A/N: Hey guys! I'm so sorry for the huge delay in updates! I rewrote this chapter three times before I was satisfied with it, and then I didn't have time in the last week to actually post it, because I basically has 7am-12am days out of the house! I can't promise this won't happen again, but I CAN promise that I will do my best to try make up for the huge break by posting as much as I can over this one week reprieve from uni. I still have work, but at least I don't have to travel all day and stuff.

I just really wanted to say, THANK YOU AGAIN to everyone who is following this story. The feeling I get every time another email appears saying someone found the story worthy enough to follow or favourite... it's amazing. Thank you all so much. I hope you enjoy this next step!


It took about a week for the move to finally happen. And more than once, Jane had tried to come up with ways to get out of the move, though each attempt seemed more half-hearted than the last.

It was Friday night, the eve of Jane's move to Maura's guest house, when Maura finally met the matriarch of the Rizzoli clan. It had been very unexpected, but not unpleasant. Not unpleasant at all.

"Oh, is this the doctor you were telling me about?" A loud unfamiliar voice floated through the wooden door, reaching Maura as she waited for Jane, or someone, to open the door.

It flew open, and an older woman appeared in the doorway, smiling at the blonde. Maura instantly recognised her from the photo she'd seen on Jane's shelf. The face was more lined now, older looking, but the smile hadn't changed, nor had the motherly aura that came off Angela Rizzoli in waves.

"You must be Dr Maura Isles! Jane had told me so much about you!" Angela put a hand out to shake her hand.

"Ma!" Jane's voice came from the right, and Maura turned her head to see the brunette standing by the kitchen counter, rolling her eyes.

"What? I'm glad you're talking to me at all!" She turned back to the doctor, and smiled apologetically. "I know you've been helping my daughter out so much. I'm glad she has someone else looking out for her, and that she's letting them." The older woman sighed. "Oh, I'm Angela by the way. Angela Rizzoli."

"Well it's a pleasure to finally meet you, Mrs Rizzoli."

"Oh please, just call me Angela."

"Angela." Maura smiled. This woman had a warmth about her, an openness that made Maura feel at ease.

"Sorry, I should have warned you about Ma before you came over," Jane called from the kitchen. "Have you eaten?"

"Oh, it's fine! And I haven't actually."

"Oh, you have to try some of my gnocchi, Dr Isles!" Angela swooped in, gently guiding Maura over to the counter that served as the dinner table as well while ignoring her protests of not wanting to intrude. She then proceeded to shoo Jane out of the kitchen area, and started plating up two servings of gnocchi. It really did smell amazing.

"Dr Isles, the least I could do for you is give you some of my home-made cooking. It might not be what you're accustomed to eating, but I've never had anyone complain about my recipe before. I heard from Jane that she'll actually be moving in with you for a while, so you can help her with dealing with some of the… problems she's having." At this point, Angela frowned, looking at her daughter. Maura understood that Jane was still keeping the worst of the news away from her mother.

"Please, call me Maura." She nodded at the plate in front of her. "And thank you. It smells absolutely amazing. Really, it's no problem at all! Jane has helped me as well, and I'm happy to help a friend out when she needs it." She took a bite of the hot pasta, and her eyes widened. It was absolutely mouth-watering. "This is delicious!"

The old woman beamed at this. "I'm so glad you think so! And I'm so glad that you are friends with my daughter." She turned to look at Jane, and Maura was amused to see how Angela could make the tall, lanky, ex-soldier beside her look like a seven year old child again. "You could take a leaf out of her book. So polite, and well-dressed too! If everything you said is true, she'd be a saint!"

"Wha– okay, stop, Ma!" Jane had turned red, and Maura was fascinated. She couldn't quite chase away the thought of how adorable a blushing Jane looked. The lieutenant was scowling at her mother, ducking her head in embarrassment.

"Oh, Jane, I'm very flattered!" Maura smiled. Inside, her heart was beating faster than it should, and she couldn't help the warmth that flooded her as she wondered exactly what Jane had been saying to Angela about her.

"No." A finger was jabbed in her direction. "You don't get to find this funny."

