Six months in Thedas-a month trapped in Starkhaven-and I was in a living hell. I was forced to hide my God-given gift of magic out of fear of what would happen to me if someone discovered what I was. I was a prisoner just because of my friendship with Hawke and Anders, and the fact that Sebastian believed that Hawke was really my cousin. I honestly would have preferred to be with them still, with Fenris...rather than trapped in a beautiful room in Starkhaven Castle. There was only one thing I was thankful for, and that was the fact that in the month I'd been locked away in Starkhaven, not one person knew that I was a mage. There was no knowing what King Sebastian would do to me if he found out that I was a mage on top of being Hawke's "cousin" and friends with Anders. He would more-than-likely turn me Tranquil-stripping me of not only my gift of magic, but my hopes, my dreams, and my emotions. Death seemed a better path than being made Tranquil and the very thought of that made my skin crawl. That was the one thing most mages feared-I knew that for a fact-and now I was one of them. I wondered what Sebastian would do if he knew that I was with Fenris, who had been his friend, but then again, Hawke had been his friend as well. Sebastian thought that Hawke was my cousin, and figured he could get Anders out of the deal.
"You can leave," I snapped at Ser Jamison, who spent everyday for the last month just staring at me.
"I'm sorry, Madam, I cannot," Ser Jamison stated dully.
"You don't have to sit there and watch me like you're a fucking Templar," I glared at him.
"Orders are orders," Ser Jamison shrugged. "Especially when they come from the king himself."
"Fuck," I looked out the window helplessly, since it was the only thing that I could do to keep calm. There were two things I wanted most in my life, and being locked in a tower-room like a fairy-tale princess wasn't one of them. I wanted to be free, with my family here, actually leaning how to fight and how to do more complex spells, discovering new and strange things that weren't in my world, but at the same time, I wanted to go back to my world where I'd at least be safe, yet I wanted the one that was more possible to me at the moment. I wanted to be with Fenris, Varric, Hawke, Isabela, Merrill, Aveline, Donnic, Anders, Arora, and Tylor. It broke my heart more than I thought when I thought of my companions.
"I guess I could...step out into the hallway, if that will make you feel more comfortable," Jamison shifted uncomfortably.
"It would," I didn't look away from the window.
I let out a sigh of relief when I heard the guard leave the prison I was in. As nice as it was, it still seemed more like the jail cell it really was. Where were my friends when I needed them most? Where were my so-called friends when I risked my freedom and life to save them? Were they making plans to come rescue my sorry ass? Did they plan to leave me in Starkhaven to rot away? Did any of them care? Did Fenris care? Was it all just an act on their part? If so, why? Those doubts had been in my head since Sebastian told me that Anders would betray me in a heartbeat...but he hadn't said anything about Hawke, Fenris, or the others. I prayed to God that I was right about Hawke, being that she was my cousin, and she would live up to her reputation as the Champion.
The door opened and Jamison poked his head back in the room, pulling me away from my negative thoughts, "The king will speak to you now."
I couldn't help but feel curious to why that prick wanted to speak to me now. I had only seen him once in the month I'd been in Starkhaven, and that was the day he had hit me.
Be careful, Kimberly, Mercy advised, and try to stay calm.
I couldn't help but wonder if Anders went through the same thing with Justice, or if they'd been together so long they just shared the same thoughts. Mercy did help me through my loneliness, but the only way I could communicate with her was through thought. I followed Jamison down to a study, where Sebastian was waiting already. I stopped at the door as the memory of him slapping me while my hands were tied the last time I'd seen him. Jamison grabbed my arm and pulled me farther into the room.
Remain calm, Mercy told me reassuringly.
I took a deep breath and kept my eyes on Sebastian, not daring to show my fear to him. He motioned for me to take a seat, and once I did, he spoke to Jamison and the other four guards in the room, "Leave us." Once the men left the room, he sat across from me, "Lady Amell, I'm sorry about the incident the last time we met." I didn't say anything, so he sighed, "I just want to know where Anders is, and I'll let you go."
