A/N: I don't own Big Time Rush. At All
A/N: The only reason why this is rated M is because of language and slight smut. Don't expect anything hot and heavy :P
A/N: So...this took me forever to write. I was super busy with school-still am-and I'm just really sorry :( But I hope you like this chapter. It's an important one. If Logan seems a little OOC, it's mainly because he's reached his breaking point with all the confusion that he's been dealing with. But yeah. You'll understand when you read it. As always, enjoy :) *yes, this is the same A/N from the last chapter. It still applies.*
Logan froze at the feel of James' soft lips pressed against his, arms dangling at his sides. He stood there, letting James' mouth move furiously despite Logan's lack of participation. After ten more seconds of the one-sided kiss, James pulled away, staring into Logan's eyes with a dazed expression on his face.
Raising his eyebrows, Logan smirked once before raising his arm to smack his hand across James' tanned cheek. The slap echoed throughout the empty theater. "What the hell, James?" Logan screeched as he rubbed his stinging hand against his thigh. Staring at James' reddening face with a sense of satisfaction, he stalked over the edge of the stage, grabbed his bag and stormed up to the sound booth. Quickly unplugging his iPod, the fuming brunette looked down at James, who was staring at him with a hand pressed against his reddening cheek.
"See you in class, James." Logan snapped as he bolted out of the large arena. Running one hand through his hair, he furiously rubbed his palm over his numb lips. "Stupid James and his stupid cockiness and his stupid I-Do-Whatever-I-Want attitude and his stupid ability to make me nervous and his stupid kissing." Logan muttered under his breath, sinking down onto the marble bench and pulling his phone out of his vest pocket. He shot a quick text to Carlos before burying his face in his hands.
Logan could sense his thoughts moving at a million miles an hour, lips still tingling from the feel of James' kiss. He could still feel the pressure of James' mouth against his. He could still feel the way James' tongue begged for the entrance that Logan denied. And the fact that he kind of craved the taste of James' lips confused the hell out of him.
I can't like James. James is an arrogant jerk who only cares about himself and his own success. Fucking James and his fucking good looks and his fucking amazing "fuck-me" voice and his fucking perfect mouth and his fucking hair that looks softer than silk and his fucking hypnotizing eyes and his fucking nose-scrunch, make-you-go-weak-at-the-knees smile. Just….just fuck. I can't do this to myself. No, no, no. I like girls. Remember Cassie? I liked her. Sure, she took a sledgehammer to my heart and shattered it into a million pieces, but I liked her soft skin, her boobs, her soft silky hair…James has soft silky hair…
The troubled brunette's eyes snapped open at that last fragment of his internal monologue. No, no, no. I am not gay. I am NOT GAY. Logan repeated the sentence like a mantra under his breath as he stood up from the bench and paced back and forth frantically.
"Logan!" Carlos suddenly appeared in front of the actor, dark brown eyes wide with worry. "What's the matter, buddy?" He asked, taking hold of Logan's shoulder in attempt to keep him in one spot. Carlos looked his best friend in the eye. "What's wrong?" Logan bit his bottom lip, seeming to stare past somewhere beyond Carlos, before he physically broke down, gulping for breath against Carlos' shoulder.
"I'm not gay. I'm not gay. I'm not gay." He gasped over and over again, shaking like a leaf in autumn. Carlos immediately brought his arms around his friend, running his hands over the expanse of his back.
Even though he didn't know what had happened, Carlos suspected it had something to do with James.
He still had no clue where James' crush on Logan came from, because it seemed to come out of nowhere with absolutely no plausible explanation. All he knew was that everything James was doing to try and get under Logan's skin wasn't doing anything good for the anti-social twenty-year-old. "No one said you were gay. What happened?" Carlos asked softly.
Logan shook his head, mouth pressed in a hard line and Carlos felt his heart crack at the tortured expression on his friend's face. "Logan, please. Talk to me. Did James do something?"
Looking down at the ground, Logan inhaled deeply and nodded. "Y-yeah. He did. And I-I freaked out a little b-bit." His face immediately flushed a bright red at the memory of him slapping James, and guilt washed over him like a wave.
