Chapter 8
One month later...
"So, what fresh misery is on your plate tonight?" Tony asked.
Tim had been fidgeting all day.
"What makes you think there's misery involved?" he asked with a smile.
"Because you're acting anxious and now that I know I was right before, I'm going to stick with it. Come on! Spill!"
"Yes, McGee. It is obvious," Ziva said.
"Well...I'm taking the last of my tests for the classes I signed up for but didn't actully take this semester. I did really well on the other two, but this one..."
"What's it about?"
"Network security," Tim said with a grin at Tony's mock horror.
"Why are you so worried?" Ziva asked. "Is that not what you wish to focus on?"
"It is, more or less, but this class...it's taught by that professor I told you about before, the one who hated me before he even saw me. I just know that I'll have to be perfect in order to satisfy him."
"Do you think you're ready?"
"Yeah, I do, but I'm still a little nervous about it. I've been studying this stuff for the last month. It's almost all I can think about. I just want to get it done."
"You want to celebrate your triumph, Probie?"
"No. I don't want to jinx myself, Tony, and I'm tired. I just want to sleep through the night and come to work tomorrow...and work for the next few weeks without having to worry about school."
"Welcome back to the land of the living?" Ziva suggested.
"Yeah. It'll be nice to be at work. It'll feel like a vacation."
Gibbs strode in and looked at Tim.
"McGee?"
"Yeah, Boss?"
"Go. Good luck."
Tim smiled.
"Thanks, Boss."
He got up and left.
"He needs time off," Ziva said. "This is unnecessary."
"It's what he wants," Gibbs said. "He wouldn't be happy with anything else. Get your reports done."
x.x.x.x.x.x.x
Tim hadn't felt this nervous about a test since he had been an undergrad. He knew, however, that Charles was more than likely going to hold him to a higher standard than anyone else. He hoped that it would all go well. He walked into the classroom.
"Professor Ormond?" he asked.
Charles looked up. Tim had been calling most of the professors by their first name, but he didn't dare be that familiar with Charles. He was always Professor Ormond.
"Tim. Have a seat. Take all the time you need."
Charles handed him the exam and then sat down. Tim was surprised at how reasonable he sounded. Maybe he'd been wrong. With a deep breath, Tim looked down and read the first question.
Consider the following 2-round authentication protocol...
Tim felt okay about this. He started working. The first two questions went quickly. They were about what he had expected. Then, he got to question three. He had to read the question three times before he even understood what it was asking. ...and even then, he had no idea how to answer it. He glanced at Charles. He was apparently engrossed in his own work.
There was nothing for it. He had to keep going. It wasn't like he could walk out, but he could see his place in the graduate program falling away.
One hour became two hours...and then, three before he finally admitted defeat and handed it to Charles.
"Thank you, Tim. I'll get this graded in the next week."
"Thank you, Professor."
Tim walked out, feeling lower than he could ever remember feeling. He was embarrassed.
"Tim, what are you doing here?"
Tim looked over. Sherman was coming out of Roger's office. His brow furrowed at the sight of Tim walking down the hall.
"Hi, Sherman."
"What's up?"
"I just finished my test for Professor Ormond's network security class."
Sherman's expression cleared. "Did you have trouble with it?"
"I failed it, Sherman. I know I failed it. The first two questions were fine, but the rest...I felt like I was grasping at straws trying to figure it out." Tim stared at his feet for a moment. "I'm just...I didn't have a clue what I was doing. I was guessing what was even being asked!"
"Come on in to my office, Tim. Let's talk for a second."
"It's late. I don't want to keep you here."
"I'm here already. Come on."
Tim followed. He couldn't remember ever feeling so incompetent when it came to computer work. He had been feeling like he could make it through, but now...
"Have a seat, Tim."
Tim plunked down.
"You're looking a bit rundown, you know."
"I was looking forward to the break."
"So...what happened? I know you did fine on the other tests you took because I set one of them and Roger set the other."
