I'm pretty pleased with this chapter, and it is a bit longer than the last one, as someone requested in a review. Bit of a gap, as since the last chapter I have read the Hobbit, and started reading the Lord of the Rings. Anyway, enjoy this…
It was the Christmas holidays, and the yells and shrieks from the snowy landscape above seemed to Severus to belong to another dimension. He was thankful, in some ways that it was the holidays, as he didn't have to face a class when he was so preoccupied. One the other hand, teaching took his mind off Lily, and his constant worrying that he had done the right thing in saving her. The fact that it had made her so miserable, made him wonder if it might have been kinder to let her sacrifice herself. Every time he imagined this, it made him shudder. Lily Evans dead was incomprehensible to him, the world would seem completely and totally empty without her. He sighed, leaning back into his chair. Once, the fact that Lily was married had sent a chill through his blood, jealousy pouring through him that she loved someone else more than him. Not that he'd ever really expected that she'd stay with him: he after all was skinny and sallow, and far too into the Dark Arts for someone like her. He'd matured over the last few months, and come to realise that her married to James was not the end of the world, and realised that what he really wanted her to be was happy; with or without him. Of course, he had, and always would, love her, but it wasn't his feelings that counted here.
It was for this reason, that, when he was able to get away from work, Severus was to be found at the Potter's, sometimes just sitting, sometimes talking animatedly, and sometimes, just letting Lily cry all over him. The first time he had turned up at her door with the intention to help, she had tried to jinx him, and it was for that reason there was now a small black scorch mark in the front door. Severus leaned back in his chair, so that it tilted onto the back two legs, swinging dangerously, and thought back to his last visit.
As she opened the door, he kept one hand, as he always did, on the handle, in case she was in one of her angry moods. Several a meeting had ended with her screaming at him. However, she didn't yell, or curse him, just gave a small smile, and he was encouraged to see that she wasn't clutching Harry, as she normally did. Was this a sign of her improving? She spotted him looking at her empty arms, and gave another weak smile.
"Figured I can't hold him forever," she whispered, her voice a little hoarse. "He'd get teased something dreadful by other boys his age."
Smiling a little too, Severus let her lead him into the kitchen. It had changed again. The curtains were open, letting the early sun pour into the room, giving it an almost cheerful look. The surfaces weren't gleaming quite as much, which was also encouraging, and a small pile of mail was strewn across the counter. Harry was sitting on the counter too, and Lily rushed back over to him. He had managed to open a draw in her absence, and was trying to tug the bread knife out, a little crease between his eyebrows, as he concentrated. Lily snatched him up, with a reproving "No!" then turned to Severus.
"Look, I'm sorry I said all those terrible things to you," she said, looking a little ashamed, and not meeting his eyes "I suppose, if it weren't for you, Harry wouldn't have anyone, and he'd probably end up with Petunia, or someone." Lily grimaced momentarily at the thought of her magic-hating sister having her son "I can't say I forgive you entirely for holding me back, but you have been a good friend, so…"
Lily paused and looked at him. Severus was feeling rather stunned: she hadn't said that much since before James' death. Normally, it was a murmured thanks, or incoherent yelling and cursing. It was nice to see she was regaining a little of herself.
The lounge, too, was a little more cluttered and normal than his previous visits. Harry's toy broomstick was propped against the mantelpiece, and as Lily set her son down, he took a few wobbly steps, his podgy little hand eagerly stretched out towards it. Lily smiled at him, but her eyes were unfocused, and Severus had a horrible feeling that she was about to start crying again.
Tears did start dripping down her cheeks, and as always, he was there straight away, crossing into the room in two strides, and letting her wrap her arms round his neck. He held her, rocking her gently, feeling her hot tears soak through his robes, and wishing that he could somehow make it better.
"I'm sorry, Sev," she mumbled into his shoulder, him turning his head a little so he could see her face, "Just that James always said Harry would make a good Quidditch player, and he's always so eager to go on his broom…so sad that he'll never see him grow up."
