Chapter 8

"Ugh," Beca pulled her pillow over her head, burrowing back under the warm duvet. Why was there so much noise? It wasn't even six am yet and they didn't leave until half eight. She could have sworn Aubrey had promised them that they didn't have to get up before seven.

"Sorry Beca. I'm just so excited and nervous I can't sleep so I thought I'd re-read the manual. I'll turn the light off in a minute, just need to find my phone," Emily rambled apologetically.

Beca's sleep – or lack thereof – befuddled head barely comprehended that she was talking even more than usual. Why? Was she scared? Oh! Last night, right. Almost unintelligibly, "'t's 'kay."

0o0o0

Beca sat at the back of the bus pretending not to listen to Aubrey's instructions. She hadn't spoken to anyone except Chloe or Legacy yet.

"So, it's almost nine now. Both planes leave at eleven. That gives us an hour and a half to get through security checks, dump our stuff in the aircrew lounge get to the plane to prepare for the flight and help with boarding the passengers," then the captain went through some more boring stuff that Beca actually didn't bother to listen to.

Just then they pulled up at the airport. As the Bellas all piled out Beca glanced around. To her left was the airport and to her right she could see a plane speeding up the runway. She swallowed hard trying not to think about that she would soon be on a plane. A plane that was going to fly. And take her back to Maine. Oh God! Beca struggled to breathe normally, not wanting any attention. She couldn't do this.

0o0o0

The Bellas were all squashed onto a couple of sofas in a corner of the airport's private quarters for any aircrew. Well, all the Bellas but one. Beca was stood staring out the window, forehead pressed up against the glass while her breath fogged it up and arms tightly hugging herself. Maybe if she stared at the planes long enough they would stop being scary just long enough for her to endure two three-hour-long flights. It wasn't working.

"Hey," Chloe gently touched her shoulder. She jumped, not having heard Chloe approach.

"Oh, it's you," Beca mumbled relieved.

Chloe smiled softly, "Yeah, it's me. But would you please… um, come back over there… just for a moment," she jerked her head in the direction of the crowded sofas, "the girls have something they want to say to you."

"I don't want to talk to them."

"You're not the only one but…"

Beca interrupted, "What do you mean?"

"Oh, I um… may have yelled at them as well last night. After you left," Chloe admitted sheepishly as Beca raised her eyebrows in disbelief that Chloe had ever raised her voice towards anyone, "… but sometimes it's easier to forgive and forget."

Beca rolled her eyes and turned back to look out the window.

"Just listen to what they have to say at least," Chloe pleaded.

"Do I have to?"

"For me?... Besides I suspect that their apology may be edible in part!"

"Fine," Beca muttered.

0o0o0

Click. In. Clack. Out. Click. In. Clack. Out.

Beca kept her breathing steady, in through the mouth and out through the nose. If she didn't start hyperventilating then everything would be fine and just to make doubly sure Beca timed her breaths with the clicking and clacking of Aubrey's high heels behind her as they walked up the stairs to the plane.

The metal railing was cold beneath Beca's already white knuckles but when a strong gust of wind blew past and she caught a hint of plane fuel on the frigid air, her grip tightened painfully. And though her eyes were firmly fixed on her own death-trap shoes she couldn't help but see suitcases of all colours, shapes and sizes being loaded into the hold. She reached the top step, moving forwards now would take her into the claustrophobic cabin.

NO!

She couldn't do this. Beca stopped walking and judging by the impatient huff in her ear so did Aubrey, heels no longer clicking or clacking. Now there was nothing to keep her breathing under control with. She wouldn't be allowed to quit but… oh God!... Beca just couldn't step onto the plane. She just couldn't.

'Turn around! Turn around! Go back! Now! You can't do this! You're too weak! It's too hard! Too scary! Stop! No!' Beca's mind screamed. She ignored the sharp prod in her back, feet glued to the spot and brain whirling in a mindless panic.

Then Chloe stuck her head back out the cabin door, "You ok Beca? Why are you shaking?"

"Huh?" Beca swallowed with difficulty against her dry throat and shook her head, trying to clear out the thick fog of fear that muffled the rest of world. She hadn't even noticed the violent shudders wracking her body, "Yeah. I'm fine. Just cold. Shivering."

