*As requested a little more Gibbs/Abby interaction. This chapter kind-of gets dark at the end but I blame that on the fact that I was watching Donnie Darko while writing this chapter. OK enjoy!! Please read and review.*
Chapter 8
Abby's Lab
For most of the day Abby had done a good job pretending that the past events weren't haunting her. Throughout the day she had been checked on by every member of the team including Palmer. She continued to tell everyone she was fine and so far it seemed like they all believed her. Everyone except McGee and possibly Gibbs. She had told McGee that she would talk to him after work, and that she didn't feel like talking about it right now. After that he had backed off for the rest of the day. Gibbs however was increasing his watch on Abby.
"Here Abs." Gibbs placed another Caf-Pow on the table in front of her.
"I still have one in the fridge that I haven't got to." Abby said not looking up from her microscope.
"Yup, well a fresh one can't hurt." He said, "How are you Abs?" He asked concern for her flooding his voice.
"I'm fine Gibbs." Abby changed slides under her microscope.
"Abby I know you're not fine." Gibbs said, "You've been acting weirder than normal and jumpy all day. Why won't you talk to me?"
"There's nothing to talk about. Everything is fine." Abby said trying to convincer not only herself but Gibbs as well. She turned to face him and drew in a deep breath. Gibbs sat silently hoping she would trust him enough to let him know how she was feeling, "I can't tell you." She whispered.
"Why not?" Gibbs asked.
"You'll be ashamed of me. You'll think it's my fault." Her voice caught in her throat as she spoke. Gibbs slowly stood up in front of her.
"Abby. Whatever happened is not your fault." Gibbs said accentuating each word, "I could never be ashamed of you for something that someone else did to you." Abby took a deep breath, "Tell me Abs. You know you can tell me anything. No matter what it is…you can tell me."
"I can't tell you. I don't want you to be mad at me." She said, sounding like a scared child.
"I won't be mad." Gibbs said, trying to get her to tell him what happened. The only way he could help her is if he knew the whole story. He didn't want to know the details but he had to know what happened so he could help her get through this.
"Promise you won't get mad at me?" She gasped as a tear escaped her eye.
"I promise." Gibbs took her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. Silently he reprimanded himself when he felt Abby flinch at his touch, "It's alright. Just start at the beginning."
Abby pulled her hand out of Gibbs' grasp and pressed her palms to her forehead, "I tried to fight him off I really, really did but…I mean maybe if I'd been stronger or something I could have but….I just couldn't…I'm sorry." She cried, "Gibbs, Chip raped me and I couldn't stop him and now all I see is him. When I close my eyes all I see is Chip. When I dream at night all I dream about is Chip. Raping me, over and over again. And it's so real that I feel the pain over and over again. I just wish I could forget it all." Abby wrapped her arms around herself as she started shaking. She slid to the floor and started rocking herself, "I just want it to go away. Maybe if I just go away then the nightmares will stop. Maybe the only way to get rid of it all is too…." She hugged her knees tighter to her chest as more tears fell down her face, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." She repeated over and over again. Gibbs got down to the ground in front of her.
"Abby, Abby look at me. Focus on me. Listen to my voice and keep hold of it." Gibbs said realizing that making Abby talk when she wasn't ready was a huge mistake on his part, "Abby look at me."
"I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. It's my fault." Abby cried, she had tried so hard to not get emotional during work today and here she was sitting on the floor broken again. Only this time she couldn't pick up the pieces. This isn't how it was supposed to be. It had been a week since the incident and she was supposed to be back to normal. Ready, willing and able to work. She was not supposed to be sitting on the floor, rocking herself to calm herself down all because she had to re-tell the nightmare to someone else. All she wanted to do was go back in time and prevent this whole scenario from ever happening. She sat on the floor of her lab, not really hearing Gibbs trying to get her back into the present. Not noticing that her music had been turned off, she was lost in her own world of torment and pain. She wanted to feel like herself but at this point she wasn't sure if she would ever be able to find herself again. She should have taken the directors advice and taken another week off. She wasn't ready to work yet. She needed more time to heal. She needed more help to heal. She needed…..
"Abby. Abby, it's your Timmy. Can you look at me? Can you hear me? Abby?" She felt a warm pair of arms wrap carefully around her and soothing words were being whispered in her ear. She couldn't understand them, her brain was working too hard trying to figure out a way to suppress the memories of the incident and how to stop this panic attack.
"Jethro, what happened?" Jen asked, kneeling down beside Gibbs.
"All we were doing was talking. She told me Chip raped her and then she just slid to the floor and started apologizing over and over again. Duck, is she going to be alright?" Gibbs asked very concerned for Abby's mental health as well as her physical health.
"Tony she does not look so good." Ziva said, sounding extensively worried.
"She'll be OK. We'll make sure of that. She's got all of us. It will be alright." Tony put his arm around the Israeli as a comforting measure.
"Doctor she is getting paler and is starting to sweat. Her heart rate has become rapid and her breathing is quick and shallow. And her pupils are dilating." Palmer said, "I think she is having a panic attack."
"Lie her down. Abigail. Can you hear me?" Ducky asked, "I'm afraid if I can't get her to calm down I might have to send her to the hospital."
"Ducky, please. No hospitals. It would just stress her out even more. Isn't there something you can do that won't require a trip to the hospital?" Tim begged. Abby's head was cradled in his lap, her eyes wide and scared.
"I can try a sedative. Mr. Palmer run downstairs and get some Ativan. Quickly!" Ducky ordered.
The voices were clouded. She felt like she was drowning, gasping for air that she couldn't reach. The team stood around Abby as she gasped for air that she couldn't get. Worry was the only thing on anyone's mind. Ziva was drawing on her Mossad training to keep her from getting emotional. Tony, the big brother, had to stay calm and collected so everyone else would. Gibbs just stared, feeling that it was his fault Abby fell into a panic attack. Jen was standing next to him trying to convince him that it wasn't his fault and Abby just needed more time than anyone thought she did. Ducky, ever faithful to his work, just kept monitoring Abby's condition while Palmer was getting the sedative. McGee felt his soul shattering as he held Abby's head in his lap. He felt her shaking and sweating. He saw her eyes dilating and her chest rising and falling with every quick shallow breath. Her thoughts began to swirl together, mixing to create a sea of darkness. She felt the blackness overcome her as she slipped slowly and silently into the still night.