"I don't know where he's at, it's been a month since I've seen him," I stated, not biting my tongue, "and even if I did, I wouldn't tell you."
"You really care for that abomination?" Sebastian smirked. "Do you really believe that he cares for you? He only cares about himself."
"He protected me," I argued. "He healed me when I was close to death, and most of all, he's my friend. So yes, I do believe that he cares about me."
That only made Sebastian's smirk grow, "Why would he protect you...he's in love with you, isn't he?"
I gawked at him, "I highly doubt that. He feels responsible for me. That's it. Besides, I'm with Fen-"
"I knew Anders for years, Lady Amell," Sebastian interrupted me. "He doesn't just protect people. Even if he does feel 'responsible' for them. Justice won't allow it."
"You're wrong," I stated stubbornly. "Anders is my friend, and you must realize that Justice would never allow Anders to think that way about me. Neither would Fenris."
"Anders would feel that way about you just to spite Fenris," Sebastian chuckled. "And Justice would allow it to spite my friend."
"If Fenris is your friend, then let me go," I tried.
Sebastian shook his head, "I can't do that. You're the cousin of Shilo Hawke and a very valuable trading piece. Also, if Anders is in love with you, I don't want to risk losing what leverage I do have over that son-of-a-bitch."
I was wondering where Sebastian was going with all this talk about Anders, but I wasn't willing to stick around to find out what that was, "Can I go now? I'm done talking to you."
Sebastian nodded, "You're free to go back to your room. Ser Jamison will escort you."
"Of course he will," I sighed as I stood and moved towards the door, wondering if Sebastian was right. Anders had taken me under his wing, taught me how to defend myself and even healed my wounds. Was it possible that he was in love with me, even though it had been clear that I was interested in Fenris? I honestly didn't think that Justice would allow such a distraction, though with Fenris in the picture, I wasn't so sure after speaking with Sebastian. It was unusual that I was relieved when I got back inside my prison, but Sebastian's presence was unsettling, and it felt good to be away from him. Why would he even suspect that Anders was in love with me? There was no way I even hinted towards anything like that. Anders was my mentor, my protector, and above all else, he was my friend. There was nothing that Sebastian Vael could say that would change any of that.
I laid down on my bed, and Ser Jamison closed the door and stood outside. I whispered to Mercy, able to do so for the first time, "I wish there was a way for me to speak to Fenris or Anders."
I know, Mercy said calmly. I know.
I was moving through a foggy realm beside a glowing woman, who I could only assume was Mercy. It took me a moment to realize where I was. I looked over at my spirit, "Is this the Fade?"
"Yes," Mercy nodded.
"Anders said that in the Fade, Justice completely takes over because they are one... you're not completely taking over," I frowned.
"I would say we are different," Mercy sighed.
"Where are we going?" I asked.
"You're going to speak to Anders in his dream," Mercy stated. "I would try Fenris' but he isn't a mage and would probably assume you were part of his dream."
"What do you mean?" I questioned. "How do we even get to a person's dream?"
"You're what mortals in Thedas call a 'Dreamer'," Mercy informed me. "All you have to do is imagine where you want to go in the Fade. You don't have to worry about demons that may be drawn to your power, because you already have me."
I frowned, "So do you live here in the Fade, or are you inside me?"
"I am inside you, but your will is strong," Mercy stated. "I am able to leave your body, but only for short periods of time. I've done so twice before in your sleep, only I can never go too far."
I nodded and took a deep breath. I envisioned myself going into Anders' dream as I somehow formed a tare inside the Fade and stepped through. At first, I didn't think that it had worked, but when I spotted Anders, my eyes widened in shock.
I stepped forward quickly while Mercy waited behind, "Please tell me you guys are coming for me, Anders."
"Kimberly?" he looked confused.
"You need to get me out of Starkhaven before Sebastian drives me to use magic and discovers what I am," I told him quickly. "I can't handle it here."
"I-" Anders started.
"You can't leave me here, Anders," I felt my voice break. "Sebastian is bent on revenge, and he thinks you're in love with me."
