Chapter Eight
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"Anna… Anna… Anna…"
"Hmmmmmm?"
"Are you awake?"
"No."
Anna's voice came muffled from the pillow her face was buried on. Taking advantage of Anna's position, Elsa began to place little kisses on her back. Anna squirmed, and moaned sweetly. Elsa grinned, and then she began nipping the skin.
"Elsaaaaa."
"Oh, come on. The sky's awake!" Her trail of kisses went up to Anna's ear. "Don't you want to play?" She took her earlobe between her lips.
Finally, Anna turned around to face her. Looking at Elsa wasn't something you could ever be prepared for. There was too much beauty, too much charm, too much light. Anna loved knowing that no one else had ever seen Elsa like that, no one had seen her silvery hair fall freely down her face and her flawless body, no one had seen the way she grabbed the sheets when she reached the peak of her pleasure, a pleasure Anna herself had given her. Likewise, every time Elsa looked at Anna she had trouble believing someone could be so perfect. Everything from the untameable red hair to the freckles on her shoulders, breasts, and thighs was a masterpiece from the gods. The amount of love that shone in Anna's eyes made her perfect little face glow. Elsa adored her.
"Come and kiss me," the redhead demanded.
The Queen was only too happy to obey, and promptly claimed Anna's mouth with her own. Elsa's tongue was gentle but demanding. Anna's lips were addictive. Elsa wanted more. Her hand travelled over Anna's body, stopping to cup her breast.
Anna giggled. "Remember how shy you used to be about these things? You cried the first time we kissed."
"I remember. I thought I was doing the most despicable thing and that I would corrupt what we had just begun to build. But you cried, too."
"Yes I did. You wouldn't let me touch you afterwards, not even talk to you. I thought you'd realized it was a mistake and would never be with me again. I loved you, and I feared you would now leave me for good." She sighed. "All the stuff we did to hurt ourselves and run away from happiness. We're such stinkers."
Elsa stroked Anna's face and played with her hair for a while. Then an idea occurred to her.
"Come on, Anna, get up."
"No." Anna pulled the covers over her head.
"Anna!"
"You kept me awake all night," she groaned, "and you just woke me up again. I need time to recover."
"But I want to go out with you. I want to go to town. You know, talk to the people, buy you a pie. We can go up to the hills and have a picnic."
Anna uncovered herself. "Are you serious?"
"Yes. I'm serious. I want to be with you." Elsa tilted Anna's head up and kissed her. "Today is an Anna day." She kissed her again. "That is, if Anna decides to get up, put some clothes on, and meet me downstairs before ten. We'll have breakfast and then we'll leave."
Anna giggled. "Well, you should put on some clothes, too."
Elsa playfully smacked Anna's bottom and got up. She ran back to her room and threw on the first dress she saw. The idea of spending the whole day with Anna excited her to no end –they would go everywhere and do all sorts of funny things. Elsa loved to pamper her, and lived for these rare moments of joy.
On her way down the corridor she met Jørgen. Memories hit her like cold water and a blush crept up her face. Elsa had no idea of what to say.
"Good morning, Elsa," he greeted. There didn't seem to be any emotion in his voice.
"Oh, hi. You're a morning person."
"Yes. There's always a lot to do and I prefer to get started early."
"So do I."
Elsa felt terribly uncomfortable in his presence. The events from the night before brought a sensation of guilt that made her feel she was the worst person in the world. He had been very chivalrous and considerate with her, and what had she done? She had gone and slept with her sister. She had left Anna's bed and Anna's embrace just minutes ago. And she couldn't even regret it. He doesn't deserve what I'm doing. He's good. But I cannot leave Anna, I just can't.
Before they reached the dining hall Elsa stopped. She pulled him into the nearest room to avoid being overheard.
"Um, Jørgen?"
"Yes?"
"I wanted to thank you. For… last night. You know. Just… thanks. I didn't think you would stop." Her voice was barely more than a whisper, and she didn't meet his eyes.
"Elsa, I'm no rapist. I could tell that you really didn't want to be with me, and how could I have forced you?"
For a moment Elsa said nothing. What could she say? She felt so ashamed. "Thank you," she mumbled again. "I'm so sorry. You deserve better than me."
Jørgen stroked her hair. His eyes were telling her something she could not quite understand. Carefully, he leaned forward. He kissed her right on the corner of her lips. His kiss lingered. Elsa closed her eyes. There was warmth. And then it was as if it had never happened.
"We'll be late," he said, and headed out of the room.
To their surprise, they were awaited. Half of Elsa's Council was expecting them in the dining hall. Elsa sighed in defeat at the sight of them.
The Counsellors wasted no time. "Your Majesty, Your Grace. How good to see you already up. We trust everything went well last night?"
