A/N: How are we doing so far? I hope this chapter helps a little to ease the pain left from the previous one. I know it helped me. Thanks for every review posted, especially solveariddle, WhereAreWeGoing and GeneHarlow, who so nicely have done for every chapter so far. To all Guests reviews who I can't reply to (WickedHouse and Coco too) know they all mean so much to me too. And to the others who do not post reviews but tell me again and again how much you love the story, you know who you are ;) Thanks!
She's looking at herself in the mirror. Lightly touching the side of her face where is still red, her lip that is no longer bleeding but showing a small purple bruise, and her neck; where red lines are marking her light skin.
"You should've let me take you to the hospital." I observe from the bedroom door and I startle her, making her jump a little. "Or at least had let the paramedics checked you."
"I'm not going to the hospital for these. It's just bruises. They'll go away in a few days. I've had worse." She comments like it's no big deal but I feel her words like a knife twisting into my heart. I don't want to imagine the many times she must have been hurt before to make her say something like that. I briefly remember Shelby, that night when I came to her house after she had called the police and saw what he had done to her sons, and to her. She looks now like she did that night. Serene but vigilant; cautious after having won a terrible battle. I know she's a fighter, always has been probably, but I also wish I could've had protected her all those other times, even when I hadn't even met her. But I know that's kind of impossible.
"Norma," I begin as she is looking for something to wear to bed. "We need to talk about this. About what happened. About what are we going to do with Norman…" I mention slowly and wait for a reaction. I don't want her to have another meltdown now after she somehow stopped crying. Her rapid change of desperate wailing to apparent placidness was so fast it almost gave me whiplash. I think she was partly in shock, but also know Norma has always been mercurial, her emotions changing rapidly from the iciest cold to the volcanic hot, and I'm not new to witnessing them.
I can only imagine her fragile state now after going through what she did tonight. I only know what I saw, and from her injuries, what probably happened before I came home. Aside from that, she hasn't said a word since the paramedics arrived, since they assisted Norman and loaded him to the ambulance to transport him to Pineview. Since he technically still is a patient there, just my phone call was needed to have them take him back tonight. He had regained consciousness, well, sort of, he was awake but he didn't seem to remember anything.
She had been eerily calm through the whole process. As soon as they had started working on him, she went to the bathroom and came back with her robe on, covering her neck bruises and torn clothes. Face washed of all tears. After he was awake and I saw he was not violent anymore, I took the handcuffs off him. Norma kissed him on his forehead and saw him get taken away. Then she went back upstairs and I found her in the bedroom.
"I don't want to talk about it. I'm fine. I told you I'm fine." At that same moment her throat gives up from the effort of talking and she coughs a little. "And Norman… well, he had a black out. He didn't know what he was doing, and now he's in Pineview. We'll just wait and hear what the doctors say."
"Even if he was blacked out, even if he doesn't remember, he hurt you, Norma." I say and she looks at me like I've just thrown ice water over her head.
"Alex. I just want to go to bed. I'm exhausted. Can we talk about it another time?" She mutters and goes into the bathroom.
I wake up hours later to the absence of her. I touch her side on the bed and notice is cold which means she left it a while ago. Looking at my watch on the end table I see is 3am and then I faintly hear her. In a second I'm standing and walking towards the bathroom in the darkness, the light under the door telling me she is in there. I listen for a few seconds before I slowly open the door.
"Norma?" I call opening the door completely. She's on the floor, resting her head on the side of the tub, hugging her legs to her chest. Her cries only grow stronger when she sees me. The need for silence not necessary anymore after she sees I'm already awake.
Her eyes are red and puffy from crying. I approach her slowly, intensely aware that she's still hurting, and I sit next to her on the floor. I wrap my arm tentatively around her; she reluctantly rests her head on my shoulder, and lets out the sob she's been holding in all this time.
"He had a gun." She cries in between hiccups and I'm confused for a moment. I didn't see a gun anywhere.
"You're safe now, Norma, I'm here, you're safe." I repeat over and over again, moving my hand on her back in soothing circles, trying in vain to calm her down.
"That night, when I called you, that night you took him to Pineview. He had a gun. I was scared of my own son!" She weeps and I'm shocked at her revelation. Her voicemail that night sounded final enough for me to run to her house, terrified of what I would encounter once there, but I never saw a gun, she never told me that.
"I'm sorry, Norma." I try to reassure her and press a gentle kiss to her temple.
She's hugging me now, crying into my chest and letting the words rush out of her mouth. "This was worse." She blurts out and I feel the air leave my chest. And then her harrowing description of what happened comes next.
