Rei stared at the red and white pills in her hand and hesitated. This was new.

Her eyes had snapped open at precisely 0640, just like every morning. She had never needed an alarm clock. She had gone through her morning routine automatically, no thought required. She got dressed, prepared a bland lunch bento, and took out her daily medication dose. But then she had halted, conflicted.

'Doctor Akagi instructed me to take these daily. She stated the Commander had required them. She implied they were essential to maintain my body's stability,' one thought argued. 'Doctor Akagi talks at me, not to me like the Commander or Ikari-kun do. She does not care for me. Even the Second Child cares for me. She asked me 'please' not to do this. And my current research confirms her description; most of the medication in these pills is sedative and dissociative in nature,' the other side argued back. Disobeying the Commander, even by proxy still felt... wrong. Rei had never done it. But Ikari-kun and Pilot Soryu... they had taken her to buy clothes to help her be more like them, cleaned her apartment out of concern for her state of life, and warned her against taking medication that apparently clouded her mind. They... cared about her and her well-being?

'They fight beside me in battle. They risk their lives for each other because they care for each other. They have done so for me. Ergo, they care for me too.' Logic had always come easily to Rei. It made things simple, clear. Something she liked, since her thoughts often felt... muddied, slowed, unclear. If Pilot Soryu was correct, this medication might even be the cause of that.

She closed her hand and pocketed the pills. She would confirm once more with research at school. She could always take the pills later in the day if her concerns proved unfounded.

She walked to the door and picked up her schoolbag. She had just enough time to meet the Second and Third Children at their residence if she left now.

.

"Hee hee... Mmm. Rrowl..."

"Shhhh!"

"Come on, one more..."

"This is dangerous..."

"That makes it more fun!" Asuka pouted at him. "Misato can't see us in here. And I want every bit of you I can get, Third Child. We're going to be stuck with Wondergirl all day long again. I'm going to have to spend all day acting like I don't want to get back into bed with you right now and keep doing what we were doing last night."

"We can't, we used up the last one," Shinji said mock-mournfully. He brightened. "You're getting that implant thing from Doctor Akagi today, right?"

"Yup!" Asuka gave him a sly, wicked grin. "So I get one more good kiss before we go out there and I have to pretend to be angry at you. Gimme."

Shinji really found it hard to argue, and not just because Asuka had her tongue halfway down his throat. Her arms came up to gently wrap around the back of his neck and pull him close against her. His rose automatically to hold her by the hips. 'This... mmm. This is the way to leave home in the mornings. Wait, what was that noise? It was kind of a bing-bong... DOORBELL!'

He and Asuka sprang apart just before Misato's voice called from the dining area. "Is that Rei-chan? Get going you two!"

Shinji glanced at Asuka, who was rapidly smoothing out mussed hair and clothes before nodding to him. He hit the door open button to reveal Rei standing placidly on the doorstep, face as blank as always.

"Good Morning."

"Good morning, Ayanami. You're here pretty early!" Shinji said with a nervous laugh. He desperately hoped he didn't have any signs of Asuka's affection visible on his neck.

Asuka examined Rei's face carefully. "Did you...?"

Rei still had no expression. "I have not. I will conduct research before any further action." She did meet Asuka's eyes and nod slightly. "Thank you for... being concerned about me." She looked at Shinji too. "And you as well, Ikari-kun."

With that she turned to walk back towards the elevators. Sharing a worried look, Shinji and Asuka followed after.

.

"Hi~, Ikari-kun..."

"Hi~, Ikari-san..."

Shinji waved and smiled weakly at both girls. He very carefully did not glance in Asuka's direction. He could feel the murder-aura pouring off her from where he sat.

Asuka clawed another set of slashes into her desktop and added Megumi Ogata and Rie Kugimiya to the 'Must Kill Them Later' list she was rapidly compiling in her head. There had been a few girls lying in wait in the schoolyard to 'accidentally' run into Shinji that they'd managed to evade by careful use of cover, but half the female portion of their class had turned to watch like hawks as they walked into the classroom, several visibly undressing Shinji with their eyes. That alone had started Asuka on a slow boil. Fortunately, she'd managed to make it look like her old 'angry at everyone' routine.

