DISCLAIMER: I do not own 'Soul Eater'. All rights belong to Okubo Atsushi. I also do not own any of the songs referenced. All rights belong to their respective owners. I only own this fanfiction. Thank you.
Flagpole Sitta
It was here. The day had finally arrived.
The day Maka returned to the shared apartment.
As she stood outside the building, bags in hand under the blazing morning sun, she had to squint her eyes as she looked up, lest she be blinded by the light gleaming off the many windows. Perhaps if she hadn't been so anxious, it would've been a dimmer, more welcoming sight. Instead, Maka felt like she was walking into a prison.
She'd been lucky, not running into Soul that first day back at school, or following that...but she was home now, and she knew he had no lessons or work today. Most likely, he'd be inside.
Soul. She was returning to the place they inhabited together, this apartment they'd been living in since she was...oh, fourteen? That was when she was able to move into a place of her own after her mom left, since she really didn't care to stay with her father. Soul had arrived in Death City unexpectedly, and somehow he and Maka had just seemed to click. He became another tenant at the address when it was discovered just how sudden his move was; he didn't have many belongings, or a residence to stay at.
That's where it all began, those feelings. Those daydreams. When they all hung out together, or while she was busy studying, or when it was just her and the girls, And especially when she and Soul were alone. The thoughts would cross her mind, the affection always found a way to creep in and grow just a bit deeper.
The isolation, the separation, the walls, the betrayal, all of it served to well up together as one great enemy and Maka felt practically claustrophobic right where she stood. She didn't want to, she wouldn't let these thoughts win. She was better than this! This was Soul, Soul 'Eater' Evans! The boy she'd been living with for the past four years, the boy she knew better than anyone else here in the city, at least at one time, the boy who, yes, had stolen her heart. But that wasn't the important thing here.
What was important was that she didn't give into fear. She could admit to it, but she couldn't bow down. If she turned away now, she threw away any chance of possibly salvaging things.
Yes, a sick, sad part of her still wanted that close friendship with the boy of her dreams. She still cared for him, she couldn't hate him. They'd been through so much together. If she couldn't be with him, she could at least still be near him. But then what? Would she watch from a distance, pretending that it didn't hurt while he was with another? That was ridiculous. She wasn't that much of a sainted masochist, if such a combination could actually exist.
Their relationship could never be the way it used to be. Eventually, he'd find out, that she had feelings for him, and had had these feelings for quite some time. And everything would be forced out into the open, whether she liked it or not.
She was honestly afraid of that moment. It hurt to admit, but she was. Even worse than losing Soul to someone else, was losing him completely. And that very real possibility loomed before her. She couldn't cower in a corner though, and not do anything. She had to face the music. Maybe she couldn't fix things right now. But by addressing his presence that, if nothing else, would be a good starting place. If she truly wanted to 'fix' things, then she had to do this. It was part of moving on.
But oh, that pain...and that fear...she couldn't ignore it, but it was so tough to combat.
She'd left Kim and Jackie's place after the first full night of sleep in the last two nights. Oddly enough, the last good night's rest she'd gotten had been after her night with the jerk. She wasn't going to say his name. She wouldn't. It was too much.
And still...
Giriko. Gi-ri-ko. Giri-ko. She played with it in her mind. Maybe the reason why she wasn't supposed to say it was not because it was painful, but because it was fun. Too much fun, for someone like her, who'd experienced what she did with someone like him.
Back to the subject at hand. After taking care of her morning tasks, Maka had gotten to enjoy not just eating a good breakfast, but helping to cook it as well. This time, she'd been a part of the adventures in the kitchen. It was refreshing to work with friends, no matter if things were messy or there were mistakes, or even if it took a while. Maka was just so happy to be able to switch gears and focus on another 'something different'.
It made her realize that, although things were looking grim, there was still light in her life. She had her friends. She was afraid, and she wasn't being completely honest with them but...in their own unique ways, they were helping her to sort out her knots, and begin the arduous task of undoing them all. She cherished that. She cherished these moments.
Luckily, they'd woken up just early enough so that Maka was able to rush out of the house, catch up to the bus as it as it arrived at her stop, and make it to her class with three minutes to spare.
The teacher, Dr. Franken Stein-yes, that was his honest name, though most people called him by the last one rather than the first or full moniker-was having another lesson on dissection, and had been quite enthusiastic over the subject. Maka had not wanted to focus on that, seeing as she wasn't really interested in ever using the scalpel herself. She was sensitive, she felt bad for the animals involved.
She wasn't even sure if Stein had procured them already dead, or if he'd done the deed himself...or even if it was going to be another live operation. He even tried getting his hands on rare creatures, ones that were meant to be protected, and kept alive for as long as possible. That was the kind of guy he was. Go figure that he was a teacher at Shibusen.
