Chapter 8:

"Honestly, I'm Fine"


A small breeze blew through the door, fluttering the fabric around her face and making the bruises more noticeable to the group of faces that swiveled in her direction. With a smile and a short pause to shut the door calmly behind her, Lucille made her way to the table to sit and rest.

She had a choice to make here: open up and tell them all the truth or make an excuse and hope they didn't press the issue. Yes, she had her excuse all prepped and ready to go when she was dreading it at home, but she honestly wasn't expecting it as soon as she walked through the door.

She chose to stick to her original plan and delivered her line with ease, as if she were practicing this moment her entire life. "It's a little embarrassing Yusuke and I'd rather not make more of a fool of myself than I already have."

"Uh huh." Yusuke squinted his eyes at her and leaned forward across the table before lidting his arm to rest his elbow in front of him and pointing his finger at her. Not knowing the power behind that single digit, Lucille simply raised her eyebrow in return but said nothing. Kurama shifted slightly in his seat before placing a hand on Yusuke's and pulling it down.

"Don't be rude, Yusuke."

Yusuke batted his hand away and continued staring, but complied and rested his palm flat on the table. "You know lady, I can smell a lie from miles away. So don't be lying to us about what happened to you." Genkai snorted from her place at the table and rolled her eyes.

Lucille smiled again but said nothing, hoping he would just let it go. Unfortunately, Yusuke is extremely stubborn and letting things go just doesn't happen for him. Not one to be ignored, Yusuke got up from his chair and walked around to where Lucille sat. With a flick of his ankle, he pulled out the empty chair beside her and sat down, resting his arm on the back of her chair. With a smile of his own, Yusuke continued to stare at her, hoping his silent intimidation would get her to open up.

"You'll only laugh if I tell you and an old woman is not meant to be laughed at. So move along."

If possible, Yusuke's smile widened and he leaned closer to her. "We can just have Hiei read your mind and get the information that way. That way you can't lie even if you tried and we'll know if we need to go put the hurt on someone."

"I'm under the impression that Hiei is more of a gentleman than that, seeing as how he saw me before all of you and chose not to mention my face."

"He doesn't have to mention shit about your face, he just needs to look and see what happened."

"He's not a dog waiting to perform tricks when asked. Honestly Yusuke, I'm fine. The only 'someone' that you're going to need to put the hurt on is my shovel at home. Now get out of my face or brush your teeth."

Across the table, Kurama choked on his drink and covered his mouth, laughter shining in his eyes. Affronted, Yusuke sat back in his chair and crossed his arms, a frown marring his features.

"A shovel, eh? Now why don't I believe that?" Lucille said nothing, sipping at the water that Yukina placed in front of her moments before. She set the glass back on the table, rotating it slowly with her fingers and watching the water ring beneath it spread. Just as Yusuke opened his mouth to start arguing again, Genkai cut him off with the soft slam of her mug on the table. He scoffed and rolled his eyes, for once taking the hint and closing his mouth, letting the issue go.

"Yeah, yeah. I guess you are pretty fragile." He stood abruptly and returned to his original place at the table, flopping into the chair like a bag of potatoes.

Eyes alight with mirth, Kurama slid his chair over and away from Yusuke as he tried and failed to discreetly smell his own breath. He glanced out of the corners of his eyes at everyone at the table before exhaling heavily into his cupped palms. When he glanced up at him again, he froze as he realized everyone was looking at him in silence. Yusuke cleared his throat and coughed a few times into his hands, attempting to conceal his original actions.

Still chuckling at Yusuke, Kurama smiled at Lucille across the table. "How was your trip in today Lucille? Did you have any issues this time?"

Lucille looked up from the larger circle of water she created on the table and smiled back, pulling her hands from the glass and back to her lap. "No no, I thankfully didn't have any issues this time. I did take a different way in though that seemed much easier and faster and avoided the long walk."

"Have you eaten yet?"

"It's been a few hours, but I'm not hungry. Though I'm off the chemo medicine, my stomach still doesn't handle food all the time and unfortunately today is not a good day." At that comment, Yukina paused on her path to the table, stood still for a moment, before turning back to the kitchen. Curious, Lucille watched her as she went, wondering if something she said had upset the young demon. Kurama's voice drew her attention away from the apparition.

