Chapter Seven: Staring Across the Divide

The Weyr was teeming with visitors. The Spring Tithe was in full swing, the first rush of good to the Weyr from all the holds they protected.

It had been a flood for two days as the caravan trains arrived, each almost on the heels of the one before it, unless it was actually a whole group at once. The bonfires that started the celebration would be lit tonight in the bowl.

Neji wanted the night to be over with.

One of the names on the list that Master Hayate had handed out had been scrawled at the front of his mine since he'd first read it two weeks ago. The Sunriver traders were due today, one of the last scheduled to arrive, and if he and Hinata could only stay out of their way for the night, he would be able to breath again in the morning, when the candidates resumed normal chores, well away from the visiting holders and traders.

But today, as they'd done since the first tithe train had rolled up through the passage under the wall of the bowl, all the candidates and weyrlings were out in force with the lower caverns folk, unpacking, piling, stacking and hauling goods of all sorts to wherever they were meant to go. Endless, hard work, but it wasn't the physical tiredness that wore on Neji.

Chore groups had been split into new teams for this work. Neji, Naruto, Sakura and Ino were together, and Neji had never wished so desperately for Lee's constant chatter and silly competitions as he had during the long, awkward hours with Naruto ignoring him, him ignoring Naruto, and Sakura and Ino staring at them both, and not particularly covertly either.

Today they had been assigned to help unload a seemingly endless wagon train filled with cloth of all sorts, the usual spring tithe of manufactured goods from the Weaver Hall in Konoha's territory. Spun wool and cotton, bales of thread, and woven, uncut cloth.

It was simple labour, with nothing to occupy Neji's thoughts.. That combined with Naruto's proximity made it a very trying time. It had been over two weeks since Neji had told Naruto to stay away.

Naruto had. Completely.

Neji had been surprised. He'd expected Naruto to forget the outburst, settle quickly back to the way things had been before, and probably try to pry an explanation out of Neji while he did it.

But since then, Naruto had never so much as approached him or said a single word more that was required by training or chore circumstances.

Neji found himself more hurt than pleased, which in turn made him angry.

Moreover, Neji had been incredibly frustrated to discover that separation didn't eliminate the deviant reactions that kept welling up. His mind had broken through some kind of barrier, and now provided ample and unavoidable stimuli all on its own.

Worse yet, it was as though he now saw the entire male population of the Weyr through some kind of warped prism. Kiba… Lee… Candidatemaster Genma… men caught his eye. But those distractions he manage to suppress easily. Naruto was still by far the worst, each errant mental image provoking a vastly deeper rush of reaction than anyone else.

Between the anger and the disgusting lust, it became easy to want to keep back from Naruto, ridiculous hurt feelings aside. To Neji, Naruto was the cause, the trigger, of all that had come over him during that moment of crisis two weeks ago. And Neji wanted no part of these feelings. He didn't.

But still they came, even if Naruto never gave him a second look anymore.

It hadn't gone unnoticed by the others. The way he and Naruto had stuck together during the early days of Neji's arrival had been noted, and though neither Naruto nor Neji made any overly obvious moves to advertise the rift between them, their peers caught on quickly. Neji ignored the questioning looks, rebuffed Hinata's tentative questions, and it served him fine.

Unexpectedly, Naruto was equally tight-lipped, shrugging and deflecting and being selectively deaf. Neji was at first surprised, and then coolly appreciative that Naruto wasn't making a big fuss. And even if Sakura and Ino just now seemed highly interested in finding out what had happened, Neji and Naruto's apparent mutual disinterest became part of the social order after the first few days.

If only Neji could manage to so easily rearrange himself. Even with his unwavering need to distance himself from Naruto and thus the perversity of male attraction, he felt the loss of his first days at the Weyr.

Naruto was also… or, had been… a friend, and the epitome, for Neji, of what made the Weyr different from Hyuuga.