But nearly all of those girls had found excuses to walk by Shinji's desk and say a personal hello to him this morning, more than a few putting a flirtatious lilt in it, or a bit of extra hip action to their walk. On the last two, both. Asuka put them at the top of the list.

"Hi~, Shinji..." Touji imitated as he walked past his friend's desk. He ran his fingers up Shinji's arm. "You busy later? I've heard sooo~oo much about you!"

Shinji swatted at his hand. "Knock it off," he grumbled.

"Didya change your cologne or sumthin'? The girls are all over you this mornin'!" Touji marveled. "Kensuke, you been gettin' all this on tape for later, right?"

Their spectacled friend nodded with a grin. "Oh yeah," he said, waving his mini-camera. "The Story of Shinji's Harem, Volume One, already started."

"I didn't do anything, guys. I have no idea what's going on. As usual," Shinji muttered. "They just started coming after me this week like all of a sudden I smell like a freshly cooked steak dinner. It's just in the last few days. I don't know why."

Asuka permitted herself a tiny smirk. 'I know why...' The thought did make her feel a little better. All the girls wanted him all of a sudden because she had him. They didn't even know why he was acting more cheerful, or that they'd already lost the game. 'He's mine. I'm his. None of you are ever going to beat that.' She narrowed her eyes at Tanaka and Hayashibara, whispering suspiciously together in their seats in the far corner of the classroom. 'Though I bet a bunch of you are going to get on my nerves trying...'

"C'mon, Shin-man, you've gotta tell us what you're doin' different, so we can get in on it! I could finally get one of these hot babes to notice my studly, well-muscled bod-OW!" Touji's paean to his handsome form was cut off by the impact of a well-aimed piece of chalk to the middle of his forehead.

"Sit DOWN, Suzuhara!" Hikari roared at him. "And shut up!"

"Alright, alright, Class Rep! You don' gotta hit me!" He moved back to his own desk and flopped into it. "Yeesh, why's she gotta pick on me like that?"

Asuka rolled her eyes. 'Jock-Stooge, sharp as a brick as always. I have no idea what you see in him, Hikari.'

She glanced at Rei. The bluenette had her laptop already open and was busily typing away at some search page. Asuka crossed her fingers. 'I really hope she listens. No one should have their mind mucked with like that, not even Wondergirl.'

Their elderly sensei finally arrived, and class began.

.

"What do you mean it takes a week to take full effect?!"

Doctor Akagi looked mildly annoyed at Asuka's outburst. Well, slightly more than she usually looked to Asuka these days. It was hard to tell sometimes.

"It's a hormonal contraceptive implant, Asuka, not an injection. It takes a few days to seep the necessary levels into your system. Unless your period is right about to start you should be fine before it hits. Calm down."

"Right, my period. That's not due for at least ten days. I'm fine," Asuka hastily agreed. 'Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! That means Shinji and I will have to stop for a week! We can't just stop at a pharmacy and get a box of condoms with Wondergirl watching! Not fair! Cold-turkey withdrawal after just a week of getting a taste for it!' That thought sobered Asuka and helped her cool her irritation. 'Cold-turkey withdrawal... I know it's a bad move, but the idea of Wondergirl continuing to take that witches brew of shit is revolting.' Asuka's eyes slid to Doctor Akagi's back as she turned to put away the scapel and other medical implements she'd used for Asuka's implant. 'That witch's brew, in fact. She has to know what she's giving Ayanami is doing to her. Why the fuck are they keeping Wondergirl dosed up with so much shit she can hardly talk?'

Doctor Akagi turned back and gave Asuka's bandage one last look. "Alright, you're set. You may go. Shinji and Rei should be waiting for you in the other exam room." She picked up her clipboard and headed for the opposite door. "Remind them you all have a Synch Test on Thursday."

She missed Asuka flipping her off.

.

"Ayanami, are you sure we should be doing this?"

"No." Rei pulled a bottle marked 'Flumazenil' from the cabinet.

"...so why...?"

"My research has concluded Pilot Soryu is correct. There is no reason I should be required to take my current regimen of tranquilizers and several other drugs. However, withdrawal symptoms can be severe. I am acquiring palliatives for the major symptoms and other drugs that have been identified to reduce them," Rei said quietly as she placed another bottle in her schoolbag.

"And we're doing this without telling Doctor Akagi because you think she'll say no or try to stop you?" Shinji put a couple of IV bags of saline and some tubing in his bag.

