It shouldn't be this hard, her gun shot wounds hadn't damaged any of her bones, yet her muscles in her arm and thigh felt like they had been dormant for years.

She couldn't play with Riley in the yard, couldn't pick up Charlie when she stretched up her arms to be held, couldn't make love to her wife like she had been longing to do for months.

Between the physical limitations to her body and the constant nightmares that disrupted her ability to sleep she was exhausted.

Coming home should've been this amazing thing, she was with her family again, she was reunited with her friends, but the reality of leaving war behind and acclimating to regular, free flowing, every day life had been hard.

She was used to the routine of being in the army and the duties that entailed. She was used to the restrictive feeling of knowing that she had someone to answer to at all times. In a way, she was used to being controlled.

But now she was in a world where she had the freedom to make choices without the weight of it holding life or death consequences. If she wanted to go for a walk in the park she could go for a walk in the park. If she wanted to watch a movie she could watch a movie. If she wanted to call someone she could do so whenever she wanted without the limitations of having to wait weeks or even months at a time.

As much as she wanted to believe war and her time in the military hadn't changed her, it had and she was struggling to wrap her mind around that. Chloe had been her saving grace.

She was patient, understanding, never pushing her or losing her temper when Beca was being particularly stubborn or closed off. She was just Chloe, supportive and loving to the very end, because she knew, she knew that her wife wasn't trying to be difficult, she was just struggling to fit back in to the world she left behind to serve overseas.

Beca knew she had things to work out and deal with, and she would, eventually. She just needed to mend herself physically because she knew if she did that, and was able to take back some control and independence, then some of the weight of her struggles would be lifted.

So she went to physical therapy three times a week and she worked hard to get back to tip top shape, but that didn't mean the slow process wasn't wearing on her patience.

Beca sat in the leg press machine, sweat dripping from every pore, her gym clothes soaked as she breathed through the pain. Her muscles were aching, her mind screaming at her to push harder.

Leg presses has always been easy for her but sitting in that machine, she never felt so weak. She was physically shaking with the exertion of trying to push against the weight. She had only managed five reps before she began to lose the power in her leg to keep going.

As the muscle began to give out, Beca allowed her legs be pushed back as the weight dropped down and the frustration got the better of her.

"DAMMIT!" She yelled out into the empty space, leaning her head back and shutting her eyes, breathing deeply as she willed back the tears.

Chloe, who had been watching through the glass doors, pulled on the handle and stepped inside, her wife having been oblivious to her presence. Passing by the towel rack, she picked up a clean towel and made her way over to her injured soldier.

Crouching down she unfolded the towel and began to wipe the sweat from her wife's arms, chest and neck. The sudden presence made Beca's eyes jolt open and look to the side to see her wife's concerned face staring back at her.

"You're pushing yourself too hard," Chloe said, placing her knees on the ground and leaning back on her heels, folding the towel in her hands. Beca swallowed thickly and gazed up at the ceiling.

"Clearly I'm not pushing myself enough," she responded, her tone sounding bitter. Chloe frowned at that her voice taking on that of a disgruntled teacher chastising her class.

"Yeah because clearly pushing yourself to the point of physical pain isn't pushing yourself enough," Chloe barked back. Beca looked at her and shook her head turning back to face up to the ceiling.

"You don't get it," she sighed and that just further fuelled the annoyance in her wife.

"Oh I get it Beca, I get it completely. You think I don't notice the look of disappointment when you can't pick Charlie up? Or how much it pains you to tell Riley you can't mess around on the jungle gym with her? I see it Beca, I see it every single day."

Beca had the decency to look ashamed at that. It's not that she meant to belittle Chloe's understanding, she was just so, mad. She fought for her country, put her body and life on the line and all she got in return were scars and injuries that would probably never fade completely. Memories and nightmares she couldn't run away from and it was infuriating.

She would never regret choosing to protect her country, her family, but at times she did wonder if it was worth it when she realised the efforts of those serving was so easily forgotten. That nobody seemed to care enough to check in and see how they were coping.

The heroes welcome at the airport a long forgotten memory. Almost as if people felt like they had repaid their civic duty and now it was just business as usual and for them it was. For the soldiers themselves, coming home was just the beginning of their journey, and that's what people failed to understand.

So it was left to people like Chloe to help put soldiers like Beca back together. To mend the wounds they carried and ease the pain they suffered. And Beca was grateful, so grateful for what her wife had done and continued to do. But she shouldn't have to do it alone. Her or any other person helping to heal a soldier.

Supporting the troops was more than just waving a flag and standing for the national anthem. It was more than just sending them off and welcoming them home. It was more than just saying thank you. It was about being there when it mattered most.

But she knew in her heart, that if it wasn't for Chloe and their daughters, Beca probably wouldn't have made it this far. They were her lifeline and they didn't deserve this broken version of her.

"I'm sorry, I just, you and the girls deserve better than this," she said, her voice cracking at the end, betraying her as she tried to fight back the tears. Chloe's frown softened to one of curiosity and and she leaned forward again, rubbing her wife's shoulder.

"Better than what?" She asked, watching as all of Beca's jumbled thoughts seemed to flash before her eyes and Chloe waited for her to find the right words.

"Better than what I've become. I need to be strong for you and the girls and I can't be and it's so, so fucking frustrating," Beca said, wiping away a tear that slid down her cheek. Chloe shook her head and sat up, placing her hand on the side of her wife's face and turning it to face her.

"No, Bec's we don't need you to be strong. We need you to be happy and healthy and if you keep pushing yourself like this you're just gonna prolong your recovery," Chloe explained, stroking the side of her wife's face.

"Strength isn't about how much you can lift or how fast you can run, it's about being strong mentally because that's where it counts. All we have ever needed from you is your love and you give us that more than anyone ever could."

Beca grabbed a hold of Chloe's hand, bringing it to her lips and pressing a kiss to it, slowly feeling the weight of her thoughts lifting at her wife's words.

"I just feel like I have so much lost time to make up for," Beca replied in a whisper and Chloe gave her a gentle smile as she wiped away the last of her wife's tears.

"And you will. We have all the time in the world, but you need to take care of yourself first. Trust me our girls will be willing and waiting for their Mama to play and do all that fun stuff when she's ready," Chloe reassured. Beca smiled at that before gazing into her wife's eyes.

"And what about Mommy, will she be willing and waiting too?" Beca asked, half joking, half serious. Chloe leaned down and kissed her wife and then pulled back, staring deep into those dark blue eyes she loved so much.

"Always."