"Besides the nausea, have you been feeling any better? How are your bones feeling?"

Lucille smiled again, hearing the concern for her well-being in his voice. "Better than when I was on the chemo, that's for sure. I do have bad days where I can't even get out of bed, but overall I feel better and I have a lot more energy."

"Has your body—"

"I don't think she appreciates being asked all of these personal questions about the changes she's been experiencing, Kurama." He clicked his teeth closed and glanced at Genkai before settling back into his chair. "I understand your inquiries are for the benefit of your knowledge, but sometimes an old woman just wants to be left alone while she recovers in peace."

"It's alright Genkai, he's just curious about the medical nonsense. Sometime this weekend Kurama, find me while I'm working in the garden and I'll answer all of your questions. How does that sound?"

"Yes ma'am, I apologize for being pushy. I've just never personally spoken to someone with this condition, especially one such as yours." He scratched the back of his head, looking away as a light blush graced his cheeks.

"I don't mind, honestly. But for the sake of not spoiling everyone's dinner, let's save this for another time, yeah?" As she spoke, Yukina rounded the corner with a few serving dishes of food, setting them on a table before turning back to the kitchen. Lucille lifted herself out of the chair to assist in setting up dinner, but Genkai reached over and placed a soft hand on her forearm, pulling her back down to rest in the chair with a slight shake of her head. Lucille relaxed her arms, resting herself in the chair once again. A frown settled on her face, her helpful nature not wanting to let the poor girl do all of the work on her own. Moments later, Yukina walked back to the table but this time, she went directly to Lucille. Seeing that the young demon held a tray in her hands, Lucille rushed to clear the table in front of her, confused by the gesture.

In front of her lay a tray with a bowl of soup and a plate of crackers.

"I heard you say that you weren't feeling well, and I know you're not very hungry but I hope this soup helps to settle your stomach some. If you aren't ready for it now, I can take it away and bring you some later on once your appetite is up?" Yukina seemed nervous; concerned that Lucille would turn her away and reject the offering.

"Oh honey, you are so sweet and I appreciate this so much. You know, I wasn't hungry at all until I smelled this delicious soup. I think I'll even be able to eat the entire thing!" Yukina smiled shyly and bowed, turning around to settle in her own chair.

Lucille caught Genkai's eye and they shared a silent look, both understanding what the other meant without words.

Dinner went quickly without incident and true to her word, Lucille finished her entire bowl of soup and all of the crackers that came with it. Surprisingly, her nausea eased up enough so she couldn't actually enjoy the entire meal. Though Genkai stopped her from helping Yukina bring out the food, she would not be stopped from at least helping clean up. Since she couldn't walk and carry the dishes because of her cane, Lucille stood carefully at the sink washing and drying while Yukina cleared the table.

"Thank you for your help Miss Lucille."

"Oh honey you don't have to thank me. I am more than happy to do my share of the work. Besides, it gets done faster with the two of us anyhow." Lucille smiled at her and continued her work, shifting her weight once Yukina moved to stand next to her to take over drying.


Since the evening came quickly, not helped by Lucille's late arrival to the temple, no therapeutic work would be done until the following day. Lucille agreed to meet Genkai in the inner garden in the morning and she made her way to her room.

Opening the door to her room, Lucille glanced around and smiled. No, it wasn't as large as her bedroom that she shared with David. But it was peaceful here. Anger and resentment didn't exist in her body and she could truly relax in the space that was all her own. Looking at the bed, she noticed the sheets were turned down, as if someone came in to prepare for her arrival. There was also a glass pitcher and a glass on the dresser, so she wouldn't have to travel far to ease her thirst in the middle of the night.

Tears welled in her eyes as she realized the extent they have gone to make her feel welcome and comfortable. The only thing she needed was her daughter Carrie, but asking her to come here just to make a sick woman happy while she had school to focus on was unfair. Wanting to gather some peace from her garden, Lucille made her way across the room but stopped as a sharp pain spread across her back. Stumbling slightly, she pressed her hand into the soft mattress and leaned heavily on her cane, her breath coming out in gasps. This pain was new, unlike the daily pain she was used to in her joints.