"You do look kinda pale Short-stack," Fat-Amy's head joined Chloe's.

"What's new? She's always pale," Aubrey sniped, "and you'll be warmer inside, you know. Please move."

Beca took another shuddering breath and squaring her shoulders, finally lifted her head. Meeting Chloe's eyes and without breaking contact stepped inside.

Nothing happened. No fatal bolt of lightening shot across the sky to blast the plane to smithereens and burn up the unlucky souls inside. She didn't black out, fall to the floor and get stampeded by a crowd of passengers eager to get into the sky either. Unfortunately, this wasn't all just turning out to be a dream and there hadn't been a small explosion in the engine that would have rendered the plane useless for flying.

As a little relief pushed back the panic, Fat Amy ran screaming with joy down the aisle while Aubrey moved to complete her rigorous safety checks – which for once, Beca could be glad for.

Feeling reassured by Chloe's presence and that no disaster had yet occurred Beca could feel her breathing calming and the shaking subsiding. Of course, she still wasn't entirely comfortable with the situation but she felt comfortable enough to move out of the particularly cramped entrance space behind the cockpit and walked into the main cabin.

She noticed Chloe shoot her a concerned glance and move to hover over her shoulder. Why? Was she still pale? Then Beca momentarily stopped overthinking (or even thinking at all) as the first sight that met her eyes was Stacie lounging in one of the first-class seats. The taller girl had an unopened bottle of champagne in hand and was miming taking a massive swig from it.

Then she groaned, wriggling in happiness, "Why are these seats so much comfier?"

Beca just shrugged but knew exactly what Stacie meant. She'd only ever sat in economy, about in the middle of the rows of mostly hard, narrow seats. Then her eyes flickered away, taking in the uniform blue chairs further back and gradually moving forwards.

Accidently, her midnight eyes glanced through one of the oval windows. She saw the wing through it. The vast expanse of used-to-be-white metal, the flaps that lifted when the plane bumped and rushed down the runway when landing and the end that pointed up with a little light on the tip. The wing.

And reality suddenly rushed back in. Wings meant flying. Flying up in the air where you couldn't reach earth until too late and in the wrong place. Maybe the cabin was peaceful now but soon it would be crammed with noises and smells and while these wings looked plenty strong on the ground, when turbulence hit they wouldn't.

What the fuck was she doing here?

No life-jackets, oxygen masks or floor-level lighting could help when you were up miles in the sky and you couldn't use your phone. Beca felt sick again. Fear washed over her, threatening to pull her under, then ebbing away and leaving her without breath and sick to the stomach before washing up again. Her head started spin and she stumbled.

"Seriously, Beca, are you ok?" Chloe grabbed her shoulder.

Beca nodded.

"Really?"

"Yes," she muttered. No! get me out of here!

Too late, Aubrey bustled up, "Ok then. Everything's ready – Stacie put the champagne back! – and your duties are…"

Beca groaned inwardly as Aubrey paused, "Greeting the passengers at the front stairs will be Stacie and I, an at the back Chloe and Beca. Ok?"

Stacie and Chloe nodded enthusiastically, Fat Amy protested and Beca tried to smile, but failed and ended up grimacing, as she was unable to ignore the feeling of dread sitting heavily in her stomach. It felt as if all of the waves that had been crashing down suddenly curled up and condensed into one violent ball of water, sloshing about, making her feel nauseous and leaving her throat dry again.

"God Beca! You don't have to look as if the idea of greeting strangers physically pains you! Why did you even sign up?... Fine! Fat Amy greet with Chloe – please keep all inappropriate comments to yourself, you too Stacie! – and Beca go find a corner to keep out of the way in. Then you can go through the emergency procedures with Chloe and I. Once we're in the air, Stacie and Amy can take the food and drink trolley up the aisle…. All clear? Good. Go stow your bags and straighten your scarves! The passengers will be here in five minutes."

0o0o0

Chloe distractedly checked that all the passengers' seat belts were fastened. She was worried about Beca, something was up. But what was it? The younger girl hadn't been in a worse mood than normal earlier, especially considering her outburst last night but the moment they had to board the plane…

Was that the problem, she wondered? Was Beca scared of flying? That would explain last night. But then why did she join up to the Bellas.

