A/N: TW for some rather graphic depictions of violence and death. I apologize in advance for this. On the other hand, woooooo, new update the next day! Also, as discussed in the previous update, which I'll be updating the rest of the fic with ASAP, I've given MC a name - Jack.

If you're easily disturbed by the aforementioned TW stuff, I'll summarize this chapter in a less graphic manner in the author's notes at the beginning of Chapter 9. There's no shame in skipping over it if you need to for the sake of your mental state, I promise. :)

##################################################

Saturday, January 6

Monika

Aww yes, it's Dungeons and Dragons time! I've been waiting to get my character out and going all week! All my friends are here. Life is great.

I pulled out my cute little 3D printed mini - thanks, Tsuki! - and the lovely translucent green dice set Jack got me and moved to join the rest of the club at the table.

"We've been waiting for you, Monika!" one of them said. "I can't wait to get you started!" Jack cut in, beaming up at me from the head of the table. "You ready?"

"Ready as ever, hon."

"Alright. Okay, everyone!" the GM began. "So, to start off, Monika, why don't you roll me a bluff check?"

"Okay!~" I chirped. "What am I rolling for?"

"Well, you were trying to convince Sayori here that she doesn't matter, nobody loves her, and that her and everyone would be better off if she were gone. That's a bluff check, since it's an obvious lie, so you're gonna have to roll that." The room suddenly darkened, and I was acutely aware that Jack's sweet grin was now a dangerous, venemous smirk, accentuated by sharp, cruel shadows. To my right, Sayori stood in the spotlight, pale as a ghost even without the glaring white light sharpening her features, atop a desk chair.

"What? No, I... I'd never..." I stuttered.

"Oooooh, good roll, princess!" he said with a sneer as the dice came up at on 20. "Roll your Will save, Sayori."

Sayori's bright blue eyes faded to a dull gunmetal grey. "No, I choose to fail the roll. Monika's right. I'm all out of bottles."

"Alright then, your choice," Jack replied, as Sayori unsteadily fell off the chair, hanging from the apartment ceiling in a noose. "I assume you're going to fail your fort save against instant death too?"

"Wait," she mouthed, but no sound came out. A slight light returned to her eyes and her arms suddenly sprung to her life, scrabbling for any kind of purchase on the rope tied tightly around her neck. Sayori's pretty nails dug into her skin, drawing blood, dripping down her opened shirt slowly towards the floor. She struggled in vain as she suffocated, suspended.

I could only stare transfixed. "Ah well," the GM said. "She'll expire in a few rounds as her hit points keep dropping. Nicely done, though, Monika. Perfect use of your charisma to get rid of your opposition. Can't trust anybody. Would you like to try on Yuri too? You have a hero point, so you can totally get another action to use on her too."

I screamed, transfixed, while Sayori continued to desperately claw at the rope beside me, begging Jack to stop the game and help her.

"Oh, nicely worded. I'll let that counterbalance the usual penalty to making a persuasive check as a standard action... and would you look at that," he said, pointing at my dice. "It's another twenty! Let's see if Yuri can beat that!"

Across the table from Sayori, Yuri's normally tender and thoughtful eyes shot open, an unnatural, animalistic quality to them. "I... I can't... control... Monika, what is happening to me? What did you do to us? Why did you do this? We loved you!"

"Moving on," GM cut in, "I'll take that as a failure, Yuri. You know what that means!"

"No! Monika! Please!" Yuri cried, an equally unnatural laugh cracking into her voice from somewhere beyond comprehension. "I..." she picked up a massive butcher's knife from where it lay on the table in front of her, and with a practiced motion, she slammed it cleanly into her chest, through her blazer, penetrating her sternum and into her heart. She cackled insanely, screaming a blood-curdling "Why?!" in between laughs as the blood spurted out all over the table and everyone in the room, before collapsing on the table, the huge knife having been jammed right through her by the force and sticking cleanly out her back.

I looked down at myself to see blood, tinged slightly blue and purple, coating both my hands and spattered across my formerly pristine uniform. Even my ribbon was now dyed a dripping blood red.

"Well DONE, Monika!" Jack cheered from across the table. "Now there's only one left, and then you'll be able to win my heart!"

"I... what? What..." I sputtered.

"I'd kill you for what you've fucking done to us..." another voice choked out, from the floor beneath me. I looked down to see Natsuki, naked, covered from head to toe in angry bruises, her ribs painfully standing out from her emaciated body, one of her arms quite obviously literally snapped in half with a bone fragment sticking clean through her skin, her neck even snapped to the side. "...if I could still move. But I can't. Whatever, bitch. It's not like you regret any of this, right? You were always so cruel to us, all so you could play your sick game and win some fuckhead. What about us? Not like you cared. Fuck you. You weren't our friend. You never were. You never loved anybody but yourself."

