Castiel woke to an insistent pounding in his head and an ache that radiated down his back from his shoulders. He lay still for several moments just cataloging everything he could. His vessel's heart still beat and he was breathing, so at least he wasn't dead. Most likely wasn't dead. He hoped.

The pain in his back told him that it was still there, as was the chill in his toes and fingers. He wondered if he should open his eyes.

Belatedly, the demon realized that there were sounds around him: the rattling hum of an air conditioner; the thumping of feet; a conversation growing louder.

He blinked open tacky eyes just in time to see Sam Winchester walk into the room. Castiel squinted at the hunter as his head flopped to the side a bit, too sore to bother keeping it still. If Sam was surprised, he didn't show it with so much as a flinch. Instead, a smile spread across his face and he set down the tray he had carried in. Castiel eyed it, but from the angle he couldn't see what was there. His focus shifted back to Sam as the taller man settled into a folding chair near Castiel's shoulder.

Sam sat there and didn't say a thing.

If Castiel had been less experienced, he'd have been unsettled by the calm regard the Winchester had for him. As things stood, he was grateful for the time to compose his thoughts. If he was honest with himself, Castiel was surprised he had survived. Demons just didn't come away from such abundant exposure to an angel's grace.

Eventually, Castiel croaked, "Ow."

The corner of Sam's mouth curled up in a sad smile. "Just glad you're still with us, Cas."

Castiel paused at the name as Sam started to shuffle things on the tray. He'd been given…nicknames before, odd as it was to think it. But those had mostly come from his father, more terms of distinction than affection. Castiel barely even knew this human – this human who barely knew him in return – and he had given him a sign of friendship before anyone else.

Sam touching his shoulder pulled his attention back to the present.

"I'm gonna see if we can get you sitting, if you're feeling up to that? Then we can see about getting you some water and some broth or something," Sam explained. Castiel ran quickly through his aches and pains and nodded. Sitting up would be a welcome change, and he was certainly thirsty.

Castiel found it surprisingly easier to sit than he had expected. Sam was helpful without being intrusive, and Castiel's aches seemed muted when he was no longer horizontal. The demon carefully folded his legs and rested his elbows on his knees. He stretched slowly, smiling at the pleasant burn in his muscles after laying still for however long he'd been incapacitated.

"Thank you," he sighed when Sam passed him a plastic cup filled with water.

"How long was I out?"

"Almost a week. You had us worried."

Castiel frowned down at his cup. "That is…surprising."

"Why?" The demon glanced at Sam, at the disbelieving look on his face. "We're not allowed to worry?"

All Castiel offered was a shrug. "I'm not exactly on the best terms with you. Dean barely puts up with me to get the information I can offer. Which I have more of. I heard them, when they had me. They didn't- They thought I wasn't…paying attention all the time. But even when I couldn't, J- Even when I couldn't, I could still piece together what I missed," Castiel said. "It's… Sam, it's bad."

Sam laughed a little. It made the demon nervous. "We're Winchesters, Cas. I've died and Dean's gone to hell but we keep managing to pull through. I think we can handle one more thing."

But you won't believe me when I say Ruby betrayed you, Castiel wanted to say. Dean wouldn't even consider it and he hates her. What if you don't trust me with this, either?

Instead, Castiel pushed himself to his feet and took a few wobbly steps towards the door before Sam could stand and grab for his arm. He found his legs a second later and dodged Sam's second attempt to hold him back. The pain that shot through his joints was a nuisance, but Castiel forced himself to ignore it. There were more important matters at hand, and the pain was temporary.

He'd made it out of the bedroom the brothers had placed him in and into the kitchen before Sam wrapped one massive hand around his shoulder, and hell, what did their parents feed them to make them grow that big? It wasn't enough that Castiel felt confined being in a host, but he had to feel short, too? He'd put up with the hassle of an angel denied his vessel to ensure he wouldn't end up being short. The damn hunters made him feel it anyway.

Sam needn't have held him back, because the sight that met Castiel's eyes made him freeze anyway.

Dean and Ruby sat across from each other at the table, each with a plate and what looked like a mug of coffee before them. Dean was smiling. Only minutely, wariness in his eyes, but he was smiling.

At Ruby.

Castiel's hands curled into fists. "I told you that you couldn't trust her," he snarled, startling Dean and Ruby from whatever conversation they'd been having. The smile disappeared from Dean's face and Sam's hand tightened on the demon's shoulder as Ruby stood and walked closer.

Castiel was going to rip her apart. He wouldn't let everything he'd worked for go to waste because of one mishap, not again. He hadn't counted on Alastair's speed and strength before and that hadn't ended well for him, He wouldn't make the same mistake twice.

"She delivered you and the girl to Alastair practically wrapped with a bow and I don't care what she's told you but she cannot be trusted!" Castiel tried to lunge forward. Sam's other hand grabbed the back of his shirt and tugged him back before he could get more than a few inches.

"She brought us to Alastair 'wrapped with a bow' because we told her to."

The Winchesters were kind enough to allow Castiel privacy to retreat back to his room after they explained the plan they had used to free him. Double crossing Alastair. Of all the idiotic, dangerous things to do…

Castiel supposed that was why they always managed to defy expectations. It didn't stop the hurt to his pride at having fallen for the trick even though there was no way he could have known. He was man enough to admit that his reaction – though fuelled by desperation – had helped with the illusion all the more.

He didn't want to be in the dark like that again. Castiel was in the habit of knowing where he stood and what circumstances were; being Crowley's favorite project had helped with that, had kept him informed of things most demons his age couldn't even dream of being privy to. Knowing everything he could kept Castiel alive.