Rei's crimson eyes gave him an unreadable look. "Doctor Akagi is the one who established this regimen for me. She is a brilliant scientist and metabiological doctor. She cannot be unaware of what she is giving me. Therefore, she is doing so on purpose. Ergo, she is unlikely to acquiesce when I tell her I no longer wish to take them. " She reached into the medical cabinet again and pulled out a bottle marked 'Gabapentin'. "Or permit me to obtain counter-agents to the effects of withdrawal syndrome."

"Like what?" Shinji asked uncertainly.

"Nausea, tremors, insomnia, oversensitivity to stimuli, dizziness, parathesia, severe restlessness, mood swings, anxiety, panic attacks... potentially coma and death..."Rei listed without inflection, ignoring Shinji's squawk of dismay. "The literature indicates emotional and psychological support from friends and family is highly important to managing the psychological symptoms. I have no family. Can I... rely on you and Pilot Soryu for that?" Rei sounded oddly unsure as she asked him.

"Of course, Ayanami! We're your friends, no matter what!" Shinji seized her hand. "You know that we worry about you!" He blinked and looked down at where he held her hand. He blushed and dropped it.

Rei did not appear to notice. Again, she just held a steady, calm gaze on him for a long moment. "Thank you," she said even more softly.

She turned back to the medical cabinet, rearranged some of the bottles to conceal the small gaps she'd left, and closed it.

.

"Ayanami, are you alright? You don't look very good." Shinji pitched his voice low to avoid anyone's notice, but his concern was easy to hear.

Rei gave a sharp shake of her head, but did not lift her stare from the surface of her desk. She kept her gaze fixed on that spot with intense concentration, and her hands were gripping the sides of the desktop so hard they were shaking. Or possibly just shaking on their own. Her shaking was making the sweat beading on her forehead and temples drip a little faster.

Three days after she'd begun cutting her dose level, withdrawal symptoms were hitting Rei hard. Anticipating they'd need to keep a close eye on their fellow Pilot and cover for as many of her symptoms as possible, Asuka had had a quiet word with Hikari in her function as Class Rep and gotten their seating shifted slightly. Asuka now sat directly behind Rei, on Shinji's left. That it also moved her right next to Shinji was a nice bonus as far as Asuka was concerned. Not that she'd let her mask slip so far as to actually show it in class, but it was nice to be near him.

Rei swallowed heavily. "I am... feeling nauseous, Ikari-kun. I may require a bathroom soon."

"Asuka, can you-" Shinji's request to her was cut off as yet another girl sniffing after Shinji slid in between them, her back pointedly to Asuka.

Asuka fought hard to keep her hands from curling into claws. Moving to this new seat let her keep a close eye on Rei, but it also uncovered Shinji's 'right flank', and put her right up close as all the other girls kept hitting on her secret boyfriend. And she couldn't officially protest. It was maddening. Shinji had gotten better at dodging their constant attempts to get him to eat lunch with them, go for a walk after school with them, go shopping downtown with them... None of them had yet asked him out on a date directly, but they were getting close.

"Good morning, Ikari-san," purred Natsumi Takamori. "I know I can't possibly interrupt your important special training with the others, but I'd love to join you for lunch and hear all about what it's like being the brave Pilot who saves our city over and over again."

"Er... It's not just me, Takamori-san. I couldn't do it without Asuka and Ayanami. I'd have been killed four or five times already without them," Shinji attempted to parry. He tried to lean around her. "Asuka, coul-"

Takamori shifted to stay right in his view, incidentally blocking his view of Asuka. She flicked a dismissive momentary glance over her shoulder at the female Pilots. "Oh, they're nice. I'm sure they're splendid little helpers to you, but everyone knows you're the one who's the real hero," she continued.

Shinji's face clouded at this. "No, I'm really not," he said more quietly.

"I think you are," Takamori rolled right on. "I'd really like to hear more about it from you personally."

