AN: YARR

/AN

In Which The Captain Attempts To Waste Time And Fails

Kirk decided to scout out the downtown district of the city so that he'd have an idea of where he wanted to go when he got his shore leave. Actually, it wasn't that important to him (he wasn't even sure that he still wanted to take shore leave), but goals—however arbitrary—were important. The sidewalks were pretty crowded, but he and Spock had become used to weaving in and out of the living statues long ago. So it surprised Kirk when his shoulder connected with someone else's and then, propelled by the force of the contact, he ran into another being. Who cursed at him. The sudden influx of sound and movement disoriented him more than the freefall in the dark had. For a moment he couldn't do anything but stand on the sidewalk and try to not fall over. It was a relief when Spock grabbed his elbow and towed him into a less populated corner.

"Captain?" Spock asked, sounding worried.

"Yes, I'm fine, I'm…I will be fine once I get used to this again." He sighed. Spock's communicator squawked.

"Spock here."

"Commander Spock! We…umm…ah, where did you go?" The voice asked, trailing off awkwardly.

"I am on my way to retrieve the crewmembers I came to collect. Is this not satisfactory?" Kirk stifled at laugh at Spock's tone of puzzled innocence. Oh, don't mind that I disappeared from right under your noses. This is a normal occurrence while I am carrying out my duties.

"No, that's perfectly fine. It's just, we didn't see you leave. But, umm…do you know where you're going?"

Spock executed a perfect not-roll of his eyes. "I ascertained the location of the crewmembers before I beamed down."

"That's fine then. We were going to provide you with transportation, but I guess you don't need that?" Spock's silence was the only answer the man needed. "Good luck then, Commander." Kirk could detect visual evidence that Spock was restraining himself from informing the man that luck is illogical.

"Spock out."

"Molien out."

Kirk chewed on his lip while he contemplated their next move. "Do you think I should go back to Federation Star or assist in the retrieval of the graffiting crewmembers?" Spock didn't get a chance to answer before Kirk's communicator whistled at him.

"Kirk here." He said cautiously.

"Captain Kirk, Danica McKeller here. I'm one of the event coordinators. Where are you, exactly?" She sounded more confused than anything else.

"There's been an issue with some of the crewmembers who are on shore leave. Commander Spock asked for my assistance." He raised his eyebrows at Spock, hoping that he would have something slightly stronger with which to back up the captain's absence.

"I'm really sure it was something the Commander would have been equipped to handle alone." McKeller sounded doubtful. Spock gestured for the comm and Kirk handed it over.

"Spock here. The charge is against the crewmembers is defacement via graffiti of a public area. Generally, a first offence on Lancre would carry a maximum fine of 1200 credits. However, during any 'event which attracts an amount of non-residents to any city equal to 20 percent of the total population of the aforementioned city,' the punishment for defacement via graffiti is much greater. I felt it prudent to have the captain on hand. I find that his so-called 'people skills' exceed my own, and his presence increases our chances of success by 41.27 percent." Kirk mouthed "Aww, shucks, Spock." at his companion. There was a minute of silence on the other end of the comm. Kirk suspected that McKeller was asking the opinions of some of the other organizers.

"Ok. Thank you, Commander Spock. Could I speak to Captain Kirk?" Kirk took back the comm.

"Kirk here." He said, shooting an amused look at Spock. Did McKeller really think that they weren't both listening in to the conversation?

"Captain? I talked to Pak, he's been doing Federation Star for the past 25 years. He said that the commander is right, the rules do get really strict, but they're not taken that seriously as long as the graffiti is not inflammatory or derogatory in any way. Do you know what they drew?" Kirk looked at Spock. The half-Vulcan winced slightly.

"It is something I am unfamiliar with. The officer I spoke to implied that it was a children's game, but the moniker the game carried seemed to indicate that it involved alcoholic beverages. I did not understand." Kirk narrowed his eyes in thought. The only game he knew of involving sidewalk chalk was….

