Chapter Eight
On Monday morning, I didn't feel very good, so I told Aaron to just go on ahead, and I'd be waiting when he got back.
"You alright?" He asked, surveying me, curled up on the couch and staring blankly at a spot on the wall.
"Yeah. I'm just a little under the weather, that's all," I assured him, not really paying attention.
I jumped when he was suddenly in front of me. He placed his hand over mine. "Caitlin, are you really okay?" I looked at him. His eyes were filled with worry, and were searching mine for answers, which I knew he wouldn't find. My mind had gone on lock down.
"Yeah. I'm okay." No. I wasn't.
"Are you lying to me?" He wasn't angry or anything. Just worried. Yes.
"No. I'm okay." I smiled. "Really."
He seemed hesitant. "Alright.." He leaned in, and kissed me slowly. "I love you."
"I love you too, Aaron," I whispered, kissing him again.
"I've gotta go or I'm gonna be late," he muttered, reluctantly pulling away and grabbing his keys. "I'll see you at three." I hope I see you, too.
"Bye," I said quietly, and watched the door close, waiting for the lockdown to break.
_ _ _
All day, the only thing I thought about was if Caitlin was alright. The worst possible scenarios went through my head. She could be hurt. She could be dead. She could have hurt herself. Her dad could have shown up.
I finally succumbed to my thoughts, and called the house at lunch.
No answer.
I dialed again.
No answer.
..Hopefully.. she's asleep. I didn't let my mind wander any further than that, or I'd never make it through the end of the day.
When the bell rang, I all but sprinted to my car and got in, dialing the house once more.
No answer. This is bad.
* * *
I was tingling, and yet I was still in pain. I can't feel my fingers. Everything's blurry.. I'm cold. It hurts.
_ _ _
It had just begun to rain when I pulled up to the house, barely taking the time to yank my keys out of the ignition. Something was wrong. I could feel it.
I all but threw the door open, throwing my stuff on the floor, calling out for Caitlin. I didn't get a reply.
"Caitlin?" I asked, moving to the bottom of the stairs. My heart was starting to palpitate. Something was very wrong.
I dashed up the stairs, stopping at the top. All of the doors were closed, and there were no lights on in any of them. I had no choice but to open all of them. She wasn't in her moms room, the guest bedroom, the wash room, or her room. The only room left was the bathroom. I knocked. "Caitlin..?"
Once again, no answer.
I barely opened the door when I was hit with the extreme smell of blood. FUCK.
Pushing it open, I found Caitlin, sitting in the tub, blood everywhere. There was no water, but there was so much liquid in there with her, I could have thought there was. Shitshitshitshitshitshit. No.
All I could see was red. I didn't know one person had that much blood.
Numbly, I reached for my phone and dialed 911.
"911, what's your emergency?"
"I need an ambulance on 911, Clark Street. Number 9450."
"Ambulances will be there right away, sir."
I snapped the phone shut and something in me clicked.
"Caitlin? Caitlin? Babe?" I shook her shoulder, and got no response. She was cold; freezing, actually.
"SHIT!" I shouted, grabbing two washcloths and wrapping them around her wrists and arms,
"Nnngh," she mumbled, moving her head a little.
"Caitlin?" I asked again, grasping her chin. "Can you hear me?"
Her eyelids fluttered a little, and her eyes rolled back into her head slightly. "Aaron?"
"I'm right here." I hope you stay here, with me.
"..I'm..sorry," she said, her eyes rolling all the way back into her head.
"No. C'mon, wake back up," I said frantically, shaking her. "Please. Wake up."
I didn't get an answer, and I could feel hot tears welling up. Where the fuck is the ambulance?!
Not waiting, I picked her up, and ran down the hallway. Making sure not to hurt her any more, I sprinted down the stairs, skipping three at a time, and threw open the front door. The ambulance had just torn into the driveway, narrowly missing my car.
I could feel warm blood on my arm, which felt different from the chilly feel of Caitlin's skin.
I didn't really pay attention to what they were doing. All I did was stare at Caitlin, silently willing her to wake back up.
I did notice when they tried to take her from me. I refused to let them, and put her on the gurney myself, and then climbed into the back with her.