After several moments in this position, the pain eased a bit and she slowly lifted herself back to standing. It was another few moments before she was able to continue her journey out to the garden. The pain didn't return but she held tight to her cane in case it did, not wanting to fall if the pain struck her again.

In the darkness of the garden, Lucille relished the soft breeze the caressed her face and the sound of the cicadas as they buzzed in the trees. It was always a beautiful sound that she enjoyed every moment she could. It was also one she didn't hear as often as she wanted. Stepping forward, she eased herself onto the top step of the stairs and relaxed, breathing in the calm that filled the silence and her heart.

A pair of sharp red eyes appeared in the trees across the clearing, drawing her attention away from the sway of the branches as the wind flowed through. The eyes made their way closer, but Lucille was not scared. They were familiar to her now.

As Hiei drew near, Lucille smiled and shifted on the step, moving over to create space for Hiei. He paused at the bottom of the steps before taking the silent offer.

"I sensed your fear."

Surprised, Lucille looked at him but he simply glanced at her out of the corner of his eyes.

"And your pain." He looked away at that, but Lucille did not.

"Yes, there was fear and pain. But I'm fine now; it went away after a short while."

Hiei nodded, "Will it come back?"

Lucille sighed and looked down at her lap, rubbing her hands up and down her thighs softly. "That's a hard question to answer. Honestly yes, it probably will. Do I know when? No more than I can say when the next comet will pass by here in the stars."

He said nothing and they sat there together in silence, looking out at the night sky.

"Thank you."

Hiei looked at her, an eyebrow raised in question.

"For coming to check on me, you didn't have to but I appreciate that you did."

"Tch."

Lucille set her hand on his knee and squeezed gently before releasing him and bracing her cane between her legs. Heat blossomed in her shoulders and knees as she stood but she continued on, used to the pain she was feeling. She stood still at the top of the stairs, enjoying the night and not wanting to head inside yet.

"Did he do that to you?"

Lucille sighed and closed her eyes, not wanting to answer. She was sure he already knew the answer anyway and just wanted to hear it spoken aloud. "Did who do what to me?" She chose to play dumb, hoping to avoid that awkwardness that would soon follow.

"Tch. Don't play dumb." He stood up quickly beside her and turned to face her, red eyes gleaming in the night. "I don't have to read your mind to know the excuse you gave the detective earlier was a lie."

Lucille sighed again and turned to look him in the eye. "Yes, he did this to me. He did it because—"

"Do not make excuses for that fool." He was angry. Evident from the tone and inflection of his voice.

"Regardless, it won't happen again. He's made up for it and we're better now. I'm fine. Everything is fine." Lucille turned in her spot, prepared to walk into her room but a warm hand on her arm stopped her. Hiei's unflinching gaze bored into hers and held her immobile.

"It won't be a one-time thing. Humans like that don't know how to restrain themselves. They abuse their power and prey on weaker humans. Don't let him kill you prematurely."

Lucille placed her hand on top of his and he pulled away as if she had shocked him. "Honestly, I'm fine. I've made it through worse and I'll make it through this. It won't happen again."

"Tch." Hiei turned and disappeared, leaving Lucille alone on the steps outside the door to her room.


Early the next morning, Lucille was in the inner garden, sitting across from Genkai. A steaming pot of tea sat on the table between them, a mug on either side of it. Since the psychic had yet to get a cup of tea, Lucille reached out and poured a mug for her before preparing one for herself. As she cupped the mug in her palms, Genkai regarded her calmly, still not yet speaking. They had been sitting at the table in silence for nearly an hour, no instruction or questions on today's events.

I wonder what she's thinking.

"Why did you serve me before serving yourself?"

The question surprised Lucille, she honestly didn't think about who she served first, just that she wanted tea and thought Genkai might as well.

"I didn't think about it honestly, it's just a natural to me to take care of others."

"Why is that?"

