Chapter 8: The Tale of the Cranky Prince
…
Zuko: "Well, we've been…traveling around…for a long time."
Jin: "Oh? Why were you traveling so much?"
Zuko: "We were…uh…part of this traveling circus."
Jin: "Really? What did you do? Wait—let me guess. You juggled!"
Zuko: "Yes…I juggled."
-Book 2, Chapter 5
…
Far to their left, air hissed like a steam vent as a whale passing them came up for a breath at the surface. The starlight shimmered on the black water and reflected on the whale's wet, rough skin for a moment. Soon after, another whale in the group came up also. It breached the surface higher, as if to get a look at them. It lobtailed as it went under, and then all again was silent.
Nami cleared her throat. "How much longer do you estimate we have to go, Iroh?" she asked. It was the first time one of them had spoken in a few hours.
"Another week by my estimations," he answered. "The stars are beautiful tonight! It is so clear up here." Iroh was lying on his back, bundled tightly in layers of clothes, his eyes glassy with the reflection of the velvet sky. Above them, countless stars and streaks of inky black and milky starways shone with an intensity Nami rarely saw. It was a very clear and relatively tranquil night, but the temperature was still frigid.
"Another week," Nami murmured. "It already feels like it's been forever." She still felt stiff and sore, and even worse, she was deeply bored.
Zuko, who was huddled by the tiller, breathed fire on his hands to warm them. Though his teeth were clenched so that he would not betray the shiver, Nami's attentive eyes saw his body tremble briefly. She was snuggly warm, so she shrugged off her stolen parka and walked over to him.
He eyed her with a scowl and roughly shook off her attempt to put the parka around his shoulders. She picked it up from the ground without a word, and, pulling it up around her own shoulders again, went back to her position sitting beside Iroh. The old man gave her a sympathetic glance. They were both used to Zuko's stubborn resistance to kindly-meant care.
"You've been awfully…quiet on this long ride, Nami," Iroh noted. "I have missed your snappy humor." He smiled at her.
Nami shrugged. This raft is a cage and I hate every second of it. "The confinement of this raft is…trying for me, and I think being passive is my way of dealing with it. I don't want to rock the boat with my ribbing, no pun intended."
Iroh laughed. "That is probably wise. There is nowhere to escape if the prince does not find you amusing."
"Exactly." She eyed the prince in question, seeing again how he shivered as he glanced up at the stars for a reading of their direction, and adjusted the tiller slightly to keep the raft heading due south. He was so stupid to keep his practically bald head bare in this bone-numbing cold, even if there was little wind. He could be so exasperatingly stubborn sometimes, she wanted to seize his shoulders and shake him. He was not proving anything more than the absurdity of his inflated pride.
She took a deep breath in and out. He would either find humility or he would not. It was not something she could teach him, much as she would like to. He would have to learn himself.
"I can take over if you wish, Zuko," she murmured.
"I'm fine," the prince snapped.
"Remember your manners, Prince Zuko," Iroh said softly.
"Not now, Uncle."
Iroh sighed but did not reply. They were quiet for a few minutes.
"Tell me a story, Iroh," Nami murmured quietly. Anything to distract me.
Iroh chuckled. "Who says I know any?"
"Everyone has stories."
"Ah. Well, if I tell you one, you must tell one in return," he said.
"Alright."
"What kind would you like?" he asked. "A real experience or simply a story?"
"Whatever you would like to tell."
"Very well." Iroh stroked his beard, thinking. "Hm. I'm in the mood for fables." He smiled, seeming happy at the chance to share one of the many old tales he had stored away. He took a few more moments to think, then began, "There once was an Earth Kingdom man who lived near the northern borders. One night, his ostrich horse did not return, and his friends commiserated with him for his loss. The man, however, did not despair, but said 'Perhaps this will turn out to be a blessing.'
"The next morning, his horse returned home and brought a companion it had found—a fine ostrich horse from the north. His friends congratulated him, but the old man was calm. 'This well may turn into a cause for misfortune,' he said.
"The old man's son became fond of the new horse, and one day fell from it and broke his leg. Again, the man's friends and neighbors commiserated with him for the crippling of his son. 'Perhaps this may turn out to be a blessing,' the old man hoped.
