A/N: Well, I bet y'all thought I had given up, eh? Thought that good old Atra was gone for good. It wasn't, you bulging-nosed orangutans. Anyway, as usual, I expect to be brutally criticized. Otherwise I will attack you. With a power saw. In your sleep. While I'm fantasizing, I'd really like ten million dollars.
Anyway, here goes nothing.
"You don't find this the least bit suspicious?"
"Why should I? Last time it only lasted five minutes."
"Luck is luck. And luck doesn't make it's mind up to help you until after a sword removes your stomach wall or splatters whatever remains of your body against a wall after they summon maggots that eat you from the inside out."
"Where is that from?"
"Zaleriaous's A History of the Daemonspawn. A bit religious, perhaps, but relatively accurate when it comes to various atrocities."
"Do you have a copy with you? I need to catch up, now that there's another one."
"Nausada, you know I didn't bring many books. Ask Arya, or Blodgharm, or someone. While your asking, beg them to teach you the ancient language. Then you might be able to read the book."
"Very well, Eragon. Now, for a rather less, or perhaps more depending on your response, pressing matter. I understand that, at least from my perspective, your personal life is none of my business. You could be engaged in twenty orgies a day, and I wouldn't care. However, Islanzadi was quite insistent, so I must ask. Are you and Arya currently lovers?"
"I would rather not go into that, currently. Must you answer?"
"If she remains Queen, she will withdraw if her demands are not met."
"Ah. I can solve our problem. Give me five days, one of the latest of our little... experiment, and a poison dagger."
"No. That would destabilize everything."
"Then I have a response. Not anymore."
"What do you mean? Did... oh, Eragon, what happened?"
"That is personal. I would rather not go into it."
"If you need, she could be reassigned to-"
"No. I'll be going, now."
"Wait! Eragon, come back! You need to review the latest test runs! Oh fuck it. You, servant. Cancel all appointments today and tomorrow morning, and fetch a gallon of whiskey."
Eragon ran, frowning, back to his tent. He stepped in, drew the flap across the entrance, and swore. Tomorrow was going to be a long, hard day. On the other hand, he had no reason to face it with a clear head. His hand reached out to a bottle. There was a loud thud, a short drop, and he knew no more.
A/N So, how was it? HAH! Very delayed April Fools, people. There is more.
Eragon sat chained to a wall. He had been chained to a wall before, of course. It was normal in his line of work, of course, to spend long periods in captivity. However, most dungeons he had been chained up in were rather worse than this, so he assumed that, for once, they knew what they were doing. As a general rule, the nastiness of the dungeon is equal to how easy it is to break out. Crumbling walls and diseased rats are all well and good, but they won't really stop a Rider. On the other hand, solid steel panels and about twenty guards,which this prison had, are quite effective.
He started to pull on the chain. It was fused into the wall at the end, no peg being needed. However, it was at this moment the door opened and a man walked in. Eragon looked up at him and swore. It was going to be a long, hard day.
It's a 3 week TIMESKIP! BUM BADADA BADA IT"S A TIMESKIP!
Eragon looked around at his captors with bloodied eyes. In the ten hours of torment he had received he had come to appreciate a whole new class of agony, but still couldn't tell why this was happening. His body was covered in long scratches, and his skin was peeling off in places. But secretly, he was happy. It wasn't easy to take the fragments of metal left in his body after the torture and make a short knife. But now, it would all be worth it.