Maura laughed, unable to help it. Angela was chuckling too, obviously taking some delight in watching her daughter's plight. She gave Maura a conspiratorial wink. "Oh, Jane, relax. It's not like I'm telling Dr Isles what you said about her."

The blonde perked up at this. "Please, it's Maura. And if I may ask, what did Jane say about me?"

"Uh uh. No. Ma." Jane was pointing at the grinning woman standing next to her now. "Don't you say a word." Turning to Maura, she continued, "And it's none of your business."

Maura lifted an eyebrow. "On the contrary, I think it is my business, seeing as it's about me."

"Oh, Jane told me about plenty about you." Angela smiled, turning to look at Maura again. "You have quite an impressive title – Chief Medical Examiner for the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, wasn't it?"

"Yes. I was recently given the job after returning from the army."

"Of course! You were an army surgeon too. I'm sure you saved many lives over there." Angela's voice had softened somewhat, and she seemed to understand that Maura wouldn't want to go into it. "Jane's told me about what a kind, compassionate person you are." Maura noticed Jane huffing and mumbling about needing to get something from the bedroom before leaving them to themselves. She tried to hide the delight she felt at Jane telling her mother that Maura was kind and compassionate. The matriarch glanced over her shoulder to see her daughter's retreating back. Turning back, she continued. "And I know it must be true. When Jane came back… she was so closed off. Jane's always been a tough child, never letting anyone know when she was hurt or upset. But she was even more so after coming back." Angela looked tired. "I don't even know what actually went on over there, or what has happened since. And I know she won't tell me." She seemed to read something on Maura's face, and held a hand up to forestall any interruptions. "I'm not asking you to tell me. I just want to thank you. Since meeting you, Jane has changed. I almost see flashes of my old Janie." There was a single tear in the old woman's eyes, and she hastily wiped it away. "When I heard my baby girl was critically injured… And when she came back, she didn't talk, she wouldn't say anything. She didn't go to the psych either. She didn't do anything. And then four weeks ago, my Janie turns up on my doorstep, and we talk. And she talked about you, Maura. That's all she really talked about. You've really been helping her. Spending time with her and talking to her. Maybe you don't even realise just how much you're helping her." Angela tilted her head, her gaze on Maura's face, scrutinising. Maura bit her lip, trying to keep the feelings inside of her from showing. Angela continued. "I don't know why you are helping my daughter so much. But I want you to know that I'm so grateful for it. I don't know exactly what it is that's bothering Janie, but I know it's from the war. And I know you can help her, because you were there yourself. You'd understand better than any of us. Thank you for helping Jane. Thank you."

Maura was almost taken aback by the heartfelt words of this woman she'd barely known for more than an hour. But much as she had felt an instant attraction and connection with Jane, she felt an immediate sense of warmth and comfort when she was with this woman. "There's no reason to thank me, Angela. I really am happy to help Jane. She… she's my friend." For some reason, that utterance held a weight to it for Maura. Like she was admitting it for the first time. "I… I've never had a friend like her before." I've never had a friend before. "I hope we can grow closer, and I hope I can give any support Jane might think she needs. We've been helping each other."

Angela smiled, and it reached her eyes. Maura couldn't help trusting this woman. "Then I'm happy for both of you."

At that moment, there was a thump, and a curse. Both women looked up to see Jane standing in the doorway of her bedroom, hopping on one foot and muttering what Maura felt sure was a string of obscenities. Angela began to make her way over to her daughter. "What did you do?"

"I'm fine, Ma. Just stubbed my toe." Jane waved her mother away, earning an eye roll from Angela, and Maura saw where Jane had picked the gesture up. "Hey, Maura, are we moving the boxes now or…?"

"Oh!" Maura quickly stood up. "Yes, I thought I'd help you move across some of your boxes." Looking around the apartment though, she could see there weren't many. For some reason, that seemed to be just like Jane. She walked over to one of the boxes and made to pick it up, but was promptly stopped by the brunette.

"Hey, it's fine, I can take the boxes down. Some of them are kinda heavy." She looked Maura in the eye. "And I know the weight won't bother you that much, but I just don't want you to bust your ankle with those heels on."