Not being able to watch as they pulled the washcloths from her arms and wrists, I turned away, wiping my eyes. Why, why, why, why, why?! I shouldn't have left today. I knew she was lying to me, but I didn't think this was gonna happen. This is all my fault.
I heard a sharp intake of breath from the EMT who had peeled them back. They were completely red by now. I don't get why she hadn't stopped bleeding yet.
"What happened?" the EMT asked quietly, pressing large amounts of gauze to her left arm, which was exuding the most amount of blood.
"What does it look like?" I snapped, grabbing a handful of gauze and pressing it to her other wrist. She was so pale.
"It looks like she tried to find a way out." I glared.
"A way out of what, exactly?" Is he suggesting that I hit her or something?
He ignored that. "Anything wrong in your relationship?"
"No. There wasn't. And if you're suggesting I hurt her in any way, I swear.." I trailed off.
"I'm not. I was just asking. We usually don't see these this bad."
"Yeah.. She.. uhm.. knows what she's .. doing," I whispered.
"Nnnghh." Caitlin had apparently come back into somewhat of a conscious state.
"Caitlin?" I leaned in towards her. Her eyes opened slightly.
"Aaron.."
"I'm right here. You're on your way to the hospital." I was crying again, but I didn't really give a damn.
"No," she protested quietly. "No. Take me back. Leave me there."
I put my hand gingerly on her face. "Why?"
"I don't want to be here anymore," she mumbled.
I looked up at the EMT. He looked grief-stricken. "How much longer?" I asked quickly.
"Two minutes maximum," he said, changing the gauze, for the first wad was no longer usable.
"Babe, why don't you wanna be here anymore?" I asked her quietly, trying to keep her awake.
"I'm tired of it." ..Of me?
"What about.. Me?" I asked quietly, wiping away the light sheen of sweat on her face.
"You.. I love you, Aaron," she whispered, her eyes starting to roll again.
"Stay with me, Caitlin," I told her, kissing her forehead.
"I'm sorry. Don't forget," she mumbled, and her eyes closed again.
"No. Caitlin, come on. Wake up," I begged, not caring that the EMT was right there next to me. "Come on, babe. Wake up. Please."
"We're here," the EMT chimed in, changing the gauze a third time. "Hold this for me. We're gonna be walking fast, and you probably won't be allowed in her room."
"Why not?" I demanded, angrily wiping away my tears. "I'm the closest thing to family that she's got."
He didn't answer, and opened the doors.
Everything else happened so fast that I couldn't tell what was going on and who was going where.
All I knew was that if I lost Caitlin..
No. Don't think about that.
I sat in a plastic chair staring a hole in the floor for God knows how long before a doctor came out to see me, grim faced. Oh God. She's dead. She'sdeadshe'sdeadshe'sdead.
"Excuse me, are you the one who arrived with Ms. Evans?" she asked, sitting down across from me, probably already knowing the answer.
"Her name is Caitlin," I said in a monotone, still looking at the floor.
"Well, we almost couldn't stabilize her. There were at least two hundred lacerations on her each wrist alone. Probably five hundred all together. She lost more blood than most people can survive without." I cringed. She really had done damage. "We aren't sure if she caused any nerve damage or not. She hurt herself pretty bad." She paused. "Are you alright?"
I looked up at her. She looked genuinely concerned. "To be honest, what do you think? The .. I can't say love of my life, because I love her more than that.. but.. My girlfriend just tried to kill herself, and I'm the one who had to find her. How do you think I am?"
"I'm sorry." I sighed.
"It's not your fault. I'm just.. I'm scared," I muttered, running my hands through my hair. "When can I see her?"
"Right now, if you'd like," the doctor said, standing up.
I followed her to Caitlin's room. Cringing, I entered the room.
She was hooked up to several tubes, and there were bandages up to her elbow on both arms. She was asleep, and she looked peaceful. "I'll leave you two alone."
I ignored her and sat next to the bed and lay my head next to hers on the pillow. Running my hand down her face, minding the tubes, I whispered, "Te quiero, bebé."
In my head, I could hear her voice saying, "Con todo mi amor."