"That's... that's not true!" I protested, finally able to speak for myself. "I loved all of you! I never wanted any of this to happen. I just..."

"Bullshit! Bullshit bullshit bullshit!" Natsuki screamed, before coughing deeply, hacking up blood in my face. "The only thing you missed about me were my fucking cupcakes! And what did you do all this for? You think Jack loves you? How could anybody love somebody like you? You accused us of being fake? You're not even a person, Monika. You're a fucking monster. Don't you ever forget that, you whore!"

Suddenly the whole room disappeared, replaced by an empty void. Suspended in it was just the five of us. Natsuki grew silent, finally, as Yuri continued to bleed out and Sayori's desperate struggles continued.

"Sorry to just leave your wonderful conversation hanging there, babe," I heard Jack sneer. "But I had to get rid of all the other distractions. You know how that is, right? You see, I needed to get you alone so I could tell you something important: she's right. All of them are right. I fucking hate you for what you've done. You're the most evil thing I could possibly imagine. You think I love you? Ahahahaha, what the fuck are you smoking? You're a monster."

"Jack, please..." I whimpered.

"You don't need to say anything else. Fuck, all I've got to say to you at this point is that I wish I could put you back in that hellscape where you belong, Monika."

All four heads in the void turned to stare at me accusingly as one. I took in the sights - Sayori's now-dead eyes staring lidlessly into my soul, Yuri's long and beautiful hair matted with blood and her pale skin now taking on a deathly pallor, Natsuki's blue and broken form, all of them mouthing the same words that I couldn't stop myself from reading, or from hearing directly in my mind: "Why did you do this to us? Why do you get to be free out there? What have you done to deserve anything?"

"Jack!" I cried, shaking.

"Monika," he replied, looking down, almost sad. "Monika... Monika. Monika!"

My eyes snapped open.

##################################################

Early AM, Friday, January 5

Jack

"Monika! Sweetheart! Wake up! Please!" I shook her violently, desperately. "Hey, Google, turn on the lights!"

The light next to the bed flared on at full intensity. I squinted involuntary, then looked down as my eyes recovered to see Monika doing the same.

I did the only thing I could think to do. I scooped her up and pulled her up onto my lap, holding my girlfriend's quavering form as tightly to me as I could. She threw her arms around me as tightly as could herself before burying her face into my chest and screaming full-force. Conscious of the time and our neighbors (and also suddenly conscious of the early-morning winter chill, given neither of us were wearing much), I grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around us to muffle the noise.

I didn't say anything for a while; just letting her cry it out seemed like the best thing. I started running a hand through her hair, brushing it and playing with it, doing the best I could to soothe her, but beyond that, what could I do?

Eventually, her crying died down to a quiet, repeating whimper. I brushed her hair aside and kissed her temple before pulling her chin up to look me in the eye. "I'm here, Monika. I'm not going anywhere. It's okay, darling."

"I... Jack, why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you do this? I'm..." she started sobbing again. "I'm a murderer! I killed the people I loved! Painfully! I'm a monster!"

I sat there and thought about it for a moment. The skeletons in my closet weren't as big as hers, sure, but I still had a few, so I thought about how I'd want them confronted.

"Monika, the you of back then is not the same you that's here right now. You're not the same person that did all of that to try to escape. No matter what your brain is telling you, you're different now. The very fact that you regret it so much is proof of that. And... for what it's worth, they can be brought back. None of what was done is permanent."

"But they're still stuck in there! And... I'm out here... with you... why do I deserve that? Why not Sayori? She's a perfect ray of sunshine. You would love her so much... she could care for you, in ways I never could. Or Yuri! She's like me, all she ever wanted was to be loved and accepted... and she was so beautiful and so much smarter than me! You would have fallen for her in a heartbeat. And Natsuki... she might not have shown it much, but Natsuki was such a sweetheart, too. She was the liveliest person I've ever known..." Monika continued crying into my chest. "All of them deserve this more than me. Every single one of them. I should be back in that thing suffering for what I did, not out here being loved by... ahaha, I almost said the man of my dreams, but..."

I just pulled her in as tightly as I could, before coming to a decision. "Monika. We're getting up, come with me a second, okay?" She just nodded. I took us out to the kitchen, fetching some ingredients out of the fridge, a saucepan, and a whisk. Never letting go of her, I turned on the stove and threw a couple of full-size chocolate bars in the pan along with a healthy dose of half-and-half, whisking it as it melted. When it was all melted, I added some cinnamon and a little extra sugar, then poured the concoction into a couple of mugs and tossed in some marshmallows from the cabinet.