So… so what? Neji had learned what Naruto had to teach, he understood now how to get along at the Weyr. He was done with needing a guide. And so he tried his best to forget the one who'd taught him, and push away the sadness and regret that seemed as insidious as his unwanted lust.

"Hey," Naruto caught his attention with an uninflected monosyllable, and tossed him a sack from the bed of the wagon, and Neji caught it, both of them as politely cooperative as they were forced to be by their circumstances. He threw the sack to the growing pile that a few weyrlings were working on, their dragons lifting two or three sacks at a time and ferrying them to the appropriate door in the wall of the bowl.

As he worked, he kept an eye on the surroundings, alert to what else was arriving and from where. The sun was high overhead now. It would be soon.

A single wagon with the glasscraft shield was being unloaded with extreme care, crates going to the infirmaries. A long string of wagons pulled not by horses but by massive pairs of oxen was marked by the minercraft shield.

The next caravan to roll slowly into view over the gentle slope of the bowl from the tunnel under the wall was the one he'd been waiting for, but Neji's heart still jumped, and then tripled its speed.

The familiar painted wagons bore no shield, because the traders that ran it never stopped moving, but the distinctive blue and gold design was their identifier. They had come to Hyuuga regularly, up until a few months before Neji had left. Their last visit had been cut short.

Lord Hiashi had expelled them from the hold because the leadership of the traveling had changed. The husband-and-wife couple who had overseen the group had retired and handed down the reins. And now the leaders of the group of families was a male couple.

It had been a minor uproar at Hyuuga, because a few people had left with them, including two boys that Lord Hiashi had had beaten the week previous for being found sleeping together.

"Excuse me," Neji said absently to his group, and headed through the maze of wagons and people for the woodcrafter's caravan, where Hinata had been assigned, most fortunately, with her usual chore group of Kiba and Shino. It was a good distance away, and his urgency rose with each step, spiked each time he had to stand still to let someone pass. He jogged the last few meters, caught Hinata's sleeve, and the other two looked over as well.

"N-neji?" she asked, stuttering at his expression.

"The Sunriver Traders have arrived," he said, and her eyes widened and she nodded slowly.

"What's so important about that?" Kiba asked, "They come around every year." But Hinata only frowned, nervous apprehension and guilt in her eyes. Neji looked at Kiba, and then at his taller, ever-present shadow, Shino.

"Don't let them near her," he said. They both nodded, though they were clearly confused. Hinata could explain, so Neji turned on his heel and went back to his assigned work location. He paused in his step momentarily, cursing silently when he saw the Sunriver train was in the parking area next to the cloth wagons.

Sliding back into his place, he carefully kept his back to the trader caravan, not turning even when Naruto hailed them from his perch on the wagon, exchanging shouts of greeting and bellowed queries about health and fortune.

He avoided notice successfully until he had to climb to the next wagon bed for his turn at passing down sacks. As he hoisted himself up, he glanced out of the corner of his eye at the blue and gold wagons. Apprehension settled in his stomach as he saw a young man, one of the two formerly of Hyuuga, staring in his direction. After that he kept his eyes on the sacks and nothing else.

His wariness eased as the day went on. His group was assigned to another caravan, and then another, until the work was done for the day. He had seen the blue and gold wagons only from a distance after they'd finished unloading the cloth.

Now, in the darkening evening, the massive crowd of weyrfolk, traders, crafters and caravan drivers were eating and dancing and singing around the ring of bonfires in the bowl, the cool spring night having just enough snap left to keep people tight around the flames, while at the center of the circle of fires, the Weyr's harpers were adding music to the general din of the night, accompanied by anyone else who was skilled with an instrument. Master Iruka was there now, adding his voice to the chorus of a favourite up-tempo ballad.

Finishing his food and breaking away from the fire he'd been sitting at with Lee and Tenten, he acknowledged his Lee's loud "Sleep deep until the morning!" with a wave, and headed around the edge of the circle for the nearest entrance to the Weyr.