Elsa raised an eyebrow. The nerve of these men! Maybe I'll tell them just how well it went last night.
Jørgen looked at the Counsellors. "Do you want all the details, milords? Maybe we should bring you to our chambers tonight."
Elsa couldn't help a giggle. When she saw the expressions on the Counsellors' faces she quickly recomposed herself.
"Anyway… Ahem, to what do I owe the pleasure of your visit at this early hour?"
"Your Majesty, we have received letters from the Southern Isles and the Duchy of Weselton. They're seeking to resume their trading partnership with Arendelle."
Elsa all but slammed her cup on the table. "Absolutely not."
"Your Majesty, if I may. Our trade with these nations is rather important, and imports and exports in Arendelle have suffered since it ended."
"They would have suffered more if the Queen and Princess of Arendelle were dead, like Prince Hans of the Southern Isles and the Duke of Weselton intended. I won't be making any deals with the men who tried to murder me and my sister."
Jørgen turned sharply to her. He knew the essentials of the conflict in Arendelle the year before, but this assassination plot was news to him.
"That's the next part of the news, Your Majesty. The Duke of Weselton has passed away."
Elsa stopped, shocked. "Is that so? How did it happen?"
"Well, ma'am, it seems that one of the men who accompanied the Duke in his trip to Arendelle last year was his natural son."
"Weaseltown had a bastard son?" Jørgen exclaimed, surprised. "That's news. Can't imagine anyone who would do him the favour."
Elsa would have liked to laugh, but the sound died before reaching her lips. Images of those men who attacked her in the palace had been haunting her for a whole year.
"It seems that after the episode in the North Mountain, given that these men so tragically perished -a very unfortunate accident, no doubt-, the Duke could not recover from the loss. His health hadn't been the best since then."
The whole of Weselton will hold that against me, Elsa thought, and they will be right. What can I do?
Elsa pushed the thoughts away before they could get her in front of the men. "We'll have to send official condolences. But the Duke's death does not mean we'll resume trading negotiations. The simple fact that Weselton and the Isles have approached us with the same offer at the same time is suspicious enough. Any relations with the Isles are completely unthinkable, and therefore so are relations with Weselton."
"But, Your Majesty-"
"Please don't insist. I will not change my mind. Now, please send the condolences to the Duchy. We shall talk no more about the subject."
"Elsa!" a chirpy voice exclaimed. Anna had arrived, fully clothed and dignified-looking.
She immediately noticed the heavy mood. "What's the matter? Why is everyone so serious?"
Elsa quickly informed Anna of the request they had received. She was even angrier at the idea.
"We are not negotiating with the Isles. It's not even an option." Hans' betrayal, the coward way he had hurt her, and the image of his sword hanging over Elsa were seared into her mind. It hurt too much.
"Your Highness, we cannot let personal sentimentalisms get in the way of-"
"'Personal sentimentalisms'?" Anna spat. "Didn't you see what Prince Hans tried to do? We'd be dead! Or… maybe that's what you wanted. Maybe you want to give the Isles another shot at us. Is that the truth?"
The Counsellors blushed and stammered. "Ma'am, what you're saying is… we would never, ever suggest such a thing…"
"That's exactly what you are suggesting, milords. And it's repulsive. I won't hear any more about it."
Elsa had had enough. "You heard the Princess. Anything else you wish to discuss, gentlemen? I'm going out with my sister and we probably won't be back until the evening."
Insisting would only make matters worse. Fighting both sisters was a dangerous sport that needed time and skill. Huffing and scoffing, the Counsellors left.
"Gods, I hate them," growled Anna as she munched on a piece of toast. "There has to be a way to get rid of them. Seriously, Elsa. I just hate them so much." She finished her toast with an angry mouthful. "Well, I'll go get the horses ready."
"Anna, have some proper breakfast first."
"We'll eat something over there. Don't worry, I've got everything under control!" Before Elsa could say anything, Anna had disappeared.
Jørgen waited until they were alone to turn to her.
"You're leaving?"
"Yes. Anna and I are going to check on the people, see how they are doing and what they need."
"Is it necessary?"
"What do you mean? Of course it is. I need to make sure everything's going well."
"Elsa, but…"
"What?"
"We got married yesterday."
"So?"
"Can't it wait? You can go see them any other time. Stay with me."
"What for?"
"Gods, Elsa! Can't I want to spend some time with my wife? We barely know each other, have you realized? And we're married. How can we make it work if you run away from me first chance you have?"
"Jørgen, I'm not running away. This is something I do quite often. It's not against you. Don't exaggerate."
"Elsa-"
"I'll be back soon."
"Fine," he said sharply. "Go."
"Don't say it like that. I simply-"
"Go. Just go. Let me know when you decide to come back."