Asuka grit her teeth. She knew how Shinji hated being called that. She disagreed, but could see why he didn't like it. They were just like each other. On too many dark and lonely nights before she came to Japan, she'd feared that she was worthless too. She had yet to confess that to Shinji the way he'd told her about his fears, but she felt that she safely could, and probably would soon. It felt better every time they shared something, showed each other a little more of their true hearts. So she already knew Shinji thought himself cowardly and selfish, not a hero at all. He'd blushed a truly amazing shade the night Asuka had quietly told him she considered him one, for diving into Mount Asama to save her from being crushed to death in magma. She'd melted his further embarrassed mumbles with a kiss as hot as the volcano he'd saved her from. That had been a good night.

But from someone like Takamori, it was just a reminder of how he didn't feel worthy of the title most of the time. 'Fricking skank is trying to worm her way in to grab a piece of my Shinji, and making him feel like crap doing it. I will eat your eyes, bitch! How dare you hurt him!' She couldn't restrain herself anymore. Watching one of these slags make Shinji's smile crumble enraged her in a way she'd never felt before. Time to do something, anything to make her leave him alone. She frantically tried to come up with a good excuse to interrupt. Her first preference, stabbing Takamori in the neck with her pen, was right out. 'No, can't stab her brains out... beside, strangling her with my bare hands is so much more personal and intimate...'

Asuka was just opening her mouth to speak when she noticed Rei was staring as fixedly at Shinji and Takamori as she was, despite the sweat sheening Rei's face. Rei also looked a little greener than usual. Something flickered across Rei's face, almost a hint of anger. As Asuka watched, Rei stood up and turned towards Shinji's desk. "Ikari-kun," she began weakly, "I... HOOOORUUGHHHGUG!"

Rey Ayanami began her newest phase of withdrawal syndrome by messily vomiting all over Natsumi Takamori.

Takamori had ignored Rei's rising, and so caught the first blast in her side. Her long, silky black hair seemed to make a shiny, attractive target, as Rei's next couple of heaves liberally splattered across it. "AAAAAA! Get away from me! EW! EW! EW! Stop it!"

"HUUURGUBBBL!" Rei gave one last wave of bile and bits of her breakfast to Takamori's shoes before ceasing and leaning hard against Asuka's desk. "I think I need to go to the nurse's office," she said in a weak voice, barely heard over Takamori's continued shrieking.

Hikari looked aghast at the mess as she ran over from her seat on the far side of the classroom. "Ohmigod... Asuka, can you take Ayanami to the nurse's office? Kugimiya-san, take Takamori-san to the bathroom and help her get cleaned up."

"Ewwww... do I have to?" Kugimiya protested.

Asuka tried not to grin as she took Rei's shoulder and led her to the door. She could feel Rei still shaking under her hand. "Nice shot, Wondergirl," she whispered as they left the classroom. "You really are our team sniper."

"We're a team..." Rei agreed raspily, leaning heavily against Asuka as they walked down the hall. "...You're welcome."

.

Shinji put the rag back in the bucket and sighed. Cleanup had been fast with Hikari organizing things, but Shinji had the feeling this would not be the last such incident to disrupt their day. The girls pursuing him were persistent. He was too tempting a target at lunchtime, even with Asuka and Ayanami. He needed more cover. Fortunately, he and Asuka had discussed the problem last night and developed a plan.

He turned to Hikari, who was likewise finishing putting away some cleaning supplies. "Hey, Class Rep? Can I ask you a favor?"

Hikari raised her eyebrows, but gestured for him to go on. "Certainly, Ikari-kun. What do you need?"

"Um... I'm getting a lot of attention from some of the girls in class, I'm sure you noticed."

Hikari's expression darkened. "Yes, I have. And they're making you uncomfortable?"

"A bit, yes. And I think they're kind of messing with the joint training we're supposed to be doing right now. Um... but I think if we had a larger group, it would head off them trying to squeeze in to our circle at lunch, so could you come eat with us, as Asuka's friend? I'm going to ask Touji and Kensuke to join us too on my side."

The pigtailed brunette brightened up as he made his suggestion, but went dee-in-the-headlights still when Shinji mentioned his tall friend. She unfroze after a second and flashed him a wide smile. "Um, sure, Ikari-kun! I'd love to help you out like that! It'll be just like Major Katsuragi's promotion party!"

"Thanks, Horaki-san." Shinji smiled. 'Cover obtained, observers occupied.'

That was part two of their scheme. Hikari was Asuka's best friend, and Touji and Kensuke his. They were the three people most likely to see through his and Asuka's ongoing attempt to conceal their relationship. Shinji didn't like outright lying to them, so he'd suggested they come up with something to distract them instead: set them up.

