"Stop being such a child, Caroline!"
"Only if you stop being such a decrepit neanderthal pig!"
Damon was shocked at how Bonnie's phone was picked up. He could barely hear her say "Hi" before the shouts of Caroline and Klaus took over in the background.
"Wha-?"
"Can't hear you." Bonnie sing-songed in bordem. Apparently the current situation wasn't new.
"I've lived for millennia, Love! What did you expect?!" Klaus roared.
Bonnie huffed a sigh.
"Not that!" a little silence and then: "Oh! You think that's the way to fix this?! Keep your hands off of mmm..." Caroline's voice was swallowed by something that Damon couldn't hear and then came the low muffled sound of Klaus' deeper tone but the words were inaudible.
Bonnie snorted a laugh. "You're not gonna fall for that line, are you Care?!" She said loudly to Caroline.
"Something tells me she is," Elena cackled.
"What is going on?!" Damon yelled.
"Caroline made the mistake of asking how many women Klaus has been with and Klaus made the mistake of answering honestly." The girls were cracking up at the whole thing.
Now Damon had caught on.
Elena's laughter in the background was warming but then the shouting started up again.
"- I suppose to do?!" Klaus' indignant question became clear towards the end.
"I don't know," Caroline started in, "Maybe you shoul-"
She kept going but Damon wanted to talk to Elena so he asked Bonnie to hand her the phone as loud as he could. Stefan was listening to the entire conversation or lack there of beside him. Elena's laughing got closer to the phone and he could tell she was holding it but hadn't said anything yet.
"Elena?" Damon asked, just not loud enough.
"I know, right?" She was saying. "After a fight like this, the makeup sex should rock the entire house." She was still giggling with Bonnie.
"There won't be any makeup sex," Caroline had turned her yelling towards Elena, "because Mr. Slut-bag-man-whore over here refuses to sleep with me in the first place!"
"Slut-bag-man-whore? Really, Caroline?" Klaus was clearly appalled. "And do the words 'foreplay' and 'anticipation' mean anything to you?!"
"Yeah, they mean that if a perv like you won't put out, something must be seriously wrong with me!" Caroline was challenging him to insult her. Damon could hear that coming. That little blonde vampire was much too good at picking fights and driving people to madness. Such a Drama Queen, Damon thought.
"There's something wrong with you."
"WHAT?!"
"Alright!" Klaus sounded like he'd made a decision. "Fine! Have it your way!"
"Let go of me! Put me down!" Caroline was squealing but her voice sounded cut off somehow as though she didn't have much air. Then there were some thuds and crashes but they sounded further away.
"You think she needs help?" Damon hear Bonnie ask Elena.
"Nah, she was doing that on purpose. You've seen her do it before." Elena reminded.
"Elena!"
She finally heard her name coming from the phone and responded "What?!" As if Damon had been completely unreasonable in trying to get her attention. "You don't have to yell at me, Damon."
You love your girlfriend, you love your girlfriend, Damon was repeating over and over in his mind.
"Okay," he began slow and calm, "I just wanted to let you know that we are almost there and I will check in in a few hours."
"You don't have to talk slow like that, Damon, I'm not mentally handicapped. And is that all you called for?" Elena was calm just as he'd helped her be but she was very unenthusiastic about talking to him and hearing that he was still okay and not in a death match with Stefan.
"Well," Damon took a moment to search for words. Yet all that came out was "Yeah." He took a breath. "Elena?"
"Yes?" She sounded a little annoyed.
"Turn on your phone."
"Why?"
"I think you need to look at that picture again." and with that, Damon hung up with a cocky grin. He knew full well that as soon as she gave Bonnie back the witch's phone that she would dig out her own, turn it on and all her attention would be solely on one thing: him. This sire bond was kind of fun. That's the last time I abuse it though, he thought, for a while anyway.
"What picture were you talking about?" Stefan asked, still stone-faced.
"Nothing that would make your mood any better."
"Would it make it worse?"
"Might." Damon faned an interest in the sky.
Back at Klaus'...
Elena tossed her phone at a wall with vamp force and speed making it shatter and causing Bonnie to snap to.
"Something on there ya didn't like?" She asked Elena with caution.
"I looked at it," Elena said satisfied. "Now, the phone's in hundreds of pieces and I don't have to anymore." She smiled and seemed very pleased with herself.
"Yes," Bonnie said baffled, "phone's are horrible to look at...?"
"Don't worry about it." Elena assured her. "Just some kinks to work out in a sire bond challenged relationship."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
Another boom and several crashes, even sounds of walls cracking and something being thrown out a window came from above where they were both sure Klaus' bedroom was.
"Are you sure she-" Bonnie started to ask.
"Oh, she's doing just fine." Elena smiled knowingly and tapped her ear.
***Short Chapter, I know, but if you're a Klaroline fan, you'll REALLY like the next one.