As he went, Neji spotted Hinata sandwiched between her two friends. That was reassuring. It was unlikely she'd been noticed earlier, and now it was too dark to make out the distinctive paleness of her eyes from without being up close. Naruto was around this fire as well, fighting with Chouji over a sack of sweets while Shikamaru rolled his eyes.

"Hey," Kiba called out to him, and he stopped with a slight sigh and approached the heat and light of the fire. "Shouldn't you be careful too?" Kiba asked when he drew close enough, "I don't see you sticking with anyone. Where's Lee and Tenten?"

Lee was with his beloved Master Gai, and it would be cruel to tear him away from a chance to spend time with the rider he admired so much. Tenten was with them, and while she wasn't so attached to Master Gai as Lee, she was still in the middle of eating. "I'm returning to the dormitory," he replied. He wasn't in the mood for festivities. "It's not that far."

Kiba frowned. "Take Akamaru for the walk, just in case," he said, urging the sturdy bronze fire lizard onto Neji's shoulder. The little creature perched delicately while Kiba thought instructions at him, then investigated Neji's hair, and crawled curiously under it to drape over the nape of his neck. "Just say, 'get Kiba,' and he'll come find me."

"Yes, fine," Neji said, feeling slightly long-suffering. But he appreciated the gesture. He felt Akamaru's tiny claws plucking at his hair, and hoped the fire lizard wouldn't get tangled under there.

"Kiba!" Naruto's voice called across, and Neji turned and continued on his original path.

The warmth of the fires and the noise of the crowd faded as he walked away, muffling completely once he went inside. A lower caverns worker passed him, carrying a huge a basket of flour-dusted bread rolls. Neji returned her grin with a nod. The corridor curved gently with the shape of the bowl, with halls branching off regularly. Eventually was the corridor that led off toward the kitchens, and then somewhat further was the large opening to the dining hall, the rows of tables empty and silent, since the event, and food, was all outside. Opposite the wide opening were the big double doors that led into the bowl, now closed. The stillness was jarring, his footsteps echoing in the vacant hall.

It was after he had turned down the next fork that Neji realized he hadn't avoided trouble after all. From the hallways that branched off to the baths appeared five young men. Two were the ones formerly of Hyuuga. The other three, Neji assumed, were other members of the Sunriver group. All of them were eyeing him with anticipatory threat.

His mouth drying, Neji came to a stop, wondering how they'd come to be ahead of him instead of following him. But that was easily answered. Two of the trader boys had fire lizards. One brown, one green. Perfect for instant communication. Akamaru was still hidden under Neji's hair, warm against his neck.

"Can I help you, traders?" Neji asked with a politeness he didn't feel.

"Yeah, we got a question," the one with the brown flitter said in a trader drawl dripping with sarcasm, "how'd a piece-of-shit Hyuuga brat end up here?"

Neji felt a strange, hot tightening of his chest. Partly fear of what could be about to happen, partly angry frustration that he was being harassed for something he'd had no control over, something that had sickened him to hear about.

He looked at the group. Five was a lot to try to fight. His combat training from Hyuuga was probably not enough to let him win this, never mind the far less rigorous self-defense classes from the Weyr.

"I was Searched," Neji answered. He'd say that much in his own defense, but was not inclined to refute the insult attached to his old family name. There was nothing to deny there.

"Liar," spat one of the ex-residents, curly brown hair falling into his eyes, skinny body practically vibrating with anger. What was his name… Jun. He'd been an apprentice animal healer.

"Don't they know what you people do?" the other snarled, fury in his eyes. He'd been the cook's main assistant, and a favorite among the hold children for his tendency to slip them treats. Neji stared at him, the untidy black hair and slightly overweight build more familiar than his name… Taro. That was it.

"I'm sorry for what happened to you," Neji said, keeping to polite, but without a moment of hope that they would believe him. Even if they did, he knew, there was no way to make amends. Neji could not imagine forgiving his uncle or Naota for his own punishments. And Neji didn't even have the luxury Hinata did, of knowing she'd opposed the treatment of the traders and the beating of the two boys.