Lucille shut her mouth and then opened it to respond but Genkai cut her off.

"Is it because you think everyone else is more important than you are?"

Lucille shut her mouth but this time she didn't open it again. Because it was the truth and she knew it. Genkai knew it too and she stayed silent, wanting Lucille to admit the truth.

"Genkai, I'm just an old, sick, dying woman. I won't be here much longer, so why should I come first?"

"If that's the case, why don't you just kill yourself?"

At that comment, Lucille set her tea down a little too hard, spilling the hot liquid on the table. Genkai didn't react, maintaining her cool expression. "Well?"

Lucille struggled to speak, words not forming in her mouth. After a few moments of gaping like a fish, she was able to get out a coherent sentence. "I only have a few months left. Carrie would be devastated if I ended it early. She would understand, but I don't want to put her through that."

"Besides Carrie, what's stopping you?" Lucille stared across the table, confusion evident on her face. "Let me rephrase, if Carrie didn't exist, what would prevent you from killing yourself?" Genkai set her cup down and leaned forward. "Give me an 'I' statement. Not 'Carrie needs me' or 'So others won't be burdened'. Give me a reason directly involving you."

Genkai leaned back from the table and crossed her arms, waiting for Lucille to deliver as asked.

"An 'I' statement?" Either Lucille was purposely avoiding the question or she was really this stupid. Genkai hoped it was the former, or the lady was a lost cause.

"Yes, yes. Like 'I have cancer' or 'I am being disingenuous'." Lucille's lips popped open with an audible pop; Genkai's comment left her speechless, unsure of how to respond to that. "Sometime today would be preferable, honestly."

Lucille sat quiet for several moments, thoughts and statements floating through her head. There were a lot of things she could say, but she wanted to be honest and sincere with the psychic. She knew that being a smartass would get her nowhere at this point.

'I'm weak'? It's fitting but I don't think it's what she's looking for.

'I'm scared'? Again, fitting but not what she would want.

'My life is worth something and shouldn't be thrown away'? That's good but it just doesn't seem right…

Lucille stared at her hands as thoughts whorled through her mind. Genkai sat patiently, knowing that the woman was actually putting thought into and not just searching for an appeasing answer.

"I…" Lucille stopped almost as soon as she started, laughing at herself. The statement she settled on was incredibly cliché but it fit perfectly. "I shouldn't have to cut myself short because others might think I'm a burden." She clasped her hands in her lap and looked firmly at Genkai, sure of her response.

Surprisingly, Genkai smiled. "That is exactly right. That is what I want you to remember, whether you're here with us or being abused by your worthless husband."

Lucille stared at the woman in shock, though she knew she shouldn't be surprised. The old woman was perceptive and there's no way she could have lied to her and gotten away with it.

"Don't look so surprised. I knew the moment you walked through the door. And that excuse you gave the moron was average, at best. No fool would actually believe that's what happened."

"Why didn't you say something when Yusuke was interrogating me about it?"

"If you want to stay with a husband that abuses you, that's no one's business but your own. All I can do is offer honest and helpful advice and hope you choose wisely. And hopefully get you to realize exactly what an idiot you're being."


After spending several hours talking with Genkai, Lucille was exhausted. She walked through the halls, making her way to her bedroom. It was still too early for dinner and way too early to go to bed, but she could spend some time in her garden while she waited.

Though Genkai could see through all of her excuses, Lucille still found it difficult to open up about what happened that day two weeks prior. Yeah, Genkai knew what happened, but that still didn't make it any less embarrassing or uncomfortable.

It's funny that telling the story aloud to someone who would listen sure made her feel like she was the one who did something wrong, instead of David. She knew that wasn't the case but she couldn't help that nagging voice in the back of her mind telling her that if she never went to the temple, David would never have hit her.

She settled back on the stairs, going over the questions that started this whole train of thought.

'Why did you serve me before serving yourself?'

'If that's the case, why don't you just kill yourself?'

The questions chased each other around her mind.

That was a great question Genkai, why don't I just kill myself...


Author Note:

Sorry folks, it was just a perfect spot to end it!

Thanks to all of my reviewers!