Suddenly certain she was right, Chloe hurried back to her seat as the plane moved slowly towards the end of the runway. She was glad it was just them sitting at the back of the plane. Aubrey, Stacie and Fat Amy were great but she knew they wouldn't help if Beca blacked out, which considering her earlier actions seemed like a distinct possibility.

Beca was sat rigidly, head tipped back and eyes closed, her hands clenching and unclenching into fists on her knees. Chloe didn't know what to do; she sat down, quickly buckling her seatbelt and stared helplessly at the younger girl.

"Beca?" she asked softly. At the lack of response, she hesitantly reached out a hand, grasping one of Beca's in her own just as the engine roared to life.

Beca jumped, face paler than ever, eyes flying wide open and breathing erratic, Chloe held her hand tighter, "Hey, it's ok, you're ok."

Again, she seemed not to have heard but now Chloe could see the pure unbridled fear and pain in her dark eyes as she watched the airport rush past through the small window. She needed to help.

"Beca. Focus on me," she looked her directly in the eye, intent on distracting her to try and avoid a full-blown panic attack, "Who am I?"

Suddenly her eyes cleared a little and focused on Chloe's own, inaudibly she whispered, "You're Chloe."

"Name three things that are important to you."

"Music. Sleep. Food."

"Good. Where are we going?"

"M-Ma-Maine," Beca stuttered quietly.

Just then they lifted into the air and the little progress Chloe seemed to have made in calming her disappeared again. She looked around, trying to find inspiration for what could help. Normally she had good instincts with people and having no idea what to do wasn't helping to keep calm herself.

Out of ideas, Chloe decided to just start talking in the hope that Beca would respond, "Hey… um it's ok. Is there anything I can do to help? Er… would, would getting Aubrey help? No. Of course not. Bad idea, sorry. I don't know what to do. Sorry I'm no help, this probably sounds so dumb… Beca, what's…"

Chloe stopped talking once she noticed that Beca was returning the grip on her hand. She looked sideways. Other than a few shaky breaths, Beca seemed calmer again, the plane stopped rising and levelled out.

Beca let go of her hand, "I'm ok," she managed in a strangled voice. She propped her elbows on her knees and rested her head in her hands, "Really."

Despite the unexpected stillness, Chloe still felt as helpless as she did a few moments ago. It was heart-breaking watching the younger put so much effort into keeping up the walls she had erected around herself, keeping everyone including Chloe out. She knew she had no right to expect Beca to confide in her, but still…

She noticed Beca was shaking again. It was obviously a different kind of shaking this time though. Not fear. Silent sobs, suppressed but still strong enough to make the whole of Beca shake. She looked so fragile, Chloe was afraid to reach out again. But she had to.

Ever cautious that Beca wasn't a fan of physical contact at the best of times she gently touched her on the shoulder.

"Chloe, I'm fine!"

"No, you're not," she replied determined to match her in stubbornness.

"Yes I am. Sorry if I scared you though."

"No. It's ok… You're not though."

Slowly Beca lifted her head. Chloe desperately wanted to say something when she saw the tear tracks glistening on her cheeks but fell silent as she met Beca's wary eyes.

0o0o0

As soon as Beca met Chloe's gentle gaze she couldn't help it. She blinked and the tears just poured out. Mortified she put a hand over her mouth to muffle the sob she couldn't swallow. Her eyes blurred but before she could curl back into herself, she felt Chloe putting her arms round her.

It had been so long since Beca had been hugged, had someone hold her, she just didn't care anymore. She clung to Chloe and cried as the older girl played with her hair and murmured soothing words that Beca didn't actually here.

It had been so long since she'd accepted any help, since anyone had wanted to help, Beca could hardly believe she was letting this happen. She tried to quieten her sobs, ashamed, until Chloe whispered in her ear, "Beca. It's ok. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. You can cry if that's what you need, I just want to help however I want."

It was so sincere, that Beca swallowed her pride with difficulty and forced the walls she normally fought so hard to keep up, to slip away. She let her tears soak into the shoulder of Chloe's shirt and accepted the comfort.

A few minutes later, Beca was feeling calm again and slowly pulled away. She roughly swiped at her red eyes with the backs of her knuckles and offered Chloe a watery smile, "Thanks."

"Anytime," she replied simply.