Her class had come and gone, and now she had nothing left to do, nothing to steal her away from her fate: the fate of facing Soul and not having a breakdown. She was tired of carrying her bags, and she was tired of running around. She wasn't going to be driven away from her own home! After she got through this, she'd have work to turn to. She could get through it. Practice made perfect. She couldn't move forwards unless she did this.
So, taking a deep breath, Maka headed inside.
The trip up seemed shorter than usual. Maka attributed this to her nerves; time flies when you really don't want it to. She soon found herself in front of the door, as if she'd just come home from a busy day, like nothing was the matter. Placing her bags down for a moment, she jiggled the handle to see if she needed to use her keys. But the knob turned easily in her hand, and the door swung open. Picking her things up one more time, Maka stepped inside.
The apartment was the same as always. Same layout, same colors, same smells-it hadn't changed a bit since she'd first set off for her friends places. Nothing had been moved or altered in any way. Heck, if she didn't know any better, she'd have sworn that Soul too hadn't been back yet, and it had actually been empty the last few days. Maka really hoped that wasn't the case. If it was, it meant that he and Blair...
Hauling her bags towards her room, Maka was able to make it inside, and dropped them both on the floor. Usually she was tidy, but not today. Today, she didn't really care if things sat on the floor for awhile. She'd pick them up later. Later, after she was done basking in her relief. She flopped down on her bed, practically sinking into it. Oh how she'd missed it so. For a few moments, she enjoyed its softness and the temporary lull.
The door creaked. She sat up. The noise had jolted her out of her bliss, and she looked back quickly, towards the entrance to the room.
There, with his phone in one hand, clad in a white button-up shirt with a slightly open collar and loose black jeans, was Soul. Maka swore her heart stopped, just for a moment, as his voice came into her hearing. "Thought so. I was about to call you when I heard the door open. Good timing."
He gave her a little teasing grin, and now Maka's heart was in overdrive-Don't look at me like that, please not like that, not when I know I can't have you-and then the image changed. She was now seeing Giriko, giving her that same grin. Her heart skipped a beat.
"Maka?" Soul was a bit surprised; as awkward as it had been these last few months, she'd always been happy to see him when he came around, even when she didn't have much to say. He'd been looking forward to talking to her again. Mainly because there was something that had been weighing on his mind for quite some time now, and he'd finally gotten the courage to come out with it properly.
But Maka seemed dazed, distracted, as if she wasn't even looking at him, but past him. Through him. She wasn't usually so spacy. Maybe it had to do with where she'd been for the last three days?
Truthfully, he hadn't been as concerned as he should have been, if only because, well...they were in college now. They weren't really kids anymore. Even though they'd been living on their own for a few years now, it was only after they'd graduated high school and turned eighteen that they truly felt it: the weight of independence.
Maka wasn't a little child. Neither was he. Although he cared for her, there were probably going to be some times where...where he wouldn't be able to help, and Maka had to sort things out on her own. It went the reverse way, too. And it was true for everyone. He couldn't coddle her. If she wanted to tell him where she'd went, he'd be there to listen. When she needed him, he'd be there. Shaky as things were, if he was going to be completely honest with her, then that meant he wanted to fix things between them too. The communication would be a good start.
But it wasn't in him to pry. Maka had respected his privacy when he hadn't wanted to get into the deeper details of his family life, and she hadn't pushed him to do anything after the incident with Crona. Though that was around the time that things began to crack...
However. The point was, he wouldn't force her to tell him anything. He would be there for her, just like before. He could fix things. He could. His mistake wasn't permanent. If he was really a cool guy, he could find a solution for everything, without hurting anyone again. He would regain Maka's trust.
After all, he trusted her.
"Hey." He walked over, and waved a hand in front of her face. Maka jumped, startled by how close he'd gotten without her seeming to notice. Perhaps that had to do with a certain predatory hothead, who was prowling around her thoughts like a shark that smelled blood. The closer Soul got, the clearer his face became. The louder his voice grew. She couldn't ignore him. Giriko. Gi-ri-ko. Giri-ko.
Calm down. You have to answer Soul, or things are gonna get really messy. Looking up at him standing in front of her, Maka forced a smile on her face, concentrating her attention on the center of his forehead instead of those crimson eyes of his. His shaggy, spiky white hair fell in front of them slightly, casting shadows and teasing the expression reflected. If she looked into them, like she'd used to back when things were still okay, she knew she'd come face-to-face with Giriko, giving her the same look. She could only handle so much at one time.
"I'm alright. I, uhh-I wanted some girl time, with the others, so I stayed over at their houses...the last few days." She scratched the back of her head, doing her best to look innocently sheepish and apologetic. "It was a spur-of-the-moment idea, I got it at the party...on Saturday night...when I met up with our friends. I got so caught up in the moment that I-I forgot to call. Sorry if I made you worry." Soul's eyebrow raised slightly at the mention of the party, but he said nothing. Inside though, the gears were turning.