Asuka told him about Hikari's raging crush on Touji. She'd been only slightly surprised when Shinji mentioned Touji's matching infatuation with the petite Class Rep that he thought no one knew about. Asuka had laughed at the foolishness of the two of them liking each other but failing to see it was mutual, just dancing around each other for months… until Shinji had given her a smirk and a stare.

She'd flicked him in the nose, but acknowledged the point. She'd countered with 'if they're doing the same stupid thing we were, maybe they'll be just as happy together'. He'd agreed to 'give them a push' and see is he and Asuka couldn't help get them together. Hopefully, the spectacle would keep Kensuke from noticing much about Asuka and him, as well as help out their friends.

Now, to rope in Touji and Kensuke… He wasn't even worried about that part. They usually ate with him anyway, or had before the Pilots had been ordered to begin this training effort. The presences of Rei and Asuka and their attempt at declaring lunch to as 'Pilots Only' had kept them off this week. They'd be happy to rejoin him once he asked. A little maneuvering to make sure Touji and Hikari sat next to each other, and Asuka's plan would be in full swing.
He smiled as he returned to his seat. Having a brilliant girlfriend was pretty neat. Having someone who loved him was fucking awesome.

.

Asuka fidgeted in her seat by Rei's bed in the nurse's office. The school nurse had accepted Rei's explanation of a minor illness, and even helped administer the syringe of withdrawal medications Rei had pulled from her pocket before leaving Rei to rest. Asuka had been tasked with watching over her. The requirement that she stay was running into her desire to get back to the classroom and keep any more girls from going after her Shinji and driving her nuts. Still… Rei was doing this because Asuka had told her to. This was her responsibility, and she was the lead Pilot anyway. She had to look after her troops, right? Right.

And as much as she might want to be back to keep the other girls from bothering him, she knew he could rely on him to fend them off. She knew it was irrational to worry about another girl taking Shinji away from her, but she was just as aware that her fears on the topic were not going to be dismissed that easily. He was the first bright thing in her life in years. Even having a solid hunk of man like Kaji named as her guardian in Germany after Misato was transferred to Japan was starting to fade in comparison. Best of all, he trusted her and she trusted him. She'd never had that before. She could be sure without looking that he was right there with her.

Rei noticed her smile. "What are you smiling about, Pilot Soryu? You are… distracted."
Asuka shook herself out of her daydream. "Ah… The look on Takamori's face when you nailed her. That was priceless." 'Nice save, Soryu.'

"She was hurting Ikari-kun, and angering you. You are my friends. I concluded I could take advantage of my illness to help." She kept looking at Asuka's face carefully. "You are agitated, and I thought you did not enjoy my company overmuch. Do you wish to return to Ikari-kun? You do not have to wait with me if you wish to go."

'Oh Gott yes I want to be back with him. Another one of those harpies could be bringing his spirits down right now, and I like seeing him smile, especially at me.' "I do want to go back to class, yes. That baka is helpless without me. And those girls need to stop interrupting our training. They're bothering him and reducing his morale!"

"You care about Ikari-kun?"

'Red Alert! Red Alert! Top secret information threatened! Deploying bullshit deflectors!' "Don't get the wrong idea!" 'The right idea, that is.' "It's not like I like that baka or anything!" 'Well, true, I don't 'like' him. I love him. He makes me feel whole and loved for the first time since Mama. He loves me back!' "It's just that he gets into trouble without me, and I don't want that, it's troublesome to clean up. And he's my wingman! I have to keep an eye on him in battle. I still owe him a debt for saving my life in that volcano. I don't want him to die or anything before I can repay that. It's a debt of honor, and a Soryu never fails one of those! And I'm the lead Pilot, I have to take care of my squad! I care about both of you as teammates!" 'There, that sounds plausible.'

"Including me?" Rei asked. Her gaze at Asuka had not shifted. It was faintly unnerving. "I thought you disliked me, because I was a 'doll'."

Asuka squirmed uncomfortably. "Well… yeah. I did. But it's a lot harder to blame you for acting that way now that I know you're drugged like this. That's why I reacted so strongly… my step-mother tried something like that with pills when I was younger. I know what it's like. It's not like I think you would kill yourself or something just because Commander Ikari ordered you to or such."

