Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you wanna cry
It started with the perfect kiss then
We could feel the poison set in
"Perfect" couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so
I love you enough to let you go
I want you to know
It doesn't matter where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone
Kelly Clarkson – Already Gone
Abby wasn't entirely sure how she had made it back to her apartment. It was almost as if she had been sleepwalking and woke the moment her eyes hit the number on her apartment door. Taking a deep breath, she unlocked the door and stepped into the room, silently closing the door behind her. She turned around and frowned as she took in the state of her apartment. It was clean. Everything had been put away, dishes had been washed, and food had been cleared.
"I wasn't sure you were going to come home," a voice said from behind her.
Abby sighed and turned around to look at Danny. He stood up from his position on the couch and took a tentative step towards her before stopping, his hands in his pockets.
"I know you told me to leave, but…" he trailed off, his frustration clear as he pulled off his glasses and rubbed a hand over his face and up into his hair.
"It's okay…" Abby walked towards him. "We should probably talk anyway," she said as she stepped up in front of him. Danny slid his glasses back on and it took everything in him not to pull her into his arms. Instead, he gestured towards the couch and followed behind her as she took a seat. They sat like that for what seemed like an eternity before Abby finally figured out what she wanted to say to him.
"I went to see Lindsay tonight," she said quietly, her eyes staring out the window at the lights of the city.
"You did?" Danny was immediately worried about what she might have done.
"Don't sound so shocked or fearful," she said looking at him, "I didn't do anything rash," she looked back outside. "I just wanted to talk to her."
"I wasn't…" he trailed off when she looked at him, her eyebrow raised. "Okay…I'll admit the idea of you and Lindsay in the same room scares the shit out of me." He looked at her shocked when she let out a quiet laugh.
"Well, it's nice to know that you think I could do some damage if not take her," Abby smiled slightly before it quickly faded away. "Danny…" she started, her voice fading. "I don't know what to say."
"Where do we go from here?" he asked, looking at the floor.
"I don't think I can answer that Danny. It has to be what you want," she shook her head in an attempt to fight off the impending tears. "I understand what happened with you and Lindsay, and honestly I…It hurt like hell Danny…" she wiped a tear away, "but then I realized that I had no claim over you. We weren't anything more than a new fling to one another at that moment in time."
"I am still sorry for everything," Danny placed his elbows on his knees, his head in his hands.
"Danny…" she hesitantly reached out and placed her hand on his shoulder. She continued once he looked up at her. "Danny…I forgive you even though I don't really have anything to forgive. I know it's what you need to hear regardless of that," she moved closer to him. "You are a good man Danny, and although it's not the situation I would have chosen to be placed in, you need to make a choice and I need to be honest with you," she felt the tears roll down her cheeks as she sucked in a breath.
Danny reached out to brush away the moisture from her cheeks and he felt his eyes tear up in spite of himself. He had never wished to be placed into this situation. He had never wanted to hurt her, or Lindsay for that matter, and yet he had. A tear spilled out over his eyelid and slid like a conspirator down his cheek. Abby leaned into the palm of his hand briefly before leaning forward to place her forehead against his, her eyes closing.
"I know that you need to be there for Lindsay and the baby. I know that they will forever be a part of your life and I…,"she whispered before taking a deep breath. "I don't think I can handle that right now. I know it may seem selfish of me, but I don't think I can watch another woman carry your baby…I love you Danny….and it is because I love you I am letting you go. You need to be in their lives…" she broke down into sobs, pulling away from Danny and burying her face in her hands.
Danny reached out and gently pulled her hands away from her face. Reaching out he brushed a strand of hair that had fallen lose away from her forehead and ran his hand gently down the side of her face from her temple to her chin. Sliding his fingers under her chin, he leaned in and captured her mouth with his own. He could feel her stiffen slightly before she relaxed and leaned into him, her mouth opening under his, her tongue seeking out his own. He could taste the mixture of salt from both of their tears and as he heard himself moan, he pulled her body closer to his own, his hands moving to release her hair from the band holding it captive. He tossed the hair band to the floor and plunged his hands into her hair, grabbing it gently and tugging her head back to give him access to her throat. She reached for him and tugged his shirt over his head, whimpering when his lips were forced to leave her skin briefly. When her hands worked their way down to his belt buckle he stood quickly, picked her up and carried her into the bedroom.
He set her gently on the bed before divesting himself of his undershirt, his shoes, socks, and belt. He watched as she pulled the sweatshirt over her head and his mouth went dry as her body became fully on display for him. He knelt down in front of her, slid off her shoes and began to run his hands up the length of her legs before unbuttoning her jeans and sliding them down her hips and legs, pulling them quickly off her body. She moved further onto the bed, pulling the blankets back with her. Danny climbed up onto the bed and sat still as she pulled off his glasses and dog tags, setting them gently onto the bedside table. She pulled off his boxers and sighed as he laid her back onto the pillows, his body coming to rest fully on top of hers. He continued to kiss and tease her skin with soft, gentle touches, torturing her by denying her the one thing she wanted the most. When he finally gave into her, her mind went completely blank and she lost herself to him.