"He jumped at me; he put his hands around my neck…" She sobs against my chest. "I tried to get him off me. I kept calling out his name but he wouldn't listen. Maybe he hit me… I don't remember how I hurt my face. I couldn't breathe! My son, he tried to…" She stops.
'He tried to kill you.' I finish her thought in my mind. She's leaving other things out; her torn clothes, her other injuries… but I can't ask her about that now. I won't push her to face any of it until she wants to.
I can't find words to soothe her. I just hug her tighter, let her cry until she is finished, all the while running my hands down her arms and back, murmuring sweet nothings into her hair, hoping that she feels safe now.
By the time her tears stop, she has leaned heavily against me, the exhaustion of the night finally catching up with her. I stand up with her in my arms and carry her back to the bedroom. I put her down and cover her with the sheet, get into bed next to her, and make a promise again. "I will protect you, Norma. I'm sorry I couldn't protect you before, or from your son, but I'm here now. I'm not going anywhere." I vow out loud, my voice breaking the silence of the night, of our darkened bedroom, but I doubt she heard me. She is finally asleep.
After both of us woke up later than usual and had a late breakfast, I went to watch some TV since Norma announced she was going to clean the kitchen and refused my offer for help. I've always thought she's a little obsessed with cleaning, but today her mind could use some distraction, so I left her to her chores. I'm glad it's Saturday and I can not only stay in and rest, but also keep her company. I wouldn't feel at ease leaving her alone after last night's events.
I hear glass crashing on the kitchen and go to investigate. "What happened?" I ask her.
"Nothing. Just a broken plate." She answers in a sharp tone but it doesn't look like some kitchen accident, it looks like she purposely threw stuff around.
"Do you need help?"
"No, Alex. I can clean some broken glass on my own."
"Ok, but be careful." I sigh and leave her to it.
I hear some more glass breaking and I feel she's going to take all her frustration and anger out on her china. After a few minutes she comes into the living room, holding her hand wrapped in a kitchen towel.
"I hurt my hand." She explains softly.
"Norma." I say apologetically. "Where's your first aid kit?"
"Bathroom."
I go retrieve it and come back to her. She's sitting on the sofa, hands on her lap, looking like a scared little girl.
"Let me see." I instruct while unwrapping her hand from the bloody towel. "Ok, it's not that bad. I don't think you need stitches."
"Oh. But there was so much blood."
"Yes, because it's the hand. Lots of tiny veins." I put the bandage firmly into her small cut.
"Thanks."
"You're welcome." I smile at her and her face softens. She releases a huge exhale and leans into me. I sit back on the sofa, letting her settle next to me. She tucks her legs under her and rests her body against my side. I wrap my arm around her.
"Alex. I want to go see Norman." She whispers. I knew this was coming but didn't think it was going to be that fast. "I don't want to go alone. Would you go with me?" She finishes and I feel so many things at once: rage at remembering what he did to her, fear that she might want Norman to come back home again, and sadness that she feels scared to see him alone.
"Yes, Norma, of course I'll go with you. When do you want to go?"
"I don't know yet. Soon, I think."
"Ok, you let me know."
"Alex, thank you for being here, for making me feel safe, it's still true. I've always felt safe when you were here."
I hug her tightly, feeling thankful I didn't lose her last night. The relief washing over me that I came back when I did.
"I'm sorry I couldn't protect you this time. I'm sorry Norman hurt you. I'm so, so sorry." I swallow my own emotions. I have to be strong for her.
"It's not your fault; none of it is your fault."
The rest of the day and evening went without anything else being broken. I helped Norma cook. Well, she let me chop some vegetables, which she then proceeded to cut into the exact shapes and sizes she wanted. She told me I was a good sheriff but that my talent was not in the kitchen. I felt slightly wounded but she smiled at my hurt expression and gave me a quick kiss to soothe my bruised ego. It was such a lighthearted and simple moment, nothing like the previous night, but I knew the dark clouds could not be far away for long. There was still much left to deal with, but for now we enjoyed each other's company and the chance for a relaxing evening.
We ate and then I did the dishes since Norma had the cut on her hand. She assured me it was healed, and to be honest, it almost was. I noticed with relief the red mark on her face was gone and her neck was looking better too, although you could still see some bruising on it.
Even with the only activities of the day having been cooking, eating, and watching TV, we are both extremely tired and decide to go to bed early. I come in to the bedroom as Norma is already changing her clothes. She's dressed only in her underwear and I stop my movements when I catch sight of the marks on her body. Aside from the scratch marks I had seen on her thigh, there is another bruise I hadn't seen yet, on the back of her thigh. Without more clothes covering her, the marks on her neck and her thighs seem more intense than ever. She looks so vulnerable. I want to make sure the person who did this to her never sees the light of day or freedom ever again. Easier said than done.
