The only sounds that could be heard throughout the bullpen were a stifled yawn, the sound of a pen hitting the floor from a desk, and a very distant conversation. Jack sat at his desk; the only sound really evident to him was the sound of his thoughts racing rapidly through his mind. He wondered how a day could go straight to hell in a matter of minutes. Everything had been all right up until the kidnapper had taken their missing child hostage. Jack had tried so hard to negotiate with the man but the man had panicked, shot the child, then seeing no way out, shot himself. Jack hated cases like this-- the ones that made you feel responsible for what had happened even if it wasn't really your fault. Samantha's words still rang in his ears, "There was nothing you could do." He supposed it was the normal thing to say when you were trying to make someone feel better. He felt he had let so many people down, though.
The minutes he was planning on staying over somehow turned into an hour, then two, then before he realized it several hours had ticked away, just like that. He was leaning back in his chair, watching the seconds tick away on his watch. The only time that actually seemed to have value tonight had been the two long hours they had fought, only to have little Tommy end up shot before his kidnapper turned the gun on himself. After that, time seemed to have little if no value at all. He was still pondering his thoughts when his cell phone rang, bringing him back to the present.
"Malone," he answered gruffly.
"You should go home, Jack," Samantha's gentle voice replied. The slightest hint of a smile crossed Jack's face.
"How do you know I'm not?" he asked, almost sure of himself.
"Because I know you. And I have a good idea that you're sitting at your desk thinking about what happened today." Jack's end of the line grew quiet for several seconds. "Jack?"
"Yeah, I'm here. I'm just trying to figure out how you knew that," he answered.
"It's either that or you're sitting at a bar drowning your pain in a glass of whiskey. I know you aren't at your apartment because I was there just a few minutes ago."
"All I'll do if I go home is sit on my couch, with Zeus, still thinking about what happened," he answered quietly.
"I told you before that it wasn't your fault." Jack's end of the line grew quiet again. "Jack, you listen to me. It wasn't your fault, there was nothing you could do."
"All I needed was a little more time," he whispered.
"You could have had all the time in the world and it wouldn't have mattered. Jack, you know that when someone panics it always goes down bad, so don't you think for a minute that you could have changed what happened. I know that if there was anything else in the world that you could have done, you would have done it."
"It seems like all I can do lately is let people down." Emotion was beginning to become clear in his voice as his thoughts started to race again.
"That's not true." She was trying to soothe him but had the feeling that she was failing.
"Yes it is. I let Tommy down, I let his parents down…I let Martin down…I let you down." His voice was getting softer and more emotional by the second.
"No, you haven't. When is it going to get through to you that you can't control the outcome of a situation?" she asked calmly. When he didn't answer, she continued her thought. "What happened today was just one of those bad cases. It bothers me too. You surely haven't let me down, though. You were here for me in one of the hardest situations I've had in my life. Thank you for that." At that point all she wanted to do was hug him and try and help him fight his inner demons away. She wondered how someone so gruff and tough on the outside could be so easily hurt and carry the weight of the world on his shoulders.
"Are you going to be okay?"
"Yeah…" He sounded unsure of himself as if just testing the words to see if they fit.
"Would you like me to come over for a little while?"
"If you want to," he said and she knew that it translated into more of a 'Yes but I'm leaving the decision up to you.'
"Okay, I'll meet you at your apartment."
His apartment was quiet; in fact, she wasn't even sure he was there until she spotted his lone figure sitting in the small, poorly lit kitchen, drinking something. She placed the key she had back into her pocket before joining him at the counter. Once she was seated next to him, he glanced over at her long enough for her to catch his eyes. It wasn't until then that she realized how much this case affected him; she didn't think it was possible, but Jack Malone looked lost. She placed a gentle touch onto his arm and his shoulders seemed to relax a little.
"Hey," she whispered gently, breaking the silence.
"Hey."
They sat in silence for several moments until a soft laugh, similar to a scoff escaped past his lips. He rubbed at his face as if trying to erase the horrid memories from his mind before he shook his head and started to speak quietly.
"He was only ten years old, Sam, ten years old. It shouldn't happen like that."
Samantha gave him a sorrowful smile, then gently rubbed her hand across his back and rested it on his shoulder.
"I know." Silence enveloped the room again and it seemed that was how it was going to go on all night. Silence before one of them would softly speak, then silence again. She could tell that Jack wanted to say something because of the frustrated sigh that he kept releasing, which meant that he either couldn't get up the courage to say it or wasn't sure how to word it.
"I…would you…" He released another frustrated sigh before closing his eyes as if bringing himself together. "Would you just…you know…stay with me tonight? I know it sounds incredibly selfish and I shouldn't even be asking and I totally understand if you don't want to but…" He was still rambling on when Samantha leaned in and placed a soft kiss on his cheek, causing him to stop.
"You've been here for me, the least I do is repay the favor," she replied with a small grin on her face, and for the first time that night Jack smiled back.