"Why would he think that?" after everything I'd said, that was what Anders had finally said.
"I told him you're my friend," I narrowed my eyes at him. "I told him that it's not true, because you're my friend and I'm with Fenris." When he said nothing, I frowned, "It's not true, is it?"
"I-" Anders shook his head, "I can't do this here, Kimberly."
"Where else can we do this, Anders?" I demanded impatiently. "I need you to get me the fuck out of Starkhaven, do you hear me? I don't know how much longer I can survive here."
"Hawke should be working on it," Anders said. He turned around and started to walk away from me, not giving me any real answers. I knew that it was his way of tell me our conversation was over.
"ANDERS!" I screamed as he vanished from the Fade.
My head was pounding like crazy, that must have been because I had passed out crying. The first person I saw was Jody, who was placing new dresses into the wardrobe, and I felt my stomach turn. It hadn't been a nightmare; I was truly being forced to marry Sebastian, he had taken the very choice out of my hands-but I wasn't going to do it. How could my life get any worse? My heart felt as though it was stuck in my throat, tears stung my eyes once again, and I forced myself to take deep, shaky breaths to calm down.
"Good morning, Lady Amell," Jody beamed at me. "I've drawn a bath for you, and King Sebastian would like you to join him in his study for something to eat."
I wiped my eyes, "Thank you, Jody. I'll take that bath, but would you please let the king know I won't be joining him today. Events from yesterday have made me too disgusted to eat."
Careful Kimberly, Mercy warned.
Jody frowned but nodded, "Of course, Lady Amell."
I stared a the door blankly once Jody walked out. After about twenty minutes, I gave up on watching the door, so I undressed to take my bath. The clean, hot water felt so wonderful on my dirty skin. I actually let myself relax, and as the water started to get cold, I did a small fire spell under the water to heat it up again. Once it was nice and hot like when I had started and I stopped doing the spell, Sebastian came barging into my prison, almost busting me doing magic. I had to hurry to cover the parts of my body I didn't want or need him to see.
"You will join me, now!" Sebastian barked angrily at me.
"I'm not hungry, and I'm taking a bath," I kept my eyes on the door, looking past the king I managed to piss off.
"Your bath is over," Sebastian growled.
"I just got in," I lied. "I haven't even washed-"
Sebastian whirled around to face Jody, "Once Lady Amell's bath is done and she is dressed in something suitable, I want you to have Ser Jamison escort her to my chambers so I may have a word with my future queen."
I opened my mouth to argue, but Sebastian was already gone. There was only so long that I could take my bath, and once the water turned cold again, I knew that my bath was over. Jody helped me out of the water, she grabbed a beautiful red dress that complimented my complection, she skillfully fastened the ties, and then she did up my long, copper brown hair so it looked as though I were a princess. I was surprised when Jody did my make-up. In the six months I'd been in Thedas, not once did I wear any make-up. It was clear that Jody had been doing this for a very, very long time, because she had everything completely done in under an hour.
"Ser Jamison," Jody said as she opened the door, "Lady Amell is ready to go see King Sebastian."
"Thank you, Serah Jody," Jamison smiled at the older woman. He gave me a weak smile as he motioned for me to follow him. After I got beside him, he said softly, "Just try to do as the king asks and I'm sure everything will be easier for you."
"That's all?" I frowned at the knight. "I can't marry him. I don't want to marry him. I don't love him..."
"You'll have to tell that to the King, My Lady," Jamison sighed. "I'm just giving you some advice I just thought would help you."
Listen to him, Kimberly, Mercy adviced me. There's no need to fill yourself with hate. If you need me to, I'll help you talk to Anders again.
No, not Anders, I thought, he didn't seem to care the last time I spoke with him... Fenris, he'll listen to me. Or Hawke.
Neither are even close to being a mage, Mercy pointed out. It could fuck with their minds... did I use that word in the right context?
Yes, you did, and I don't care, I thought angrily. I know that Hawke will listen to me for sure! She has to!