Apart from that rather tearful part, that was the most cheerful he had seen Lily since James' death. After she had calmed down, they had had a good time reminiscing their times at Hogwarts, although Severus was careful to steer away from mentions of James, not wanting to upset her again. She had even giving him a swift parting hug, and despite the fact that he was here strictly to be her friend, and help her through the grief of losing her husband, his heart had leapt at a hug that was not necessary because she was crying.
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Lily leaned back into the sofa, her bright green eyes flicking back and forth across the room as Harry zoomed around a few feet above the ground, his small face alight with joy, his little hands clutching the handle of his toy broom. A knock on the door broke Lily's concentration, and she grabbed Harry (who grumbled, and buried his head in her shoulder), making her way to the door. She wondered vaguely if it was Severus. It wasn't a weekend, but it was the holidays now, and it was nice to see him, and he was understanding and caring no matter what mood she was in. He was also the sole person who generally avoided talking about James, which was far less painful than topics which involved him.
It was indeed a black haired head that greeted her as she opened the door, but it was Sirius, not Severus. He was looking around anxiously, and remembering that he was a hunted man nowadays, Lily shut the door hastily behind him. His face was serious as he looked at her, and Lily's heart sank. She tucked her hair behind her ears, and led Sirius through to the lounge. He flung himself down into the armchair next to the fire, looking as casually handsome as he had done all the time she'd known him. She remembered a couple of her friends constantly eyeing him up, a little jealous that Lily was on speaking terms with him. His dark hair flopped into his eyes, one leg slung casually over the arm of the chair. Despite the fact that he was one of her dearest friends, she didn't like the look on his face, and suddenly wished that it was Severus, not him here. However, she sat on the sofa, and looked at him until he spoke.
"Lily, why's Snape round here all the time?" he said bluntly, looking at her with an almost accusing stare. She was somewhat taken aback, Lily had expected him to want to talk about James.
"Sev?" she paused, running a hand through her hair, and looking back at Sirius "He was my best friend. He's just trying to help."
"Maybe, maybe not," Sirius said grimly "But I've seen how he looks at you, and I reckon he's hoping he can have you now James is out of the way."
"Even if he does, he knows there's no chance." Lily retorted defensively, getting up to pull Harry away from the fire.
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Despite the fact that he was trying to only help, Sirius was not far off, when he said that Severus Snape really was hoping that he could, in time, be with Lily. Despite the fact that he tried to quash this hope, he tried to convince himself that he was only visiting Lily to help her, to be there for her, if he was truly honest with himself, he wanted to be more than friends. He would be happy if she was happy, but he would be a thousand times happier if they both had what they wanted. Together.
The wind was harsh as he strode across the grounds, whipping his black hair out of his eyes. The bottom of his long billowing robes was already drenched from the freezing snow, and ice cold water trickled into his boots. The joyous screaming was tiring, and irritating, and he found himself snapping angrily as a young Ravenclaw girl nearly collided with him, such was her haste to dodge the snowball being thrown at her. Giggling, she ran away from him, barely hearing the about 20 points she had just lost for her house. Snape was not heading in any particular direction, and as he was on duty watching the students, sneaking into the forest for some solitude was out of the question. His mind wandered back ten years, to his and Lily's first Christmas here.
She had decided to stay at Hogwarts: she missed her parents, but the few times Petunia had written back, her letters were snide and unkind. She didn't want to face the name calling of going back home, and more than that, she was eager to experience a very different type of holiday at Hogwarts. He of course would have gladly stayed at Hogwarts all year round, and they spent hours at a time planning things to do over the festive period. Often, they would sit by the fire in an unused classroom, planning snowball fights, raids on their friends, and thinking of different ways to push each other down the snowy slopes of the grounds. Lily, having discovered the entrance to the kitchens from one of her friends, had "borrowed" several trays, which served excellently as sledges.
It seemed almost another lifetime that they had been those carefree children, they had both seen so much since them. Maybe one day they would return to that state: happy, without a care in the world.
I'm thinking next chapter will probably be actually Christmas day, and Sev can go visit Lily…
Still, lets stick with this one at the moment, and as always, I love reviews, nice to know what everyone thinks.