"I believe that they were attempting to carry out a game of hopscotch. Might this be interpreted as derogatory or inflammatory by any of the cultures in attendance?" He asked McKeller.

"No, no, not at all. I think your crewmembers will be fine without you." The relief in her voice was clear. "Could you please come back? We need to get the final judging underway." Kirk looked at Spock, then shrugged.

"Think you can handle without me, Commander?" Spock's lips twitched.

"I believe so, Captain."

XXXXXX

Kirk tried to hail a taxi until Spock pointed out the severe case of gridlock the city was experiencing. He decided to walk back to the arena.

Security wouldn't let him back in (hell, how many 27-year-olds in Starfleet captain dress uniforms do you see every day?) until he comm'd McKeller. She bustled him through security, talking all the way.

"Ok, you know, it would have been great if you could have talked to us first? You didn't have to sneak out—how did you get out, anyway? Never mind. So we recorded all the acts, and we've decided that it's ok if we shut you in a room and have you watch the last two and do the scores. Then we'll get you back together with the other judges in the arena and announce the rankings, etc. When that's done we'll get a video camera on you and take a couple reaction shots—favorite act, what you thought of the whole show, stuff like that. Then there's this function after the show where the performers, judges, and VIPs can mingle. It's not necessary you attend, but it'd be good for you to make an appearance, at least. Umm, ok, we're here."

She opened a door and led him into, as he'd just decided to call it, the Magical Recap Room. It sported a three meter plasma screen and surround sound.

In all, he felt, it was way too much effort to go to.

XXXXXX

The camera man/interviewer nervously adjusted the lighting.

"You ready?" Kirk nodded.

"So, what did you think of Federation Star?"

"Well, before this I don't think I ever heard of Federation Star except in passing. I guess it comes from growing up in the cornfields of Iowa." Kirk laughed. "So I didn't have a clue what to expect. It was interesting to see a whole bunch of dissimilar cultures come together and do their version of a talent show act."

"You'd never heard of Federation Star before this?"

"I hadn't, really. My childhood was really low tech. At school, we'd gotten a grant, somehow, so we had all the usual technology; PADDs, holographic interfaces, individual terminals, all that. But at home? I fixed the neighbor's broken farm equipment and fed the chickens."

"What did you think of the other judges?"

"I thought they seemed…much more used to doing this sort of thing than I am. Professional, I think, would be the word. I didn't know any of them going in except for the mother of my first officer."

"What did you think of her?"

"It was great to be able to speak to her under such cordial circumstances." Kirk thought he heard the interviewer sigh.

"What was your favorite act?"

"I guess it was—" The interviewer cut him off.

"You shouldn't have to guess." Kirk sniggered before he could stop himself. He waved away the interviewer's look of confusion, and indicated that he was ready. The question was repeated.

"My favorite act was the one the one that the—I can't pronounce their name, the glow-in-the-dark one?" Can't remember their name, more like it. Damn freeze. "Where they dressed all in black, attached lights to themselves, and danced with all the lights off." The man muttered something about cutting that bit out.

"Why was it your favorite?"

"It should be obvious." Kirk said with an unusually sincere smile. "I'm the youngest Starfleet captain ever. I know almost nothing about the intricacies and histories of most alien and Human cultures. I went to the Academy and learned about commanding, starships, and space. Sometimes, I feel like that's all I know. The beauty and significance of a song, a dance, a work of art, these things I might not be able to grasp. But that act captured the magnificence of the night sky; the slow dance of galaxies. That, I can understand."

XXXXXX

Kirk didn't actually feel like taking shore leave after the freeze. He'd had enough idleness, thankyouverymuch. So when he comm'd Spock and had his name taken off the shore leave lists, he should have realized that McCoy wouldn't understand.

He should also have realized that the doctor would be waiting for him in the transporter room.

"Kid, what happened?" McCoy said, advancing in his recently materialized friend.

