DISCLAIMER: This was a story for fun. If you wanted mindless fun, this was for you. If you didn't, then you probably didn't get what you were looking for.
DISCLAIMER AGAIN: From Animals to the Ice Age (also Animals!) A random concept, with a fairly more polished execution, but still totally weird. I promise I'll make a cohesive story soon. Maybe. Probably not. Happens right after the third movie because I really don't like the fourth. (or, anyway, the upcoming fifth)
DISCLAIMER THREE: The grand finale! Who shall win? Read below, dummies!
Episode 8 - Global Warming Up to this Whole Thing
Pirates: Last time on Total Drama Ice Age!
Pirates: We received terrible news that there was going to be a 5th movie.
Pirates: And it's related to space, because of course it is.
Pirates: So, to try to one-up the movie, we had a challenge in Space! We knew it could potentially attract asteroids, but we still went with it anyway.
Pirates: So, Buck won immunity, but... we attracted asteroids like a bunch of idiots.
Pirates: Sid found a spaceship and managed to stop the asteroid, but he got too hurt and got removed from the game, just as Diego was still trying to make up for him.
Pirates: So three remain! Buck, Diego and Scrat! They'll face a jury who will vote for one of the three as the total champion of Total Drama Ice Age!
Pirates: Play the theme song!
*The Theme Song doesn't play*
Buck: Man, I loved that theme song.
Diego: I know it was probably the best of the bunch!
Scrat: Yeah I give it a 5 out of 10.
Buck: ...but man, Final 3... this was a long journey... I think it's a good time for us to look back on the people who were eliminated up to this point.
Diego: What's up with that sudden change of character?
Buck: Oh? I'm just reading this paper. *He shows it* It's basically an order, I guess.
*A pirate appears with a club*
Buck: A'ight, a'ight mate, we're doing this.
Confessional - Buck - I mean, I knew it. I knew it all along! My trillion plans made sure I got to the end. *He takes out his knife and threatens the confessional Camera* WHAT? YOU THINK I WASN'T GOING TO? SAY THAT AGAIN, MATE! SAY IT! WHAT? YOU THINK I CAN'T TAKE YOU ON? I TOOK THE WHOLE UNDERGROUND, MAN! I TAMED A GODDAMN DINOSAUR! WHAT? YOU THINK PEOPLE WILL REMEMBER THE MOVIE WHERE THEY ADDED THE POSSUMS, THE PIRATES, OR THE GODDAMN MANIAC DINOSAUR TAMER? SAY IT TO MY FACE! *He's quickly becoming more paranoid and his eyes are twitching*
Confessional - Diego - Final Three? Huh. Man, I wished Sid was here too. I mean, I ... I always knew I was going to be here from the start but I think I learned some neat stuff over the course of the game. So fixated with winning and being the predator instead of the prey that I forgot that old stuff about how those lines can be blurred. Sid was not some weak prey waiting to be used and discarded. Well, he was, but I guess I'm not that kind of predator, is what I'm saying. And, I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. With Eddie and Crash hating me, this jury thing will be hard, but it's time for me to just own up to my game.
Confessional - Scrat - *He's wearing a monocle and a twirly mustache* There's an old saying that says that villains never win. It's time to prove that saying otherwise, and win, as a villain! Sid being removed from the game, but if he votes, I'm pretty sure I have his vote. Add to the fact that Eddie, and Crash along him, hate Diego and Buck, and the fact that I can pretend I'll pay Tony for his vote, and that's four votes which is enough. Oh man, victory will be sweet, and so will those acorns! Hohohoh! I can't wait to have some roasted acorns with acorn bits on top and fried acorns on the side, with an acornshake to drink, and, more importantly, some spaguetthi. Man, I love spaguetthi.
*WALK OF REMEMBRANCE*
*The three come across a sign showing Manny's face*
Diego: Manny, huh? I never expected him to be the first out, but I guess he was too bossy or something like that.
Scrat: A threat. Glad he went out early.
Buck: ...who's this one again?
Confessional - Diego - Manny's a good friend, but I think he's too serious and too uptight for this game, which is a pretty terrible combination. Also, don't tell him, but Sid's right, he IS pretty fat these days. It's a wonder Ellie didn't dump him yet.
*They come across a sign showing Crash's face*
Diego: An annoyance.
Buck: Darn right, mate. But then again, that's the possums for you.
Scrat: Never played with him, but he's definitely voting along with Eddie. Whoever has one vote has both.