Maura looked down, realising she was wearing rather high heels tonight. She was mollified. People often looked at her and were surprised by her strength, simply because she appeared so feminine. But Jane hadn't made that same mistake, assuming Maura to be just a weak woman, unable to hold her weight. It was genuine concern, and it made Maura feel oddly light inside. But she still wanted to help, opting for a smaller box.

It took two trips to move the boxes down and put them in the back of Jane's car. It was a 1975 Chevrolet Impala, making it older than Jane or Maura. But it looked sleek, the black coat shining under the light of the street lamp. When Maura had first seen the car, she had been extremely impressed. And rather… fascinated… by the thought of Jane driving it in her leather jacket. The car seemed to suit Jane; sleek, attractive, yet understated. Despite its obvious make, it didn't draw attention to itself.

When it was done, the three women stood together in the pool of light on the sidewalk. After a moment of silence, Angela excused herself, saying she needed to go make sure they hadn't forgotten anything, earning a disbelieving eye roll from her daughter and leaving Maura and Jane alone.

The quiet blanketed everything, just like the night sky laden with stars. Maura felt a sudden surge of nervousness, standing there at the base of the stairs next to Jane. These feelings would always stir themselves up at the most inconvenient of times, usually when she was alone with Jane.

"So we're really doin' this, huh?" Jane's voice was low, her tone strange, like a mixture of thoughtful and guardedness. A bit of humour. A bit of fear.

Maura shrugged. "Yes."

"It sounds so simple when you say that."

"Because it is, Jane. What's difficult about it?"

"Everything!" Jane looked at her incredulously. "Maura, I… There's a very real possibility that I'll probably… I'll probably… lose it… at some stage. And it's not like I know when and where. I could break your things. I could… I could…" Jane turned away, her voice barely above a whisper when she said the next words. "I could hurt you…"

"Isn't that why we're doing this?" Maura moved closer to Jane, her own voice soft. Gentle. Caring. "I am a doctor. I'm supposed to be there if something goes wrong. That's how we can start to fix it." She took another step closer. "And broken things can be fixed. I'll just put some of the more fragile things away. But even if you break them, they can be replaced." She took one more step, and gently brushed Jane's shoulder. "And I've said it before, Jane. I'm not afraid of you. And I won't let you hurt me. I'll be there to calm you down before anything can happen. It's what I'm supposed to do."

Jane took a deep breath. "Thank you."


Juggling.

The trick was to keep everything in the air at once, everything moving.

Because if anything stopped, that's when disaster strikes.

The criminals of Boston never rested, and it seemed that they had seen fit to take to the streets with a vengeance this week. Maura had four cases going at the same time from different departments, and the autopsies, reports and paperwork were piling up on her to-do list. At the same time, Maura had another job at home. Looking after Jane.

They never said it in as many words. At times it was really much more like Jane was just living in the guest house as a friend for a while. It was easy to think that, especially in the light of day. Jane was the same as she had been whenever they went out together. With her snark, jokes and sarcasm that Maura was slowly learning to pick up, it was so simple.

But when darkness descended, everything changed.

Last night still burned vividly in Maura's mind.

Coming home from another long day, Maura unlocked the front door to her house. It was nice, she reflected, returning to a house that wasn't empty. She could see the light was on in her living room. The sounds of the TV reached her too, but when she called out, there was no response.

"Jane? Jane, are you there?"

Peering into the living room, Maura noticed that it was empty. Frowning, she moved towards the kitchen. Flicking a switch, she noted that it, too, was empty. A movement in the corner showed Bass, peering up at her with beady little eyes.

By then it was clear that the brunette was not in the house. Frowning, she opened the back door and looked out into the yard. Light spilled out onto the lawn from the window of the guest house. And a muffled crash.

Maura was across the yard in a moment, hand reaching for the door. Locked. Of course. The doctor still had her keys in hand, and she fumbled for the one to the guest house. Taking a deep breath, she twisted it in its lock, pushing the door open cautiously. She was better prepared now. And now she also had a responsibility. To calm Jane, and to help her. Talk to her.

