Do we know how to get the message across
We turn the lights off to find a way out
It's hard to get through to grasp what was lost
Don't turn the light off and leave me in the dark
Hey, I'm pleading, my soul is bleeding
I don't want to be left alone, not when I'm right next to you
What are you thinking, it's so misleading
Is it not for me to know, I think it's just hard for you to show
We never spoke in the words that we want
We turn the lights off to find a way out
We've never chosen to keep what we've got
Don't turn the light off and leave me in the dark
I thought it would be nice to lie down and close my eyes
It never occurred to me that I am already asleep
Don't be the one to be let go
Don't be the one to be alone
-Trapt
Vilkas
Elsa gaped at everyone in sheer confusion. Her lips press into a thin line as her forehead creased.
"What is everyone staring at?" She questioned, bewildered. "Go back to training the whelps."
I held out my hand then recoiled the gesture to help her up. She didn't want me touching her. She never wanted me to again.
Skjor escorted Elsa to Kodlak's old quarters. He seemed more than thrilled to address her as our Harbinger. Or maybe he was going with the act we all had to play.
Aela stared at me with painful eyes. She placed her hand gently on my arm, rubbing it in attempt to comfort me.
"It'll be alright brother." She assured me.
I just looked her blankly.
"No it won't," I said, removing her arm, "it won't ever be."
Entering my room, I grabbed Kodlak's letter from underneath my mattress. Taking a seat on my desk, I unraveled the paper.
I took in a deep breath, shutting my eyes before reading.
I am nothing but filled with remorse. I can't believe how much I've failed as a father. How could I allow this to happen to her? Why didn't I protect her? I've found a cure for this curse, but now I am beginning to realize I don't deserve to walk through the gates of Sovngarde. I don't deserve happiness. Especially when the one thing that matters suffers so.
I'm sorry I failed. I'm sorry I failed all of you. I deserve misery. I deserve what ever punishment the Gods have in store for me.
I am now shifting this letter to you Vilkas.
You were the one who raised my daughter. You taught her all the things I should have taught her. The moments you spent with her, it should have been me. I was wrong. So terribly wrong boy. I should have never doubted how great you are for her.
She deserved something great. Something better than I.
I hope you two remain happy. I hope you can bring our family together once again.
Please tell my daughter that I love her more than she will ever know. Please let her know I did care for her deeply. All I wanted was her happiness.
Please pass that message for me.
I crumbled up the paper in my hands. Rage boiling inside. He escaped the moment things became worse where Elsa was concerned. He ran away.
Despite the love I have for the old man, I'm not sure if his actions are forgivable.
I shot up from the chair as I began pacing back and forth. Punching the wall several times while doing so.
This can't be happening.
I sat at the dining table. Jorrvaskr was filled with silence as everyone else slept soundly in their beds.
The door burst open, revealing the Dragonborn.
"Man! Winter is brutal." He commented loudly. I then noticed his grey shirt had spots of blood on it.
I stared at him skeptically. "What were you doing?"
"Just had some fun." He shrugged. "Something you should learn to do."
My gaze never left him.
Carsen cleared his throat roughly. "How's Elsa?"
"Better than any of us."
"So, they cleared her memories?" Suddenly a doleful expression overtook his facial features. "I can't belive that."
"Why is there blood on your shirt?" I questioned sternly.
The corners of his lips began to tug upwards on his lips. "Wouldn't you like to know?"
I nodded.
"I've learned to blow off steam my own way." His smirk was smacked dab on his face now.
I then began sniffing. Something smelt abnormal about him.
"Are you a-"
"Werewolf. Yes." He answer in a gleeful manner. "Got some random bloak to turn me."
"Why would you want that?"
He shrugged. "Why wouldn't I?" His tone grew more dark as he took a seat diagonally from me, leaning closer. "How about I show you how much fun you've been missing?"
I pursued my lips. Contemplating. I didn't know what to say. Due to certain circumstances it was very tempting, but on the other hand I didn't want to leave Elsa.
Also I knew nothing of this Dragonborn. He seemed so very well-put together, and now... He looks like a crazed necromancer.
"I can also help you control it." He bribed, the conniving smirk never leaving his face.
