Chapter 8 - In Light (5)
"Don't you wish you could know everything in the world?"
"No, because then there would be nothing left to surprise us, right?"
"I don't like surprises."
"Why not?"
"Because I want to know what I'm getting before. I don't like waiting."
"You should. One day, you'll have to wait, even if you don't want to. It's best to get used to it before that happens."
I remember feeling confused about that. Naturally, seven year old me wouldn't understand the patience required to make it through adulthood, not that I really know much about that now. Maybe my mom told me that because she knew she'd be leaving us, and that I should get ready to learn patience so I wouldn't panic about her disappearance. Even now, it makes me strive for unlimited knowledge even more, so that I could fully understand why she chose to do that. I had a strong feeling that whatever explanation she'd give would be far from the actual truth. That is simply the impression I have of her now, not of the honest, wise woman she used to be.
Whenever I have dreams, they're never of things that have happened recently. In fact, I can't recall a single one that went over things I had experienced in the present. They come in the form of pseudo-flashbacks, but are never quite an accurate retelling of former events. I guess that's just how dreams work, always with a hazy veil draping over the things we are struggling to remember. I've simply learned to ignore that longing nostalgia of the past, searching for answers where there clearly are none. It really isn't as easy as it sounds, in fact it's a lot harder. But I've learned it. And all I'm left with is wondering whether that was a good idea or not.
"Hey! Little brother! Wake up!" I was shaken back into reality by Tomoe. I blinked; my eyes were already open since I'd been awake, daydreaming after waking up. "Oh, you were already awake?"
"Yeah." I replied, quite surprised myself. I'd usually spend the ten extra minutes napping, but for some reason I couldn't let go of what I saw. Tomoe stood in the doorway for a moment more with a perplexed expression, likely after observing my arguably unnatural morning behavior, but it vanished quickly.
"Your hair is a mess. Come on, or you'll be late." I briefly combed through it with one hand, quickly finding out she was right, before slowly getting out of bed.
"Guess I'll need to fix breakfast too..." Of course I would, she never cooks herself when she's home. She probably knows 100 different exotic recipes but is too lazy to try out any of them. I guess that's something we have in common.
After heading out the front door, I remembered that we had something special in school today. Was it some kind of field trip? Could be possible, although I probably would've remembered if that was the case. Maybe a foreign speaker who was gonna talk about his/her experience in some fantastic adventure overseas? Again, probable, but I don't remember anyone mentioning a visiting speaker, so maybe not. What the heck was it...
I started walking towards school, noticing I was actually a bit earlier than usual. Although despite that, I felt that I was a bit more restless to get moving than usual. I only realized my pace had increased immensely over a short period of time without me even noticing it. What on earth was nagging so much at me? Why did I feel this urge to run away from something? I knew full well that it was because of that dream I had, but even now I can barely remember what it was even about. Maybe that's what it was, being frustrated with the inability to remember a dream that clearly had an impact on me. After deep consideration, I spontaneously remembered that "special event" we were supposed to be having in school today, which if I recalled correctly was just a regular assembly instead of last period. Great.
I approached school a few minutes later, my mind surprisingly concentrated and sharp despite not actually thinking about anything in particular. It was likely just a side-effect of my dream this morning, that I still remember clearly even now. Which was extremely rare, in fact it's the first time I've been able to recall a dream more than 10 minutes after I've woken up. Before making it up to the front gate, straying past a few chatting groups of students, I noticed Chitanda getting off her bike a bit further from the main gate, rolling it up slowly and making sure her kickstand wasn't in the way. She caught me looking at her and called out to me.
"Oreki! Good morning!" She waved enthusiastically. I tried to ignore her by looking away and pretending to be interested in something else, but it was practically impossible since she was between me and the gate entrance. I braced myself for her blinding energy as I approached resentfully.
"Hi," I said as dryly as possible. Her crystalline eyes seemed to sparkle even the absence of direct sunlight.
"I've been wondering about Ryota's problem and how we can fix it. I think we should figure out who his brother's girlfriend is first. Have you been thinking about it too?" She was practically bouncing with excitement over this dumb mystery.
"Well..." I actually had a little, but not enough to come up with anything significant. "not really. I'll probably give it more thought during club today." Chitanda suddenly had a puzzled look on her face.
"But I thought we didn't have club today?" Thank god, is what I wanted to say, but considering the current circumstances it was probably a bit inappropriate. I scratched my head.
"Maybe not. Well, then tomorrow we can go over it some more. Okay?" I emphasized the ending of my sentence to signal the conversation was over, and starting powerwalking towards the school entrance. Chitanda followed swiftly beside me.
"Oreki! We really should help Ryota, he seems very broken up about it. And besides, it's part of our club duties." She was basically pleading me to think about it.
"Like you said, we don't have club today–"
"Even so, he still needs our help. And other than that, I just can't stop thinking about what is troubling his brother. Please?"
"I need to get to class..." She suddenly sped up her pace and abruptly stopped right in front of me. Her face was mere inches from my own.
"Please?" She was wearing quite the determined expression, somehow enhanced by an extremely nosy frown. "I'm curious!" I took a gulp, subtly looking for openings to get past her. She started leaning in even closer. We're right outside of school, in public no less! What the heck is wrong with her?
"Fine, I guess so..." I gave in, unable to come up with anything logical enough to convince her that this wasn't worth my time. At least on non-club days. "But I really need to get to class now, so–"
"Thank you so much! Please do your best!" Chitanda chimed enthusiastically, stepping back and bowing far too formally, before I quickly pivoted around her to speedwalk inside. I took a deep breath after leaning up against the shoelockers. I could already feel my peaceful, carefree life slipping away from between my fingers, but I suppose that happened as soon as I joined the service club.
