Change

It was Monday morning and Kevin Ryan knew the first day back to work would be the
worst. He was in no hurry to get there. He hit the snooze button on his alarm three
times, getting up only after a lot of persistent nagging from Jenny. He stayed in the
shower till he used up all the hot water and was driven out by the cold. He professed
to have misplaced his wallet. Jenny found it minutes later between the cushions of the
couch; she didn't ask him how it had gotten there. She finally managed to shove him
out the front door and he stood there…forever. It was the rain that forced him into his
car.

He arrived twenty minutes late. Nobody cared. It seems there were several people late
that morning. As he exited the elevator into the bullpen, the sight and smell overwhelmed
him. He could see it from across the room; a growing tribute had been left on and around
Kate's desk. Flowers, cards, stuffed animals and photos were mounded on the desk, in the
chairs and on the ground. The perfume from the flowers affronted his senses. He wanted
to turn and run. How was he supposed to work with that, with that glaring reminder in his
face and nose all day? He felt his anger beginning to rise. Flowers and cards would never
fix this, they just made it worse. What idiot, for one moment, believed that a cute stuffed
teddy bear could make it all better?

He pulled his chair out roughly from his desk and sat down. At least his desk faced away
from hers and he wouldn't have to look at it all day. The smell was another thing. Maybe
they'd get lucky with an early morning call then he could find ways to stay gone all day,
maybe for several. Until then, he dug into the paperwork that he'd abandoned on his desk
last week. He logged his hand written case notes into the proper reports, signed forms
that needed to be signed and filed away any stray papers. As he worked, he noticed that
something was beginning to grate on his nerves. It would come and go. He narrowed it
down to a sound. The sound would start off low, like a hum and then build to a noisy
crescendo. What the hell was that? It would be gone, only to return a few minutes later,
sometimes ten. His conscious mind was slow to react; only noticing most of the time as
the sound peaked. By the time his ire had risen and he looked around for the offending
sound, it would stop. He was about to throw his pen down in anger when Javier appeared
beside his desk.

"Hey bro, sorry I missed you earlier, Captain had me in his office."

"Oh yeah, so what's up?" Ryan asked, looking up at his partner.

"That's what I'm here to talk to you about." He said as he sat in the chair next to Ryan's
desk. He sat, but said nothing.

"So spill, it can't be that bad, we've already been there done that." Ryan said tersely,
giving a little laugh at the end of his request.

Javier looked at his friend and wondered why he was being so morose. He let it slide;
better to get this over with quickly.

"Captain promoted me to lead Detective."

"Congrats."

"Look, I didn't ask for this. He said it had to be done and that he only chose me
because of seniority." Javier still felt guilty.

"It's ok; it had to happen sooner or later. Today is just sooner than I would have expected."

"Tell me about it. I was shocked when he told me."

Ryan noticed the look of guilt on his friends face and tried to talk him through it.

"Congratulations anyway; seniority or not, you are the best man for the job."

"Thanks bro, I appreciate that."

So, anybody drop?" Ryan asked hopefully, he still wanted to get the hell out of there.

"Unfortunately no, just paper work this morning." He pushed out of the chair. "Be right
back," he said as he strode off towards the break room.

Ryan sat there and wondered if he could make it until lunch. Three more hours, what
the hell was he going to do for three more hours? And even if he made it that far,
there was still four more before he could go home. He needed to think of something…
what…what would keep him busy all day. Ah…a cold case, that's it! He would pull up
one of their unsolved cases and...and there was that damn noise again! The more he
heard it the more familiar it was beginning to sound. He couldn't tell what pissed him
off more, the sound or his inability to remember what the sound was. He was determined
to figure it out. It came as a surprise when he did and he stood up so fast that he
almost toppled his chair over.

He remembered. How could he have forgotten that sound? Maybe he was blocking it
out, there were so many memories attached to that sound and the machine that made
it. His anger flared again. 'How could they…,' he turned around quickly to head for the
break room and ran into Javier as he returned holding two steaming cups of coffee.

"Whoa, slow down bro, I got yours!" Javier warned as coffee sloshed over the edges
of the cups.

He shoved a cup into Ryan's hands and carried his to his desk. He settled into his
chair and as he leaned back to take his first sip he noticed Ryan still standing where
he had left him.

"Hey!" Javier called out trying to get his attention. The next thing he heard was the
sound of shattering ceramic as Ryan's cup of coffee crashed to the floor.

"Butterfingers," Javier laughed, but his laughter was short lived. Ryan still hadn't moved.

Javier lurched up from his chair and moved to his partner's side. What he saw scared him.
Ryan's anger filled eyes were staring off towards the break room and the hands that had
held his coffee cup were shaking.

"Hey, what's…?" He tried to ask what was wrong, but could only watch as Ryan walked
off down the aisle across the bullpen.

"Ryan!" He yelled again, as his friend disappeared down the far hallway. He could only
stand there shaking his head as others in the bullpen watched on.

"I guess I'll clean this up." he mumbled to himself and headed to the break room for
some paper towels.

He was coming out of the break room and was almost knocked over by Ryan coming in.
He looked back into the room.

"I got it," he said, before he noticed what Ryan was carrying.

He was carrying a baseball bat. What the hell was he doing with a baseball bat? He started
to step back inside the break room to find out what was going on when Ryan took his first
swing. The white ceramic coffee cups stacked on the counter shattered into hundreds of
pieces and flew across the room and out the door sending Javier ducking for cover "Shit!"
He said as he hit the floor. The smashing noises coming from the break room increased and
others in the office ran to help Javier to his feet and to watch the unfolding scene.

Captain Montgomery raced from his office with his weapon drawn not knowing what was
going on, Javier stayed his hand to protect his friend. All they could do was watch.