She notices my eyes on her and just keeps on going. She moves next to the bed, starts taking the comforter off it, and I move to the other side to help her. Once the bed is unmade, she takes off her bra, and puts on her nightgown quickly in an attempt to cover her injuries rather than her nudity from my eyes. We get into bed.
She moves closer to me and puts her arm across my stomach. I wrap my arm around her and she rests her head on my shoulder the way she likes to. She then kisses my cheek, lingers there, breathes me in.
"Alex? I don't want to have sex tonight." She surprises me. Nothing is further from my mind; I did not expect her to want to be intimate so soon after last night.
"Norma, please. You don't need to worry about that now."
"But I do want to be close to you. And I want you to kiss me. Is that okay?"
I look into her big beautiful eyes and move a blonde curl out of her face, and she leans in. The kiss in soft but passionate, vehement in its intention. The emotions of the last two days flowing between us, our lips and tongues finding the reaffirmation that she's alive, breathing and pulsing in my arms. She sighs softly and ends the kiss.
"It won't be long."
"You tell me when you're ready."
"Goodnight, Alex."
"Sleep well, Norma."
The drive back from Pineview has been silent. When Norma woke up she said she wanted to go today so I took her. Dr. Edwards wanted to talk to Norma and she had wanted me there too.
I've never heard of that diagnosis before. Dissociative Identity Disorder; which apparently makes Norman experience a disturbance in his identity, and different personalities can take control of his brain and his behavior. The doctor also mentioned he has traits of Oedipus complex. No wonder the kid is so messed up. I feel bad for him and I feel bad for Norma. It must not be easy to hear that your child is sick.
We arrive at the house. Norma quickly gets out and goes up the outside stairs. After I've done the same and had gone up halfway, she turns around and starts running downstairs and then towards the motel.
"Norma! Where are you going?" She doesn't stop or answers me so I follow her.
She's already opening the door to Room 1 when I catch up with her. She enters the room and starts looking at the windows, moving curtains out of the way. She goes into the bathroom and does the same to the windows there. The lamp hits the floor, as does the phone and clock on the table, she's moving objects out of the way without care in her haste to find something.
"Norma, what are you doing? What are you looking for?"
She's panicking. I already know the telltale signs. Her breathing is fast, her movements are erratic, and her eyes are wild. She'll be screaming any minute now.
"Norman said he spied on us. I don't know how, but he said so."
"What?" I try to understand her. In my desire to calm her I grab her shoulders and she flinches like I burned her.
"He said he saw us having sex here! He told me!" And she takes off running again.
With what Dr. Edwards revealed to us today and Norman's behavior ever since I married his mother; his jealousy, his possessiveness, his assault on her. Some things are starting to make sense now.
When I enter the living room Norma is already hysterical.
"He kept saying 'You are mine' and 'You told me this is what you wanted'." She's pacing around.
The 'mine' comment takes my mind back to our conversation in Florida, when he told me the same thing.
"Norma, I'm sorry I have to tell you this now but he said the same thing to me once; that you were his, that he would not share you with me. And he was not blacked out when he said it. I didn't mention it because I didn't want you to worry. Now I feel stupid for not foreseeing something like this could happen."
She's shaking her head 'no', trying to deny the truth she already knows.
"I found a hole in the wall, at the motel, straight through the wall to the office. He probably did spy on us."
"He didn't know what he was doing." She's walking backwards, putting distance between her and me.
"You and I are not psychiatrists but you heard Dr. Edwards. He's sick. Norman is sick. And he hurt you."
"You don't think I know that?! He had his hands around my neck! I couldn't breathe. The person who I gave birth to was trying to…" She stops.
'To kill me', but she still can't say it. How could she? How could any mother? I see her put her hand on her neck like she's reliving the whole moment again.
"I also think Norman is in love with you." She looks at me with pain in her eyes.
"He's my son!"
"A son that tried to force himself on you!"
She gasps and her demeanor is that of a wounded animal, caged, desperately trying to run. I hate myself for telling her this. But I can't let her take Norman out of that institute, not now, not again.
"And I hope you're not thinking of letting him out of Pineview. You did it once and look what happened!" As soon as the words leave my mouth I regret them but the fear that she might be hurt by him again is too grand, too impossible for me to ignore.
"Shut up! Leave me alone! Leave me the hell alone!" She screams with all the fury her body can muster and runs upstairs.
I press my fingers down on the bridge of my nose and sit down on the sofa. I put my head between my hands and hear her crying upstairs. When I go later to check up on her she has fallen asleep, curled up and sniffing like a small child.