The day inched by slowly. In the corner of my eye, I couldn't help but notice Hikigaya casting long glances towards Ryota, who was unsurprisingly acting a lot calmer than usual. In my mind, I would automatically assume it was simply out of mere observation, subtly following his actions and small changes in body language due to his brother's aggression to make sure he wasn't lying. However, I was almost completely certain that Hikigaya wasn't the kind of person to do that under his own volition. Either someone told him something about Ryota that has him turning his gears, or Ryota himself is acting suspicious. Both cases were equally plausible, there was really no way of knowing with absolute certainty without more information.
We'd be receiving our math tests at the end of class. One thing I've noticed about Ryota, actually being one of the first things he did that left an impression, is that every single time he gets a test back he crumples it up and throws it in the garbage without even so much as taking a glance at the score. Being the kind of person he is, it's easy to assume that he simply doesn't care about school and as a result, his grades. In most cases, that would actually be true, but something about his behavior makes me rethink that conclusion: Put simply, every one of his actions feel forced. Especially those where he is attempting to intimidate or show dominance over another, although he pulls off a convincing act (which is easy when his victims are too busy wetting themselves that don't take the time to second-guess him) it simply feels out of place. His punk style is overly expressive for that of a "delinquent", as they say. There are many hints, albeit subtle, that Ryota isn't the person he claims to be. Of course, this is all just a hypothesis. There's no solid evidence. And I'm not particularly interested in invading another student's private space and potentially get expelled just to prove myself. But then again, every problem has a second solution...
As soon as the teacher returned all our tests and the bell rang, I stood up and casually moved over to Ryota's desk. Plan A was to try getting a peek at his score before he would crumple it up, but I would almost certainly not be fast or smooth enough to pull it off. As he turned it over, I attempted to spot an opening, but to no avail – He noticed me quickly and sneered at me. "Screw off," was his remark. I put Plan B into action immediately.
"What did you get? I messed up pretty bad." Ryota stood up and collected his belongings, ignoring my question. Well, I guess that was a bit too straightforward... Before giving up, I went all in to see how he'd react. "You can stop trying to hide your perfect score, I already saw it." Ryota visibly flinched. He still refused to make eye contact, not that I'd reciprocate anyway. He simply stood in silence, before looking my direction for all but a split second. His eyes were full of rage, but also submission. It was a very odd mix, but it was the only thing his eyes would show. He then swiftly left the room, discarding his test with a forceful toss. His reaction, although nothing solid, was enough to confirm that something was off – Whatever was going on, he wasn't the victim. But if that's the case, then who is?
I was surprised to see Oreki making direct moves on Ryota, testing him of his honesty. I would honestly applaud him, if I were tone-deaf. Natsuro's suspicious request to speak with Ryota had highly peaked my interest in his case, and was making me question the legitimacy of Ryota's claim and Natsuro's involvement. But again, without anything else to go on, I wouldn't have anything to do with this horribly convoluted drama. As I left the classroom, I noticed Taka Kizawa, leaning up against the window in a daze. He was waiting for someone. Judging by our meeting a few days back, I'd say it wouldn't be a stretch to say it was me. At this current moment, I didn't particularly feel like getting dragged further into a mess I didn't need to have anything to do with (Oreki was already handling things just fine), so I tried to sneak away by blending into a crowd. Kizawa noticed what I was doing immediately, and he waved me over with an overly loud greeting.
"Yo!" I turned to look at him, simply to judge the urgency of this meeting and whether it would be worth my time or not. By his expression, I'd say it was split down the middle. It didn't really end up mattering much what I thought after Kizawa ran up beside me to talk. "I just uh... I guess I wanted to give you an update on things. I might need more advice too."
"We have a designated club time. Meet me then." I retorted sharply.
"I would really appreciate it if we could talk privately about this, like on the side. Not officially club-business." This was beginning to sound like he was assiduously desperate.
"Fine." I agreed, simply because it wouldn't be possible to get out of this situation without a legitimate reason not to.
"Thanks. I think it would be better to go somewhere more private, though." I nodded, and followed him down the stairs.
He stopped behind the gym in the courtyard. I was starting to wonder if he was going to assault me, so I backed up a little and scouted for escape routes just in case.
"This is certainly very private. What do you want to tell me?" I got the ball rolling so we could get it over with quickly.
"I was going to ask what was going on with him after school yesterday, when I caught him talking to Ryota. You know, the kid with the spiky blonde hair? I kept myself hidden, and I overheard them talking about a debt or something. Then Ryota mentioned his big brother, who's a senior at this other preppy high school."
"And he's the senior that Saya is dating." I cut in, knowing the answer already.
"Yeah, exactly."
"What did he say about his brother?" Kizawa shivered at my question; it was likely something he didn't want to disclose, but felt the need to in order to get this whole ordeal sorted out.
"He...he abuses, um, h-his girlfriend. Saya." His voice broke off.
"Why are you telling me this?" Again, I had a fairly good guess why, but I needed to get the confirmation.
"Why do you think? Help me convince Natsuro to call off this whole thing, and of course hammer some sense into Ryota so he can kick his brother's ass!" Kizawa's repression turned to rage after I flicked his switch.
"And what are you expecting of me?" Kizawa looked at me with the intensity of an inferno, but had the expression of a wretch.
"Get you and your club members to confront him. I need to hear the truth."
"It's not that easy. We need actual evidence to confront him with, or else he can just laugh us off."
"You'll promise to talk to him if I get you proof?"
"I guess." I still hadn't talked with Oreki or Chitanda at all about this, and I wasn't particularly planning to originally. At this point, things have gotten so out of joint that I may no longer have a choice in the matter.
"Promise me." He was pretty serious about this. He must really care about preserving his one-sided friendship.
"Fine."