"I went to Federation Star. Judged most of the acts. Escaped. Was forcibly brought back, shut in a cell, and compelled to finish my judging duties. Then I was interrogated by a man wielding a camera. I barely survived. Now, I return to the bosom of my ship, my friends, my colleagues, and I am so glad that you want to hear all about the hell that I have endured for your sakes." He finished the short monologue with a melodramatic sigh. McCoy squinted at him.

"Wrong answer to the wrong question." The tricorder came out. "Why aren't you on the rosters for shore leave anymore? You seemed eager enough, before. And don't spout any more nonsense about being tortured by cameras. You love the attention." Kirk grimaced to show McCoy that he was wrong.

"Here, come with me. We'll talk." Kirk motioned for McCoy to follow him. He waited until they were both ensconced in his quarters to speak again.

"You know that thing I told you about before? Where everything freezes?"

McCoy rolled his eyes. "Not this again!" He growled.

"Yes, again."

McCoy looked at Kirk suspiciously. "How come I never heard about this, all the time we spent at the Academy, all the time together on the Enterprise, and you never mentioned this once?"

Kirk wandered over to the go board and began pushing the stones around. "Because it didn't happen."

"It didn't happen." McCoy repeated dubiously.

"Yeah. Time froze when I was 16. Then it happened again before we met with those aliens—the Souflakti. And I just got out of one a few hours ago. Trust me, I've had enough shore leave to last me a long time."

McCoy seemed to be considering something. "Was Spock with you?" Kirk nodded. "But no one else?" He nodded again. "That doesn't sound like much of a shore leave to me. There's no way that spending eternity with the hobgoblin is relaxing."

"It was plenty leisurely, Bones. We…we talked. We explored the city. I climbed things, he reminded me that I was acting like an idiot. Actually, that last bit sounds kinda like you."

The doctor grumbled. "Don't you dare compare the two of us. Seriously, Jim. You need a real vacation."

Kirk laughed. "Isn't the point of a vacation to 'get away from it all?' I just had who-knows-how-long of enforced awayness. No reports, no comms, no drunk crewmembers synthesizing sidewalk chalk in the lab…no hyposprays." He added teasingly. "I need to get back to work. Hell, I was gone so long that I need to refresh my memory. If you make me go on shore leave, you'll regret it. I'll forget that time isn't frozen and do something stupid. Actually, I'll probably be the one synthesizing sidewalk chalk. I think you've bailed me out of jail enough times, don't you?"

Some of the tension left McCoy's shoulders. "Yeah, I have." They sat in comfortable silence for a bit.

"Would you at least take some time off and spend time with your command crew? None of us have been seeing very much of you, and I think the boy wonder's starting to feel a little neglected."

"You mean Chekov?" Kirk snorted. "He's quite the social butterfly. He doesn't need me."

McCoy shook his head. "I dunno what you're mistaking for social interaction, but he isn't getting much."

"What do you mean? Every time I see him he's holding a whispered conversation with someone from science or engineering. He must be on speaking terms with half the ship!"

McCoy snorted. "Speaking terms, yeah. He's a boy genius. They come to him with problems, it's sort of a game with them. There're some betting pools going on with guesses as to who'll manage to stump him, or how long he'll take to solve an equation. He's like a sideshow to them! I dunno whether he has any real friends on the ship, but you're one of the only people who treats the kid like an equal."

Kirk felt disturbed by this news; he was usually so good at picking up the vibes of an interaction. "But…why me? I doubt we have anything in common."

"Not everybody's got the gift of gab you do, kid. You can have nothing in common with a person, but as long as you're comfortable, they're comfortable too. Look at Spock! He gets so caught up in your stupid bickering matches that he forgets that he's on duty. I've seen his face when someone sniggers and he realizes he has an audience; I've never seen him look so disoriented. Chatting like that's probably all kinds of illogical, but you manage to bring him down to your level." Kirk punched McCoy in the arm. Rubbing his shoulder ruefully, he continued, "Forget the hobgoblin, look at me! I wanted nothing at all to do with you, but you seemed to think that getting barfed on by me gave you some sort of permission to treat me without an ounce of respect. Six months later you'd scared your roommate away, and I'd agreed to take his place! An' I know for a fact that we had absolutely nothing in common." Kirk shrugged.

