Disclaimer: I don't own anything but my imagination of how Chakotay looks without a shirt on.


Chapter 8

"Q!" Kathryn exclaimed, putting her hands on her hips. "What are you doing here?"

"I was just checking up on you. Oh Kathy, don't get all upset with me. I'm here to see how you liked my help," Q answered, sitting down on her bed suddenly dressed in dark blue, silky pajamas instead of a Starfleet uniform.

Kathryn pulled her bathrobe on, closing it tightly and tying it. She angrily turned to face him, desperate to know what he meant about him helping her. Q smiled at her as he crossed his arms across chest, giving a smug look. He patted the bed beside him, but she ignored it.

"How did you try to help me?" she snapped. "I don't need your help with anything; you've proved that several times."

"Sometimes I think you humans have such a negative view of us Q's. I was trying to help you with the situation with Chuckles."

Kathryn thought for a moment. Wait… Chuckles was Q's name for Chakotay. "You caused this to happen to Chakotay? He could have been killed!"

"Oh Kathy, I wasn't very far from you. I wouldn't have let your precious Chuckles die. You would be completely unbearable for the rest of your lifetime. I simply put you in a situation to give you the chance to see him for what he is and to allow him to see you as Kathryn, not Captain Janeway."

"Don't 'oh Kathy' me!"

Kathryn stormed into the living room and ordered some hot coffee from the replicator, all desire to fall asleep was gone with the blood pounding through her veins. Q appeared behind her, looking over her shoulder. She had a sudden urge to turn and slap him, but decided against it since he would probably mistake it was foreplay and might proposition her again.

"Coffee at this hour? You should have some nice raspberry tea. Chuckles orders that quite frequently when he can't sleep."

With a white flash, the coffee disappeared from the mug and cold raspberry tea filled the container. Kathryn groaned internally and went to sit down on her couch. The adrenaline was quickly fading from her system and she was still exhausted. She rubbed her forehead with her hand, cautiously taking a sip of the tea and finding that it actually tasted quite good. Q sat down next to her, suddenly holding a small brown puppy with floppy curly ears. She glared at him and it disappeared in a snap. That hadn't worked before and most definitely wouldn't work in this situation.

"What do you mean that you tried to help?" Kathryn forced out between her teeth to keep from yelling at him again.

"I might have helped your shuttle lose control and crash on the conveniently located planet with zero vegetation to keep you inside and close to Chuckles. It was easy."

"You can't do that to someone! He was in pain and you caused it!" Kathryn had given up remaining calm. "Q!"

"You need him. I am a Q and I know what will happen if you don't find yourself closer to Chuckles. Give up those human barriers and let yourself be with him. You'll thank me someday."

Q snapped his fingers and was gone. Kathryn groaned, letting her head fall back against the sofa in frustration. To find out that Q caused the accident that caused Chakotay to lose his sight and be in pain for two days, it was hard to describe how irritated she was. As the anger ebbed away, Kathryn turned slightly to look out at the stars as she sipped her tea. She sat still, not thinking of anything but Chakotay breathing in and out, his chest rising and falling. Slowly, Kathryn fell asleep, leaning against the sofa with her cup resting gently in her hands.


"Doctor to Captain Janeway," the EMH called for the second time.

Kathryn wearily opened her eyes, finding herself stiff from sleeping on the sofa. She rubbed her neck to ease the tension and saw the chronometer read a little after 0300 hours.

"Janeway here," she answered.

"I hate to disturb you Captain, but Commander Chakotay is awake and disoriented. I thought that your presence might calm him down a little bit. I don't want to medicate him further."

"On my way," she declared, setting down the cup and adjusting her robe.

Kathryn didn't bother to change, but went straight to sickbay, grateful that no one was in the corridors at this time. Chakotay was sitting up on the medical bed, breathing heavily and looking around. She went straight to his side, coaxing him to lie back down as the Doctor hovered around him with the medical scanner and a look on his face that said Chakotay better lie down or would be sedated.

"Kathryn, how… what happened?" he sounded slightly frantic.

"Chakotay… calm down. The Doctor had to perform surgery on you, but you're going to be okay," Kathryn murmured, slowly getting him to lie down and putting her hand on his cheek.

Chakotay blinked heavily as he fought to stay awake. "You're… okay?" he asked.

"Yes, I'm okay. How are you feeling?"

"My head hurts… but at least I can see a little bit. Instead of darkness, I can see some color. It's really blurry though."

"Your sight will return in a few days," the Doctor spoke up. "Your optical nerves were severely damaged, but I managed to heal them with little effort. It'll just take a few days for your eyes to adjust to light again."

Chakotay nodded, closing his eyes and taking a few deep breaths to calm down. The Doctor went into his office after administering some pain medication to help Chakotay with the headache. Kathryn heard the Doctor sit down at his chair and continue working. She remained silent, watching Chakotay lay on the medical bed, attempting to calm himself and release his anxiety. He was so still that she thought he had fallen back asleep after a few minutes. Ever so gently, Kathryn raised her hand and ran her fingers through his messy hair. He smiled slightly, but didn't open his eyes.

"How are you really doing?" he asked.

"I'm fine," the woman answered with a forced smile. "Despite an unexpected visit from Q a few hours ago, I'm just glad that you're doing better."

He didn't have to open his eyes to see right through her lie. "I'm too drowsy to pursue you right now, but I know you too well to believe that you're fine after all of this. We'll talk more tomorrow about Q. Besides… I think the crew owes us some more shore leave. I promised that I would take you dancing on the holodeck."

"You're right. Good night, Chakotay."

Kathryn had a strong urge to kiss him on his soft lips, but she couldn't do it. It felt wrong for her to receive the happiness that she wanted. Biting back a sob, she patted Chakotay's hand once and left sickbay, ignoring the concerned look on the Doctor's face. Maybe in the morning, she could forget all that happened and let things return to the way that they were. It was easier to feel pain than to love the man she wanted to love. Q was wrong about her. Kathryn Janeway didn't have time for love. She lay for a long time in her bed before a single tear fell down her cheek and in the softness of night, she wept until sleep came.


Chakotay knew that something was wrong from the moment that he heard her voice. His eyes strained to see her, but everything was so blurry and his head was pounding regardless of the Doctor's special recipe. He could hear it in her voice. It sounded as if she'd just woken up from a restless sleep and needed a cup of coffee. Her hand was soft on his cheek, comforting him just like she had in the shuttle. But this time, Kathryn was withdrawn slightly. He wished that he could just see her again. Her face always gave away so much of how she was feeling, but her voice was enough tonight.

Then Chakotay felt her fingers in his hair, and heard her sigh. He desperately wished that he could wipe away her pain, but the fog was closing in again. She mentioned something about Q, but the words were running together. He mumbled about dancing, knowing that it would make her smile. But the sound he heard next was not what he expected. Kathryn bit her lip, taking a sharp breath and giving a small sniffle. She was holding back tears. Chakotay tried to remember if he could have caused those tears that threatened to fall, but he didn't have the strength. She touched his hand once more and the warmth was gone.

At that moment, Chakotay hadn't felt so alone without her. He needed Kathryn.


Thanks for reading! Please review!

Emma