Professor McGonagall
"Here, let me," Sirius said, pushing my hands away and picking up my books.
"Thanks." I smiled at him.
I was out of the hospital wing, but Poppy had told me to take things easy.
"Why are you carrying his books?" Peter asked.
"How about you shut up," Sirius retorted.
Peter squeaked and quickly ran away from us.
"You should be nicer to him," James said.
"Why?" Sirius asked.
"Because we're stuck with him for seven years," I said.
"So?" Sirius countered. "I don't like him, there's just something unsettling about him."
"He has a fair point though," James said, "why are you carrying Remus' books?"
Sirius glared at James and didn't answer him.
James gave up and left us.
"D-don't worry about them," I told Sirius. "Thank you for carrying my books for me."
"How's your back?" Sirius asked.
"Tender," I admitted. I had decided that I wasn't going to lie to Sirius any more than I needed to, and even then, I wasn't sure.
I wanted to find Dumbledore and ask him if it was really necessary that I keep this from Sirius, surely I could tell one friend, but because I was afraid of his answer, I hadn't sought him out yet.
"Is there anything I can do?" Sirius asked. "Anything more than carrying your books?"
Sirius had seemed so helpless and that's why I let him carry my books. I knew he hated feeling this way, but in the end, it was only my books.
In the hospital wing, before he was discovered, I heard Sirius whisper that he wished he could take my pain away. It was incredibly sweet, especially against his bad boy persona and how he treated almost everyone else.
"Sirius," I said, carefully wrapping my arm around his shoulders, "you're doing more than enough, mate."
Sirius huffed, clearly not happy with that, but I wasn't sure what else I could get him to do. There had to be something though.
"M-maybe you can come with me," I said shyly, "when Poppy, I mean, when Madam Pomfrey checks my back. Maybe hold my hand or something."
Sirius stopped walking, his eyes searching mine. "You'd want that?" he asked.
I shrugged. "I mean, if you didn't mind. I just… I usually go through all this alone, but I know you want to help and… You don't have to, you know."
"Remy," he said sternly, "I'll come with you, but only if you're comfortable."
"Sirius?" I asked nervously.
"Yeah?"
"Why are you only nice to me?"
"What do you mean?" Sirius turned from me and started walking again, I followed.
"You snap at almost everyone, you swear in front of them, but you're only ever kind to me. Why am I different?"
"Do you want me to treat you like everyone else?" Sirius asked, his voice hard.
"N-no," I faltered.
"Then what does it matter?" Sirius said. "Come on or we'll be late for Transfiguration, you love that class."
I wasn't sure what it was, but I felt as though there was something Sirius wasn't telling me. I knew we were friends and that we were close, but he didn't treat me like everyone else. He was always sticking up for me, showing me his soft side. He didn't even do those things with James and they had declared themselves brothers. It didn't make sense.
Transfiguration finished and I saw this as my opportunity.
"Sirius, can you give me a minute?" I asked. "I need to speak to Professor McGonagall for a second."
"Sure," he said.
Sirius left and I approached McGonagall.
"Mr. Lupin," she smiled, "how are you doing?"
"G-good," I said. "D-do you think I could talk to Prof-Professor Dumbledore sometime?"
McGonagall frowned. "Is this something you can come to me with?" she asked. "I am your head of house and Professor Dumbledore doesn't usually see students. He'd make an exception for you, of course."
Could I ask her? I still thought I needed to see Dumbledore, but maybe I could test my question out on McGonagall first.
"Prof-professor Dumbledore warned me about keeping my secret," I said, trying to keep things vague, "but I don't know how long I can do that for. What happens if I end up in the hospital for more than a day each month? My dormmates are already asking questions. They want to know what happened, how I got hurt. D-do you think Dumbledore would let me tell one of them, just one, so I didn't have to lie all the time, so I had someone to confide in."
"Remus, have a seat? McGonagall said.
This wouldn't be good.
"I'm not sure how much your parents have told you," she said, "and there is no way what I'm about to say reflects upon you, but werewolves, generally, are not a good breed."
My face fell, was she calling me bad?
"Don't misunderstand my words," she said, "because I'm not talking about you, and I'm sure there are more werewolves out there who are inherently good, but the majority are not. Wizarding families, especially pureblood ones, like your dormmates, they've been brought up to think specific things about your kind. Dumbledore took a great risk in allowing you to come here, not everyone agreed, but he talked them into it. I don't think telling anyone is a wise decision and not this early on. You've only know them for a few weeks, Remus."
"I-I don't like lying to them," I said, "can't I just tell one of them?"
"I would strongly advise against it," she said, "but I can't give you that kind of permission, only Dumbledore can. Remus, in the end, it's up to you, but may I offer a suggestion. You're a smart boy, find a way to subtly bring werewolves and lycanthropy into conversation and only then will you understand how they might react. If it's positive, only then would I worry about disturbing Dumbledore with this matter."
I got up to leave.
"And, Remus," she said, "I know it's not the answer you wanted to hear and I'm not the person you wanted to speak to, but remember this, you can always come to me."
I nodded my head and left the classroom.
Sirius was waiting for me and I smiled at him as we headed for Gryffindor Tower. McGonagall was right, she hadn't given me the answer I wanted, but she'd given me something better, another option.
All I had to do was mention lycanthropy and see how James and Sirius reacted, though I wasn't sure if I could handle it if they reacted badly. I didn't want them to hate who I was. Maybe I was better off living in dreamland where Sirius and James accepted me, wolf and all.