"It's easy…." He trailed off at the look on McCoy's face. "Ok, ok, easy for me. Any other neglected crewmembers I should know about?"

McCoy frowned in thought. "I'd say Uhura, but she can't stand you. Bring Sulu along. He's got plenty of buddies, but he's the closest thing to a friend Chekov has. I think he's a bit intimidated by the way the kid considers working physics equations to be his favorite hobby, though. Find him a new hobby, an actual hobby, and that should fix it."

Kirk had been nodding along to McCoy's advice, but now he blinked. "Wait, since when do you pay this much attention to anyone who's not dying?"

McCoy shifted uncomfortably. "I don't. But I've been talking to…people." Kirk grinned wickedly. He knew what kind of 'people' McCoy'd been getting this advice from.

"So, I guess I don't have to worry about you getting lonely, huh Bones?" McCoy blushed, then punched Kirk back.

"Owww." Kirk complained. McCoy stuck his tongue out to demonstrate a blatant lack of remorse.

XXXXXX

Kirk refused to leave the ship for shore leave (he'd had his fill of the city), but he wasn't averse to organizing some fun within the ship. He managed to talk Chekov, Sulu, and Scotty (he didn't bother asking Spock) into participating in an unspecified game taking place on the ship. McCoy supplied a few other participants in Nurses Chapel, Hayat, and Janson. They seemed to be the main suppliers of ship gossip to McCoy, and were therefore sympathetic towards Kirk's mission to entertain Chekov.

"Ok!" Said Kirk, clapping his hands as he surveyed the people assembled in rec room E. "You are gathered here today to play an epic game of tag!" Eyebrows in multiples of two shot up. Kirk frowned playfully. "Why're you looking at me like that?"

"Um, Captain," Sulu began. "You may not have noticed, but we're not eight years old."

Kirk flapped his hand at his audience. "Look, Bones wants me to do shore leave. I don't want to do shore leave. I'm hoping that our game makes its way to sickbay, I'll knock something over, he'll come out of his office and yell at me, I'll tell him it's his fault, he'll sigh and tell me that I can do whatever I damn well please as long as it doesn't involve medbay. Then I'll take you all back to my quarters and break out the booze and the vintage movies." He winked facetiously at the nurses. "Capiche?"

The eyebrows had sunk, and now the co-conspirators were wearing expressions showing varying degrees of amusement. A round of nods catalogued their consent, and Kirk ran out of the room with a shout of, "Sulu's it!"

XXXXXX

"Of all the idiotic things…." McCoy ranted as he aimed a bright light at Kirk's wounds. "You had to pick the one cart stocked with glass bottles to run into. Don't blame me if you've got little shards stuck in you for the rest of your short idiotic life…." He'd been keeping the monologue going with no help or input from Kirk, aside from the occasional whimper when the lacerations were squeezed to encourage the glass to leave on a river of blood. Nurse Chapel stood penitently by with a tray to gather the shards as McCoy tweezed them out of Kirk. The rest of the tag players had been sent to their rooms by the irate doctor.

The game had been working adequately, nay, even wonderfully before the accident occurred. They'd had a blast, ranging down deserted hallways and forming brief coalitions to outwit whoever was 'it.' If the silly, out-of-breath taunts Kirk had heard shouted were any indication, the participating crewmembers had forgotten any awkwardness between themselves for that brief period. He was rather worried that he had ruined whatever camaraderie they had developed by becoming so spectacularly injured. Well, that, and by incurring the wrath of the CMO. He hadn't dared try to blame this outcome on McCoy's insistence that he engage in shore leave.

"Well, that looks like all of it, no thanks to you." The doctor growled. With the help of the still silent Chapel, he closed the cuts on Kirk's left arm and shoulder with butterfly bandages. Kirk was just about to flippantly thank McCoy for his help and leave when Spock entered the medbay. Kirk raised his eyebrows at the half-Vulcan.

