Chapter 8 – UNCOMFORTABLE CONFESSIONS

I was standing in Bella's room with our arms wrapped tightly around each other. "What do you mean he was here? In your room?" I whispered back into her ear. It was then that I looked around and noticed that the window was wide open. Of course I smelled him when I first entered her room, but I figured it was like the rest of the house and it was just his left over smell. I didn't think it was from tonight.

"Yes, he was here in my room." She continued to whisper. "He used to come and watch me sleep, but I didn't think he would still do that."

Instinctively I tighten my arms around her. "Did you know he came here, while you were sleeping?"

"At first I didn't know and that was a little weird, but once we were together I didn't mind. He would come in through the window after Charlie went to sleep." Great, so it seems that Embry wasn't the first guy she slept with, at the time she said it I had a feeling it was Edward, I just really didn't want to go there. So, I wasn't going to take that thought any further tonight, I don't think my brain could handle any more details.

"It's okay, Bella. He won't come back with me here, and the wolves are going to be back on patrol here like we used to starting tomorrow." I whispered back to her, as I leaned my face into her hair and shoulders, and I couldn't smell leech on her anywhere. So it was clear that however long Edward was here they never touched each other.

Charlie walked in clearing his throat and we pulled away slightly from each other. "Can I get you anything?" He asked looking at us both.

"No, thanks Dad, for calling Jake."

"You are welcome, this door stays open tonight." He demanded.

"Yes, sir." I acknowledged. It was then that I noticed he had a pillow in his hands and he hit me over the head with it, probably to release some of the pent up frustration and stress of having to deal with this situation, and then dropped it to the bed. "It had better." He closed his lips together like he debated saying more and I could see in his eyes he was thinking. "Good night you two." With that he turned back out and I heard him walk to his own bedroom.

Bella took a deep breath and rested her head on my shoulder. "I thought for sure you were going to be sent to the couch."

I smiled. "Yeah, me too. Are you going to make me stand here all night?"

She slapped my shoulder. "Of course not." She scooted over and I grabbed the pillow and placed it at the head next to hers. I laid down next to her and she curled up next to my side. Bella's bed is bigger than mine so we were able to lay comfortably next to each other.

"Do I even want to know why he was here?" I asked cautiously.

"It really wasn't that big of a deal. He just wanted to apologize and tell me how sorry he was."

"Yeah I'm sure he was sorry. That he got caught." I mumbled.

"Jake be nice. As usual he completely blamed himself for everything, including me having you as my friend."

"Why does he have anything to do with that?" I didn't like thinking about him having anything to do with the friendship between us. I shifted around a little trying to get myself more comfortable.

"Well, if he had never left than we wouldn't have gotten as close."

"Yeah, I guess." That was not easy to admit to, I didn't like it at all.

"Anyways, he asked me if I wanted him there at school tomorrow."

"Wasn't that nice of him." I mumbled sarcastically.

She rolled over so that her back was to me. "If you're not going to be nice, I'm not talking to you."

"Oh come on Bells. How do you expect me to react to him?" I rolled over so that I was facing her back. "And there has to be more to him being here, other than some lame apology otherwise I wouldn't be here."

"Yeah, you're right." She rolled back over and we were facing one another. "But it wasn't really anything he did, other than being here. It was so hard seeing him again, and I wasn't prepared for it. You know I fell asleep in your lap, and then next thing I knew I was in my own bed and he was over in the rocking chair."

I could see where that would be freaky. "Did Charlie ever see him?"

"No, I didn't mean to freak out with him here, I was just surprised. And then I got angry and when I told him to leave, I got too loud and woke up Charlie. Dad tried to comfort me, but you know how we are, neither of us handle emotions together very well. He was so sad, and I can't help but feel responsible, when Edward bolted from the window it was like loosing him all over again."

"Bells, don't let him rope you back in."

"He hasn't, but I hate this. It is just not the same . . ." I could see the tears sliding down her cheeks.

"Come here." I slipped one arm around her waist and brought the other one around to her neck and shoulder. At the same time she brought her arms under mine and around to my back. I could feel her chest pressed into mine and it felt good, I tried to keep my thoughts in check, but I couldn't help it. The blood drained from my brain and before I realized what I as doing I squeezed her even tighter to me.

"Um . . . Jake?" I released her, and as she pulled away her eyes darted down. For a moment neither of us knew what to say.

"I'm sorry. Uh . . . I . . . didn't mean it." This was so embarrassing and literally uncomfortable. I sat up and turned away so that I could fix the problem, I looked over my shoulder and she had rolled over with her back to me.

"This is so not fair to you." She mumbled.

"Don't worry about it." I laid back down next to her, to try and prove that I could and everything was fine, but I didn't touch her.

"But if that is what your thinking."

"I'm not." Or at least trying not to.

"Jacob. . ." She said doubtfully.

"Don't worry about me," I insisted. "I know what I am getting myself into. Just tell me if I'm upsetting you."

"I don't know . . ."

"Do you want me to leave?" I sat back up again. I really didn't want to go, but I would if she wanted me to. Once again I had a feeling like I was about to be sent to the couch.

"No. But that seems so selfish."

"Well, I want to be here. Does that make me selfish?"

"I guess not. I just wish that I could be the girl that you want me to be."