It was a relief when she noted that it seemed comparatively less violent in comparison to the picture of devastation she'd witnessed at Jane's apartment. The table was turned on its side, but that appeared to be the only thing awry. Inching into the room, Maura's eyes quickly scanned the room, assessing the surrounding danger as her emergency aid training kicked in. And almost immediately, she saw the ex-soldier, curled up under a side table.

Taking another deep breath, Maura entered the room properly, and moved towards Jane quietly, stopping about five metres away. "Jane." She made sure her voice was soft, gentle. Loud sounds and bright lights would only trigger Jane. "Jane, can you hear me?"

No response. Jane's eyes were closed tight, hands clutching her head so tightly the finger tips had turned white.

"Jane. Jane, are you there? Jane." Maura moved a little closer, every nerve taut with anticipation, with fear, with pain. No one should have to relive the worst memories of their lives like this. But there was nothing Maura could do now, but to try bring Jane back. "Jane, please. Come back."

Eyes opened, but they were hollow, devoid of emotion. Staring unseeingly ahead as Jane looked into the past once again. Locked in the jaws of a nightmare that refused to fade.

The empty eyes focused on Maura, but they didn't see her. They saw something else, someone else, and Jane let out a sound somewhere between a snarl and a howl. Equal parts fear and fury, the brunette leapt from her hiding spot, hands searching for something to use as a weapon. Maura watched every move, weary, but determined to pull Jane back from the brink. "Jane. Jane, can you hear me? Jane?" Repeat the name, establish familiarity…

Unable to find anything to throw, or use to swing, Jane balled her fists up and ran at the doctor. Like last time, her moves weren't as practiced, hindered by the fear pulsing through her. But they were still strong and fast, and Maura had barely slipped out of the way. Bring forth good memories, differentiate the episodes from reality…

"Jane. You're in Boston. You're here, in Boston, America, and you're living in my guest house, in Beacon Hill. You're in the living room of my guest house, Jane. You've been here for the last few weeks, and we've been… we've been bonding, Jane. I'd come home from work and you'd sometimes have takeout ordered from my favourite Chinese restaurant that I told you about once. And we'd sit together and eat and I'd tell you about my day, and you'd tell me about what shows you watched. And sometimes, you'd even share a story about your childhood. Like that one, when you had a family summer trip to Atlantic City. It was the year you graduated from high school, before you enrolled in the army. You and your brothers had so much fun, and even though you weren't supposed to, you snuck into a few casinos and tried your hand. You thought you hit the jackpot when you won two hundred dollars, and you used it to buy presents for your family."

Jane had stopped in the middle of the story, allowing Maura to concentrate more on the story and less on trying to follow the soldier's movements. And as the story unfolded, Maura saw the clarity return to her eye once more. Just like last time, Jane came to herself. But this time, when she returned, she didn't run. She didn't snarl and back away and scream.

Jane sat down, and buried her face in her hands. The room was cast in yellow, not harsh like the glare of the moon on that night. But the shadows in the room were just as dark, just as haunting.

Maura stared down at the page in front of her, the pen sitting uselessly in her hand. The report needed to be written, but the doctor's mind wasn't there. It was with the sullen soldier in her guest house, with the woman who was suffering in silence, to ease the pain for those around her.

It had been the first episode Jane had had since she'd moved over to Maura's guest house. They'd almost gone a whole week without anything happening. But then last night happened. And Maura had been loath to go to work the next day, to leave Jane on her own to deal with what had happened. But the doctor also understood that Jane needed the privacy. She needed the time to herself, to try and gather herself, to come to terms with what had happened. Which was why Jane had been so adamant about Maura remaining on call, and not taking a day off to look after her.

Yet, as the medical examiner sat there, fidgeting with her pen (Maura never fidgeted), she couldn't help wondering what the dark-haired woman was doing now. Is she alright? Is she dealing with it? Does she need someone to talk to? Maura's phone sat on the corner of the desk, innocuous. The screen didn't light up, no messages from Jane. Not for the first time, she was tempted to reach across and dial Jane's number. But she refrained from the temptation. If Jane needs me, she'll call.

