CHAPTER EIGHT

Amnesia.

They had never considered it.

Chakotay stared at Kathryn Janeway, confused. He didn't know her yet she seemed distraught. She'd retreated about two steps before Tom's hand on her shoulder steadied her. Her gaze shifted from him to the Doctor, her eyes swimming with tears.

"Where...am...I...?" he asked.

It was the doctor who stepped forward.

"You are on the Federation vessel, USS Voyager, Chakotay." It was immediately apparent that the Doctor didn't call him 'Commander'.

"I've been captured?" he asked, the voice slow, hoarse as he fixed his gaze on Kathryn Janeway again, then pointing to Tom Paris.

"Why - is that - mercenary in uniform?"

"Commander," the Doctor started and sick as he was, Chakotay caught on to that.

"Commander? I'm Maquis, not Starfleet. Not...anymore..."

"Captain, perhaps you should return later?"

"No, Doctor. Commander Chakotay is obviously suffering from memory loss."

"You were sent to capture me?" he asked, then suddenly he cried out as he succumbed to the pain again.

The Doctor, Tom and Kathryn Janeway watched stunned as Chakotay's eyes closed again.

"What the hell is happening, Doctor?"

"Well, Captain, if he doesn't know who you are, I'd say his last recollections must be while in the Badlands - "

"He hates me..." Tom said abstractedly.

"And, he has lost almost seven years of his life..." the Doctor added.

"He hates me..." Tom whispered again, his eyes suddenly flashing with a kind of fear.

"He doesn't know me," Kathryn Janeway said with quiet despair. "He doesn't know that - that..." Her face creased as she battled to hold back the tears.

"I'm sorry, Captain," the Doctor said as he turned to face her.

She stepped forward to touch Chakotay's cheek, her palm resting for long moments against his pallid skin. Then she gave a soft sob, turned on her heels and hastily left the sick bay.

Tom wanted to run after her, but the Doctor held him back.

"We'll call her later, Mr Paris. We have to establish a few things first. It's clear alright that the Commander knows who he is, but about six and half years of his life have been wiped out. He hates you, doesn't recognize the captain at all. I'd say that places him in the Badlands with one Gul Evek hot on his tail. I can't say for certain that those memories will come back, but right now we need to set about making things comfortable for the Commander and ensure that none of the new things or knowledge he will encounter over the next few days will come as too much of a shock to him..."

"Doctor," Tom responded, "I don't think you realise just how much of a shock it's going to be. He has never been well-disposed towards me, even when I saved his life on Ocampa! Always hated my guts. That his life belongs to me will mean squat. He's deadly ill, but he looked ready to kill me."

"Mr Paris, you may be the last of his problems. He has no idea who Captain Janeway is. Ostensibly he has never met her, or known of her."

"Hell, that's true, Doc. He doesn't know he's the First Officer of this vessel."

"Or, that he's in the Delta Quadrant."

"Married to the Captain, for God's sake..."

The two men looked again at the patient, relieved for the moment that he was sleeping. They had a problem which had to be worked at very quickly, and the only person to guide them through this was the woman Chakotay was married to. The woman who was his wife, and mother of his little baby girl.

"What can be done about his condition, Doc?" Tom asked as he stood, hands on his hips.

"While he's sleeping, nothing yet. But I'll be going through the database, see what I can come up with."

"How long will this condition last?"

"It's hard to say. Even I can't tell you that, Mr Paris. Now, shall we get on with our work?"

Tom gave a sigh. He'd have to tell B'Elanna as soon as he went off duty. But he reckoned that the Captain would hold and emergency briefing meeting. Most probably, once she's calmed down, she'd be back in sick bay to speak with the doctor before she comes to any decision. He felt sorry for the Captain. Her eyes had gone from high expectation, shining as she realised Chakotay was awake at last, to utter distress when he didn't recognise her. Tom shook his head. It was much, much harder on her than anyone else on board. What was Chakotay going to say when he learns that half his crew died when they were whisked to the Caretaker's Array, that his remaining crew merged with Voyager?

"Commander," Tom whispered, "I don't envy Captain Janeway her position..."

She stumbled out of sick bay, unable to control the despair that washed over. She had gone in a few moments from being the Captain of the vessel, a woman, wife and mother to the most important man in her life, to being someone Chakotay didn't recognise at all. It was not just a simple case of being completely disoriented after lying four days in a coma, but Chakotay's confusion had been real, too real for them not to realise the implications of his type of amnesia. She had read many times of individuals who had lost years of their lives, not just the total amnesia of not knowing your own identity. Perhaps that would have been more merciful, then they would have been able to lead him more gradually, gently to an understanding of his situation and the manner in which he had touched the lives of others.

Chakotay's amnesiac condition meant that all his recollections, all his old biases against the Federation, his dislike of Tom, of Tuvok, would be reverted to and none of the growth he had experienced would count for anything. In fact, none of his experiences in the last almost seven years that allowed him to evolve to the man who was Voyager's First Officer and her husband, would count. He'd have to learn of those experiences. How long this current condition would last was impossible to tell.

She was still shivering by the time she reached her quarters. Straightening up, she entered her codes. She knew Susan was waiting for her so that she could go off duty.

"Captain!" Susan exclaimed as she walked quickly to meet Kathryn just as Kathryn stood inside her doorway. "Is everything alright? Captain?"

When Tara saw her mother she starting crying immediately, leaning over towards Kathryn, almost pitching out of Susan's arms. Kathryn crooned for a few seconds until Tara had calmed down.

"Is everything alright, Captain?" Susan repeated her question.

Kathryn gave a deep sigh, kissed Tara on her forehead before she looked at Susan.

"Susan, until I give the official word on it later tonight, you are to tell no one as yet." Kathryn smiled wanly. "Not even Noah..."

Susan's eyes widened. She knew something wrong with Commander Chakotay.

"The Commander, Captain? He isn't - ?"

"No, Susan, not as drastic," Kathryn stated. "Commander Chakotay is suffering from amnesia - "

"Captain?"

"He has no recollection of the last six and a half years of his life, Susan." Kathryn Janeway held Tara closer to her as she said the words, buried her face against her baby for a few agonising moments. Susan thought that Captain was about to burst into tears, but when the Captain looked at her again, her eyes were red, like she was on the verge but fought against weeping.

"Captain...?" Susan whispered. "I'm awfully sorry to hear that, Captain. I - I won't say anything until you've informed everyone..."

"Thank you, Susan. Dismissed," she added softly.

"Aye, Captain."

When the door closed behind Susan, Kathryn held Tara close to her while she gave a few wracking sobs. It was all Tara needed to cry again and she started wailing plaintively as Kathryn walked to her bedroom and sat down on the edge of the bed. Minutes later she dried her tears.

"Oh, sweet Tara, how am I going to tell your Daddy about you?"

TBC

READERS PLEASE NOTE: The wrong part was uploaded for ch. 9 so I deleted it. The new chapter 9 will be up shortly. Thanks so much.