Beca gave a choked laugh, "I-I just don't like planes that much."

"Yeah, I kind of figured," Chloe smiled.

"You're probably wondering why on earth I auditioned to be a Bella aren't you?"

"Yeah, I was wondering I guess."

Beca rolled her eyes, "You guess? No… it's just um, I didn't. My dad…"

"Hey," Chloe interrupted, "you don't have to explain."

"No. I want to. Maybe I should start from the beginning?"

"Sure."

"I don't want to bore you," Beca fiddled with her hair nervously.

Chloe snorted, "Beca. Talk, don't talk. I don't mind, we have an hour and a half."

"Um, well…" she paused, "I was ten when my parents got divorced. My dad kept the house in Atlanta, my mom and I moved back to Maine where my Gran lives. So I went to school in Maine and had to fly back down every Thanksgiving, Easter and for half the summer. My dad wanted to see me more, I wanted to see him less.

"As far as I was concerned it was all his fault, he was already re-married by my eleventh birthday to the step-monster. Sheila had always been around. Mom never really got on with her but dad had been 'just' friends with her for years. So, I always dreaded the flights south but north, they used to be ok.

"My mom was awesome. She was a terrible cook but Gran made up for that. We did everything together, even though I had lots of friends back then. She always helped me with my music and homework and…" Beca brushed away a couple of tears.

"She sounds like a great mum," Chloe said.

Beca nodded, "She was. Luke was pretty cool too. He was her boyfriend, they started dating when I was twelve. Before that he just lived across the road, he was basically a second dad – though an actual good one – to me. I had to all but force my mum to date him at first, even though I think they were both secretly in love for ages before. She was so scared I wouldn't react well, like with Sheila.

"Anyway, the summer before I started high school, she dropped me off at the airport and everything was fine. Then just as I was boarding the plane my phone rang. I-I couldn't answer it. My hands were full and the flight attendant was checking my passport. The phone kept ringing, I didn't answer it until I put my bag away and sat down and the-then it was t-t-too late. By the time I understood what Luke was telling me, I couldn't g-get off the plane, we were already at the runway," Beca explained desperately.

"It's ok Beca, really."

"You've said that so many times in the last hour Chloe, but it's just not."

Suddenly Fat Amy walked in from the main cabin, "Hey, just getting the snack trolley. What's up?"

"Nothing," Beca answered, too quickly.

"All right, how many snacks do you think I can smuggle off of this cart without paying before Aubrey notices?"

"None," Chloe replied, eyes sparkling with amusement.

0o0o0

After Fat Amy left, Beca muttered, "Do you think I could finish telling you another time?"

"Sure, whatever you want," Chloe knew Beca would hate it but she couldn't help but feel sorry for the other girl, "Your mum sounds cool, I think I have an idea of what happened and I'm really sorry… I also think you're very brave. No, I mean it! Becoming a Bella, getting on this plane when you obviously didn't want to…"

"Thanks Chloe. Do you think we could talk about something else now?"

"Yeah. But first grab those brownies the other girls made us to make up for last night!"

Beca finally smiled back, "Good idea. Do you have any earphones with you, I forgot mine."

"Just so long as I get to pick the music."

"Deal."

They sat back, box of brownies on their lap and one in each of their hands. Chloe and Beca were leaning into each other at the shoulder and even if she pretended it was just so her earphone wouldn't accidently fall out, Beca was secretly glad for the contact.

She peered over Chloe's shoulder as the red-head scrolled through her phone, raising her eyebrows as she picked 'Just The Way You Are'.

As the first beats of the song began, Beca glanced quickly at Chloe. She wondered what she was thinking about and if the words meant the same thing to her.

0o0o0

Beca was still uncomfortable the rest of the flight, especially the landing and on the way back they almost had a repeat of the first take off but it was a start.

A/N: Sorry for the long gap between updates again, this chapter was really hard to write and I kept putting it off. To make up for that it is the longest one yet by 1000 words! Of course seeing as it's not really happy at all you probably won't thank me for that!

Thank you for all the reviews on the last chapter, please keep them coming. It would be great to know what you think, especially if I overdid parts of this chapter or not, seeing as it has a lot of Beca's backstory in it.

In the hopes of something lighter next time, we have finally reached the shower scene!