I just had to talk to someone, and Hawke seemed the most logical, even above Fenris. Especially since my own mentor and friend blew me off, and he would probably do the same thing. And Merrill, she was very distracting.
"We're here, Lady Amell," Jamison opened the large double doors to Sebastian's room, who wasn't in there at the moment. The knight sighed from behind me, "King Sebastian will be here shortly. I was ordered to wait here with you until he does arrive."
I wasn't surprised that Sebastian had a way larger room than me, and much nicer too, so I went to the window and looked out at the city of Starkhaven. I knew that it was unlikely, but I wondered if Hawke and everyone else were out there somewhere. Probably not, but it was a comforting thought, thought I knew that they were searching for Amelia Amell. Did they find the Hero of Ferelden? Where they in Ferelden? I hoped that they weren't, because that would mean they were on the other side of the Waking Sea.
"You can leave us, Ser Jamison," Sebastian sighed as he came into his room. I heard the door close, and I took a deep breath before I turned around. Sebastian froze, a look of shock covered his face, "You clean up nicely, Lady Amell."
"I am no 'Lady'," I moved closer to the window when I saw the same untrustworthy look in his eyes that had been in Fenris' when he looked at me. "I'm not even close to nobility. My mother never even told me who my father is."
"That's very easy to fix," Sebastian seemed to ignore what I had said. "Not that it matters any, I could care less if you're not a noble."
I wanted to blurt out that I was a mage, but I knew that was a oneway ticket to Tranquility. I quickly looked out the window before I could get myself into any unwanted trouble. I could hear him moving closer to me, so I pleaded in a soft whisper, "Stop, please."
His hand caressed the light scar on my cheak, "What's this from?"
I pulled away from his reach, "A drunk tried to...take advantage of me..."
"He 'tried'?" Sebastian frowned.
"I pulled a dagger on him and slit his throat," I pulled the words from the life my friends had created for me. "He gave me a cut before I did though."
"You're very beautiful," Sebastian's voice was soft as he changed the subject. The man doens't even know the real me! He would think me an abomination if he knew the truth. "You do realize I haven't been with a woman in many, many years, don't you?"
I nodded, "Varric told me about your...vows. He told me about you in exchange for a story. I owe him so many stories it's unbelievable."
"Then you know I'm not a bad man," he said gently.
"Vengance can change anybody," I couldn't move any farther away from the king, unless I jumped out the window, so I turned so I didn't have to look at him. "If you were the same man, we wouldn't be having this talk."
"If Hawke would have ended Anders, we wouldn't even be here," Sebastian kept his voice calm. "If you knew me, you'd understand why I'm doing what I've been doing."
"I think it's wrong," I turned around to face him. He was now in my personal space, so I moved into the room and started to back up again, "You're hunting your own friends just so you can have your revenge. You're trying to get me to betray my friends, when I know nothing about where they're at, and I told you that before that I wouldn't tell you if I did know. You believe Anders is in love with me when you have no proff, only a girl who has told you over and over that I am with Fenris."
"That's one reason," Sebastian sighed.
"I don't care what your reasons are, I don't want to marry you," I glared at him.
"If you'd prefer, I could always give you to my men," his voice was calm as he said this.
"No!" escaped my lips as I cringed and shook my head. There was no way I was going to be passed around like some whore, and I suspected that Sebastian knew I'd choose marriage to him over being his royal guards' whore. This made me hate him even more than I already did.
"You'll be seeing me at least once every other day," Sebastian grinned at me, "and I'm sure one day, you will learn to love me."
I highly doubted that, and I cringed inwardly as he leaned forward to place a light kiss on my forhead. I wanted to cry again, but I remained strong. I had to find a way into Hawke's dream. I had to let Hawke know that Sebastian wanted to marry me and they had to come save me. I was forced to spend several more hours with Sebastian, holding in how I really felt, knowing that he could do anything he wanted because he was king. By the time I got back to my room, it was late, and I just wanted to sleep.