I scowled at him. "How the hell could you possibly teach me that?"
"I know how to control it." He boasted. "I'm Dragonborn, remember?"
I sighed loudly.
"Come on Companion, one, maybe three nights won't kill you."
Despite my inner argument that was completely absurd. I knew I needed an escape from this hell. And if befriending an absolute lunatic was going to help me find relief for just a short period of time. I was in.
Elsa
I packed up the last thing of my father's with sigh. This just didn't seem like reality.
He actually was gone.
I re-opened the journal that explained his research for a cure. He found one. Now I just needed to put it into motion. Somehow, some way, he'd get his wish.
If I collected all the witch's heads I could cure whomever else no longer wanted the beast blood. It'd be the first time in centuries that the Companions didn't have the beast blood in the inner Circle.
Skjor and Aela would never want the cure - I knew that much. But maybe the brothers would.
I slipped on my black leather jacket, flipping my long hair over it. I wasn't even chilly - I just felt like being bundled up.
Someone then began knocking on my door. I sighed as I took as seat in my father's chair. "Come in." I tossed the journal so it slid underneath the bed.
"Someone wishes to speak with you Harbinger." Skjor escorted a man into the room.
I bit my bottom lip as I took in his appearance. He had short dark brown hair that almost looked black in some lighting. It framed his face perfectly. His blue eyes could be spotted from a mile away.
"How can I help you?" I questioned him, short of breath.
A smirk tugged at the ends of his lips. "I'd like to join the Companions of course. I heard there were openings."
"Your meaning me moving up to Harbinger since my father's death?"
He shrugged his shoulder stiffly. "Well, yeah. Didn't want to say it directly to your face."
"What's your name?" I questioned, cocking an eyebrow. "Do you even know how to fight?"
He then used his hands to show off his body. His tunic was grey, he also worse black trousers with a hole in the knee. It was obvious he had muscles. "Hello, Nord over here..." Rolling his eyes as he answered, "And the name is Nicholas."
I pinched the bridge of my nose with index and middle fingers. "Skjor, please take him out to the yard."
I heard Skjor snort in sheer amusement. "Let's go new blood. I know her well enough to know you're in."
From the corners of my eyes I could see how his ass moved when walked. Why, helloo...
Shaking my head in attempt to wipe the grin off my face, I stood up to retrieve my father's journal once again. Taking a seat in the same place I just was.
"Hey Farkas!" I called, underlining the important information in the journal. "Come here for a second!"
"You called me?" His voice was almost a mumble.
I swung my head over to face him. "No. I'm calling the other Farkas."
"Right..."
"Have a seat." I gestured towards the empty chair across from me.
He cleared his throat roughly as he did as he was told. It was going to take some getting used to. They actually had to listen to me now. Part of me was slightly enjoying it.
"You knew my father seeked for a cure for lycanthropy, am I right?" I inquired with a gentle voice.
He nodded stiffly, wincing at the mentioning of my father. I frowned, guessing he wasn't over his passing. "Sorry, didn't mean to re-open an old wound. But he found one."
His eyes lit up. "Really?"
I nodded. "We need to obtain the Glemoril Witches heads then drop them in some fire pit at Ysgramor's Tomb."
"I'm guessing you would like me to fetch the heads?" He questioned roughly.
"Yes, but I want you to bring a Shield-Sibling. Most likely not Aela or Skjor." I suggested slowly. "They will not like the fact I am planning this."
"One of the whelps?"
"Or your brother?"
His face twisted into an unknown agony. I had no idea where it came from. "Is your brother alright?"
"Yeah, sure he is." He grumbled, standing up. "But he left with the Dragonborn last night."
My mouth opened. "What?"
"Yeah, he left a note saying he didn't know when he'd be back."
It shouldn't bother me this much he left. The only reason it should bother me is the fact the Companions need their whole family here. Together.
So why am I wanting to cry?
Stupid female hormones.
"How about I ask one of the whelps? I'm sure they'd love to get out for once." He offered.
"Thank you Farkas." I forced a small smile until his back was turned.
Silence took over my quarters once again. I began scratching at the wooden table, wondering how my father didn't go mad.