Abby woke up the next morning as the light of the sun hit her fully in the face. Groaning she rolled over and slowly opened her eyes to look at her alarm clock. She frowned at the little machine's numbers and rolled over expecting to see Danny lying in bed beside her. Finding his side of the bed empty and cold, she sat up confused as the previous evening's events came back to her. She ran her hands through her hair, grimacing as several tangled knots stopped her. A white piece of paper on the other pillow caught her attention and she stared at it for several moments, afraid of what she was going to read. She picked the paper up and was surprised to see Danny's dog tags underneath it. She clutched them in her hand as she began to read the note.
My dearest Abigail,
I never thought that I would ever be writing you a letter like this and yet it is as if my worst nightmare has come true and here I am. I am watching you sleep right now and it is taking everything in me to not climb back into bed with you and forget this day ever happened.
I never meant to hurt you and I hope that someday you will believe me when I say I'm sorry. I know that you say you don't blame me for what has happened, but I know that I messed up a good thing and now I have to deal with the consequences.
I want to thank you for giving me the best four months of my life and although our time together was short, I will always love you and if you need me, I will always be there. I understand now that we could have been something great together. I will miss you desperately.
I know that you will move on. You deserve someone who will completely recognize how wonderful you are immediately and will be able to make you completely happy. You are an incredibly intelligent, caring, loving woman who I am thankful I had the pleasure and opportunity to know. You will do wonderful things in this world Abby, truly wonderful things.
I respect you completely and I understand your feelings on this whole mess I have gotten us into. Because of this, I will let you go. I won't try to keep you in my life in order to make myself feel better when I know that the entire time you will be hurting. I love you Abby that will never change. For a brief moment in time, you were my world and for once, that world was great.
I know this is a lame symbol of my affection, but I want you to keep the dog tags. I can't think of a time I haven't worn them. They were my grandfather's from WWII. I want you to have them, either to focus your hat e on or to remember me by.
I love you Abigail Payne, don't ever forget that. Please.
Love always,
Danny
Abby, held the dog tags to her heart for a moment before sliding them on over her head. She stood up, walked over to her dresser, and folding the letter gently, she placed inside of her memory box. She looked into her mirror and watched a tear roll down her cheek. After a moment she wiped it away, closed the box and turned to walk into her bathroom. She sat down on the edge of the bathtub and began to brush her hair gently.
She looked around the room, her eyes taking in everything in the room. All of Danny's things had been removed. The only trace of him, the dog tags around her neck. The only thing she could think of was that she wasn't sure she would be able to stay here. While the memories would fade, she wasn't sure she could handle the amount of time it would take. As she turned on the shower and stepped under the water, she decided that she should start looking for a new place to live.
Three Days Later
"We have a fitness room, children's playroom, and a roof deck for you to use. The apartment we are going to look at includes a terrace that is approximately 120 sq. ft. with views to the west and north. The apartment has two bedrooms, two full bathrooms, a laundry room, and a walk-in closet," the sales woman at the Georgica was leading the way to the elevators at the back of the lobby. Abby looked around the new building happy with how light it looked even if construction workers were still completing the final touches. Abby stepped into the elevator with Don and watched as the woman pressed the button for the twelfth floor.
"We will be looking at unit 12B today," she stated as the elevator doors opened. She walked to the door and unlocking it gestured for Abby and Don to enter. "Go ahead and take a look around, let me know if you have any questions."
Abby looked around the foyer with a smile, there was a large closet to her left and a well-appointed bathroom with marble floors and counters to her right. She continued her journey into the apartment silent as she took in the floor to ceiling windows, the wood floors, beautiful kitchen, and stunning views. She stopped and turned to look at Don as he let out a low whistle.
"Three of my apartments could fit in this one Abby," he said as he looked around the room. Abby looked up at his face and laughed.
"Yeah, well, not everyone lives in a shoebox Flack," she said walking out onto the terrace.
"Touché, Abby, touché," Don replied following her out. He leaned back on the railing and looked at her. "Are you sure you want to do this? I mean, it's only been a few days. Aren't you afraid that you are acting purely on emotion?"
"I'm sure," She sighed and leaned on the banister to look out over the city towards the park. "And I know that I am acting on emotion, but…" she faded out for a bit. "I just….I just need a change, and I've been wanting to buy a place here. The market has lowered significantly, so why not?"
"How do you even begin to afford a place like this?" Don asked as he stepped next to her.
"I have a fairly substantial inheritance from my grandfather. I was just holding on to it, but…it would do better in real estate than in the bank. Especially here in New York," she looked at him out of the corner of her eye. "Plus I could always get a roommate. You know," she smiled, "you could move in here with me. We could look at a three bedroom if you want." She laughed at the look on Don's face. "Think about it. We could get Maggie and we could all live together. It would be great!"
"Abby, really…come on. You're being ridiculous. There's no way that I could afford to pay anywhere near a third of the cost to live here." Don turned to walk back into the apartment. "Besides, I already have a place."