"Captain." Spock halted a meter away from the examination table that Kirk was on. "I was informed by Lt. Chekov that you had become injured. He seemed quite distressed."

"Poor Chekov." Kirk said, nodding with feigned concern.

Spock leaned slightly closer to survey the doctor's handiwork. "You are injured."

Kirk widened his eyes. "Really? I hadn't noticed!" he said, mouth curling into a smile.

Spock kept his voice neutral. "How careless of you. I count six lacerations of varying severity along with four smaller punctures. I cannot imagine how injuries this extensive escaped your notice. Please pay more attention in the future, Captain."

Chapel and McCoy watched this exchange with varying degrees of disbelief and annoyance, respectively. McCoy then spurred himself into action, threw up his hands, and dragged the fascinated Chapel away.

Kirk leaned forward confidentially. "It's all Bones' fault, you know."

Spock raised an eyebrow. "I was unaware. How is the doctor responsible for this outcome?"

"He made me take shore leave." Kirk grinned, pleased that he could try out this excuse on someone.

"Indeed." Spock murmured. "We will have to remedy that in the future." At Kirk's look of confusion, he elaborated. "I will personally make sure that you never take another shore leave again."

Kirk laughed. "Lemmie amend that; another shore leave without my consent."

"I find that definition to be much too narrow. I suspect that you will manage to injure yourself whether you consent to the vacation or not."

Kirk cocked his head in thought. "I see an error in that reasoning. I suspect that I will become injured whether or not I am even on vacation."

Captain and first officer contemplated the implications of that line of thought in horrified silence.

XXXXXX

Kirk had three options, but he only considered the first two seriously. Option 1: Gather up the tag players and try to salvage the fun with alcohol. Option 2: Drag Spock back to his room and have a brainstorming session about Safe Mode. Not-Really-An-Option 3: Go back to his room and be alone.

He really wasn't feeling that last one.

Spock, still standing approximately a meter away from him in medbay, raised an eyebrow in inquiry. Kirk guessed that he must have been giving Spock weird looks, or something.

"To make a decision, I am in need of more information. What was the purpose of this 'tag'?" Spock asked.

Kirk blinked. "What?" Another blink. "Wait…." Blink, blink. Spock isn't touching me. He can't read my mind…oh. "I said that out loud, didn't I?" He asked, chagrined.

Spock inclined his head. "You were not aware of this?"

Kirk shook his head.

Spock waited. Finally, he said, "You might as well inform me as to the reason you were engaging in tag with a group of people."

Kirk laughed. "I might as well, indeed."

The decision was made for him. They ended up back in the captain's quarters with Spock complaining that he still couldn't grasp the purpose of the game called 'tag.'

XXXXXX

Shore leave couldn't end soon enough, as far as Kirk was concerned. Luckily, he'd gotten into the habit of keeping himself occupied every moment possible during Safe Mode, and it had translated into an admirable work ethic in real time. With most of the crew away from the ship, and having already injured himself once, he was forced to complete every piece of paperwork that was potentially due before the Enterprise would leave Lancre.

Pike called during the first alpha shift after shore leave had ended. Image thrown up on the bridge's viewscreen, he'd asked to brief Kirk on the mission in private. Unsurprisingly, Spock followed the captain into the conference room without being asked.

"So, Kirk. You can appreciate the beauty of the dancing stars? Good thing you found something other than juggling to talk about on TV." Pike drawled at his audience of two. It took Kirk a second to figure out what the admiral was referring to. Once he did, he blushed.

"You…you saw that?"

Pike chuckled. "It's just about the only clip they're showing! A lot of the other judges are old hands at this—they've got the right mix of sentimentality and compliment down to a science. But you? Anyone can see that you were completely sincere. Never knew you were such a poet."

Spock was looking confused, so Kirk asked, "Hey Admiral. Do you have a copy of the clip? I think Spock wants to see."

Pike raised an eyebrow. "You actually want me to show him?"

Kirk nodded. "I don't see why not. He's the one person I'd trust not to tease me mercilessly about it."