"Later that year, the Fire Nation began their invasion of the Earth Kingdom, and the young men from the village were called to fight. The old man's son was unable to go because he was crippled. In the passing months almost all of the village sons were killed in battle, but the old man's son was safe at home. The end." Iroh grinned, looking pleased with himself.
"So the moral is blessings can be banes, and banes blessings," Nami said.
Iroh nodded. "Quite so. Your turn."
Nami was quiet for a moment than began, "In the time long ago when the spirits all lived among man and beast, a Bee from Mount Hymetta—the queen of the hive—held audience with the star goddess Hoshi to present her some honey fresh from her combs. Hoshi was delighted and promised to give the Bee whatever she should ask. The queen beseeched her, 'Give me a sting, so that if any mortal shall approach to take my honey, I may kill him.'
"Hoshi was displeased because she loved the race of man like a sheltering mother, but could not refuse the request because of her promise. She answered the Bee, 'You shall have your request, but at the peril of your life, for if you use your sting, it shall remain in the wound you made, and you will die for the loss of it.'"
"Ah, very good," Iroh commended. "Unkind wishes, like chickens, come home to roost."
Nami laughed. "I've never heard the moral so well put." She glanced up at Zuko who was sitting with a pensive face. He hadn't been paying attention to the rudder, and they were a tad off course.
"May I take over, Prince Zuko?" she asked gently. The prince frowned, but stood. Nami stood as well and took his seat beside the tiller as he went to lie beside Iroh.
"I believe it's your turn, my nephew," Iroh said.
Zuko growled unintelligibly.
"I'll make one for him," Nami supplied, grinning mischievously as she adjusted their course. "There once was a prince."
"Don't you dare."
"A prince far crankier than any prince the land had ever seen."
"I'm warning you, Nami."
"Well then you come up with one already."
"There once was a loud-mouthed girl from the Fire Nation who never did what she was told—"
"—especially when the afore-mentioned cranky prince was giving the orders—"
"—and who thought she was always right."
"She was a decent firebender, though, so the cranky prince kept her around—"
"—though he's currently regretting that decision—"
"—Not to mention the cranky prince's uncle would cry if they left her behind—"
"—because she's been nothing but a whole lot of trouble—"
"—and a whole lot of saving the prince's ass—"
"—because the prince can look after himself—"
"Of course he can. So, what happened to the charming heroine?" Nami asked, batting her eyelashes. Zuko glowered at her.
"She was thrown overboard by the cranky prince," he answered.
"Oh, dear. Did they have a row?"
"More of an ongoing bickering that finally culminated in the prince chucking her into the arctic sea," Zuko answered, ignoring Iroh's roaring laughter.
"Why were they in the arctic?"
"The prince was on a mission."
"Really? What kind of mission? Was he hunting for a rare herb? Soul-searching? Rescuing a fair maiden from a high tower?"
"No. He was tracking someone across the world for his father."
"The king of all the lands! Praise be! And what did the king want with this person?"
"The person was dangerous and a threat to the king's family and country."
"So the king's valiant son was going to rid the land of this evil, was he? I see. So how did he come upon the heroine previously mentioned?"
"His uncle talked him into hiring her."
"How…unexciting. I think you have to alter that a bit, o story master."
"Fine. The heroine was languishing alone in a high tower when—"
"No-no-no, I've heard this story before and it was definitely the prince who was languishing—"
"Like hell it was. He told her to get her ass down from the ridiculous tower—"
"—and aid them in their noble quest! That's so much better. But wait—how did the heroine get down from the tower?"
"She jumped and the prince's uncle's belly broke her fall." Zuko allowed himself a smirk.
"Oh, I see," Nami replied brightly. "Okay, continue."
"So they set off after the ava—I mean, the…evil character."
"He must have a name."
"Uh…erm…Appa."
"Appa?"
"Appa. Appa the…Bad…Air…Person."
"Right," Nami giggled. "And the nameless heroine's first act to aid her rescuer was to rename his archenemy. She suggested Appa the Airwalker."
"And he accepted this change. Grudgingly."
"Yes, it must've been difficult to accept a new name after referring to him all this time as Appa the Bad Air Person." She tried to keep back her smirk. Zuko scowled at her. "What was bad about his air?" Nami asked innocently. "Was he cursed with exceptionally odorous flatulence? Or was it the person himself who was bad?"