It was easy to enter Hawke's dream, she was dreaming about a farm, I was assuming that it was the one in Lothering that the darkspawn had destroyed during the beginning of the Blight in Ferelden. She noticed me almost immediately and frowned, "Kimberly? Andraste's blood, what are you doing here?"
"Mercy said I was a 'Dreamer'," I said quickly. "Please, listen to me. You have to get me out of Starkhaven...your old friend Sebastian is forcing me to marry him in little under two months."
"You're a mage-an apostate, a known companion of mine, and as far as every one knows, my cousin," Hawke frowned. "Besides, Sebastian is probably bluffing. He would never-"
"He believes that Anders is in love with me," I sighd. "I told him that it wasn't true, that I'm with Fenris, but he doesn't believe me about Anders. Plus, he doesn't know what I am. Mercy has limited my usage of magic. He's bent on getting his revenge in any form he can get it. Please, I need to get the fuck out of here."
"Why would-" Hawke started but shook her head. "Maker help us, Sebastian may be better than we thought. Anders hasn't been acting right for the last week."
"I just found out yesterday, I talked to him last week how I'm talking to you," I frowned. "That motherfucker didn't tell you, did he? Will you help me?"
"I'll do what I can. Though, I can't make any promises right now," Hawke hugged me. "What have you told Sebastian?"
"That my name is Kimberly Amell, the story Isabela came up with for my scar," I sighed, "and that I'm a bastard."
"You told Sebastian that you're a bastard?" Hawke looked amused.
"It didn't discourage him any," I looked up at the strange sky of the Fade and took a deep breath. "It only seemed to encourage him, and he almost caught me using magic..."
"Don't worry, Kimberly," Hawke grinned at me before she vanished.
I smiled and returned to Mercy, "That went better than you thought it would."
"Let's hope they get here before your wedding," Mercy sighed.
"It doesn't matter now, I'm not marrying Sebastian," I sighed.
For the first time in over a month, I woke-up in a pleasent mood, actually ready for the day, and ready to face my soon to be ex-betrothed. Whatever plan that Hawke came up with, I prayed to God that it was a good one. That was when I realized that they could be anywhere in Thedas, and I still had no idea where they were at.
Don't worry about it, Mercy told me. Trust Hawke and do your part by keeping yourself safe.
The only way to fully do that was to do as Jamison had adviced me yesterday-by doing what King Sebastian asked of me. The thought wasn't comforting, but I knew it was true. Jody came in and helped me get ready for the day, skillfully doing my hair and make-up after chosing out a pale blue dress that had small saphires at the waistline, neckline, and the hems of the skirt and sleeves. She placed small jems into my hair, and I was sure she was overdoing it. At least for me she was, though when she was finished, I was in shock when I saw my reflection in the mirror. I could barely recognize myself. As beautiful as I was with jewel-sprinkled ringletts on the top of my head and make-up that made my dark eyes stand out, I tried not to like it.
Once again, I was escorted to Sebastian's chambers by Jamison, where the king was already waiting for me to arrive. I took a seat in the chair beside the window, and then I looked up at Sebastian with a frown because he was gawking at me, "Why are you looking at me like that?"
"I-" Sebastian cleared his throat and looked away from me. "Where are you from, Lady Amell?"
"Ferelden," I looked out the window.
"Where in Ferelden?" Sebastian leaned against the wall.
"I traveled a lot. My family never stayed in one place for so long," I sighed.
"Did you know Hawke while you were in Ferelden?" Sebastian asked.
I shook my head, not feeling the least bit guilty lying to the bastard, "I lost everything during the Blight. My mother-" I let my voice break as though the memory was too painful, having been around Isabela and Varric so much, it was easier than I thought, "my sister, and my brothers...all taken from me by the damned darkspawn."
"How did you outrun the Blight?" Sebastian frowned as though he really cared.
"I barely made it to Denerim, after I got there, news came that the horde was heading to the capital, so I snuck onto a ship and hid," I stated, I'd told the story only once before, to Gamlen, but I was greatful that Varric had drilled everything into my head, otherwise I would be stuck.