Pike looked at the two of them intently, then seemed to give up. Without another word, he queued up the clip of Kirk explaining the reasoning behind his choice of favorite act.

Pike was chuckling when he came back on screen. Kirk rolled his eyes at his mentor and looked at Spock for a reaction. Spock was staring at him with his robot face on, and declined to comment when prompted. Shrugging, Kirk turned back to Pike.

"Was that all you wanted me for?"

"Hell no, kid. I could have called you in your quarters if I just wanted to see you squirm. This is about your next mission." Kirk fidgeted as the silence stretched.

"And the mission is….?"

Pike looked reluctant. "Ok, so there's a reason I wanted to give you this assignment in private. I just want you to know—I know it's a raw deal. But the Enterprise is equipped with the newest scientific surveying equipment the fleet has, not to mention excellent offensive and defensive capabilities. Perfect for scouting—" Here he mumbled something so quickly that Kirk couldn't catch it. Luckily, Spock had come along.

"Sector H13-Theta59? Past Galen?" He asked innocently.

Kirk narrowed his eyes. "This means more to you two than it does me. Surveying's not ideal, yeah, but what's the matter?"

"Captain," Spock said slowly. "At a standard cruising speed of warp 6, it will take us approximately 2,595 hours to reach the edge of the space we are assigned to survey."

"That's um…damn, days don't mean anything to me anymore. Like, 108 days-ish? That seems like a long time?" He hadn't meant to, but his voice had trailed up into a question. He hated doing that, it made him sound uncertain. But he was uncertain. If living on a starship for a year hadn't been enough to destroy his sense of time, the two bouts of Safe Mode definitely were. Now he measured time arbitrarily, with a general focus on the short term. How long till alpha shift ended? How much longer till alpha shift began? He'd long ago given up trying to think in days or weeks or months or anything that used phrases like 'tomorrow' or 'two days ago.' He'd been fascinated (and more than a little intimidated) by Spock, who always effortlessly knew the ship time, stardate, Terran time, and the local time for whatever planet they were at. He'd stubbornly tried to make due on his own, but after missing two meetings in as many months (Pike had informed him of this) he'd caved and learned to depend on Spock to keep him on track.

Which had really chafed, because Spock refused to say anything remotely non-business-related to him. And Kirk had taken that as a silent comment on his inability to be completely professional at all times. Look how easy it is, Spock seemed to think at him, and yet you Human, you with the attention span of a gnat, cannot keep track of time. You cannot possibly expect to gain the respect of anyone. Least of all myself.

Kirk's insecurities came rushing back. Unconsciously, he hunched his shoulders a bit and lowered his head. Everything he'd managed to accomplish, and he still couldn't remember whether 108 days worth of travel time was something he should get upset about. Pike obviously thought that it was, though.

"Indeed, Captain. At the same speed, it would take us over half a standard year to return to Earth from our current location." Kirk blinked. Somehow, Spock had known how to put it into perspective for him. Kirk made a point to always know how far away the Enterprise was from Earth. It was just one of those things; he didn't really get homesick, but ever since the destruction of Vulcan he'd felt like he shouldn't take his home planet for granted. So he kept it in the back of his mind by almost obsessively keeping track of the light years separating him from Earth.

And Spock had, apparently, noticed. Maybe it'd had something to do with how he started every shift by asking Chekov for the distance.

So now he knew that the trip to the sector they were being sent to explore was two-thirds of the distance between the Enterprise and his other, secondary, home.

Kirk smiled at Spock in thanks, and Pike looked perplexed.

"You're not upset?" The admiral asked.

Kirk shrugged. "Yeah, I guess it'll take us a while to get there. It's better than—" He stopped himself. He had been about to say that it was better than transporting diseased scientists or judging the galaxy's biggest talent show, but there was a chance that it wouldn't go over well with the admiral. He settled for "—some of our other assignments."

Pike had heard the pause, but he didn't seem inclined to comment on it. He told them that Chekov would be receiving more exact coordinates for their surveying mission, then signed off.