"The person himself," Zuko growled.
"You haven't named the heroine yet, either," she reminded him.
"Oh, forgive me. What a horrible oversight. Her name was Bong Dong Gong."
Nami covered her mouth with her hands to keep from snorting in laughter. "What a lovely name," she replied when she had recovered somewhat. Iroh was laughing his head off again. "We'll call her Bong for short, shall we?"
"Of course. Though I believe she preferred to go by Dong."
"Whichever. So they set off after Appa the Airwalker."
"Yeah. On a ship," Zuko said. "But they ran into a big storm."
"Oh no! What happened?"
"Everything went okay, except for the fact that Bong didn't have the sense to hang onto something when a wave crashed over the ship. She would've been thrown into the sea had it not been for the prince who caught hold of her."
"Perhaps Bong was very frightened and couldn't think properly. But regardless, at this point she owes the valiant prince her life."
"Yes. Twice, technically, if you count the tower rescue."
"That doesn't count. It was really the uncle that did the rescuing."
"But do people with large enough uncles really come along all that often?"
"That's beside the point. The tower thing still doesn't count."
"Fine."
"So, what next?"
"They were docked at a port, when suddenly a, um, ferocious beast jumped onto the deck of the ship," Zuko continued.
"What kind of beast was it?"
"Um…a…shooshoo."
"Did the prince slay the beast before it could gobble up unwitting members of the crew?"
"No, not exactly. The shooshoo had been tamed by a bounty-hunter girl, and when the prince realized the shooshoo could track scents, he hatched a brilliant plan that would lead him to the avat—er, the Airwalker."
"This prince is some guy. Daring rescues, valiant quests, brilliant plans… But I remember this part. They all get on the shooshoo and chase after the Airwalker's gang. They get there, but because the brave and single-minded prince wouldn't listen to Bong's advice, the Airwalker's gang overpowered the shooshoo with perfumes and the animal went crazy and attacked the prince and the bounty-hunter because they didn't listen when Bong shouted for them to watch out."
"Because of course Bong is always right and it's everyone else's fault when unfortunate things happen, because if they had just listened to the omniscient Bong Dong Gong, everything would've went perfectly," Zuko said, his sarcasm thick.
"Maybe Bong Dong Gong doesn't know everything but was just trying to help and if the valiant prince had lifted his thick visor of pride they could've worked like a team instead of each for their own."
Zuko glared. "So what happened then, since you seem to know this part so well?"
"Well, Bong helped the prince get away from the perfume-soaked area so they could call the shooshoo, and the prince's uncle helped the bounty-hunter. They all got on the beast and headed back to the ship."
"They had to stay at the dock for a little while and one night they learned that Bong had a nice singing voice."
"Does that make up for her know-it-all-ness?" Nami asked.
"No. But it still charmed the heck out of the crew and the prince's uncle."
"And what about the prince? Was he charmed?"
"The prince is not easily charmed."
"Ah, one of those types. So what happened then?"
"They were talking in the prince's quarters when an Admiral came in," Zuko said.
"Admiral who?" she asked.
"Admiral…Cho."
"That doesn't sound very intimidating. Isn't he supposed to be a bad guy? And didn't he want to be called Cho the Conqueror? Or was it Cho the Invincible?"
"Cho the Invincible is ironic, so we'll go with that."
"Nice," Nami sniggered. "So what did Cho the Invincible want and why was he a bad guy?"
"Cho worked for the king but he didn't want to help the nation, he just wanted glory and bloodshed. He also had a personal vendetta against the prince for helping one of his enemies escape a grisly fate."
"I see. So what did he want with the cranky prince?"
"He wanted to take the prince's ship and crew so that he could capture Appa the Airwalker and invade another land to the north inhabited by water people."
"So what did our daring band do to foil these plans?"
"Because Cho took the prince's ship, he and Bong Dong Gong pretended to be soldiers on Cho's command ship, while the prince's uncle took a job as the general of Cho's forces," Zuko replied.
"Why would Cho the Invincible trust the uncle of his enemy?"
"He was pretending they weren't enemies because he liked to say he was working for the king and so couldn't openly be evil to the king's son."
"What a sneaky guy."
"Yeah. So they got to the water people who were way up north in the cold and ice 'cause they're out of their minds, and the prince went alone at night into the city."