"And you remained hidded the entire time?" Sebastian asked.
I looked at him, "Why do you want to know all of this? What's your game?"
"My game?" Sebastian shook his head. "I just want to get to know you, Lady Amell."
I looked back out the window and felt a small smile play on my lips as I recalled Isabela's story for me getting out of Ferelden, "The captain discovered me about halfway to Antiva, and because she found me...likeable, Captain Isabela let me stay aboard the Siren's Call. She also taught me how to duel like her."
There was surprise in Sebastian's voice, "Hawke's Isabela?"
I nodded, not looking at him, "Yes, my cousin's Isabela."
Sebastian seemed to think that I was opening up to him by the way he sat across from me on the window ledge, I prayed to God that he believed what I was saying, though I was sure that he did, "And once you reached Antiva?"
"I tried to make a new life for myself," I sighed. "But every other person I saw was a slave, I couldn't handle it, so I spent two years saving up what coin I could til I could leave to Tevinter. I had heard that another Amell was in Tevinter, the Hero of Ferelden, so I made it my mission to track down my cousins..." When Sebastian made no move to interupt my "life" story, I chose to continue, "I got a job working in the market, that was when the man attacked me trying to rob the stall...among other things. It took me a while to realize that I had traded one situation for a more uncomfortable one. I feared becoming a slave, of losing my freedom, so I used what coin I had to travel here, to the Free Marches. I found out that there was another Amell who went by the name 'Hawke', so I set out to find her."
"Did you find Hawke in Kirkwall, I don't remember her ever mentioning you," Sebastian frowned.
Now I was winging it, "Maker no." I was sure to use the Thedas term for God. "I discovered that a civil war had started, so I took off. I lost my footing on a cliff six months ago and landed at Anders' feet. He healed me from the edge of death, and then I met Hawke."
"You've only known Hawke for six months?" Sebastian looked confused, he must have thought that I'd been with Hawke and her companions for longer than that.
"That's right," I nodded. "I only got five months with her..." I took a breath and finally looked at the king, "Is there anything else you'd like to know?"
"I know that magic runs in the Amell bloodline," Sebastian stated bluntly, then asked. "Were any of your siblings mages?"
That took me by surprise, but I was relieved that he didn't ask if I was a mage, "My mother. She was an apostate. My sister and brother, they were normal."
"You sound like you miss them," Sebastian sighed.
I frowned at him, "Of course I miss them. I would do anything to get any one of them back, but like everything else that I've ever cared about, they were taken from me."
"A lot like Hawke," Sebastian placed his hand on mine and offered a small smile, "Thank you for sharing so much with me, Lady Amell. Now, is there anything you'd like to know about me?"
"Why marry someone who could very likely give you children who are mages?" I asked, trying to keep my voice even.
"Hawke was my friend once," Sebastian stated. "She is my friend, and you're pretty much the last of her family. As soon as my men told me who you were, I wanted to at least keep one Amell close and safe, given the fact that Hawke has a tendency to lose her family. The fact that you may give me children who are mages doesn't bother me, I have no problem with mages, only Anders. I'm giving you the chance to be able to live your life safely and without the threat of the abomination."
I bit down on my tongue, I could tell he was lying about the last bit, though I was unsure about the mage part-there were only two really good liars that I knew of, and they were Varric and Isabela. I'd also played enough Wicked Grace and Diamondback with the two of them to tell when a bad liar was lying out of their asses. I forced a smile at Sebastian, but didn't say anything regarding his answer to my question, trying to keep in mind that Hawke wasn't going to let me just rot away in Starkhaven as Sebastian's wife. I spent the rest of the day with Sebastian, up until I could no longer stand the sight of him and came up with an excuse to go back to my room. One would think that he'd have better things to do with his time, given the fact that he was king. By the time I reached my room and got cleaned up, I was sick to my stomach with loathing.
"I'm sorry, Mercy," I breathed out.
You didn't act upon your hatred, Mercy stated. Your anger towards one man won't change me.
"I really hope it won't," I sighed.