It was just after five when Maura finally signed off on the final report. Deciding she'd done enough for the day, and knowing she wouldn't be able to do much more anyway, she picked up the report, her jacket, and her bag, and left the morgue. Normally, Maura didn't make it a habit to deliver the reports herself, but today, she decided she could afford the short time needed to ride up to the Homicide Unit and drop it off. The detectives in homicide were polite and friendly.

Pushing the door open, she was immediately greeted by a detective that might've been in his late forties, a Detective Korsak. "Dr Isles!" The man smiled, and Maura smiled back. Vince Korsak had a reputation in the BPD as a good man, an excellent detective, and a huge animal lover.

"Hello, Detective Korsak. How are you?"

"Good! Is this the report?"

"It has the results from the autopsy, and some of the preliminary results obtained from ballistics. I managed to obtain a DNA sample that may have come from a suspect, but the lab is still waiting on results. I'll have them fax it through to you immediately when they're done."

"Thanks a lot, doctor! Heading home now?"

Maura nodded. "Yes, I have some things I need to attend to."

Korsak nodded good-naturedly. "Enjoy your night, Dr Isles. And thanks again!"

"You're very welcome. Have a good night, detective."

Maura let out a soft sigh as she stepped into the late afternoon. It was still warm, but a cool breeze played with the ends of Maura's hair. Even though fall had now officially begun, summer seemed reluctant to leave. It really was a beautiful afternoon.

It didn't take long to get home, which was surprising for Maura. Friday night traffic was usually horrible, but it seemed that she'd been lucky enough to miss the worst of it. As she pulled into the driveway, she pondered her next course of action. Should she go home and leave Jane to herself, or should she go and check on her? An internal debate raged, but finally, the concern won out.

Walking around the side of the house, Maura made her way to the guest house, feeling nervous. Feeling unsure of herself, she gently knocked on the door. No response. She tried again, but to no avail.

"Jane?"

Silence.

"Jane? Are you in there?" She waited for a moment, straining to listen for any kind of movement. After a moment, there was what sounded like a low grunt. Maura felt her heart leap, and she decided to try. "Can I come in?"

There was a longer pause, and then another grunt.

Taking that as an affirmative answer, Maura gently pushed on the door, finding it unlocked. She was slightly surprised at this, and it must have shown on her face, because a voice spoke up from the couch.

"I unlocked it about an hour ago. Figured you'd want to check on me."

Maura's eyes immediately found the brunette sitting on the couch, long fingers clenched together in a vice grip, head bowed in a mixture of fury and shame. Seeing the soldier like this pained Maura, but she schooled her features into something more neutral. "Is that okay?"

"Is what okay?" Jane didn't lift her head, her entire body hunched over itself.

"Me coming to check on you." Maura's voice was gentle, as she slowly made her way over to where Jane was. Her response seemed to surprise Jane enough that she looked up at her.

"I… I guess…"

Biting her lip, Maura wondered if it would be too invasive to sit next to Jane on the couch. She decided to ask. "Jane, is it alright if I sit next to you?"

The woman's face seemed to harden for a moment, but after a second, it relaxed, and she nodded. Her left hand came up and covered her face. The right, still in its cast, remained on her knee, clenched. All Maura wanted to do was to reach over and hold it. But she didn't make any contact. Instead, she decided to try ask another question.

"What are you thinking?"

She could see the body tense up next to her.

"I'm just asking, Jane. If you're not ready to tell me, you don't have to."

A minute passed. Then two. And then… "I don't know why you'd want to sit anywhere close to me, let alone next to me."

Oh Jane… Maura looked at the woman next to her tenderly. After a moment, she came up with an idea. She stood up. "Come with me."

"What?" This caught Jane completely off guard.

"Let's go for a walk. The weather's lovely outside, and I think you've been in here all day, and that you should come out for a while."

Jane shook her head, and Maura could see her starting to close herself off. "No."

"Please?" Ordering or demanding wasn't going to work, the doctor could see that. So it would have to be persuasion. "We need to talk, Jane. This is what I'm here for. We need to talk about this, and try and understand what it is that's triggering you. Or, if you really don't want to talk about it right now, then we don't have. But I still think going for a walk is a good idea. Please?" She tried again, looking at Jane pleadingly. To her surprise, it worked.