"Don't you dare say that," Jun said, moving forward and taking a fistful of Neji's tunic. Neji fought not to react. To do anything now would provoke them further. "And take this off. Everyone should see just how worthless you really are," he reached for Neji's headband. Neji jerked back in reflex, more dread spreading inside him. No one saw that tattoo here. No one but Naruto, Hinata, and the Weyrling Staff knew he was from the Branch family.

Jun punched him, and Neji moved just enough to avoid a broken nose in favor of a rock-hard fist to his cheek that made his head spin.

Two of the traders pinned his arms to the wall, and Jun buried his fist in Neji's stomach. Neji buckled and choked as the blow drove all the air from him. Akamaru, who had been getting tenser and tenser, finally emerged from Neji's hair with a screech and popped between. Mocking laughter filled the hallway at that. "Even your flitter don't like you," guffawed the trader with the green on his shoulder. Neji shook his head silently. Five against one. Maybe if he didn't fight back they would stop with this.

Jun grabbed the head band properly now, yanking it down over his face. The knot had loosened over the course of the day, and with a second hard pull it unraveled and the head band came away.

Jun pulled the leaf-embroidered cloth from Neji's neck and waved it in front of his face. "Can't hide what you really are," he sneered, and spat in Neji's face, spattering saliva down one cheek.

That was enough.

Jun had loosened his grip as he taunted, and Neji twisted free, ducked and drove a sharp elbow into the stomach of the other trader who held him. Hands landed on his back, but before they got a grip on his tunic, he dropped flat, kicked out, and heard a cry of pain as one of his boot heels struck someone's knee.

Another kick, another knee, and he rolled sideways.

They piled on him bodily then, a mass of grabbing, punching, scratching limbs. Their blows were unfocused, and his were precise, wrenching, jabbing, twisting… but they were too many, and he caught too many blows. One lucky punch caught him in the temple, and his head spun.

The muffled thumps of blows on flesh sounded loud in the hall, grunts of pain, the thunk of someone's head against the wall, and then the two fire lizards starting screeching.

"HEY!!" A roar sounded from far down the hall, with a slamming door and a stampede of feet. Neji knew that voice. And it wasn't Kiba's, but Naruto's. He heard Kiba's bellow soon enough, though, and Hinata's yell, among a whole chorus of angry shouts, and he snapped his head back, catching someone in the face, just as some of the weight on him fell away, and then more, and more, and he could heave upward and throw the last grappling body off his back, and spin to land a square punch right on the corner of the shortest trader boy's jaw, sending him staggering backward, spitting blood.

Naruto had flattened Taro, had one boot on the flabby cook's chest. Kiba had skinny Jun in an armlock, and Hinata had the largest trader on his knees, his arm twisted behind him and his wrist bent at a painful angle, her face grim. That sight shocked Neji out of further action, and she looked back at him, at first worried, then coloured slightly when she took in his amazement. He'd trained with her back at Hyuuga, sparred against her, always found her rather useless in her weak attacks and constant hesitation at opportunities. Apparently she had learned much more than he'd realized, and could use it when there was real cause.

It wasn't just them, though. Tenten and Lee and Sakura and Shino… and Chouji and Shikamaru and Ino… they all hung back seemingly only for lack of targets, as the last two who had attacked Neji were now frozen, the short one dabbing at his face, the one with the green flitter wide-eyed and wary.

Naruto drove his foot down against Taro's chest, looking aghast, and very angry. "Who the fuck are you?"

Neji stared, taken aback by the protective fury in his voice.

Naruto glanced around a moment, eyes meeting Neji's with not even a suggestion of disinterest, only painfully raw worry, doing a fast up-and-down check for damage. Then his jaw tightened. Neji watched his eyes flick up at the tattoo. Neji felt his face redden, and Naruto's expression turned compassionate, and he looked away.