"Bong, it might be noted here, obeyed the prince's orders to stay on the ship and go with the rest of the soldiers," Nami commented.
"Yes, by this time she was getting a bit better at knowing when she really needed to do what she was told. Though it's not like she lost any of her other infuriating qualities."
"Thank heaven for that," Nami exclaimed. "She's the story's only comic relief. Except maybe for the uncle. He has his moments."
Iroh chuckled.
"Anyway, the prince got inside the city and stole Appa the Airben—er—walker from one of his cronies while he was…meditating," Zuko said.
"And then the prince took him up to the top of the glacier—why, we have no idea because he could've just stuck the Appa kid in an empty house and waited till the fighting wound down and he could sneak out—"
"—but that wouldn't've worked because they would've found him or once the fighting was over he wouldn't've been able to get out of the city because commander Cho would've caught him—"
"Alright, alright, so he went up high where it was blizzarding. Then the Airwalker's associates found the prince with him and saved their leader by kicking the prince's butt—"
"She used unfair tactics!"
"Tactics that I'm sure if the prince had used on her he would never call unfair. But not to worry, the valiant hero of the tale was saved from freezing to death by his loyal pall, Bong. The two of them went back down to the city where a horrible scene was taking place."
"They got down to where Cho had the moon spirit in a bag—"
"How could the moon fit in a bag?"
"It was a fish."
"Why would the moon spirit become a fish?"
"I don't know!" Zuko exclaimed. "Let me tell the story! So Cho was about to destroy the moon when the prince's uncle came upon the scene and told Cho that whatever he did to the fish he would do tenfold back to him."
"You tell it to him, uncle," Nami praised. Iroh grinned.
"But Cho ignored him and killed the fish, anyway. The prince's uncle attacked him, but he got away while the uncle fought his soldiers. Seeing his cowardly escape, however, the prince went after him."
"Meanwhile, one of Appa the Airwalker's friend's girlfriend brought the moon spirit back to life by giving her own life to it. She became the moon but not before making out with Appa's friend all ghost-like."
Zuko stared at her. "Weird…"
"Kind of, yeah. So then the ocean spirit—who was pretty pissed off by this time—became a big, glowing water monster and destroyed all Cho's ships."
"Meanwhile," said Zuko, "the prince got to Cho and attacked him. They fought and the prince was winning, but then the ocean spirit grabbed Cho and dragged him down into the water."
"Wow. Turns out Cho the Invincible was actually vincible. So then what?"
"I don't think 'vincible' is a word. But anyway, then the prince's band met up again and decided to get the heck away from the horrible icy land instead of trying to defeat Appa some more."
"I'm sure they were tired and all out of ideas."
"Pretty much."
"So now where are they?" she asked.
"On a raft in the middle of the artic, and the prince is mulling over throwing Bong overboard."
"At that part again, are we? Is that how the epic tale ends? 'Cranky prince chucks irritating associate off raft'?"
"I might think of some more later, but that's all I've got for now."
"Well, it was a very good story. Better than Iroh's and mine, definitely."
"Hey, I just thought of some more."
"Really?"
"Yeah. Bong Dong Gong is afraid the cranky prince really will throw her off so she shuts her mouth and lets him get some sleep."
"That doesn't seem very true to form."
"It's my story, and I can do with it what I wish."
"I suppose that's true. So Bong wishes the cranky prince and his uncle goodnight and shuts up."
"Wonderful," Zuko sighed, closing his eyes as he laid his head back down on the wood.
"The prince's uncle tells Bong and his nephew goodnight," Iroh added.
"Goodnight, Uncle," Zuko grumbled.
"Goodnight, Iroh," Nami murmured.
"Are you okay at the tiller for a while, Nami?" Iroh asked.
"Of course. Get some rest, both of you," she replied softly. Iroh smiled and turned on his side, facing Zuko, and closed his eyes. He was soon snoring. Nami waited for Zuko to complain about the noise as she adjusted the rudder, but he was already asleep himself.
Nami waited a few minutes, then shrugged off her parka and draped it gently over the prince. He shifted slightly in his sleep and pulled it to his chin with a sigh. Nami went back to her place by the tiller and watched him sleep with soft eyes until late into the night when she woke Iroh for him to take over the shift.