At least we had a new addition to our fun little family. Maybe he'll add some entertainment.
With a small breath I stood up from the chair. I slipped out the clothes I was wearing to put on a light grey medium-sleeved shirt with black shorts before slipping on my blacksmiths apron.
Might as well go forge some things. Not like I don't have the time.
"Harbinger?" I heard Aela's voice from the doorway.
I turned my head to shoot her a quick smile. "What is it?"
"I think Njada is ready to go on a job."
"Then give her one." I answered automatically, sniffing as I collected my forging supplies.
"You don't want to test her arm yourself?"
I cocked an eyebrow as I gaped at her. "Is that something we do?"
"Kodlak used to, before he got ill..."
"Oh."
"Yeah..." She averted her gaze quickly.
Part of me felt like I was an evil heartless being. He died a year ago, and I've moved on quicker than the others.
"Okay," I agreed with a sigh, "I'll test her arm."
I stepped in my bedroom to grab my battle-axe off the weapon rack. Feeling lethargic, I didn't bother putting on armor. Just slipped off my apron.
"Njada!" I heard Aela call. "Meet the Harbinger and I out in the training yard!"
After scooping up my forging supplies - I followed Aela outside.
Despite my Nord blood, it was obvious winter hit. The cold breeze pelted my face like little tiny needles.
Njada stood there in her studded armor. She held her sword and shield with a massive grin on her face.
"Are you ready?" I questioned her as I went down the steps. "This means you are stepping up."
She nodded confidently. "Never been more ready in my whole life."
"Alright," I tried to force a smile, "Let's do this."
I gripped the battle-axe tightly with both hands in a blocking position. "Take a few swings at me."
My eyes grew wide as she began going all assassin on me. It was almost impossible to block her.
Except she had really, really, really bad aim.
"Hold on a minute!" I yelped. "My hair keeps getting in my face."
After a few more swings, she finally paused.
I threw my hair up into a high loose bun before getting back into stance. "Okay, I'm good."
Her eyes kept searching me. I looked at her skeptically. It was making me uncomfortable.
"Any words of wisdom before we begin again?" She pushed.
"Learn to know where your swinging your sword."
She pursued her lips as she nodded. "Okay, lets do this."
Again, she began slashing at me like a crazed person. I was getting a nice work out bench pressing the axe.
"HIIIIIIYUHHHH!" She screamed, jumping in the air.
Aw, shit.
I ducked my head, feeling the blade graze the back of my head. My eyes automatically closed.
"A-are you alright Harbinger?" I heard Njada ask.
I took in a deep breath.
"What's that on the ground?" Aela's voice entered the conversation.
When I heard loud gasps - I really didn't want to know what she found.
"Um, Elsa..." Aela spoke slowly, so slowly it was nerve-racking. "You may want..."
I straightened myself out as I slowly opened my eyes. I took in another deep breath as I turned around to face them.
"What in Oblivion did you do?!" I shrieked, grabbing the huge lock of my former hair. "YOU CHOPPED IT OFF!"
Njada's cheeks flashed a beat red. Her eyes were shaking as she stared at me with a morose expression. "I-I'm so sorry."
My hands shot to my head as I felt what was left of my hair. It was gone. All gone. I felt it to where it now ended, which was right underneath my chin.
"Who's the dude?" A voice chimed in.
I whirled around, almost growling at the new blood. "Shut it."
"Whoa!" His eyes went wide. "Harbinger...I'm sorry."
"Yeah, yeah..." I muttered bitterly as I snatched up my smithing supplies. "Send Njada on a job. Just make sure it's a butcher job!"
"I said I'm sorry!" The whelp called after me. "I didn't mean to!"
"It's fine!"
After stomping of the steps to the Skyforge, I began to calm down. My fingers kept combing through my missing hair, hoping there was some way I could work with this.
A few moments passed until I gave up. With a loud exhale, I slipped on my apron to begin forging.
After bathing in the cleaning quarters. I slipped on a skin-tight black shirt with grey loose trousers.
Nicholas was waiting for me as I exited.
"You know," he ran his eyes up and down, "that attire doesn't help you look like a female with your new do."