Only to recognize the three trader boys. "Padrei…" he gaped at the one Hinata was holding down. "Hikaru? Goran?" Naruto said in utter disbelief at the other two. "How can you—"

"He hates greens!" Taro interrupted with a snarl, struggling against the booted foot that pressed him against the stone floor, "Why are you defending him? Do you know what they do to greens at Hyuuga?" Jun murmured at him to shut up, struggling uselessly against Kiba's grip. Taro was undeterred, forcing himself partway up on his elbows. "He's got the fucking tattoo right on his face, he's a puppet of the Hyuuga lord. He's a green-fearing mindless son of a wher, and he should be dumped back at Hyuuga where he belongs!"

Neji lunged forward, and Naruto, expression dark, made no move to stop him, but hands closed on his arm in an firm grip, and he stopped short, spinning to face Hinata.

She and gentled her hold on Neji as soon as he turned. She shook her head at him, and squeezed his arm.

She'd released the big trader to grab him, but the young man was wise enough to stay where he was, pinned under the gaze of the other candidates. He worked his wrist gingerly and said, "he told us that guy musta snuck in here, covered up his mark. Told us he'd wanna kill all the green and blue folks."

"You inbred asshole," Tenten muttered, and Neji looked at her in surprise at her language and vehemence. "Typical trader intelligence, is this?"

"He almost died of fever after they beat him!" Taro roared from his place on the floor, furious, but eyes bright with angry tears as he looked at Jun. "They almost killed him! Give him a beating," Taro snarled, and waved a hand at Neji. "See how he likes it!"

Neji paled. Naruto made an audible sound of fury and lunged downward, and Taro blanched and recoiled as far as he could from the enraged visage above him.

"I didn't like it," Neji said. Naruto checked his movement and his head whipped around to stare at Neji.

The sudden weight of everyone else's eyes piled on as well, and Neji shook his head. He looked dully around, finally seeing the headband Jun had torn off him on the floor, torn during the scuffle, dirt ground into the embroidered leaf.

"Defy the Hyuuga in any way, and that's the payment," he said, kneeling to pick up the soiled scrap of cloth. "I covered my mark. I was beaten. And then I left." He glanced in Naruto's direction. "Let him up."

Naruto was still staring at him, his expression so deeply sympathetic that Neji felt his throat thicken into a knot. "Let him up," he repeated, with effort, and Naruto finally. stepped back. Neji looked over at Kiba next, and, startling as though he'd forgotten he was holding onto someone, he let go of Jun, who scurried forwards towards Taro.

"Five against one. They could have killed you," Naruto said angrily as Jun dropped down next to Taro, putting a gentle hand behind his head and helping him sit up.

"They didn't. I'm fine," Neji replied tiredly.

"You're not green-feared," Kiba was staring at Neji incredulously. "You're friends with Lee."

"The best!!" Lee declared staunchly from beyond him, and Neji closed his eyes briefly, unable to answer that.

"Well you sure as shit weren't beating anyone back there, right?" Naruto looked at Neji, who shook his head. Naota had always reserved that right, whether it was Neji who had earned (and quite a few times, not earned) the beating, or someone else. Neji had found the whole process disgusting whenever he'd had them misfortune of witnessing it, as only someone who'd shared the punishment could.

"I can't fucking believe you," Naruto rounded again on Taro and Jun. "You two suffer because of who you love, so you think you can turn around and attack people because of where they were born? Are you fucking stupid?" Naruto's hands were in fists, raised, but he only growled and turned away, disgust and something deeper fueling the anger in his eyes. Neji watched him rub his face with one hand, fingertips dragging roughly over his whisker marks.

Neji's forehead itched.

Taro's eyes flickered to Neji. His hatred was faltering into frustration. Naruto turned back to look at them. "And everyone knows what Weyr life is like. Even him. He wasn't used to it when he got here, but he never acted green-feared of anyone here, not for a second," he barked.