"If I was ordered to do so, I would."

Asuka's eyes bugged out at Rei. "What?! Are you crazy? Why?"

Rei's voice was disturbingly calm. "He has raised me for years. He cares for me. If he gave that order, I would trust he had a necessary reason for it." Rei's voice dropped to almost nothing. "…He is all I have."

"Jesus fuck, Wondergirl! Don't ever do that! Kill yourself just because you were told to?! I mean… Gott! Never! We're soldiers, yeah, and we could die anytime, but never just on someone's say-so! Make it for a reason worth it! Look at baka-Shinji! He didn't jump into a volcano because someone ordered him to! He did it against orders, because he thought I was worth risking his life for!" 'And don't you ever risk yourself like that again, you stupid, brave idiot of mine. I love you so Gottdamn much. My damn martyr baka-Shinji…' "He'd do the same for you, just like he said, and… and so would I! Commander Ikari's not 'all you have'! You're not alone! You, and me, and Shinji, we all look out for each other because there's no one else who can in a battle!" Asuka sat back, blinking. 'Did… did I just say all that out loud? And mean it? Damn it, Shinji, look at what you're doing to me. You're making me into a Gott damn hero like you just to keep up. All for one and one for all.' "We're just like each other…" she muttered aloud.

Rei just stared at her. "I see," was all she said.

"Don't… don't be the Commander's doll, First. You're not. Don't let them make you into one." 'Please don't let them make you. If they do it to you, what keeps them from doing it to me or Shinji?' She shivered.

"I am not a doll. I am I," Rei replied.

"Good. Don't ever let Commander Ikari or anyone tell you are, First. Being a real person means the ability to choose. To be able to say 'No' when authority tells you to do something wrong." Asuka took a deep breath and put it all aside. She had to talk about it with Shinji tonight. "How are you feeling? I know Benzodiazepine withdrawal is supposed to be nasty…"

"I am moderating the worst symptoms successfully with the counter-agents and an increase in Diazepam versus the other components of the regimen. I have cut my current does by over half," Rei said as calmly as she'd mentioned her willingness to die on order.

"Isn't that kind of fast?"

"Yes, but our constant exposure to LCL stabilizes many of our systems against chemical disruption. Our Synch Test tomorrow should help. I will also be interested to see what effects my reduction of dose and exposure to you and Ikari-kun has had on my Synch Rate."

"And the sooner we bring your score up, the sooner we can end this enforced togetherness Doctor Akagi has made us do. You and the Third are fine in small doses, and you're right there with me in a fight, but I would like to be able to just go shopping with Hikari or stuff by myself, too." A smile spread on Asuka's face. "Or just spend a Sunday morning lying in bed, enjoying being alive, until I feel like getting up." 'Or Shinji feels like 'getting up' again, heh heh heh. Gott damn it, baka, I swear I wasn't this lewd before you got a hold of me…'

Rei studied her face intently. "Enjoying being alive…" she said oddly.

Asuka looked down. "Don't tell me I have to teach you that too."

"Not at this time. I am feeling less nauseous." She sat up. "I believe we can return to class now."

"Good. I worry that baka-Shinji might have gotten an entire harem following him by now without me there to keep him in line. Let's go."

Rei nodded, and followed Asuka out of the rest area, studying her closely the whole way.

.

"I feel sorrier for the First Child than ever. It just… doesn't make any sense to me, Shinji. Why raise a Pilot inside NERV so isolated that she acts like that? Why drug her if you've had that close control over her upbringing? Why drug her but not us? They can't be all that happy if the results are Wondergirl. Both of us have much better Synch Rates than her. What's the point? Is there some reason they need a Pilot who's willing to die on orders? That's just creepy…" Asuka shook her head against the pillow's soft comfort.

Asuka waited for a response from her boyfriend, but nothing came. "Shinji?"

"He raised her. He's 'all she has'? He… he…" Shinji's arms around her tightened until he shook. "How could he?!"

Asuka blinked in surprise. Shinji was… furious. She'd never seen him this angry. The usual calm expression he gave the world, or the warm and loving one he showed her when they were alone was gone. His face was twisted in a violent combination of anger, pain, and betrayal. She'd seen the Third Child without his clothes a lot in the last two weeks, but she'd never seen Shinji this naked.