"Like…a panic attack?"
"No. That came after." Logan groaned at Carlos' confused expression. " I kind of, maybe slapped him."
Carlos' eyes widened slightly, mouth dropping open. "Oh my God, Logan!" He shrieked, whacking Logan on the arm. "Why in the hell did you slap James? I'm sure what he did wasn't so bad that it warranted being slapped!"
"Why are you defending him?" Logan asked, sounding extremely offended as he stepped out of Carlos' embrace. "He kissed me, Carlos. He spied on me, practically gave me a heart attack, and then he kissed me. I wasn't going to just let him get away with it. I don't exactly understand what James is trying to do, but I'm fucking sick of it. He randomly talks to me, he randomly stares at me, he randomly spies on me, and then he randomly fucking kisses me. You know that I hate people fucking with my mind, Carlos. Why the hell are you defending him?" Logan seethed as he shoved his hands in his pockets.
The Latino stepped away from the fuming theater major, holding his hands up defensively. "Loges, look. I get that you're confused. I get that. I know how it feels to be confused about what's going on in the war between your heart and your brain. But you can't go around slapping the assistant dean's son. He has a lot of pull in this place, and can easily get you kicked out of Juilliard. Yes, James was out of line with the spying and the kiss. But he's James. He's unpredictable, impulsive. I honestly believe that he feels something for you, and if that means—"
A strangled noise came out of the back of Logan's throat as he held a hand up front of him, effectively shutting Carlos up. "Woah, woah, woah." He inhaled a shaky breath. "What do you mean 'he feels something for me'? Carlos, James just started…started doing whatever he's been doing. He doesn't know me. What do you know?"
A pink blush tinted Carlos' face. "Well, you know me. Always jumping to conclusions—"
"What do you know, Carlos?" Logan snarled, stepping closer to the nervous boy. "Why have you been talking to James?"
Carlos looked conflicted for a moment, before taking a deep breath in. "Okay, well…James cornered me in my calc class, and asked me what you think about him. I told him that you really don't, and then he admitted to having a slight crush on you and he really wants to get to know you. I don't know why, but he seemed really sincere, and I think you should just give him a chance." Carlos rushed out, avoiding Logan's gaze.
Logan's mouth dropped open, eyes popping open wide. "What? Why the hell didn't you tell me?" Planting his palms against Carlos' chest, Logan shoved him against the wall as all rationality flew out of his system.
"Logan! God, get a grip, man!" Carlos grappled for Logan's wrists as he fought the taller boy's grip. "I didn't tell you, because James made me swear to not, and Kendall made Camille do the same!"
"Camille knows about this?"
"Yes, Logan. James sent Kendall to talk to Camille, and he talked to me. He just wants to get to know you, Logie. If I were you, I would feel pretty damn special." Carlos managed to look Logan straight in the eye, studying his friend.
Scoffing, Logan broke away from Carlos and crossed his arms over his chest. "Special? Why should I feel special?"
"In the two years we've been at Juilliard, have you ever seen James someone—besides Kendall? No. James is incredibly focused on his career. He doesn't let things distract him. But somehow, for some reason, he let you get under his skin. And now he's focused on you, Logan. You could at least let him explain himself before you completely decide you hate the guy." Carlos explained softly, reaching down to grab his backpack from the floor. "Look, I have to get to my next class, but I'll text you later. Camille is in her dorm if you need to talk to her. I'm sure that she'll want to know what happened. But first, try to calm down."
Logan sank to the floor, head falling into his hands. "Thanks, Carlos. I'm sorry I freaked out at you. You didn't do anything wrong." He mumbled as hot tears pricked his eyes.
"Logan?" The addressed glanced up at Carlos.
"Yeah?"
Carlos smiled softly, running a hand through his short hair. "No matter what happens, just remember that we'll all love you."
"I know, Carlos. Thanks." And with that, Logan succumbed to the tears as his brain seemed to shut down.
He was sobbing so hard, he didn't even register the long arms that wrapped around his body.