Liar, Neji thought, his breaking of their friendship coming back to him in every detail, the quick closing off of Naruto's face to him. And all the reasons why shuddered through him with great disgust. Liar. So he had never done—would never do—anything insulting to earnest, boisterous Lee, or ever thought to disrespect Master Iruka, but…

Good for you. You're not a bigot, then. You're just a coward.

Taro was fuming, though the wind was gone from his sails. He was still furious, though, and Neji recognized that anger. The pain of the victim. He had lost his scapegoat, he felt as Neji had when Hinata had been Searched. Taro turned his glower on Neji.

Neji stared back. "I'm sorry for what happened," he said. "I no longer consider myself part of that family." Taro remained mute.

Naruto backed up slightly to stand next to Neji. His closeness was painful, for it was suddenly, undeniably welcome, but at the same time came the knee-jerk reaction to get away.

Grim, Naruto reached up and undid the knot behind his own head and handed the head band to Neji. Neji took it, eyes meeting Naruto's again, unable to avoid the pull.

Worry, still, and hurt, and sadness, and relief at the defusing of the incident.

Neji felt an ache in his chest and looked away, gaze falling on Jun and Taro. Taro was sitting up now, grimacing as Jun looked at a darkening bruise on his face. Jun stroked a thumb over the bruise, and leaned his forehead against Taro's for a moment. He sighed and pulled back, and it was Taro's unfriendly eyes that made Neji realize he'd been staring. Jun's narrow-eyed glower pinned him next, and Neji tried to return the look evenly.

It was contact like that that they'd been beaten for. It harmed no one and they'd had a strap taken to them. He didn't want to see them hurt. Didn't care that they were two males who loved each other.

Neji's back prickled, even though he hadn't been beaten for the same reason as Jun and Taro. But the memories were strong and chills threaded down his back and met hot disgust in his stomach. Of course he hadn't been. Because he wasn't—he wasn't

Pull something in two different directions and it tears in two.

Hyuuga-imposed prejudice and Weyr-offered awareness.

Which part do you want to be?

Jun stood up, tugging Taro with him, who rose a little unsteadily. He slung an arm easily around Taro's back, supporting him, and reached his other hand up, fingers out to brush Taro's cheek lightly, and gave Neji a brief look of defiance.

Neji met his eyes, unflinching, but Jun's gaze went to Naruto for a moment with a kind of dry, amused understanding, and he smirked at Neji, eyes darting up to his tattoo for a second.

Neji felt the cloth of Naruto's head band in his hand when his fists clenched. Taking the excuse to break the gaze Neji stared at the floor while he raised Naruto's headband to his forehead.

He might as well still be at Hyuuga after all, he thought dully as he worked the ends of the headband under his hair.

Even here, it was punishing him, shredding every emotion and reaction it disapproved of into raw, hostile guilt.

Silence had fallen and lengthened almost unbearably as they all seemed to wait and watch each other.

"Hoho, I guess we can't have a party without some excitement," came the laconic tones of Weyrlingmaster Kakashi from behind the traders, and everyone jumped slightly, the last of the tension metamorphosing into shared embarrassment for having been caught.

"How right you are, my friend," came Gai's from behind the candidates, "and while we do encourage healthy competition," Gai's voice cooled from it's normal booming cheerfulness, "we don't allow fights."

Neji finished with the knot and tucked his hair behind his ears. "There was no fight, sirs," he said, straightening.

Naruto stared at him. The traders stared at him.

"I knew these two while I still lived at Hyuuga," Neji continued, gesturing at Taro and Jun, "we were only talking about old times."

"I see," Kakashi moved past two of the traders, eyeing them with a stare that made them flatten themselves against the wall. He stuck his hands in his pockets and leaned in to look pointedly at Neji's face, where Neji was quite sure a striking bruise was forming. One of many. "Seems to have been a very... spirited… conversation."

"Yes, sir," Neji said.