"Once a year! Once a year I'd see him at mother's grave. He'd barely say three sentences to me! I ran away once, and he just had the police take me back to my sensei. He didn't even call. I spent half my childhood wondering what I'd done that made him just dump me at the train station and walk away, just seeing his back retreating over and over again in every fucking nightmare! Why wasn't I good enough?" Shinji almost pleaded with her, tears in his eyes. "And then he turns around and raises Ayanami?! Why?! Why did he abandon me and take her?!"

'Yet more evidence your dad is not exactly Father of the Year material. Then again, neither is mine,' Asuka thought. She just held Shinji close and didn't say anything. There was nothing she could say that could explain Commander Ikari's behavior. But she could remind him of other things. "I have no idea, Shinji. But… I'm glad he didn't."

That snapped Shinji out of his rant. "What?" he asked, his brow knotting.

"Would you want to be like Wondergirl? If your father had raised you, you might have ended up like her: a drugged robot ready to die when he orders you to. I… If you had acted l like that, if you'd been raised that way, do you think Misato would have taken you in, that you'd be living here, that we'd… be together? If you acted like her, I'd never have kissed you, and we wouldn't be lying in bed like this right now." She pulled his head down to hers for a kiss. "I like you the way you are, my baka. You're just like me. You can understand me and my pains because you suffered them too. I'm glad you're here and the man you are, Shinji. I was as alone as you, before. And if you weren't here, I still would be."

Shinji relaxed into her embrace and let out a long sigh. "I don't blame Ayanami. It's not her fault. How would she know? But I… I don't know how I could ever forgive my father. He considered it an important enough demand on his time to raise her, however badly. Why send me away? I… I'd still do almost anything to get him to look at me. I hate him so much, but… You know how much that once little scrap of praise he gave me after the Tenth Angel made me feel good. Gods, I'm such a weak idiot if I still want that."

"I agree you're a dummy if you Pilot to try to earn his praise," Asuka snorted. "You don't need that."

"Don't you? I thought that's why you were so driven to be the best Pilot, so people would praise you?" he asked right back. "'To display your talents to the world', you said."

Asuka said nothing for a moment. "I used to," she said softly. "I needed it. I was so afraid no one would want me unless I was the best. I had to makepeople look at me, or I might disappear. But now…" She freed one hand from embracing him to softly stroke his face. "I'm not as worried. I know, no matter what, that you're looking at me. That if I should fall, you'll keep my memory close. Now I Pilot, I push myself to be the best because I want to bethe best, and drag you with me. The two of us, the best in the world, defending humanity. You're a good Pilot, Shinji, almost as good as me. You have a better reason to Pilot now than hoping for empty words from your father."

Shinji looked at her, waiting.

"Misato. Wondergirl. Me. Even the Stooges. The people who care about you praise you, baka. Not lip service from a jerk who's unworthy of a son like you. Forget him. Do it for us. For me especially. I won't have anyone else as wingman but my baka-Shinji. You promised me; You and me, together, against everything. Lean on us, Shinji." 'I need you. I can't even tell you how much. You have to stay with me. You make me strong.'

"Until the end of the world…" Shinji finished their promise. Yeah… I'd rather do it for you, and the others." He buried his face in her hair. "I just wish… I knew why my father is like this. Why he can love Ayanami, but not me?"

Asuka shook her head. "He makes her live in an apartment I wouldn't keep a dog in, drugs her so much I'm surprised she can blink, and has her ready to die on command. I don't think that's love, Shinji. You don't treat someone you love like that. I think you care more about Wondergirl than your father does. Hell, I think I care more about her than he does.

Shinji pulled back far enough to look her in the face again. "So what are we going to do?"

Asuka grinned. "You want to get back at your father a bit? Then let's deprogram his little robot, and free Wondergirl from wanting to die. Let's make her into a real girl instead of his doll."

Shinji gave her a half-smile. "You want to help Ayanami? I thought you didn't like her?"

"Oh, I'm keeping her far away from getting her hands on you, mister. Still no 'Israfel Special' allowed. I'm starting to feel better about her, though, and hate your father a lot more. So we want to take away his toy, and help her really live?" Asuka said. "Then let's save Rei Ayanami."