Letting out a deep sigh, as if she was trying to release the tension in her body, Jane stood up, nodded. "Fine." Glancing down at herself, she realised she was wearing the same outfit as she was last night. She held her hand up, gesturing to wait. Maura was too surprised to react, and when Jane returned about ten minutes later in a fresh pair of jeans and a t-shirt, Maura hadn't moved at all.

"Are we gonna go?" Jane was now frowning at Maura, who finally snapped out of her trance.

"Oh. Yes. I… yes, why don't we walk to the Boston Commons?"

Jane shrugged by way of answer. But as she passed Maura through the door, she gave her a small tight smile. It was enough to let her know that Jane wasn't angry with her. Letting out a tiny breath she didn't know she'd been holding, Maura closed the door behind her and locked it.

"Did ya wanna change?"

Jane's voice registered and Maura looked up to see Jane looking at her with raised eyebrows. Then she realised that she was still in her work clothes. An Alexander McQueen dress and Armani heels were probably not ideal for a casual walk.

"I mean you look amazing," Jane quickly added on, before blushing. "Uh… but uh, heels aren't really a good idea for walking…"

"Of course. Just a moment," Maura smiled, dashing across to the back door of the main house. She couldn't keep the grin off her face at Jane's compliment. Being as quick as she could, she went upstairs and changed into dark jeans and blue silk top. She laid her dress on her bed, to hang up later. She also put on a pair of flat-soled sandals, leaving her heels next to the door of her walk-in wardrobe. After touching up her makeup, she was down and out the door.

Jane was waiting, hands in pockets, looking off towards the sunset. Maura paused for a moment, caught by just how beautiful Jane looked. Her heart beat quickened, and she felt a nervous flutter somewhere in the pit of her stomach – typical reactions when one happened to be looking at someone they were very attracted to in such a picturesque and… perfect… atmosphere.

The soldier seemed to sense her return, turning to look at her, a softer smile on her lips now. It seemed that the cool air had helped relaxed the brunette. Maura couldn't help noticing the way a long strand of Jane's hair had been caught by the breeze, and playfully blew across her face. She wondered if it was for her benefit when Jane huffed at it comically, without it achieving anything. Chuckling, Maura joined Jane on the pavement, and reached out without thinking, pushing the hair back behind Jane's ear. Suddenly realising her actions, her eyes widened and she opened her mouth to apologise. But before she could say anything, Jane smiled.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome," Maura blushed.

They began to walk together through the tranquil streets of the neighbourhood. It seemed that many people had the same idea, enjoying the last vestiges of a Friday evening. There were children laughing and running up and down the streets, dogs gambolling along with their owners on an evening stroll, couples enjoying the surprisingly wonderful Boston weather.

Maura's thoughts churned through her head. Should she say something, break the silence between them? Should she try and get Jane to talk? Why did she feel like reaching out and taking Jane's hand? Why did she feel so nervous and excited about being here with Jane tonight? But overwhelmingly, she realised that she didn't feel uncomfortable. Being here, walking with Jane… it just felt… right.

They were almost at the Commons when Jane finally spoke. It was barely above a whisper, but Maura would never have missed it. "Maura?"

"Yes, Jane?"

Jane let out a deep breath. Hands wound up in pockets, and the brunette looked off into the distance. "Do you know what I see when I… go away?"

Jane's face was sealed off. Distant. Like she wasn't even there now. But Maura could see the way Jane's fingers clenched in her jean pockets. The way her jaw set. And she knew she had to play this just right, so that she wouldn't scare her away.

"What do you see?"

Taking another deep breath, Jane closed her eyes for a moment. Then she stared straight ahead. "I… I see… I see that tent. Again. I… I see the… dirt. Sand. Moonlight. Darkness. I… I see… him." Jane had stopped walking. And Maura could see her shaking, fingers clenched tight. She immediately stopped as well, coming around to look into Jane's face. Dark eyes looked passed her, into the distance, but she knew Jane was still there, with her. Maura was too afraid to ask the next question. But Jane seemed to know.

Swallowing, and working her jaw, she spoke. Harsh, but with an undercurrent of fear that Maura didn't miss. "His name was Hoyt."