"I don't know. I felt like a complete idiot. I sat down, started working, flew through the first couple and then...it was like the questions were suddenly in a different language. I'd never even heard of some the protocols, and I've been studying this stuff for the last month. I wanted to be sure I got everything right. I had the syllabus. I got the books." Tim leaned forward. "I've done badly on tests before, but not like this. Sherman, I really think that I failed that exam, and I thought I knew what I was doing. And failing a class... I mean, failing in grad school is lower than an A- and I think I literally have an F."
"Hey, Tim...this doesn't sound at all like you. I know you've been working hard. I know the material that he goes over in class. It should be subjects you're familiar with. What were the questions? Do you remember them?"
"Yeah, I remember them...for all the good it does me."
Sherman grabbed a piece of paper and a pencil.
"Here. Write down the ones you can remember."
"Why?"
"Humor me."
Tim shrugged and did as he was asked. He scribbled down the questions that he had tried and failed to answer. When he finished he slid it across to Sherman.
"Sorry. My hands are tired...and my handwriting isn't the best anyway."
Sherman smiled and picked up the paper. His smile vanished rather quickly.
"Are you sure these are the questions on the test?"
"Positive."
"Okay. Tim, I don't want you to worry about this."
"Sherman, I said that if I couldn't hack it that I'd..."
"No, don't worry. You're fine. When did Charles say he'd get the test back to you?"
"Within the week."
"Okay. I have some things I need to do, but I want you to make sure you pick it up when Charles tells you he has it. Then, come to my office. In fact, call me when you're going to get it. I'll want to talk to you again. For now, go home. Sleep. Do you have to work tomorrow?"
"Yeah."
"Okay. Sleep and go to work, and don't worry about this. You've told me and it'll be fine."
"It's not fine, Sherman. I'm not exaggerating about my performance."
"I understand that, but trust me."
Tim just nodded listlessly and left the office. He felt almost sick to his stomach at what he had not managed to do tonight. He left the building and headed for the nearest bus stop.
"Hey, Tim!"
He looked over.
"Oh, hi, Eric."
"Bad day?"
"Bad exam. I think I just failed."
"Oh, come on. You didn't fail. You're fine!" Eric said.
Tim just shook his head.
"You look exhausted. Are you really taking the bus?"
"It's better to take the bus than crash my car because I fell asleep at the wheel."
"Point taken. Hey, I'll give you a ride."
"You sure? It's after ten."
"Positive. Where do you live?"
"Silver Spring."
"Oh, that's not very far anyway. Come on!"
Tim was feeling too dispirited to protest. He followed Eric to his clunker of a car and got in. It was quiet for the first few minutes.
"What test?" Eric asked.
"Ormond's."
"I'll bet you didn't fail it. You were on top of everything at that discussion group a couple of weeks ago. If you were around here more, everyone would be hanging on your every word."
Tim shook his head.
"I'm pretty sure I did fail, Eric. I thought I knew what I was doing, but...I sure didn't."
"It'll look better tomorrow. You just need some distance. I've taken lots of tests and some just seem bad when you first finish."
Tim didn't bother to disabuse Eric of that notion. What he said was true, but Tim also knew when he had no idea what he was doing. That was this test. He directed Eric to his apartment and then got out.
"Thanks for the ride, Eric."
"Hey, if you need to commiserate, we're having a post-semester drink at that little bar near campus tomorrow."
"I'll probably be working, but thanks, Eric."
"No problem. Good night."
"Night."
Tim walked into his apartment, took Jethro out, fed him and then sat down on his bed, fell back and stared at the ceiling.
He felt awful.
x.x.x.x.x.x.x
Tim didn't sleep well that night. In fact, he spent most of the night, staring at the ceiling wondering how he could have failed so miserably. He had gone in expecting perfection of himself and hadn't even managed a mediocre performance. In fact, with how hard those questions had been, he would have been happy with mediocre.
When he got up, he took Jethro out for a run, fed him, called the dog walker and asked about taking Jethro out in the evening as well so that he could get more exercise, and then, he got ready and headed in to work. The miserable feeling hadn't ebbed much, but he felt a little numb.
x.x.x.x.x.x.x
Ziva looked up as the elevator doors opened and Tim trudged in. He was only barely on time. There was something different. The tiredness was normal. Tim had been constantly tired since he had been working on two full-time occupations at once, but he'd always had a bit of a spring in his step because he was enjoying what he was doing. While she thought it unnecessary, she could tell how much he liked it.