"Yes, sir," Jun added.

"I would love to speak to them as well, hear all about those wondrous youthful days," Gai said, moving past the clump of candidates and beckoning at the five Sunriver boys. "Why don't you boys come along and introduce me to your families' leader?"

Once Gai had moved out of sight with his gaggle of trader boys, Kakashi didn't bother to play along much longer.

"You are all exceedingly lucky this didn't escalate any farther," Kakashi said, staring everyone down after Gai had herded the traders away. "bad enough you all run to… converse… with visitors to the Weyr," he went on, eyeing them disapprovingly with his single, half-lidded eye, "but someone could have been seriously hurt."

"Yes sir," came a low general murmur.

"Thank the First Egg it defused before we got here, or you'd all be on latrines until you Impressed."

Kakashi dismissed them then, heading back outside to the party. Everyone else began to trickle out after him. Tenten dragging Lee by one arm after Lee announced that he would guard Neji from any more traders until the end of the Tithe. Neji couldn't find it in himself to smile at Lee's promise, but he did appreciate it, even if he didn't want the company.

Naruto hung back, apparently studying the blank wall in front of him.

Neji became aware of the ruined head band he still held, and remembered what he was wearing. He started to reach up and undo the one he wore. Naruto caught the movement and shook his head. "Keep it," he said, not looking at Neji.

"My spare is—" Neji began, uncomfortable.

"Keep it," Naruto repeated, voice low and firm. He turned at last and starting moving away.

"Thank you," Neji said, the words rising urgently, and hating it when they came out clipped and uninflected. But whatever else he'd done, he couldn't just let him go without saying it. Naruto stopped, brought up short.

"Don't mention it," he answered, still facing away. He sounded cautious, as if wary of replying.

There was a long moment of silence, and then Naruto started walking again.

He turned the corner toward the exits, and Neji stared after him, trying to organize his emotions, still unbalanced from the whole encounter.

Neji's panic and fear about his reaction to Naruto was something purely from Hyuuga. He could realize that now. He'd left the place but not the mindset. Like a beaten dog who can't stop biting people.

He'd bitten Naruto badly. And yet. Maybe… probably… It seemed like... Naruto had only been pretending indifference all this time. His distance had been an act. Because Neji had said to keep away. He did what I asked, he just… did what I asked.

Neji wasn't sure if the tiny spark of hope that set off in him made him feel better or worse about everything. Naruto still watched out for him, indeed seemed to care as much as he ever had.

Except… despite that, Neji couldn't let things return to the way they had been. Finally facing why he had been so horrified and angry all this time wasn't enough to overwhelm the feelings themselves. The fear and distaste and sense of dread… it was almost worse now that he couldn't deny what lay beneath, because he knew, too, that he couldn't face those poisonous emotions down, couldn't pull out the deep roots of his upbringing and feel as unbothered about himself as he did about Lee or Iruka or any other male greenrider.

Hypocrite.

Coward.

If he was only normal, he whined in his mind, none of this would have happened.

What's normal at Konoha? You're the strange one, here. No one else cares what you like, only you do.

And Naruto… Naruto was just waiting, it seemed. Neji wasn't sure if that would end up being rewarded. How was he supposed to solve his reactions? He couldn't stop the lustful thoughts, the arousal, was slowly realizing that would never stop, and yet he couldn't turn off his terrible reaction to it, the horror it kept instilling in him.

He wanted things to be like before. Before their broken friendship, before he'd ever felt anything for Naruto but bemusement, amusement, and the gradual but growing plain, platonic affection.

Couldn't. The bridge could not be uncrossed.

But to be near Naruto now, so hyperaware of him, and torn open constantly by the wrenching conflict of attraction and virulent self-disgust?

How? There was no bridge over that at all. Just a yawning gulf of his own merciless revulsion.

Neji walked back to the dormitory without noticing, his feet following the familiar route, until he sat on his bed in the big, empty room.