This was the tormentor that haunted Jane. This was the man that had given Jane those scars. On her hands. And on her soul. Maura reached out tentatively, trying to get the woman in front of her to relax. Glancing around, she saw a bench, right across from the park. Guiding Jane over to it, she gently pushed her down to sit and sat next to her. She didn't push for more. Jane would speak when she was ready.

"He." Jane swallowed again, shaking her head. "He was our target."

After that, they sat there in silence. Ten minutes passed. Fifteen. The sky was darkening quickly, but neither of them moved. Then…

"I killed him."

Maura turned to look at Jane. Jane was staring at her hands now, no longer clenched, but covered in the fingerless gloves she never took off. Jane seemed almost to be in a trance. Maura had a feeling that Jane was talking to herself, as much as she was talking to her.

"I killed him. I… I shot him. He… he's dead. Isn't he? He's dead?"

Yes. Maura knew he was dead. She'd heard the story before. From the private that had accompanied Jane to the medical tent all those months ago. "Yes. He's dead, Jane."

"How do you know?" It was almost a snarl, but Maura heard the fear and uncertainty Jane had tried to hide.

"Jane, it was officially documented. You successfully killed the target in the process of saving your captain's life." Jane's eyes narrowed at her, and Maura wondered if she'd divulged too much information. She wasn't sure if she was ready to divulge the truth about that day yet. "I was in the forces too. News gets around." Not a lie.

After a moment, Jane dropped her gaze. She let out a sigh, her fingers curling into her palm. "If he's dead, why am I still…" her voice faded away.

"It's okay to be afraid."

"I'm not afraid!" Jane lashed out.

Maura only shrugged, turning to look at the grass in front of them. "I didn't say you were afraid. I just said it's okay to be. I still am."

She felt dark eyes turn to look at her, but she didn't meet them. She kept staring ahead, her own mind drifting back to memories that had been pushed down time and time again.

"I'm still afraid of working on live people again. I… I still have nightmares. People who wake up in the middle of an operation. There was… this one time… I… He had been shot in the abdomen. We didn't have a lot of anaesthetic left. We gave as much as we could spare, as much as we thought necessary. I… I opened him up, and my hand was… it was in his chest and… there was a sound and I looked up and–" Maura broke off, unable to finish the story. She could still see him, eyes open in horror, just before the screaming began.

"Oh God… Maura… I'm so sorry."

The honey-blonde shook her head, slightly frustrated. This was about Jane. She should be sympathising with Jane, comforting her, not the other way around. Fighting to keep her calm, she just shook her head. "Don't be. There was nothing we could've done about it. We didn't have the supplies to keep him under. He… he survived."

She didn't see it, but she could feel the nod Jane gave her. And she could feel Jane's eyes on her, like a warm weight.

"How… how do you get though it?"

Maura finally turned to meet brown eyes. And was stunned by the vulnerability in them. She recognised the look Jane was giving her. A request for help. She gave her a small smile. "I accept that it happened." She watched with some fascination as Jane's face changed into a frown. She continued. "I accept that whatever I went through… it happened. And I can't change it. I can't go back and rewrite it, as much as I want to. I can't pretend it didn't happen, because it did. It's a part of my life now. But I don't have to let it haunt me. I don't have to let it follow me. I'm scared of what happened, but I'm not letting it overcome me. I may choose not to be a doctor anymore, but I won't let that stop me from saving a life if I can."

"You make it sound so easy."

"Everything sounds easy. Doing it is always harder."

Jane almost smiled. "No long-winded explanation for that?"

Maura let out a soft chuckle. It seemed that Jane had picked up on her habits of spouting large amounts of information. "Not this time, no."

Jane chuckled too, but quickly sobered up. "I never told anyone."

Maura tilted her head, mildly surprised. "Not even your psychiatrist?"

The lieutenant shook her head. "No."

"Then why me?" She couldn't keep the confusion out of her voice. Or the curiosity.

Jane turned away, staring at the tops of the trees on the edge of the park. Maura could see her mind at work. She wondered if Jane was simply going to ignore her question when she spoke again. "I feel like I can talk to you." Her voice shook slightly. "I feel like I can trust you."