Disclaimer: I don't own the TARDIS, the Torchwood Hub, Sunnydale, or the shows that centre around the above. And yes, I am bored of these disclaimers.

THE BEST LAID PLANS OF MICE AND MEN, ALONG WITH WOMEN, A TIME LORD AND A VAMPIRE

As the entire team sat in the control room drinking tea and coffee (Giles and Ianto had forced the Doctor to find a kettle, despite the latter's complaints of "domestic!"), they discussed what to do about Dawn.

"I still say we break the door down," Jack was saying. Again.

"That would be suicide," Giles was explaining. Again. Given that it was about the fiftieth time that he had said it, he was starting to lose patience. He went to get another cup of tea, finding the Doctor sitting dejectedly next to the teapot.

"Something wrong?" Giles asked.

"I was almost enjoying this," the Doctor said miserably. "Then along you lot come in here and make it all domestic." He shook his head. "Sometimes I'd rather have daleks invade my TARDIS than humans."

"Speaking of humanity… What is a Gallifreyan?"

"A Time Lord."

"Modest," Giles said, raising his eyebrows. The Doctor looked offended.

"That's what we're called! Honestly! Besides, I'm not the one claiming to have been appointed by an all powerful council to be researchy!"

Giles looked into his tea.

"Yes well… In all fairness, I was sacked by said 'omnipotent council'…"

"Oh. Sorry."

Giles smiled ruefully.

"I didn't find it nearly so offensive as the fact that they called me 'too American'."

"Harsh!" The Doctor tried to hide his smile.

"I thought so. Do you think I'm American?"

The Doctor could tell that quite a lot rested on his answer, and glanced around for inspiration.

"Well… to be honest I have enough trouble figuring out which planet someone comes from to pay much attention to countries. That said, you seem fairly sane so I'd go with not American."

"Um, thank you. I think. By the way, how have I never noticed a police box next to the Bronze before?"

"The TARDIS travels. Like a spaceship. Except that it travels by dematerialising somewhere and materialising somewhere else."

"I see. Did you find that simply going from one place to another was too dull?"

"And impractical, given that I travel from one end of the universe to the other."

"It still seems rather ostentatious to me," Giles said as he sipped his tea. Jack had just come over for more coffee, and nodded appreciatively.

"Totally. And he refuses to fix the chameleon circuit, so that this thing looks out of place almost anywhere. Unlike, say, a simple wristband…"

"Spacehopper," the Doctor said through a cough.

"Show off," Jack said, similarly masking his words. Giles rolled his eyes.

"So," Xander said loudly, drawing all attention to him. "Let's make a list. Our first problem is getting in."

"But didn't you just say that this thing could de-fabric-ise somewhere and reappear somewhere else?" Giles said to the Doctor.

"De-material-ise," the Doctor and Tosh corrected him. They grinned at each other. "And yes," the Doctor continued. "It can, and I should be able to get into the Bronze – it's a very specific location, but I have been getting better at these short hops."

"First problem solved! Go team!" Xander said. Spike looked at him sidelong.

"Could you sound any more like the manager of a building site?" he pointed out.

"Second problem," Xander continued. "Spike. Can't we slay him already?" Buffy started towards him, and Xander backed up a few steps, speaking as he went. "Alright, alright, third problem – the Bronze is bigger than a circle with a five metre radius."

Jack turned to Tosh. "All the producer needs is more power - could we link the wave producer up to the TARDIS to increase the range?"

"NO!" the Doctor shouted. Tosh looked nervously at him before explaining.

"The producer is too unspecified – it already takes out itself, it would definitely take out the TARDIS."

"Which, by the way, would take…" The Doctor looked up, calculating the complex sum off the top of his head. "Five hundred and twenty-three years, two hundred and six days, three hours, forty-two minutes and seven seconds to reset itself."

They stared at him in stunned silence. He coughed self-consciously. "Well, approximately. Give or take a few seconds. Point is, I'm not hanging around on this planet for that long."

"You said that the wave producer took out all "electric and magnetic devices", didn't you?" Giles asked Tosh.

"You listened to what I was talking about?" she asked, surprised. "And yes, that's right."

"Then what if we used magic to increase the power?" This time Giles' question was directed to Willow, who looked excited.

"Yes," Buffy said. "Because Willow isn't an electric or magnetic device, unless someone's been talking to Warren again…" She glared at Spike. The Doctor raised an eyebrow, then decided he didn't want to know.

"I know a spell that can increase the power of a machine," Willow put in. "I use it on my laptop all the time."

"You what?" Tara was outraged. "Surely there's some other way…" she continued helplessly.

"I'm not sure about magic either…" Tosh put in.

"Same here," said Jack. "Doctor? Is this something that the sonic screwdriver and some jiggery-pokery might fix?"

"Come on people," said Willow, exasperated. "This isn't some witch hunt in the dark ages, I might actually be able to help here. In fact, I know I can help. If you just let me."

"Just because it's new to you, doesn't mean it won't work," Buffy said sternly.

"Alright," Xander said, once again trying to get the situation in hand. "So we go in using the tardy thing -"

"TARDIS!" Again, the Doctor and Tosh spoke in unison.

"Whatever. Then we used the magicked up wavy thing to take out the daleks, then we get Dawn and get lost. That it?"

"Apart from the fact that whoever uses the wave producer must be outside the TARDIS," began the Doctor. "Otherwise the outer shell of the TARDIS won't protect it, and the TARDIS will have to reset itself -"

"Which takes far longer than your attention span for one planet, etc, etc," Jack interrupted, sounding bored. "We get the point. Personally I vote for Count Clash here."

"Firstly," Spike started. "The Clash made terrible music. The Sex Pistols, now they were a band. Secondly, the name's Spike. Or William the Bloody, if you're that fussed. Thirdly… I agree."

"We're ready to move out then," Buffy said, standing up. The Doctor went to the console, then looked around.

"I'd finish your tea and coffee first, if I were you," he said as the central column shuddered to life. "Oh, and… hang on to something."

A/N: Wow, a fast update. I'm amazed at myself. In relation to saying that Willow isn't an electric or magnetic device – please don't be pedantic enough totalk to me about neurones and electrical impulses. Please.

That said, reviews not mentioning electricity in the human body would be extremely welcome…