Author's Note: I'm extremely sorry for the late update; I lacked inspiration.
Chapter 8 –失わ記憶: Lost Memories
Eren's POV
I gasped for breath as I stared at the red, bleeding sky. My thoughts were racing of my friends, my parents, Mikasa, and most of all, Captain. I can't die here; I can't accept a fate like this. Captain, please find me! I choked at my tightness of my throat, I felt miserable and weak like the life out of me was being sucked away beyond my control. Captain, where are you?
"Eren," someone was shaking me. Was it you captain? "Eren, look at me, please."
My vision grew a little bit clearer and looked up to see my beaten captain on the verge of tears. He held unto me, my whole body being supported by his arms because I was numb all over and he was trying to keep me up so that I won't leave him.
"C-Captain…" I gasped. "Don't cry."
"Idiot, does it look like I'm crying? Stay up, Eren. Stay up for me; help is on the way."
I managed to let out a small laugh but squinted my eyes shut in pain when I coughed blood out. I could feel Levi tighten his strong arms around me and I felt like some part of my soul came back. I was trying to fight it, but I knew I was coming to an end. Levi was trembling; I know he was he's hiding his fear. I know he doesn't want to lose me; the worst thing for him is that, he knows I'm already slipping away.
"Eren, don't overexert yourself. Hold on."
"I'm so sleepy captain…" I gathered some strength to reach out and touch his face. "I want to… sleep…"
There was a painful look in his eyes and I wish I could take it all away. I'm not good enough to do that in this condition; he held my hand, intertwined his fingers to mines and he kissed the back of my hand. Oh no, I'm crying. Stop crying! Stop crying, Eren, stop crying! You look so pitiful dying with tears falling down your eyes. You have to stay strong for him, you have to stay—
"Don't sleep you useless brat, don't leave me. Don't." I could hear the panic in his voice now.
"I'm sorry Captain… I tried…" I pressed my head on his chest and smiled. "But it's okay, even if it's like this."
"No, shithead, don't say that. Help is almost here, help will—"
"…will not help me…" I said, reaching for his face one more. "Kiss me goodbye?"
I know he didn't want to do it. From that pause and the shocked look in his eyes knew he wasn't prepared. He was prepared that I was going to die, but he was not prepared for goodbye. I understood his position completely, but my mind is becoming empty and my tears were running dry. My body just wanted to shut down and sleep. I really am tired; I was lucky enough that my body was able to return to my human form despite me becoming one of those monsters we've been fighting for years. I was lucky enough to have been saved by him, and Captain Erwin. I was lucky enough to be loved and to love in return. But how does it feel to have no one to love anymore?
"C-Cap… Levi…?" I croaked. "I want you to listen to me…"
He was quiet, waiting for me to proceed.
"I love you… so, so, much. So damn much…" I gasped. "…that I want to stay for you. My body has reached its limit and I can't do anything—"
I started to go through another coughing fit. Where was the help? For all I know, for all I could see, he and I were helpless. Levi leaned down to kiss me and I didn't expect it. His lips were cold and moist from the tears that dried up from his eyes a while ago, and the taste of iron… My heart leaped in so many ways, I felt like I really could leave him now. He'll be okay.
"I love you, Captain."
Levi face dropped that instant and he nodded. "I love you too, you fucking brat…"
I let out a small laugh, weakly slapping my lover with playfulness as I looked at him calmly. "You'll find me, in the other life right?"
With his nod, I was able to let go of myself completely. I was able to let go without fighting with the forces that's wanted to take me away from the very beginning. I closed my eyes like I was about to fall into slumber and I smiled when I felt his lips press against mine for the last time. Thank you, Captain, thank you… for everything. I will never forget this; I will never forget us. I hope you won't either.
"Eren, please… Don't give up on humanity; don't give up on me! Open your eyes…"
"Daddy! Open your eyes! Hellooooooooooo, earth to Eren Jaeger?" I heard my daughter calling out to me. "Open your eyes, open, open!"
Petra was slamming the bottom of the pan with a stainless scooper and it surprised me because I didn't hear it. I looked around, stared at my watch then turned to my beloved child. "It's only 6:30am, Raru."
"I have school, daddy!" She pouted. "You gotta drop me off!"
"Oh, yes. I'm so sorry, I forgot." I got up from my bed and headed to the bathroom. "Shall I prepare breakfast?"
"No need!" she shouted from a distance. "I made us eggs and sausages!"
"Sunny side?"
"Like in Philadelphia!"
I laughed, washing my face to completely wake me up. I thought about my dream and looked at myself in the mirror. Strange, I touched my lips and thought about Levi kissing me last week. It feels so familiar. It was like… I'm an entirely different person but I'm in the same soul. I shook my head to reject all these heavy loaded thoughts and walked to the kitchen to eat breakfast with Petra.
"Hey, dad?" Petra picked up a sausage. "What happened back then…"
"Don't worry, Raru. I will never let anything like that happen to you again. No one's going to hurt you, not when I'm around."
She looked at me sadly and she shook her head, reaching out to pull on my shirt. "But when I'm around, daddy gets hurt. So if I'm here, they're going to hurt me so they could hurt you."
She knows. One of my greatest weaknesses is the thought of my child getting hurt in front of me. I patted her head then ruffled her beautiful locks with a smile on my face.
"I love you. I will do anything to keep you safe."
"When you love someone, you'll protect them?" she asked me with curiosity in her eyes.
I nodded.
"So since Vivi loves you, will he protect you?"
