, who was staring at the old lava lamp intently. Dad still wasn't home.

I trudged into my room, throwing my backpack on the floor and sighing. I sat and stared at the ceiling for an hour before falling asleep shortly. When I woke back up, the sun was beginning to set outside. I guessed it was like six or something. I stretched, getting up and wondering when I had become so damn lazy.

I looked in the front pocket of my backpack for my book, but ending up feeling a single piece of paper.

I ultimately felt my heart speed up. It wasn't like I had forgotten the last piece of paper:

Don't try to find me.

It still creeped me out. I shrugged it off. Because now, I was just being a big baby. I really needed to stop listening to Dad's crime stories- they weren't right for my brain. And that note had just been a big prank- someone had wanted to get under my skin, is all. Probably someone who didn't like me because I had punched them once or who I had pranked before. No biggie.

As I looked to the old looking piece of paper, I felt a chill go through my mind. Birdie must have been awake, because I could hear her favorite song playing from the room beside me.

Look out of any window
Any morning, any evening, any day
Maybe the sun is shining
Birds are winging, no rain is falling from a heavy sky
What do you want me to do
To do for you to see you through?
For this is all a dream we dreamed one afternoon long ago

I open the note and felt my head start to spin.

Because this was all too much, you know? You were kind of scaring me to death right then. I had never been in a situation like this. I didn't know what to think. Everything was crashing down on my brain right now.

The note was worse this time.

Play by the rules, OK?

And start writing that letter when you are certain. I'll be there to tell you when… or maybe I won't.

Keep yourself together.

You're a hard soul.

You can make it.

I probably won't, but it's the price to pay.

Oh yes, lastly:

Don't try to find me.

I felt my hands start to shake. I crumpled the note and threw it against my bedroom door in rage, stuffing it back in my backpack.

I sat there and thought about Courtney. Even with all these worries about who the hell this person was who wouldn't leave me alone, I was still thinking of her. I felt butterflies in my stomach as I picked up the phone beside my bed.

The song still played in the back of my mind.

What do you want me to do
To do for you to see you through?
It's all a dream we dreamed one afternoon long ago

After three rings, I got a pick up.

"Hello?"

I smiled at her voice, letting out a breath. "Hey," I said, and then I wondered exactly what I had planned on saying to her. Now that I thought about it, I really had nothing to say. I had just wanted to hear her voice, really, but for some reason, it slipped out. "Wanna go to the dance with me on Sunday?"

It was silent on the line as I mentally cursed myself. Who the hell was I? For some reason, I had been acting less like myself and more like a complete nerd. I had to stop pounding on Harold. I must have been catching his disease.

"Duncan?" Courtney interrupted my thoughts, and I realized I had missed what she said.

"Yeah Princess?"

"I said yes." She said quietly, and I heard her shift a bit. "Is that all?"

I coughed a bit. "Yeah."

We said our goodbyes, and I dropped the phone receiver. I felt stupid, but… I had a date with Courtney.

I smiled as I realized that maybe things weren't all that bad.

And it's just a box of rain, I don't know who put it there
Believe it if you need it or leave it if you dare
And it's just a box of rain, or a ribbon for your hair
Such a long, long time to be gone and a short time to be there

A/N: OK, well, as you can tell, Courtney and Duncan are getting closer and stuff, but don't worry- drama is to come. So…

What is Duncan's dad hiding?

Does his mom know more than she lets on?

Just what is going on inside Birdie's head?

What's going on with the creepy old man?

And what's up with that note?

That's enough questions! Now I'll try to be fast and come back with more answers and a new chapter!

'Box of Rain' by Grateful Dead is a great song! :D

Thanks for reading!