But that spring was missing. Tim sat down at his desk. Gibbs looked up at him.
"Tim?" he asked, as he did every day.
For the first time, though, Tim gave a different answer. He shook his head.
"No, Boss."
Gibbs raised an eyebrow but Tim said nothing else. He just looked back at his computer.
"Okay."
Then, he walked out of the bullpen. Ziva got up.
"What's wrong, Probie?" Tony asked.
"Nothing," Tim said, although he was clearly lying.
They both hovered over Tim's desk.
"I'm pretty sure I failed my test last night," he said softly.
Tony scoffed.
"Oh, come on. You always think that you're going to fail and you always pass."
Tim was shaking his head before Tony was finished talking. He looked up at them.
"No. Not this time. I've gone into tests before where I was just nervous but I knew what I was doing. I've had tests where I knew that I was going to do badly on them. I've never gone into a test where I was positive that I knew what I was doing and yet when I sat down I might as well have turned in a blank test. That's what happened last night. I did the first two questions without any problem, but after that, I didn't know what I was supposed to be doing, let alone know how to answer the question. I guessed, but some of the protocols were things I'd never heard of! I told Sherman and he said it would be fine, but...but I'm probably going to be asked to leave. My professor will more than likely argue for it and with that kind of a performance... I can see why."
"No way, McGee," Tony said. "No way! You're a genius."
"No, I'm not, Tony. I'm smart, but I'm no genius and I guess I've hit my limit."
Ziva shook her head. She might think that this was a mistake, but it was what Tim wanted and she wasn't going to let him beat himself up.
"Have you seen your test score yet?"
"No. I'm sure he'll grade it fast since it'll give him some glee."
"Then, until that happens, there is no reason to think the worst."
"Yes, there is. To inure me to what's coming. So that when Sherman tells me the bad news, I won't be so disappointed."
Thwack!
"Hey!" Tim protested.
Gibbs had come up behind him.
"You don't need to assume the worst."
"Maybe not, but I'm pretty confident about it," Tim said. "I couldn't really sleep last night."
There's nothing you can do until you find out for sure," Tony said. "Just wait."
x.x.x.x.x.x.x
Sherman knocked on the door to Roger's office and walked inside quickly.
"What's up, Sherman?" he asked.
"I think we have a real problem, Roger."
"You mean..."
"Not that," Sherman said quickly. "This is about Tim. He took Charles' test last night."
"Oh? And?"
"And he says that he probably failed."
Roger's eyebrows went up.
"Really? That surprises me. I guess it's..."
Sherman handed Roger the page of questions Tim had written.
"These are the questions Tim said were on the test."
Roger looked at it and then he gestured for Sherman to sit.
"Is he sure?"
"I saw him right after he finished. He happened to be coming out of the room when I was leaving your office. He has a good memory."
"There's got to be a mistake."
"I'm sure that's what Charles will say."
"You're skeptical?"
"Yeah, I am. I think he did this on purpose."
"But if you're right, it couldn't work since Tim told you."
"I'll bet Tim wouldn't have if I hadn't seen him. He would have been too embarrassed to confess it. And Charles could rely on the possibility of an accident being a valid excuse for what happened."
"There's no way we can be sure of it."
"Of course not, but Charles will us this as a reason to kick Tim out of the program. You know he will."
Roger sighed and nodded.
"Have you seen his grade yet?"
"No. I don't think it's been graded yet."
"Okay. I'll talk to Charles, urge him to get the test graded as soon as possible. If you're right, he won't have a problem with that. Once he's done that, we'll have Jaye look at it and evaluate it since she does the upper-division course. I don't want you getting involved in this first part, though. Understand?"
"I understand. But you know as well as I do that this was intentional."
"I have to give him the benefit of the doubt, and you know that."
Sherman nodded reluctantly.
"I'll do my part, Sherman. Don't worry about that. Let's just figure this out and get things as they need to be for Tim."
"As fast as we can," Sherman said. "He's convinced that he's out. That's not good for anyone to deal with."