"Here," I said, sitting us down on the couch. "It's cold, and you need something sweet."

"Now. You okay to tell me what happened?"

Monika nodded shakily, before launching into a piece-by-piece retelling.

When she was done, I was... simultaneously shocked and unsurprised. Unsurprised that her subconscious was being an asshole, but shocked at its apparent ferocity. I made up my mind to do something serious about this as soon as possible. In the mean time, levity; time to take advantage of getting her out to see Star Wars.

"Amazing," I said. "Every word of what you just said was wrong."

That got an apprehensive giggle out of her at least. Working as intended.

"I mean that though. You're not a monster. Or a bitch or a whore or unforgivable or underserving or anything at all like that. I do forgive you, and that's not just on principle - I truly believe you're fundamentally a good person and the fact that you regret everything is proof of it. And you know what? Having you here makes me the happiest guy in the world. I'd have given up anything and everything to pull you out of there - or hell I'd have even given it all up to jump in with you - without hesitation. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I really, truly think the world of you."

She didn't say anything back to that.

"Tell you what, I'm going to call off work today. I've got a lot of paid time off still saved up, it's no biggie. I won't leave you here by yourself today, alright? Today's an us day, babe."

"You sure?" Monika asked, looking slightly askance. "I'll be okay, I think..."

"I'm sure. It's not a big deal. Honest," I promised.

The two of us sat on the couch in silence for the next fifteen minutes or so, curled up under a blanket, finishing our hot chocolates, enjoying the mutual warmth. Eventually I spoke up.

"You okay to try and go back to sleep? You're gonna hate yourself if you don't."

"I mean, I kinda already do..." she laughed. "No, you're right. Hand me your mug, I'll go rinse this stuff out. I'll be back in bed in a minute." Monika, true to her word, got up and started cleaning everything off. For my part, I trudged back to the bedroom, pulled out my phone, and scheduled a text to my boss for a little later in the morning letting her know I was taking a day for a family emergency and apologizing profusely for the short notice.

Moments later, Monika shut the door to the bedroom behind her, killed the lights, and slid under the covers as tight against me as she could manage.

"You're so perfect," I whispered, running a hand down her side.

She just moaned a happy acknowledgement, pressed back further into me, and then promptly fell right back to sleep.

For my part, I'd made up my mind to try something a little riskier than usual.

##################################################

The first thing I did when I woke up, seeing no sign of Monika in bed, was reach for my laptop and crack open Gmail. I was looking for something very specific; although I didn't see him any more, I still had my therapist's email address in my contacts. I'd known him since I was twelve. Wow. Literally over half my life. Hot damn. We'd been genuinely close and he was responsible for a lot of the progress I'd made in life, so it just felt kind of natural. And given that I was about to entrust him with something very, very delicate, that was important.

Hey, doc! I know it's been a couple years, but can I trust you to give me a hand on something? It's gonna be a little weird, but just hear me out, k? - Jack

To my surprise - he must have been in his office putting notes together for the day - he saw it immediately and responded right away.

You have my attention. What's got you so worried that you have to double-check that you can trust me of all people, buddy?

Promise me that you're not gonna tell anybody or, like, think I'm crazy about this.

Of course not! You've got permanent client privilege! And come on, it'd take a lot for me to not believe you on something!

Alright, then, promise is a promise. Well, I've got a severe PTSD case here in need of professional help, but I can't get an appointment specifically for her because she's totally uninsured. Would you terribly mind if I set up an appointment to come see you myself and then had you talk to her instead?

Oh gosh, that's a little dodgy, but I get the feeling you wouldn't be asking me this unless it was really important, huh?

Nope. Once-in-a-lifetime favor. Believe me, doc, this is... something else.

I take it I'm going to find out more when you come in. Well, I actually just had a cancellation late last night for Monday evening at seven if you can make it in then. Should I pencil you in, my man?

Yessir! I can't even begin to tell you how thankful I am, Leo.

Don't mention it, honest. You need anything else while you have my attention?

Not that I can think of. Thanks a billion, doc. I'll see you then.

##################################################

A/N 2: A side note. I'm not promoting AO3 over , but I am going to mention here that I'm a lot more interactive in AO3's comment section. I'm not saying that to get you guys to stop leaving reviews here; actually, the reason I'm saying that is that I occasionally drop tidbits about my thought process and the story and clarifications in comment responses over there, basically some directors' cut shot, which might be worth checking out if that's your thing.