Sorry, this last week was a bad one for sleep and I don't write very well in zombie-mode, so it will be a short entry this time round.

Note: A change is being made to the 2nd draft – Mr. Gardiner discovered Kitty's letter among his business correspondence only that morning, and has had no opportunity to share the news with his wife.


Chapter 8

Mrs. Gardiner had always taken an interest in her husband's business and so it was no surprise to her when her husband did not appear in time for supper. A problem had recently developed with a few of his suppliers, necessitating quick substitutions of stock; negotiations were underway for new sources but these would take some time to complete, and until this was done Mr. Gardiner's days would be long and exhaustive.

At her aunt's suggestion, Elizabeth assembled a tray to take into her sister. She found Jane awake and staring into empty space. Her sister responded to her urgings to eat with compliance but it was not until the food was consumed and the dishes cleared that she spoke.

"I am so sorry, Lizzy."

"For what? None of what has happened was in your power to affect."

Jane avoided her eyes, looking down at the bedspread and tracing its quilted pattern with one finger. "You should not have been placed under this burden. If I had done more to attract Mr. Bingley, had encoura-

"Hold your tongue, Jane Bennet." Elizabeth crossed the room to sit in front of her sister on the bed. "Would it have been good if Mr. Bingley had asked for your hand? Yes. But no more than if another like him had asked after Mary, or Kitty. Should we blame Mary for not securing Mr. Hartford after he asked her to dance at last year's spring assembly? Should we blame Kitty that one of those officers she chases so assiduously has not lost all reason and begged for her partnership in matrimony? When all is said, we are not responsible for the choices of another."

"But it is my choices I speak of." Jane's eyes shimmered. "I always disdained our mother's talk of stratagem and display. Always believed a woman's natural virtues to be sufficient to draw a worthy man's attention. But look at all that has happened. If I had been more animated, more welcoming…"

"Then you would not be the Jane he fell in love with. No," Elizabeth stilled Jane's protest, "do not argue with me that he was not. Whatever your feelings for him, I have my own eyes and they were witness to his feelings for you. He loved you, the kind, gentle, reserved Jane you have always been. Has it not occurred to you that he's likely met many a lively and welcoming girl before, and they did nothing to stir his soul? That others, who have no doubt pursued him in the manner you suggest, have left him unmoved or only lightly touched? It is not as though those of our sex will have disdained him for his fortune."

Jane shifted to curl into a protective ball, wrapping her arms about her legs.

"You are wrong. I was wrong. I did believe…I am certain he felt some attraction for me. But attraction alone is not love, and I did nothing to fix his interest, employed no signs to tell him of my affections. No, Lizzy, if it was love that he felt why then did he not return to Hertfordshire? Failing this, he is aware of my presence in London, he could easily have visited me here had he wished to continue the acquaintance." Jane shook her head, "Whatever he felt, it was not sufficient to hold him to my side. I was not sufficient. Mama was right. Or Caroline was right and Miss Darcy's virtues proved superior to my own. He can certainly afford to reach much higher than a country gentleman's daughter. No, he does not care for me, or he does not think me worthy to stand at his side. And that is at least in part my doing."

Elizabeth opened her mouth to tell her sister of Mr. Darcy's intervention – and hesitated. Her aunt's words had reminded her that she had no actual proof of his actions, only a certainty that it was Jane whom Colonel Fitzwilliam spoke of. No, Mr. Darcy had not denied it, but he had not addressed it either. And it would hurt Jane to know that Mr. Darcy, soon to be her brother by marriage, had thought so little of their family that he'd believed it necessary to shield his friend from the connection. No, she could not speak of this.

Sighing, Elizabeth slumped to rest on her side. "Jane, no one with even half a mind would think you unworthy. But in the end, regardless of what you did or did not do, it does not really matter why he chose not to offer for you. It was his choices which separated you, not yours. You would have accepted him gladly. And truthfully, if you had gotten him through Mama's means it would have been a façade, a mask. Would you truly want any man under those circumstances? To know your entire life you must either continue in deceit or reveal to the man who you swore to honor above all others that he was taken in by his bride?"

Jane began to caress Elizabeth's hair in distracted thought. "You are right, of course," she acknowledged. "It would be intolerable. But I cannot help but consider that had we wed, you would not now be betrothed to a man you despise."

"Would you believe me if I told you I do not despise him?" Elizabeth asked, closing her eyes.

"No."

Elizabeth reached out to capture her sister's unoccupied hand. "Please, listen to me. Had our positions been reversed, had it been you that Mr. Darcy had offered for, with all your sister's futures hanging in the balance and your heart unengaged by another, would you have chosen differently than I?"

Silence reigned for a time, Jane continuing her soft, comforting strokes. "I would have accepted as well," she admitted softly.

"Why?"

"Lizzy–"

"Why?"

"Because," Jane said reluctantly, "I could not have born seeing my sisters miserable when it was within my means to aid them."

"Do you think my love any less than your own?"

Jane's hand halted. "No, of course not."

"Then please, dearest to my heart," Elizabeth softly begged, "do not make my path more difficult by blaming yourself over things you could not or would not change. It was my choice, and as much as I fear the future, I do not regret it."

Elizabeth waited, praying, until she heard Jane swallow, her voice thick with unshed tears. "All right, Lizzy, I will try. For you."

In the distance, they heard the front door open and shut, followed by slow, tired footsteps in the hall. Jane began to rise but Elizabeth held her back.

"Let our aunt and uncle have some time to themselves. He has not yet had opportunity to grieve. Aunt Gardiner knows where we are and can send for us when they are ready."

Jane settled back to the bed and the two sisters waited in solemn and tender devotion.