There was a pause before I answered. I don't fully know if Levi loves me or not, with the whole Erwin confession, I was afraid not for myself, but for him. Levi loved the man with everything he had, probably would have gone to hell and back until Erwin suddenly began to come home late and was actually seeing other people. But wait; didn't Erwin say he was interested in me? For what? Does that mean he wouldn't hurt me? That's stupid, he's making me his guinea pig for the Man Child Experiment; he'll never do anything safe. Levi… Levi kissed me though… does that mean he really has feelings for me now?
"I don't know if Vivi loves me Raru. But I know for sure that he loves you. He'll do anything to keep you safe."
Petra frowned. I smiled slightly.
"If you're safe, then I'm safe, baby."
Her adorable smile beamed back up.
"Let's finish our food so I have time to wash the dishes and drop you off to school."
"Okay daddy!"
After I dropped Petra off to school, I went to class. I've been gone for too long that my professors has actually emailed me a couple of extra assignments so I can recover points (A/N: this doesn't actually happen, so don't ditch class. Go to school guys!). The only person that hasn't contacted me was Hange-sensei. It didn't surprise me when I thought of Miha; maybe she was one of Erwin's subordinates. I'm just assuming though.
"Alright, that's it for today class. Remember to look over the study guide I forward to all of you and make sure you remember the substages of Cognitive Theory by Jean Piaget. I'll be assigning you all into teams next week, so be prepared with the handout I've passed out earlier. Eren Jaeger, see me after everyone leaves," our professor said with a smile.
I packed my belongings and left my binder with the stacks of work I finished in four days. I love Human Development (A/N: I personally don't, I hate it with a passion. But it's ironic for this story). And despite all the research and evidences I needed to find to back up a couple of my papers, I was able to finish them in time. Oh, and take care of Petra at the same time.
"How are you?" My professor asked with worry. "You haven't been in school for almost two weeks. I was starting to wonder if you were going to make it or not."
"I'm sorry, professor." I sighed, handing her my work. "Something came up with family, and I really couldn't get out of the situation."
"Alright… I see so much potential in you, Jaeger. Please don't let me down." She took the papers from me.
"I won't. Thank you so much for helping me to catch up." Then with a bow, I left class.
My phone rang a couple of minutes after when I was walking down the hall. I shoved my binder into my bag, carried it on my right shoulder then answered my phone. It was Levi.
"Are you busy?"
"Nope," I smiled. "I just finished class."
"I'm outside your building. Let's go get Petra then buy something to eat."
My eyes sparkled with excitement. "Okay, I'm coming!"
Outside Petra's classroom, Levi and I sat on the couch for parents. He leaned back with a sigh, probably exhausted from work, and then loosened his tie. My eyes darted down to his lips, then I thought about my dream again. I felt my heart make a loud thump, and I was curious if Levi ever had those kinds of dreams as well. Or could they possibly be a memory?
"Ne… Levi-san?"
"Hm?"
"Do you… ever have dreams or maybe a memory… of someone dying in front of you?"
Levi raised a brow, confused and surprised. "What kind of question is that? It kind of came out of the blue."
"Uh… sorry… I'm so sorry. Forget I asked anything."
He looked at me, feeling sorry that I looked guilty for asking such as personal question in a time like this. Levi thought about it then closed his eyes as he took a deep breath.
"I don't remember. I'm sorry."
I blinked. "Excuse me?"
There he goes again, taking another breather. He opened his eyes and stared straight at me. I felt paralyzed.
"I don't remember anything, not even my past. The most I can remember is my life 10 years ago."
"Why?" I was so confused.
"I… didn't tell anyone this. Not even Erwin knows, to be honest."
To be honest? The serious look on his face made my heart drop. He wasn't playing around; he wasn't making this a joke. The light in his eyes was screaming an honest projection of sadness. Then he sighed.
"When I was 15 years old, I got into a car accident. Really critical impact on my head—you know… brain surgery and everything to stop the bleeding."
"Jesus… A-Are you alright now?"
"Obviously, shitty brat. But I'm really sorry… that I can't answer your question. It hurts my head when I think about it. Maybe it'll come back to me one day."
"Your head hurts when you think about it?" I touched his forehead. "Is it hurting right now?"
"Nah, it's fine. I'm not thinking too hard about it since I know it's bad for my condition."
"Do you… see your doctor once in a while then?"
"Actually, yeah, I do. She told me that my memories are slowly coming back, but I only remember the times when I was a little kid. There were more significant things that occurred to me when I was older, but I don't remember any of them. You know how… we have some dreams that we can never forget? I know for sure I have one, I just can't seem to remember."
"It's okay… Don't push yourself too hard."
He looked at me with a small smile. "Yeah… Someone with retrograde amnesia… definitely shouldn't push themselves too hard."
I felt a pang in my chest.
No wonder he doesn't remember me.
A/N: Hello again! Yes, short chapter. I gave the two boys a break from Erwin and Miha for now. AND WOO, what do you know, Levi has an amnesia! No wonder he doesn't see our baby Eren as anyone familiar. Eren and Levi are supposed to be a reincarnation of themselves back in SNK, so Levi should have similar dreams (or rather in this case memories) as Eren, but because of his accident. HE DOESNT REMEMBER. Dang, I'm evil. So much trouble for Eren. But it's okay, Levi's feelings for him are growing... so things will escalate eventually.
Also I was wondering if I should do a love triangle between Eren, Levi, and Erwin, but I'm not entirely sure yet. Let me know what you think though!
Thank you guys so much for subscribing and following this story! -bows-