Confessional - Scrat - And if all goes right, I'll have both of these votes and an extra million acorns in my mouth. Yum.
*They come across a sign showing Tony's face*
Diego: ...I'm probably going to say 'an annoyance' for a couple more people. Is that okay?
Buck: No complaints on this side, buddy. You're pretty spot on with that.
Scrat: Oh, for the record, I DID buy his vote with a couple rocks, but he's too annoying for me to keep him despite all that.
Diego: Man, squirrel, I'd do the same thing. And I don't think I'd feel bad considering who we're talking about.
Confessional - Buck - ...what? I've got nothing to say about this dude. Never even met him. Why you asking me of all times, Confessional Man?
*They come across a sign showing Ellie's face*
Buck: She was good, but in the end too much of a social butterfly, methinks.
Diego: Also, sorry Buck, but if you weren't immune I'd definitely vote you out back then. Between Sid and Ellie, I had to keep Sid to make it up for him, but I still didn't want to boot Ellie. She's great.
Scrat: Meh, she's boring.
Buck: Actually, since we're coming clean right now, I was trying to throw challenges back then, and Ellie was onto me, probably. Rudy was in a bad spot and I wanted to buy him a couple extra days.
Diego: It's okay, she'd probably do the same if she knew Eddie was in trouble on the other side.
Confessional - Diego - I say it's okay, but if I can use this as a weapon against him I'm all up for it! Also, Ellie? I think she's great. She has to deal with these possums, so she has to be. Sad it came down to that.
*They come across a sign showing Eddie's face*
Diego: He hates me for some reason.
Buck: ...he thinks you somehow booted Manny, right? What a crazy one.
Diego: Crazy's being nice. Glad he didn't made the merge. I'd be a definite goner.
Scrat: Don't say that, he was pretty nice at times...
Confessional - Scrat - ...pretty nice to manipulate, of course... Why do I have to keep commenting on these possums? Like, I feel my strategy is pretty laid out already and this is just making me more boring. *Nibbles on three acorns AT THE SAME TIME WOW HOLY F-WORD!*
*They come across a sign showing Rudy's face*
Buck: Gone too soon. *He puts his beret over his heart*
Scrat: He's not dead, you know?
Buck: OMG HE USED TO SAY THAT!
Scrat: A-and he had to go, he was a big threat at immunity challenges. We couldn't let both of you get any farther.
Buck: I get it, you're backstabber jerks, I get it, I GET IT! *Eyes begin drowning with tears*
Diego: Okay, I think we should probably move on right now.
Confessional - Buck - *Scratching on the wall a heart with Bucky written on it and sobbing uncontrollably*
*They come across a sign showing Sid's face*
Diego: ...An annoyance, but man, I wish this annoyance was still here.
Buck: We all did, mate. We all did.
Scrat: Yeah...
Confessional - Diego - To make up to him.
Confessional - Scrat - To bring a goat to the end.
Confessional - Buck - *Stabbing the wall* TO EASE THIS PAIN!
*FINAL ELIMINATION CEREMONY*
Pirates: Alright, Buck, Diego, Scrat. The game is out of your hands now, it lies on the hands of the jury. *It shows Manny, Crash, Tony, Ellie, Eddie and Rudy on a bench*.
Diego: Wait, where's Sid?
Pirates: He... can't appear here today. Let's move on right into the questions of the jury, alright? Each voted out contestant will ask you three a question, and you need to answer in the way that you think will get you their vote. Manny, you're up first.
*Manny walks up to the three*
Manny: Alright, I'm voting for Diego. Buck, you're probably clinically insane. Scrat, you voted for me when I was one of the only assets of the team. You both suck. My only question is, uhh, Diego... from friend to friend... am I fat right now? I need a true opinion, Ellie's always sugarcoating it.
*Diego just looks at him with pity on his eyes*
Manny: ...ah, forget it, that look says enough.
*He goes sit and the jury bench tilts towards him, he's outweighing even Rudy*
Manny: :(
Pirates: Crash, you can come up too.
Eddie: Wait, I'm going too!
Crash: Alright, Diego, I want to know, why did you vote for me?
Diego: Because you dragged down our team.
Eddie: And why did you vote for Manny?
Diego: I didn't, I wasn't even on your team.
Eddie: Seems too convenient!
Crash: Yeah! And you, Buck? Why did you vote me out, huh? Got anything to say in your defense?