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Elsa tried to push the argument with Jørgen to the back of her mind and joined Anna. They rode into town, just the two of them: when they went out together they never had an escort of any kind. It wasn't just that they wanted privacy; they also didn't want to look so pretentious in the eyes of the Arendellers. The girls knew they were safe with them and saw no need to show off. And in any case, should anything happen, they had Elsa's powers. Arendelle did truly love them. As they passed, people approached them with petitions, comments, warm words, offers.
"Queen Elsa, Princess Anna, may the gods bless you and keep you safe, dearest girls." And they would accept the old lady's flowers.
"Your Highness, would you like to look at this year's harvest?" And Anna would be shown the beautiful crops farmers had produced.
"Your Majesty, will you give your blessing to my child?" And Elsa would hold the baby in her arms and place her hand on its head.
It took them around an hour to make their way to the main square. By then, people had gathered to have a good look at them. To Anna's delight, they soon stopped at a bakery. The look in the owner's eyes when he saw the Queen and Princess walk in was priceless.
"Good morning, ser," began Elsa, "I would like to buy a pie for my sister."
"I-I would be honoured. What kind would Her Highness prefer?"
"Blueberry!"
"This one just came out of the oven. I trust Your Highness will enjoy it." The baker placed a steaming blueberry pie in Anna's hands.
She took a bite with utter happiness. "Elsa, this is delicious," she said with her mouth full. "You should totally try it."
Elsa rolled her eyes at Anna's display of cuteness. "How much do I owe you?" she asked the baker.
"Your Majesty, please, that is not necessary."
"Of course it is. You make your living out of this, an honest living. We cannot simply take it away."
"Your Majesty, I insist."
"So do I. And since you won't tell me the price of the pie, I guess I'll have to take a guess."
With that, Elsa reached into her pocket and deposited a coin on the counter. The gold piece was worth more than twenty times the cost of the pie, and they both knew it. The baker, at a loss for words, could only bow.
As they left, a woman who appeared to be the baker's wife ran after them and offered Elsa a bag. Anna's eyes shone with the light only cheese rolls could give.
"Your Majesty is kind and generous," the woman said. "Please take these, for the road. And this, for your lord husband," she gave Elsa another pie. "We wish you both much happiness together."
They rode away, headed for the hills. Anna guided Elsa down a road she had learnt during her trips alone from times before: it was quiet, essentially deserted, and lovely. Elsa had never been there before, and so Anna had the chance to show her all the details of the scenery for the first time. They had their promised picnic with food Anna had gathered from the castle's kitchens and the bread they'd been given at the bakery.
"We should do this more often, just the two of us," commented Anna.
"I would love to. But I don't think we can."
"You saw how much everyone loves us. Do you really believe they would be that opposed to our being together? You know, like this?"
"Yes. This isn't just any trivial stuff."
"But remember how they were when they first found out about your powers, and how they now accept them. It could be the same with this. Of course they would freak out at first, but then they'd see."
Elsa shook her head. "People are more willing to accept ice powers than two sisters who are in love."
Elsa's face had begun to darken, and Anna feared she'd be pulled into another depressive episode. Before it could happen, she remembered she'd saved part of the blueberry pie, and insisted that Elsa tried it. The Queen took a bite, and as she chewed in evident joy, a tiny drop of jam dripped from the corner of her mouth. Without a second thought, Anna licked it off.
"Anna! Gross!"
"Not gross, and you know it!"
"Ew!"
"Oh, stop it. Now, wasn't I right when I told you to try that pie? Isn't it the greatest thing ever?"
Elsa sighed in defeat. "Yes, Princess Anna, you were right, as always."
"I knew it. Let me look at you. Gods, you're so pretty." Anna squeezed Elsa's cheek.
Elsa kissed her sister's hand. "You're the prettiest. You know, Anna, sometimes I feel I would be nothing without you."
For the first time, Anna's face turned serious. "Don't ever, ever say such a thing again, okay? You are amazing, extraordinary, incredible, but because of you, and you alone. Nothing I ever said or did could keep you from being the perfect person that you are. Look at me! We're different. We have different identities. And that's exactly what makes us and what we have so special. We are both who we are as individuals, and then we are more because we have each other. That's the cool thing about us –together we're unstoppable, but we can perfectly well kick butt separately."
Elsa laughed. "You always know what to say."
"Never forget who you are, Elsie. I don't want you to think any less of yourself because of me." After a pause she added, "But I don't know what I would do without you, either."
"Really?"
"Yes," she answered, nuzzling her face against Elsa's hair. "What I do know, however, is what I will do to you…"
They'd just begun to kiss again when they heard a throat clearing.
"Ahem, ladies… you might wanna go someplace more discreet."
They jumped in terror. A tall man was standing in front of them, casting a large shadow over their bodies. Elsa was bracing for whatever she might need to do, until she heard Anna's cry.