I'm running but I don't know where to. My feet get buried on the ground and it's becoming difficult to move. But I won't stop. I keep running. I feel like someone is trying to catch me and I must keep moving. There is only darkness around me and I can barely see anything beyond the reach of my hands. The wind is picking up, and I suddenly feel very cold, my hair and my skirt blowing furiously against me. I'm alone. Why am I alone?
Then I hear thunders and I look up to the sky in fear as it opens up with the light striking brightly against its blackness. It immediately starts to rain and I try to run for cover but there's nowhere to hide. The sand is getting wet making it harder for my feet to move, but I have to get away from the boisterous thunders, from whoever is following me. Where is Alex? Where is Norman?
The rain has already soaked my clothes and my skin is covered with goose bumps. I try to generate heat by moving my hands together and rubbing them down my own arms. But I'm so cold. The wind picks up, the rain comes down on me mercilessly, and the thunders make fun of my fear roaring loudly above me. Suddenly I see a path in front of me and I follow it.
I arrive at a tranquil beach, where the sun is shining and the breeze is blowing softly. I walk towards a giant sand castle that has been built. It is beautiful. Then I see a little girl. She must be about six years old. She's blonde and blue eyed. Her hair is tied in two lovely braids that fall down each side of her face.
"Hi." I greet her in the voice I reserve for small children.
"Hi." She greets back. I look around and don't see any adults around.
"Are you here by yourself? What's your name?"
"Yes." She looks suspiciously at me. "I'm Norma."
I gasp in mild surprise. I've never met anyone with my name. Certainly not a little girl. She suddenly starts crying, and I try to comfort her but she won't stop.
"He destroyed my castle." She laments and I look around to see who she is talking about.
"Who? Who destroyed your castle?"
"I have to go." She replies.
"Wait! Where are you going? Where are your parents?"
She turns around, no tears on her face, and smiles at me. "I don't have any parents. I'm you."
And then I wake up.
I try to catch my breath, startled from the nightmare and the sudden rush of blood as I woke up too fast. My heart is beating wildly in my chest and I feel my pulse at the base of my throat. Is such an odd sensation to know your heart is beating, feeling it pumping strongly against your chest, but also being irrationally afraid that you're somehow dying.
The room is bathed in darkness, but I see him seated on the chair, his legs relaxed in front of him as he slouches deep in sleep. I turn the beside lamp on.
"Alex." I call out for him. "Alex." I repeat louder and he hears me this time.
He sits up straight, moves to release the kinks out of his neck, and rubs his eyes.
"Hey. You're awake."
"I had a nightmare. Why are you in that chair?"
"I didn't want to disturb you."
"You never disturb me."
"You seemed pretty angry at me earlier."
"I'm sorry."
"I understand. You had to be angry at someone, you needed an outlet. I know you said to leave you alone, but I couldn't. I needed to stay..."
"Because you promised."
"Never to spend another night apart." We whisper in unison and we smile at each other.
"Come here." I invite him and he moves closer, sits next to me on the bed, his back against the headboard. I quickly press myself against his side.
"I'm sorry, Alex. It's just, it's all too much. My heart is breaking for him, but I also don't want to spend another day, or night, without you. I already tried to live away from you and I couldn't. I need you." My voice is breaking because of the tears I'm holding back.
"I need you too, Norma. And I will never leave you."
"I… what he did… I can't ignore it anymore. He told me once he was attracted to me and I thought I managed it. I didn't want him to feel scared or bad so I downplayed it. But I was so scared, Alex. When I realized what he was trying to do..." I can't hold back my sobs anymore. "I couldn't go through that again. Not my son. I fought and screamed at him; I tried to make him remember I was his mother, but his eyes were gone." I feel him hugging me tighter.
"I'm sorry."
"It's okay. I'm sorry I denied this for so long. I'm sorry I had to see him like that to believe he could actually hurt me."
I take a deep breath, because there are still things I need to say, things that I feel like the weight of the world on my shoulders.
"I'm tired of surveying the damage. I'm tired of trying to hold everything back together, even when it's slowly falling apart, I can't do it anymore!" I cry into his chest.
"Everything will be okay." I hear him whisper to me.
"I feel guilty for being happy... and I feel like a bad mother. Like I failed him."
"Norma, is not your fault either."
"Thank you for saying that."
"I mean it." He's pressing kisses into my hair.
We keep hugging each other tightly. I feel like I'm at sea but I'm not scared anymore. I'm not cold, or lost. I don't feel like I'm drowning. His solid chest is serving as my saving board, rising and falling softly with his even breathing, and I feel myself being lulled by the waves. He's running his fingers through my hair. I swear I can feel the warm breeze on my skin.
I feel the storm is finally dying down. I think we might have survived the hurricane. I am safe now.
TBC…