*Buck pulls out a knife* Buck: BACK OFF MATE! YOU VOTED FOR ME TOO, DIDN'T YOU? I CAN GUT YOU RIGHT NOW! I CAN GUT YOU RIGHT NOW!
*Scrat holds a laugh*
Buck: And that's why I think I deserve your vote. It was just self-defense.
Crash: Let's see if that will hold up on court!
Eddie: Yeah, I don't think it will! We got Tony as our lawyer, and he says he's great at it!
Scrat: Dear lord...
Eddie: Alright, Scrat, I just want to say, thanks for sticking up to us when the going got tough. You're a real help, alright?
Scrat: Yeah, sure, you're going to make me blush.
Crash: No one who says that can be a bad person! Alright Eddie, I'm with you in voting for Scrat!
Manny: Eddie, it was CLEARLY Scrat that tricked you. Tony has the brain mass of a rock, and Rudy was with me. Hammer that on your head already!
Eddie: MANNY SHUT UP I'M TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHO ELIMINATED YOU!
Crash: Yeah Manny stop being a sore loser!
Pirates: Alright, I think we're done with these two, alright? Yeah, alright. Ellie, you're up.
Ellie: You know, I was pretty angry at first but I understand both of your reasonings for taking me out. Buck, I know what you were doing, but I was going to do the same thing if I had the chance, so I really can't hold it against you. Diego, I hope you can be friends with Sid again. I wish you both good luck, because this will be a tough vote. Scrat, I'm sorry, but I just didn't get the chance to know you.
Scrat: It's okay.
Buck: Thank you Ellie. Please vote for me. *Eyes twitch*
Diego: Yeah, uh, ignore him, thanks for that, Ellie. That's pretty much it.
*Ellie sits down again*
Pirates: Alright, Rudy, you're up.
Rudy: GROWL (Growl)
*He sits back down*
Pirates: *Wipes a tear* That was beautiful...
Buck: Indeed.
Pirates: Ok Tony, go up there.
*Tony approaches Scrat*
Scrat: Hey, Tony...
Tony: SCRAT! YOU TRICKED ME! YOU KNEW THAT THE ROCK MARKET COLLAPSED, RIGHT? THE ROCK JONES STALK MARKET IS A DISASTER! HOW CAN I MAKE A DISHONEST LIVING OFF THIS ICEBERG SCHEME IF YOU TRICK ME AND GIVE ME ROCKS WHEN STICKS ARE THE CURRENT HIGH? THAT'S POOR BUSINESS ETIQUETTE, SCRAT, AND I HOPE YOU DIE! And if you do, here's my card, I also host funerals.
Scrat: *Sweating* Uh, sorry, Tony? I can still give you sticks if you want.
Tony: ...alright I'll keep that in mind...
Buck: Whatever he pays you, I'm paying double.
Tony: WOAH!
Diego: I'm paying triple.
Tony: WOOOOOOAHHH!
Manny: My god, don't stoop that low, you two...
*Tony sits down, pondering about everything*
Pirates: And, lastly, here's Sid, straight from the Ice Age Hospital! *A television pops in*
Buck: You know, we should probably stop naming everything with Ice Age at first. That seems like the perfect way for things to get outdated really quickly.
Sid: *Through the television* Uh... hey everyone... I'm glad I could be of help! I think old Sid pretty much proved himself here, haha, after being pushed around the whole time. I sort of want to ask a decent question, but uh, I'm kinda in a rough spot here... so I'll just go with this boring one the pirates are telling me to ask - what characteristic do you think brought you here? Be honest.
Scrat: I've played a clean game, managed to get out of a position on the bottom, and control a couple votes. Sid, I think my biggest quality was to just speak my mind. *Diego just stares at him in disbelief*
Buck: My paranoia. If I wasn't on the look-out the whole time, 24/7, I'd be dead meat. DEAD MEAT I SAY.
Diego: ...I.. I don't know if I can answer that question. I thought what brought me here was my abilities to be a predator, but I realized that being a relentless predator here too wasn't the way to go. So, hm... I don't really have an answer to your question. I don't know exactly what brought me to the finals.
Sid: It's okay. Thank you Diego, thanks Buck. Thanks a lot Scrat.
Pirates: And that's everyone. Now everyone will vote. And we'll see who wins this whole thing! It's time to vote!
*TO BE CONTINUED*
Ha! I tricked you! There's another chapter! It's a short one, just the vote reveal, but it should be fun too! Who will win? Next chapter you'll find out, for sure! See 'ya then!