The lump of metal on the counter no longer resembled a cappuccino machine. Pieces lay
on the floor, some embedded in the wall. The merciless beating continued while Ryan cursed
the machine and the world. He only stopped when his wooden bat broke in two. He let it
drop to the floor and stood there breathing heavily as he stared at the misshapen object.
He then reached up, grabbed the abused machine with both hands and wrenched it off the
counter. The ensuing crash was heard one floor below. Ryan's grief driven anger slowly began
to abate and he looked over at all his colleagues standing at he break room door.

"Machines broken," was all he said as he exited the room. No one tried to stop him; they made
a hole as he headed for the stairwell and watched silently as the door closed behind him.

"Now why didn't I think of that?" Montgomery spoke up, trying to add some levity to what just happened.

People chuckled and began to disperse. Javier made for the stairwell but the Captain stopped him.

"Let him go. You can check on him later."

…..

Later is what he did. He pulled up outside Ryan's place around eleven o'clock that night.

He knocked. Jenny answered the door and ushered him inside. He found Ryan sitting in his
boxers and a t-shirt, drinking a beer and watching Letterman.

"Get dressed, we got somthin' to do." He ordered.

"Have a beer and join me instead," Ryan offered as an alternative.

"I'll take the beer," he said as he grabbed the one Ryan was holding. He took along swig and
reached over to turn off the TV.

"Let's go," he ordered again.

Ryan knew better than to try and argue with Esposito. He headed to the bedroom and threw
on some sweats. They were out the door in five minutes. When he found himself being taken
back to the station he looked over at Javier.

"You bringing me back to clean up the mess?" He asked.

"No, that's been taken care of already. This is something I think we need to do before we can
get back to work."

They were met in the bullpen by a worker from Maintenance and Janitorial.

"Everything you need is in the freight elevator. When you're done just put it all back in the
elevator and we'll get it in the morning," the man said.

"Thanks, appreciate you staying late," Javier said as he shook the man's hand.

Left alone, Javier took Ryan to the freight elevator and opened the door. Inside were two
large flat carts stacked with and assortment of empty crates.

"Grab one," he told Ryan as he grabbed the first cart and trundled it out into the bullpen.
Ryan followed with the second one. He caught up to Javier, his cart stopped in front of
Kate's desk.

"What are we doing?" He asked.

"We're moving all of this," he said waving his arm out over Kate's desk.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, you were the only one brave enough to point it out today. None of us want the
reminders here, but no one wanted to be the one to say anything. I think we all thought
it would make us look weak if we did."

"I didn't plan on that." Ryan said. "It just sort of happened."

"It's cool bro, let's get to work. I'm going to clean out Kate's desk and take her things
down to the morgue for Lanie to sort through tomorrow. I need you to take all these cards
and flowers and stuff downstairs. We're going to set up this memorial near the front entrance."

"Ok."

Javier made quick work of the contents of Kate's desk. He didn't want to spend time going
through her things, so he pulled out the drawers and unceremoniously dumped their contents
into the cardboard file boxes that he had put together. Finished, he stacked them atop one
another and carried them to the morgue. When he returned, he helped Ryan finish loading the
items for the memorial. They filled both carts.

There were several tables already set up for them when they arrived downstairs. They took
their time arranging the display, reading all the cards and taping pictures to the wall. They
shared a laugh over a picture of a young looking Beckett all shiny and new in her patrol uniform.
They wondered who managed to get their hands on a picture Kate would have killed to hide.
Ryan turned it over to see if anything was written on the other side. They were both surprised
at what they read. To the best dad in the world! Thanks for your support, Love Kate. Her dad
must have come by the precinct and left it while they had been off. They made it he centerpiece
of the wall collage. They finished downstairs and rolled the empty carts back to the elevator.
They had one last job to do.

They upended Kate's desk and set it on one of the carts. A little long for the cart, it wanted to
teeter off the edge. They had to use both carts to hold it. They grabbed Kate and Rick's chairs
and tossed them on top of the desk. Ryan started to push his end of the cart towards the freight
elevator, but Javier stopped his progress.

"Wait."

He replaced Kate's desk chair with his and swapped Ryan's interview chair with Rick's chair.

"Ok," was all he said, and they maneuvered the carts to the freight elevator, pushed and pulled
them inside and shut the door. They returned to the empty space in the bullpen.

"Give me a hand." Javier asked as he walked to his desk.

They pushed his desk just past the space that Kate's had occupied. They went after Ryan's desk
next and butted the two together. Javier slid Kate's chair under his desk and positioned Rick's chair
next to Ryan's desk. Now they were done. He headed to the break room to grab a couple of beers,
and Ryan went to grab his desk chair.

Handing his partner a beer, Javier sat down in his new chair. Ryan pulled Rick's chair next to Javier's
desk and sat. He raised his bottle in rememberance.

"To dear friends," he toasted with a smile, Javier smiled back as their bottled clinked together.

As Javier moved a hand under his seat to adjust the height of his chair, Ryan quipped.

"Remember how Kate used to bust Rick's chops for adjusting her chair."

"Yeah."

"You better be careful she doesn't come back to haunt you for sitting in it."

"Then I better give her good reason to come back," he said as he let one rip.

"Dude, I can't believe you just farted in Beckett's chair!"

"I bet Rick's rolling around laughing at that one."

"You think?"

"Duh!"

"Pull my finger," Ryan said, pointing his index finger at his friend. "Kate needs a good laugh too."

He pulled Ryan's index finger and a fart blasted Rick's chair. They burst out laughing and laughed
into the night as they got drunk and spent the rest of the evening remembering some of their
favorite moments with Mom and Dad.