"Kristoff! You stinker!"
Elsa breathed in relief. It was indeed Kristoff who had caught them, and he didn't seem to have brought anyone else. Thank the gods he's an antisocial like me. But sympathy didn't stop her from throwing the snowball she already had in her hand.
"Ouch! It's not my fault! I'm trying to help! Seriously girls, you should be more careful. Half the ice harvesters come this way almost every day. This time it was me, but it could have been anyone else. What would have happened then?"
Kristoff was right. They had been reckless. Any public exhibition, no matter how alone they thought they were, was immensely risky. The consequences of getting caught were too enormous to think about. Sure, after the last decree Elsa had passed homosexuality was no longer a crime, but incest and adultery still were and would probably always be. The penalties for those were… Elsa now felt so stupid about her idea. She'd argued with Jørgen and put Anna in danger, all in one move.
They gathered their stuff and rode back home with Kristoff. He dropped them at the castle and continued his way home. It made Anna really glad to know that 'home' no longer meant some dirty barn or a space beneath a tree; she and Elsa had given Kristoff a true house for him and Sven, so that they would never go through such poverty again. Kristoff's kindness could never be truly repaid, but at least this was something.
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Elsa knew she had to talk to Jørgen. The fact that they'd had their first fight on the morning after their wedding made her feel rather miserable. She didn't know exactly what she wanted the marriage to be, but it certainly wasn't that.
She took the pie the baker's wife had given her and went to the room that had been adapted as Jørgen's study. She knocked delicately before opening the door.
"Hi," she said timidly.
"Oh, you're back. How did it go?" he said without looking up.
Elsa walked up to him and placed the pie on his table. "A baker's wife gave me this for you. I hope you don't mind apple."
"That was very kind of her," he answered. He still didn't raise his eyes.
Elsa wasn't the best with people, but a year of being Queen had taught her to read their expressions and body language. What she was told hardly ever matched what she was shown. Though Jørgen's tone was polite she could sense the anger inside him. To her surprise, she realized she hated the feeling –she didn't want Jørgen to be upset with her. Or at all. It was a very sad thing to watch.
"Please don't be angry at me," she pleaded. Gods, she shouldn't have left. At least not that day, not so soon. But she'd abandoned Anna for too long and craved those moments with her.
"I'm not angry."
"Yes, you are."
Finally, he looked at her. "No, I'm not angry. I'm confused. I don't understand what is going on and what I really mean to you."
"What?"
His voice was dry. His eyes were inexpressive. He was cold as her ice. "I know you don't love me. You've made that clear. I thought you only married me because you were being pressured with that heir thing. I thought I could deal with that. But you won't even let me touch you! You should have seen yourself last night, you looked completely terrified and disgusted by the idea of being with me. And today you take the first chance you have to disappear. You know you won't get your kid if you continue doing that. Why did you marry me, then? What do you want?"
"Jørgen, I beg you, understand. This whole thing is new and strange to me. Do you have any idea how many people I talked to a year ago? I was the loneliest person ever. And all of a sudden everyone is around, and there is so much to do, and the whole world is on me. I can't handle it!"
"Then let me help you!"
"Give me time! So much is going on! I'd just managed to get out of that little place and I was already forced into a new one-"
"Forced?" he snorted. "Is that all this means to you? A forced arrangement?"
Elsa cursed herself. "I didn't mean it that way."
"Of course you did. Don't waste your time pretending with me. Just answer me this."
"Hm?"
"Why don't you want me? You've been forced into this, I get it, but that's as Queen. What about us as people? We could be so happy, if only you gave yourself the chance. What do I have, that you're so repulsed by the idea of being with me? What did I ever do to you?"
What did I ever do to you? The words echoed in Elsa's head like knives.
"I…" she stammered. "It's not that. I'm not repulsed by you. You've shown me nothing but kindness. No one had ever done that before, and it means so much. Just please, please, try to understand me. I know it's hard –I don't understand myself, either. I'm a mess. I wish I had more courage. But I don't. The blame is all mine."
Jørgen observed her. She seemed sincere. And if she didn't actually hate him her reasons had to come from another place. He couldn't contain the burning question any longer. He took her delicately in her arms.
"Elsa, I'm only going to ask you this one time, and I implore you that for once you tell me the truth. Look at me and answer: is there someone else?"
Terror shot through Elsa's body. Lying to him was a terrible thing; telling the truth wasn't an option. She cared about Anna, but she realized she cared about him, too. A confession would hurt them all, yet she didn't have the strength to lie to his face. Elsa weighed her answer carefully.
"You are the only man in my life, and I will never have any other."
And before she could break down, she ran away.
That night, Elsa slept alone. Her bed felt very empty, and cold. The extra space felt like an enormous void. And for the first time, she wasn't sure who should be filling it.