"Yeah…a self-proclaimed shit hole Don. Besides, I would never expect you to pay that much in rent. I told you," she tugged on his arm to get him to turn around, "I have enough money to pay for this. I'll probably get a small mortgage for the tax write-off and be happy with it. I wouldn't expect you or Maggie to pay me…" she raised a hand to cut off his protest, "but I know that you wouldn't be happy otherwise. Therefore, we make a compromise. What do you pay now in rent?"
"Twenty-one hundred," Don said with a sigh.
"Really?" she wrinkled her nose. "For that…" she trailed off. "Sorry," Don laughed quietly. "How about we get a place and you pay me like, I don't know…fifteen hundred?" She watched as Don contemplated the six hundred dollar reduction in rent for a 99% increase in living conditions. "Don't say anything yet, let's go look at a four bedroom. I know Maggie won't say no…she's struggling as is."
"Abby, I don't want to be your charity case," Don said with a tinge of anger and hurt in his voice.
"Don," she placed her hands on his forearms, "I don't think of you as a charity case. I think of you as a best friend that I want to be around more. I see you as a big, strong detective who can be my security system. I see you as my fourth brother and…" she stepped back from him. "I need people around me right now. You need a new place, admit it. This is a win-win situation."
Don looked at her, understanding the pain she was in and relented. "Fine, but I don't want you all bitchin' when I have a girl here."
Abby smiled as she began her search for the sales woman, "Just leave a tie on the door knob…and we'll make sure to put you at the back of the apartment, away from everyone else."
"So what do you think?" the sales woman asked as they came into view.
"I'd like to see a four bedroom if possible," Abby stated and watched as the woman's face lit up with glee.
Don walked into the station later that day and was surprised to see Danny sitting at his desk. He walked towards his friend unsure of how this was all going to play out. Being in the center of two people he cared deeply for was a struggle.
"Hey man, I didn't think you worked today," Don said as he reached his desk.
"I don't, I just wanted to talk to you," Danny stood and relinquished the chair back to Don. "That chair sucks man."
"Yeah, well, unlike you, I don't sit on my ass all day long, I actually work for a living so I could care less about the damn chair," he clapped Danny on the shoulder as he took a seat.
"Funny, Flack, you been working on your comedy routine long?"
"Save it just for you Messer, just for you," he pulled off his side arm and placed it in the drawer of his desk, locking it and sliding the key into his pocket. "What's up?"
"I was just wondering if you had talked to Abby at all in the last couple of days." Danny pulled another chair up and sat across from Don. Don sighed.
"Yeah, actually I just was with her."
"Oh yeah?" Danny picked up a paperclip and started playing with it.
"Yeah…" Don looked at Danny and sighed, "She's moving."
Danny looked up quickly, shock and concern on his face. "What? Not back to Colorado is she?"
"No, nothing like that," Don stated. "She's buying a place at that new building, the Georgica, on 2nd and 85th. I went with her to look at the apartment." Don played with the corner of a pad of paper unsure how to tell Danny the next part. "She's gonna have Maggie move in with her and she was wanting another roommate maybe."
"Oh? Who else was she thinking?" Danny knew he was digging for information, but he was lost not knowing what she was doing.
"Me…" Don trailed off and looked at Danny.
"You?" Danny looked at Don incredulously. "You've already got a place…You and her? You're not…" Danny trailed off.
"What? No!" Don stated quickly. "I never…no. It's just a roommate deal. My place isn't the greatest and she's offering me a reduction in rent and an awesome place to live so…" he leaned back in his chair. "I haven't said yes or no yet really."
"You should," Danny said, relief evident in his voice. "At least I would…" he stopped short.
"Be able to keep tabs on her through me?" Don wanted to laugh at the guilt that worked its way onto Danny's face. "Messer, I'm not going to be your lackey. I know it sucks that you two broke up, but…" he trailed off before deciding it needed to be said. "You made your choice man, and you made the honorable one, but pining over Abby isn't going to make things better and it's not going to make your relationship with Lindsay any easier. You've gotta let it go man," Don said standing and clapping Danny on the shoulder.
"Yeah, you're right…" he stood up, "I just…It's gonna take some time,"
"I know, just focus on that baby that's coming. You know the due date yet?" Don knew he needed to distract Danny and he figured although related, the baby was the best way to do that.
A/N: Well....two chapters in less than forever lol. I was on a roll and I already have chapter nine started.
Thank you for all of the wonderful reviews! As I have said before, I truly appreciate them! Please continue! And to those of you who added me to your alerts? It is greatly appreciated as well!
I am fairly happy with this chapter and I hope you all like it as well. I think that there will definitely be some angst in the future chapters so, be prepared, it won't all be lovey dovey right away
Again, please review and let me know what you think!
If you would like to look at the Georgica (which is a real building), you can go to their web site at georgicalife .com
It is like 3:30 a.m. so I need to go to bed, but I will work on the next chapter and try to get it out quickly
Thank you again!