It was some time – Castiel wasn't sure how many hours – before Dean finally opened the door to Castiel's room and stepped inside. The demon watched him as he paced, socked feet quiet on the wooden floor. He didn't move to speak, didn't move at all to be honest. He was tired despite his inactivity that day. His stomach felt empty but he figured he could put off eating long enough to have whatever conversation Dean was nervous about.

The man stopped pacing and looked at Castiel before resuming his little trail. Castiel sighed.

"Please just say whatever it is you need to say, Winchester."

Dean paused again by the foot of the bed and shook his head. "Castiel, I need you to be honest with me."

Shutting his eyes and clamping his mouth shut before he blurted something he'd regret later, Castiel counted to three. "I did not realize that I had been anything but honest," he said carefully.

Dean leaned forward with his hands on the footboard of the bed, looming closer to Castiel in a way that made him feel like he was being interrogated. He supposed be was. "Everyone – Ruby, Alastair, all those other demons? They all seemed to think that I should have recognized that guy's name back there. Ruby, especially, was insisting that Alastair is a name I should know. And… And Castiel, I can't think of any explanation other than that you did something to me to cause that. And I've tried, Cas, I really have, because you've been…helpful up to now. You have been truthful. But… I can't… Castiel, I can't trust you like you want until I know."

Castiel found his eyes fixed on his hands. They were curled loosely in his lap, as they had been when Dean walked in. So still. He wondered how long it would take him to get used to fidgeting again, incorporating little human tics into his habits and movements. Dean shifted and caught Castiel's eye.

Holding the eye contact, Castiel admitted, "That's only fair. Before I start though, I want you to know that it was completely unintentional and if it hadn't happened, Anna's grace would have destroyed me."

"Just spit it out, man-"

"Do you know how badly a soul has to be damaged to leave a physical mark?" Dean's mouth flattened into a straight line and Castiel had to look away. "There aren't many things that do that. Grace can, if it's in contact for too long. Certain curses and spells, too. And being torn in two."

Castiel didn't dare breathe for a moment. His ears were tuned to Dean's still form at the end of the bed, muscles bunched and ready to spring away at the slightest movement.

Dean didn't say anything and Castiel continued. "When I was bringing you out, you…slipped. Once. At least, I thought. Everything was a rush, and trying to fit a human soul through the gateways we use undetected… I think I was holding too tight, and I took part of you. I grabbed on again almost right away, but you were already so damaged from your time in the Pit, I didn't notice anything else was wrong. I didn't even notice I had it until I was put under duress. I'm just lucky that the souls of archangel vessels are more resistant to grace than the average human.

"Ruby's right, you should recognize Alastair. But I would be very grateful if you just accept that we've been given an unexpected gift and drop it. You don't want these memories, Dean. They're nto good, and they're not things any person would choose to keep. You don't want them at all."

The mattress creaked as Dean sat down beside him and Castiel was hit with a blast of the peculiar Winchester scent. A mix of cheap detergent, gunpowder and drugstore shampoo that he had come to associate with the brothers in their short acquaintance. "Give them back."

"Dean-"

"I said give them back, and if you don't do it right now, Castiel, I am going to send you straight back to hell, helpful or not."

Castiel stood at the threat and walked across the room, back to Dean. He fiddled with the shades on the window in an attempt to buy some more time; the Winchester's impatient huff drew him back.

"You won't like them. At all."

"I'd dislike not having them more."

You wouldn't, Castiel thought, but he returned to the bed, crossing his legs and settling next to Dean. He took the hunter's head between his hands.

"I can't convince you?"

A hard green stare and minute shake of the head told Castiel everything he needed to know.

His hands dropped back to his lap and he closed his eyes. The piece of soul, tattered and damaged as it was, still shone more brightly than many others Castiel had seen. He gathered it up and wrapped around it, compressing it smaller and smaller until he was able to channel it through his host. Castiel raised his hands again. One went to Dean's chest, settling over his heart. The other pressed against the hunter's forehead.

"Deep breath. One. Two. Three."

To Castiel, it didn't feel like much of anything. It seemed a bit empty once he was done, perhaps, but that was to be expected.

Dean Winchester fell off the bed with a loud crash that had his brother bursting into the room a few seconds later.

"Dean!"

"He's alright, just- stay back. Give him some space," Castiel said, hopping nimbly to the door and pressing Sam back with a hand to his chest. Dean lay still on the floor, eyes wide as he stared up at the ceiling. Castiel crouched down and placed a tentative hand on the other man's shoulder.

"Dean. Can you hear me, Dean?"

"Oh god." Dean tensed, arm going rigid.

"Relax, Dean. You're not there. Everything is done."

"I was- Shit, Cas, I- Oh god, I…"

"What's done is done. There's nothing that can change it now, Dean."

"The things I did-"

"That wasn't Dean Winchester," Castiel said firmly. "That wasn't you. That was a soul that had been pushed beyond the limits of what humans are meant to endure and took an opportunity it saw to preserve its own well-being."

Dean still stared up at the ceiling, expression deceptively blank.

"We can argue about this later. Right now you should get some rest." To Sam, Castiel murmured, "He'll be fine. He just needs to adjust. Let him sleep some of it off. We can all discuss this more tomorrow."

Thankfully, Sam believed him and helped to raise his brother from the floor. Not knowing where Dean's room was, Castiel watched as Sam took him away to some other part of the building. The demon didn't realize he wasn't alone until Ruby cleared her throat.

"Castiel. I don't think we ever envisioned ourselves working for a common goal. Everything will go much smoother if we, at least, can trust each other."

He glanced to Ruby's outstretched hand, the neutral set to her face.

He took her hand in his own, shook it firmly even as doubts squirmed into the back of his mind. "Let's talk."