"Want to dance pretty boy?" I hissed.
He held up his hands in surrender. "No, no, just giving you constructive criticism."
I swallowed a gust of air before storming towards my quarters. Footsteps mimicked each one of mine.
I swiveled my head around to face the new blood. "Is there a reason you are following me?"
He shrugged. "I'm bored. Is there anything more to do than watch the others brawl?"
"You could meet the Dragonborn on a cliff." I snapped. "Maybe he could show you a shout or two."
"I don't get it."
I ignored him. "And if one happens to hurl you off the cliff...well... oops."
"That was mean."
I smirked. "It was meant to be."
He sucked in his lips, stretching his arms out. "Isn't there another Companion?"
"Yeah. He is absent at the moment." I answered in a low tone.
"Hmmph."
"What?"
"Nothing, wonder if he's anymore exciting than the rest of these guys."
I groaned then continued heading for my quarters. A Dark Elf came into view. I then remembered Kodlak was letting him stay here a while. I think there was another one as well.
"Hi Elsa, I'm Talvas." He greeted kindly.
I felt Nicholas put his chin on my shoulder.
"Hi." I politely responded. "How may I help you?"
The Nord snorted in my ear, causing me to push his face away.
"I just thought I left a few things in here," his index finger tapped his chin, "Guess not."
I followed his eyes. He was staring towards my bedroom. I pulled my eyebrows together in confusion. "A-alright... You may leave now."
He put his hands behind his back, bowing. "Certainly, have a good night Harbinger."
"Good job being creepy." Nicholas commented rudely as the Dark Elf made his leave.
I followed Talvas with my eyes until he turned down the hall. What the hell was he doing?
Scratching my temple in deep thought, I took a seat in the wooden chair by the table. Somehow Nicholas thought he had an invitation to take the other one.
"How do you know him?" He inquired, clearly curious.
I rested my head in my hand. "I don't know. My father has allowed him and some other one stay here."
"You don't know why?"
I shook my head.
"Well, no offense, but your father isn't here anymore. Get rid of them."
"Don't tell me you're one of those..."
He shook his head. "No, but he's snooping through your room. I mean come on..."
"I admit, it seems suspicious." I agreed, "But I will abide my father's wishes. It's the least I can do."
"The least you could do?" His forehead creased, he leaned in closer. "You don't want to be the Harbinger..."
My stomach began rolling in uncomfortable patterns. How in the world could he possibly have already figured that out?
"No, I don't." I admitted sheepishly.
Nicholas did a double take. He had to scramble for a minute. Whatever his comment would have been, clearly no longer applied.
Suddenly he began smirking. "Hey, I could take your place."
"No."
"Why not?"
"You're a whelp."
"I kicked Skjor's ass all the way to Sovngarde."
"He went easy on you."
"You're mean."
"Only when someone is bothering me." I gave him a mocking smile.
He cleared his throat. "I won't say anything to the others."
"About?"
His expression suddenly made me feel doltish. "Oh, right. Thank you."
The Nord leaned in with a goofy grin. "Hey," he then began pulling at my hair. "Your hair is curly."
"It is?"
He nodded. "They...boing..."
"Boing?"
He then said the non-existing word with a sound effect. I choked on the laughter that wanted to come out.
After a while he was finally done pulling at my hair. He stretched his arms out wide as he yawned lazily. "Woo, I'm beat."
"Then go to the whelp's room to sleep."
He clicked his tongue. "But what if that Dark Elf comes back? You need a body-guard." He winked.
I glowered, shaking my head slowly.
"Fine, fine," he raised his hands, "Don't come crying to me when you wake up next to him."
I grabbed an apple off the table to throw at him as he left.
The conversation that just happened suddenly went on repeat in my mind. What if I did decide to step down? Who would take on the role? Who would I choose?
How would I choose?
My mind automatically went to Vilkas, the absent Nord. But somehow him being binded here for life didn't settle well with me.
What the hell is wrong with me?
I grabbed a roll of paper and an inkwell. After rolling out the paper I used wooden bowls to hold it open.
With a loud breath, I began spending the rest of the night making a list of the good and bad of each member.
I had to make a decision if I was ever going to step down.