So she was there, too...well, it isn't like she isn't allowed to have fun. I'm just glad we didn't run into each other. That wouldn't have been the best situation to break the news in. At least she explained where she's been all this time. I don't have to worry that something might've happened to her.
He did notice that her speech was a bit halted, but he attributed that to tiredness, based on her appearance. She's been hanging out with the others since directly after the party, right? She must not have gotten much sleep. Girls can be rowdy all on their own. He shivered, remembering some of the antics Blair had gotten up to with her cabaret crew.
"It's alright. We all slip up. I'm just glad you're alright. You had fun?" He looked at her, waiting to hear her response.
Another smile. Another bullet dodged. Another white lie. But it was all for the best. She'd get her ugly, heart-wrenching drag down revelation in due time. For now, baby steps. She looked at Soul directly, and once again the image warped; Giriko was staring at her expectantly, those sharp eyes locked with hers. The words left her lips smoothly.
"Oh, yes...so much fun. I hope we can do it again sometime." Soul nodded, satisfied with her answer. He couldn't tell that she wasn't really saying it to him as much as she was to the images in her head. Taking his leave, he told her that he was going to start cooking lunch, and she was welcome to have some. Waving after him, Maka waited until his figure had disappeared down the hall. Then she got up, to close the door quietly and lie down on her bed. She was trying to process everything that had just taken place.
She had talked to Soul. Well, tried to was more accurate, but she had managed to get through the conversation without setting off any of the alarm bells. There were a few moments where, even in her daydream-o-vision, she'd thought he was going to press further, but he didn't. She had fed him her reason for staying out, and he had bought it. She was so skilled at cleaning herself up, and slipping behind that pristine facade.
The good little girl, who would never suspect things like the boy she loved having a secret girlfriend, or imagine that she was capable of being with another without receiving anything in return. Nothing that was important to her, anyway. She could live without sex. She couldn't live without love.
So then why, why did a loveless relationship taunt her when she'd looked at Soul, daring her to chase him and try to bring him to her level? To tame him? It was impossible, she couldn't. She didn't want to.
Then...what about a compromise?
Maka let out a groan, and lifting her pillow up in her hands, she put it over her face. She couldn't do this, not now, not right before work, directly following her first encounter with Soul. It was bad enough Giriko made her see strange things, now he was trying to lure her in like a fish or a fly. If she took the bait, stepped foot in the spider's web one more time...she might not come out unscathed.
That guy would tear her apart. He'd already done so once. Why would she ever want to let him do it again? Hadn't she learned her lesson?
Her nerves were fluttering about her stomach, but Maka knew she needed to at least go out there and attempt to take a serving of whatever Soul was making. The moments between them were awkward and essential. She had to get rid of that damn Giriko, though. But she was making progress.
Sitting back up and heading for the door, Maka could only hope she'd be able to keep her lunch down.
A/N: 'fist-bump' Fwa-la-la-lala. 'makes motion w/hand' X3 [Anybody get the reference?]
And yes, thus concludes Chapter Eight. I know it's a little on the shorter side, as far as chapters go...that, and it's hella angsty. But, that IS one of the genres listed here, so... [Fun fact: this was originally supposed to be an 'Humor/Action' fic. But 'Action' is not a category choice here... :( ] I guess it's to be expected? Still, hopefully there will be enough funny/touching moments to balance out all the drama? I did my best to provide both evenly...
Yes, Soul is now back in the story, as Maka has finally returned to their shared home. After her night w/Giriko, and then her three days of 'emotional rehab', if you will. It's time for for both Maka and Soul to shape up. Like I said before, I don't like stories that demonize one half of a pairing just to get in their preferred 'ship. And my personal opinion [note 'opinion' NOT 'fact'] is that, even if they weren't dating, Maka and Soul would still be best friends. I can't see either of them turning their back on the other for something like simply not being in a romantic relationship.
Hurt feelings sure, if you're dealing w/a situation like the one offered here, but...it's not irreversible. It can be fixed. But it all depends on how far each of them is willing to go, in order to take the broken pieces and make a new whole. They're both bringing their own baggage to the table, both prior and fresh. Will they be able to sort everything out...?
'bows' Well, w/every new update, we come one step closer to those answers for all the building questions. So, if you like what you've read so far...stick around? I did my best to make the outcome as memorable/fitting as possible, and I'd be honored if you gave me a chance to entertain you, if only for a little while. As always, feedback is welcomed, appreciated and encouraged, no matter the form. Thanks again to everyone who has been supporting me thus far.
Next time: More work for Maka, in more ways than one. A certain someone is on the prowl, and decides to 'surprise' our blonde bookworm w/a visit, of sorts. More tension, though not necessarily angst-related. Also, some mild citrus-y moments. You've been informed/warned.^^-
See you soon, everyone! Take care, and happy holidays [for whatever you celebrate]!