"Bella, look at me. Please." She rolled back over and I turned my head to look at her. "Please don't let what happened change what you think of me. Do I ever think of you like that? Yes, and I'm sorry if that makes this" – I gestured with my hand between us – "uncomfortable, but you are more than that to me. You are also my best friend."

"You're my best friend too."

"I know that, and I'm not asking for anything more than that." Once again I laid back down next to her, but still wasn't sure if I should touch her.

"Thanks Jake." She lifted my arm and interlaced our fingers together. "Is this okay?"

"It is great." I lifted up our hands and kissed the back of her hand. "Is that okay?"

"Yeah, it is great."

We didn't say anymore and slowly each of us drifted off to sleep. This night was much better than last night, she never talked or said anything, which I am really grateful for with Charlie's open door policy, and she only cried twice during the night. I heard Charlie stir a few times, but he never got up out of bed. Each time she cried I would wrap my arms around her until she stopped then she would lay her head on my chest and settled one arm across my waist. We both got past the awkwardness from earlier and it was secure and comforting to be laying together.

We both woke up to the sound of her alarm clock, together we stretched. "Did you sleep okay?" She asked.

"Not bad," I tried to stifle a huge yawn and failed. "Not bad at all."

Bella giggled and I laughed back with her. We both got up from the bed and she went to her closet for her school clothes while I went to the bathroom and freshened up. I found some toothpaste and an unused toothbrush sitting on the counter, that was nice of Charlie to set that out. After I brushed my teeth I washed my face with soap and went to the kitchen.

Charlie was sitting at the kitchen table with a bowl of cereal in front of him. We nodded our heads in acknowledgement of each other as I walked over to the cabinet and got a bowl and filled it with cereal and milk and joined Charlie at the table. I heard Bella leave her room and go into the bathroom.

"How did it go?" Charlie asked.

"Better than the other night." I shrugged.

"Well that is good."

We settled into a comfortable silence. Bella joined us a few minutes later, she had on simple jeans and a plaid long sleeve shirt. Her hair was pulled back in a pony tail and her face was clean and I could see some water around her face where she washed it.

"Hey," she said to us both and got her some cereal for breakfast.
"Well, I'm heading out." Charlie stood and placed his bowl in the sink. "I'm meeting with a local family about their son who is missing in Seattle so I need to get some things together before they come over."

"Alright, see ya Dad." Bella gave him a soft smile.

He walked over and gently patted her hand resting on the table. "Don't forget to lock up behind yourself." Then he opened the door and walked out.

"I always do," Bella mumbled and then sighed.

She stirred the cereal around in her bowl and then she pulled her legs up to her chest.

"Are you alright Bells?"

"Yeah I'm just nervous about today."

"Just pretend like he is not there and be with your other friends. Actually that reminds me, you never did say if he was going to be there."

"No, he agreed that him and Alice wouldn't be there, the last thing they need is another diploma." She mumbled. "However, that's the problem, I don't have a life outside of him."

"There has got to be other people that you hang out with. There was the awful movie that we went to I don't remember who, but there was suppose to be other people there."

"Yeah, but that was different."

"Did you secretly really want to have a date with just me and Mike?" I smiled at the memory.

She rolled her eyes and shook her head. "No, that was really awkward.

"How is it different now than it was then?"

"Edward wasn't an option then." She shook her head. "But that is not really it."

"What is it?" I reached out and took her hand.

"I have never been without him before?"

For a moment I was so confused. "Bella that is not even close to true. He was gone for six months."

"But, I never let go of him."

"What do you mean?" Now I was even more confused than before.

She bit down hard on her bottom lip and tried to look where I couldn't see her face. "Everything we did together was about him."

"What?" My arms started shaking, I was hoping that I just misunderstood her and that she didn't really mean that.

"I'm sorry, I know I should have told you sooner."

"I don't understand, what you are telling me now?"

"I figured out that when I did something dangerous that I could hear his voice in my head. So when I brought the bikes over to you I wanted them fixed so that I could be closer to him."

"And the cliff diving?" She nodded her head in affirmation. I felt like everything important in my life was being ripped from me. I knew that I loved her more than she did me, but I could see the love in her eyes when she looked at me. Or at least I had convinced myself that she loved me.

"You let me think I had a chance. How could you?"

"I tried to tell you . . ." Her tears cut her off, and she brought her hands over her face.

I was too angry to care about her tears, my whole body started shaking, I was so upset. "Well damn Bells. Next you're going to tell me that you flirted with me to get information on the Cullens." Weird how hearing it out loud gave it perfect clarity. How did I not see that before? "Holy shit, you did didn't you!" I accused.

"Yes," she continued to sob.

"I can't believe this. Has everything been a lie? Are we even friends at all?"

"Jake, please." She reached out and touched my shaking shoulder and I jumped up from the table.

"Don't touch me."

"Of course we're friends. You're my best friend." Bella pleaded.

"Based on what? Warm soda and conversation hearts, or was that all about him too?" I sneered.

"No. I admit that my motives were way off, and I am sorry that I used you. But YOU were able to put me back together again, not for him, but because I like being with you."

"Why?" I demanded. I could see her eyes blinking back fresh tears and she chewed on her lip. Her answer was taking way too long. "Whatever, Bella. I'm out of here, have a great day at school."

"No, Jake wait." She stood up from the table taking a few shaky steps towards me.

"Not this time." I walked out the door to my Rabbit and backed out and drove to school.